"Army Calls For Increased Body Armor For Troops In Syria...Regrets Having to Tell Nation

[joeybee12]

About Syrian War this Way."

WASHINGTON—Citing a sharp increase in casualties among combat troops in Syria, top military officers Wednesday called for the distribution of improved body armor to all soldiers in the region while also expressing regret for informing the nation of the ongoing Syrian War in this admittedly awkward way.

With 2010 already the deadliest year yet in the five-year conflict that officials reiterated could have been revealed to the American people much more gracefully, the U.S. Army's highest-ranking officer told reporters that the government should not hesitate to protect service members from enemy attacks that grow more sophisticated and lethal every day.



"If we can't keep our soldiers from harm we cannot effectively wage this war, which, it should be noted, we're truly sorry for not bringing up earlier," said Army chief of staff Gen. George Casey, adding that there was now a page on the military's website where Americans could catch up on all the developments in Operation Righteous Sword since 2005. "Unfortunately, the enemy has made significant improvements in its battlefield tactics. By the way, 'the enemy' refers to regional Syrian militias, Hezbollah paramilitary groups, and multinational fighters from al-Qaeda."

"We've already lost almost 4,000 brave men and women," Casey added. "Which actually does sound like a lot now that I'm saying it out loud to the whole nation for the first time."

http://www.theonion.com/articles/army-calls-for-increased-body-armor-for-troops-in,18601/

[Brickbat]

1. Haaaaa! The Onion is returning to pre-move levels.