Save the Date: Jesus Is Coming in May!

[meegbear]

This time, it's really happening. On May 21 of next year, Jesus Christ shall swoop down from the heavens on a white steed to snatch up all True Believers. That's right — the Rapture is coming! Where do you stand?

People have claimed for centuries that they know when the Rapture is coming, but this time, someone's finally got it right. They even have billboards and bumper stickers to prove it! The billboards are produced by supporters of a Christian network called Family Radio Inc., and they've set up a website to spread the Good Word, WeCanKnow.com. The site serves as a one stop shop for all your proselytizing needs. You can download images to use as billboards, order bumper stickers, and download e-versions of the Bible (perfect for an iPod touch or iPad!). There are 40 billboards in the Nashville, Tennessee area already.

But how do they really know? Because Family Radio's founder, Harold Camping, says so. From The Tennessean:

According to Camping's prediction, the Rapture will happen exactly 7,000 years from the date that God first warned people about the flood. He said the flood happened in 4990 B.C., on what would have been May 21 in the modern calendar. God gave Noah one week of warning.

Since one day equals 1,000 years for God, that means there was a 7,000-year interval between the flood and rapture.

Whoa. So, like, in God Years, that means I'm how old? Oh Jesus. I need a drink.


http://gawker.com/5704035/save-the-date-jesus-is-coming-in-may

[SpiralHawk]

1. I've got a dentist appointment that day.

Can I get a rain check?

or am I fated to roast forever in the fiery pit of Hell with all the republicon chickenhawks, hypocrites, and wide-stance diaper-sex diddlers?

[rpannier]

3. I feel for you

I think it says something in Leviticus about unclean teeth and it being an abomination

Look at the bright side -- a trip to the dentist is probably worse than hell anyway

[we can do it]

10. Only a Problem If You've Been Eating Shrimp

[pipi_k]

8. Good news!!!

You won't have to roast in Hell with republicon chickenhawks, hypocrites, and wide-stance diaper-sex diddlers because they're all going to Heaven.

It's only us regular people who don't do stuff like that but commit the outrageous sin of Not Believing who are going to roast in Hell.

See you there!

:)

[Merlot]

40. You know all the cool people will be in hell...

Par-tay!

[tanyev]

2. OK. Everybody go find some wealthy fundies and camp on their lawn the night before.

"First dibs on this house!"

[dixiegrrrrl]

7. My exact first thought.

Our fundies live across the street.
they got nice cars.
I will put the date on the calendar.

I would mention this to them, but that would lead to "God talk" and I don't want that.

Maybe it is best if they be surprised, so as not to worry the children.

Can we call it "Free Stuff" day?

Oh..wait..the banksters will be there first. they have no souls, won't be affected.

[Deep13]

4. Good, I'm sick of waiting! nt

[Solly Mack]

5. 05212011

0+5+2+1+2+0+1+1=12

1+2=3

and 3 is a magic number

[we can do it]

11. 3+3 =6 , 3+3=6, 3+3=6 OMG!! the Sign of the Beast!!!! I'm Series1

[Solly Mack]

16. and that's why math is dangerous

:P

it all just adds up (teehee)

[we can do it]

19. So That's Why Barbie Hates It

[AngryAmish]

21. -

[Ganja Ninja]

6. I'll be sure to max out my credit cards. n/t

[old mark]

9. I can't make it that day - I'll call back to reschedule sometime in April...

(Maybe if HE came before April 15th, I wouldn't have to file income tax...)

mark

[AngryAmish]

12. Cubs are playing the Cardinals that day

7:05 start. Gonna be an interesting series especially with Theriot on the Cards talking smack about the Cubs.

Question the league office has yet to answer: If a player is Raptured, can you then fill his roster spot? Do you have to put him on the DL? He ain't dead but he is not injured. There is a rule that placing uninjured players on the disabled list is a big no-no. It could cost draft picks and get the club fined. So, assume Starlin Castro gets raptured. Isn't he coming back to earth after the tribulations? Does his estate get his salary? Assuming the tribulations last ten years, would he be a free agent? Sure, the easy way to answer this is send him to AAA and yes he does have options. But what if a sneaky, yet biblically wise GM picks him up via the Rule 5 draft?

Jesus, why are you screwing up my Cubs? It is clear that you don't like them (102 years and counting without the World Series). But this is just rubbing salt in the wound.

[ThatsMyBarack]

24. Home or Away for the Cubbies?

If Home, I might as well take in a ball game that day! ;)

[AngryAmish]

30. Home game.

Tix go on sale in late Jan, early Feb...but just show up and scalp one off the street. Cheaper usually. Then again, if the a lot of people have been Raptured, there will be a lot of tix available.

Jim: We had this game planned for months.
Ed: Long drive up from St. Louis, and the hotels are murder.
Jim: Then fucking Louie has to go and get raptured and stuck us with his ticket.

[Bonhomme Richard]

13. Who is We Cank Now?

[JVS]

14. YES!

[Stevenmarc]

15. In related news May 22, 2011 average IQ in America takes a huge leap

[madrchsod]

17. those true believers are in for a rude awakening..

they ain`t going nowhere.....

[AnArmyVeteran]

18. I can steal, cheat and go on a murder spree till May 20th and then repent!

[GTurck]

20. Those would be..

the children, sick, elderly, grieving, and ignored. The wealthy and self-satisfied already have their reward and will be left behind. Count on it. Jesus said it in the Beatitudes and Sermon on the Mount.
LOL :donut:

[Ezlivin]

22. WRONG! He came back in 1988 and I have proof

Thankfully it's in print at Amazon and is proof that these people know their eschatology.

I recall seeing "88 Reasons Why The Rapture Will Be in 1988" way back in 1988.

Don't fret, though. They'll simply redo the math and set another date. They've been doing it for centuries.

[theophilus]

23. Since Noah was building the Ark for at least 100 years, I think he had a little

more than a week of warning. He had to collect every animal on earth xs 2 or seven, too. I don't think the Bible says what they think it says.

[dixiegrrrrl]

25. Speaking of the Ark, the new date might explain this:

( be prepared, it is creepy)

http://arkencounter.com/

[sarcasmo]

26. Thanks for the laugh. Glad I was never brainwashed.

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

27. Did his agent land him a gig on Dancing With the Stars?

[AsahinaKimi]

28. Is he bringing Buddha with him?

If not, I don't care.

[old mark]

29. I'm wondering if there could be some great deals in used cars on May 20th or so...nt

[Lucian]

31. It's an arbitrary date.

The modern calendar wasn't even around back then, and to believe that a worldwide flood did occur is insane. There is no geologic evidence of a worldwide flood in the rock record. And if Noah got one week of warning, does that mean he had 7,000 years to prepare?

I think I just got dumber reading that article.

[MattSh]

32. Cool!

Sounds like the type of guy I'd like to have a beer with!

[progressoid]

33. Well, duh. He has to come before 2012.

There won't be anything left after that.

[tekisui]

34. I can't wait for the rapture to happen. Earth will be much more

peaceful and it will help with over population.

[dflprincess]

46. Maybe it will not be the conservative Christians who get "raptured"

but liberals. The true believers could find themselves stuck here in a hell of their own making.

:rofl:

[suffragette]

35. I saw 4-5 large buses plastered with their names and that date

about a month ago when I was running errands near Seattle Center and wondered what that was all about.

[AmandaMae]

36. Yay, is he taking all the fundamentalist Christians with him?!

[Merlot]

41. Doubtful. They would have nothing in common.

[felix_numinous]

37. On that date

a homeless long haired man in sandals will be arrested for vagrancy and looking suspicious.

[FLPanhandle]

38. Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together, & mass hysteria!

At least that's what I learned from Ghostbusters.

[AnArmyVeteran]

39. Excuse me but fuck conservative christians and their evil...

If Satan wanted to recruit people to his side all he has to do is show people what conservative christians are like. I have never seen more despicable, soulless and evil people in my life as conservative christians. Take Huckabee who wants to execute someone before even a trial. Why would any REAL christian be for execution, but conservative christians love executions. They also love torture, wars based on lies, assassinations, oppressing the poor, predators in business and spying on American citizens. Yeah, the best deterrent to becoming a christian is just looking at a conservative christian. If Jesus produced that kind of evil filth then fuck jesus too.

Sorry for the negative post but I am sick of seeing the country I defending being sold out to evil. I see my country falling apart because of ignorant right wingers. And I just had a friend who plunged a knife into her heart because she knew she was going to lose unemployment checks this week.

[BuelahWitch]

42. Shit, and I don't have a THING to wear!

:cry:

[madinmaryland]

43. Wow! Jesus Alou is coming back??

:wow:

[Ilsa]

44. Good. Maybe he'll take the Republicans with him for remedial teaching of his word. nt

[Ilsa]

45. Good. Maybe he'll take the Republicans with him for remedial teaching of his word. nt

[delightfulstar]

47. He's coming to save us from the wrath of the Tea Baggers LOL...

Remember, everyone...it was also supposed to happen on Y2K, and 9/13/88, and who knows when else. I wouldn't be surprised to see these people out screaming hatred with Phelps and his crew, from the sound of them.

[krispos42]

48. Will my handbasket be provided for me, or do I have to bring my own? n/t

[Canuckistanian]

49. Boy, is he going to be pissed

When he sees what his "followers" have become.