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1. If you kill lots of people call it a war and claim you were defending yourself - I once had a neighbor who was drunk and said he was going to kill me, he didn't attack me but if I had called my actions a war it would have been ok. I called the cops, he slit my tires the next day. He eventually went to jail for spousal abuse. I could have attacked his house and family and saved myself, and the courts, the hassles he created. Shame on me for not launching a drone on his ass.
2. Get a lot of money - poor people go to jail, get pulled over more, and have more police busting them than wealthy folks. If you are poor and have pot, you go to jail. Wealthy? You have people deliver it to you - and folks look the other way because you are sharing your wealth with them. Tit for tat, something people without money cannot do.
3. Be too big to fail or prosecute. Like BP, AIG, etc. Lord knows if I was involved in an explosion that killed 11 people and caused an oil spill my ass would be in jail right now. And if I could not pay my bills and I was a big player the government would help me out. If they help me out now, via unemployment and such, I am just a leech.
4. Claim diplomatic immunity. Catholic church, Saudis, etc - you can be involved in covering up crimes or financing them, but the same laws don't apply.
5. The "Time to move on" defense. What you did was before today, so investigating you really won't help anyone. Kill someone, wage illegal wars, take bribes, lie under oath, whatever. As long as it was not today you should be fine.
6. Have the government on your side and say you are in the defense or oil business. Cite laws that only allow you to be fined a tiny percent of your income. Think of it like this - you get a DUI, you avoid jail by pleading down, and instead of paying a $1000 fine you get a $1 fine. And hey, you also made a million while driving under the influence as you delivered a product. No jail and you can make a profit. It pays to break the law sometimes - you just have to know how to get around it (helps to have money and a good attorney and some congress people on the dole so they can pass laws to help you do such).
7. Have friends in high places who would be affected (embarrassed) by you going to jail or being prosecuted. They will find a loop hole for you or claim that prosecuting you is political.
8. Don't be a normal citizen. Justice is not blind, it keeps one eye on you if you are Joe six pack - and it spends a lot of money watching you as they are sure you will mess up. Get those red light cameras up, data mining going, etc. We don't want cameras in board rooms, private meetings in congress or the white house, etc. The goal is to watch over you, not 'them'.
9. And always remember - it is never your fault. Even if you are the boss. It is those damned people under you who didn't pay attention. Those low wage people. It was not your job to insure safety of mines, wells, etc - those people died because they were not paying attention - you could not do so because you were playing golf and making deals to help the investors. Why, you just told them a few years back to 'do your job well' so if they didn't it is not your fault. You were just their boss, what could you do???? Blame it on others, because - unless it comes to pay and such - they have all the responsibility.
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