Yeah I know, this is The Onion, but
this is probably pretty close to the truth.
"This particular pink-faced half-wit is at the height of his persuasive powers," Ellington said of the bloated, hateful multimillionaire. "By exploiting citizens' greatest anxieties during an uncertain time in our nation's history, the pink-faced half-wit has been able to promote his own vain, avaricious self-interests under the guise of standing up for the very disenfranchised people whom he himself is fleecing."
"I've seen a number of pink-faced half-wits during my career, and in the pantheon of bombastic demagogues, this one will surely be remembered as one of the most disgusting," Ellington continued. "It's truly extraordinary: He may well be too ambitious and narcissistic to be able to comprehend how much damage he is doing to our country."
According to scholars, pink-faced half-wits have had remarkable staying power throughout history despite their outlandish, easily debunked claims, shameless self-promotion, and complete lack of credentials. More often than not, experts said, these pasty, shallow dullards skillfully manage to control debate on the most important social and political topics of the day.
"Anytime followers heed his advice and do something illegal, can simply claim that his work is intended only for entertainment purposes," said Ellington, proffering a copy of the current pink-faced half-wit's inane ghostwritten thriller The Overton Window, a thinly veiled conduit for an untenable and potentially dangerous fringe ideological message. "This leaves them free to wield their truly baffling influence in incredibly irresponsible ways without fear of accountability."
Certainly a lot closer to the truth than Faux "News" manages to get most times.
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