My Son Made Me INCREDIBLY Proud Last Night.

[MarianJack]

We were watching an episode of "Glee" while I was cooking dinner. It was an earlier episode in the first season (the only one that's streaming on Netflix) and Kurt, the young gay man, is about to get thrown into the dumpster by the turd-headed jock football players. As he's about to be tossed he says "someday, you'll all be working for me".

While I never thought a statement would be necessary, my wife and I told our son that we'd be VERY displeased if we ever saw or heard of him doing something like this.

Please understand that my son is not a turd-headed jock (although, as an 11 year old boy being a turd-head seems to be his nature with Mom & Dad) and he has never even hinted at any homophobic thoughts or beliefs. We do, however, take every available opportunity to reinforce our beliefs and expectations.

Our son, who is starting in 6th grade next Wednesday, said that one of his best school friends is gay.

He told us that one of his classmates came out to him late last school year (5th grade for both) and my son told him that it didn't matter in the least bit to their friendship.

I am very proud of both my son AND his friend. I can only imagine what this young man may go through at school. I can only imagine what my son may go through for being his friend. I will certainly (without use of any names) speak with the principal to insure that there will be diligence in the school yard.

While my son has been raised non-violently (he looks forward to junior high school when he'll be able to join the chess team), we may have to wind up giving our subtle permission to respond to intimidation, threats or bullying with a fist right to the offender's face. I've always believed, through experience, that any bully will crumble like a house of cards in a hurricane when confronted forcefully. We'll have to see what happens when the school year starts.

However, my wife and I are very proud of our son this morning. He has the very non-romneyish courage of his convictions. Bravo to him!

PEACE!

[adigal]

1. You have obviously influenced your son greatly!!!

You have done a great job! He is a lucky boy to have parents who are open-minded and accepting. I, too, am always amazed at how much more liberal and open my kids are than the rest of our family. My in-laws and my kids' cousins are always bashing or mocking gays or black people, and my kids are appalled and speak up, too. We should all be proud to be raising the next generation of people who will make a difference in a good way in the world.

[MarianJack]

8. My Family Portrait Shows...

...a white dad, Hispanic Mom and an African American son. My best friend is Hispanic. My wife's best friend is in an 11+ year relationship with another woman who is my son's favorite grown up.

If we were to lose our minds overnight and become bigoted homophobes we'd have to stop associating with half of our family. The other half would stop associating with us for becoming bigoted homophobes. Some time ago, we tried to think of an ethnic group, religion or sexual orientation that WASN't in our family or extended circle of friends and we came up totally blank.

My wife and I have the family we've always wanted. Acceptance is not only our chosen path of belief, it's self preservation! It's also our future as a nation.

PEACE!

[Selatius]

2. Not to encourage violence or anything, but ...

sadly, from my own experiences in school, the thugs really don't let up until one hits back, and this was after repeated attempts to reach out to the school administrators who were either oblivious at best or willfully ignorant at worst. I never liked fighting and have lost more fights than I've won, but some thugs only understand the use of force.

[MarianJack]

9. We Raise our son non-violently,...

...as i was raided. Unfortunately, as you've experienced, sometimes a fist to the face is the only things that these horse's patoots understand. If he nails some asshat in the school yardfor a reason like this he knows that he'll have to take the school penalty but that WE won't punish him.

When I was in my teens I had a conversation with a Rabbi who believed that if even some of the Jewish people had greeted the first ss through the door with a knife in the chest or a club upside the head or a bullet in the face, the jagoff nazis would've found a way to live with the Jews real fast. In the 40 years since, I still don't know if I agree with him, but sometimes there is a matter of NO CHOICE!

PEACE!

[maddiemom]

43. Hit Back

Reminds me of the scene in "A Christmas Story" when Ralphie goes ballistic on the bully in the coonskin cap. The only thing that has ever bothered me about this film is that the coonskin cap era for kids was the mid-fifties, later than the period depicted.

[mahina]

3. I'm proud of him too.

Seems we are finally evolving!

My son's best friend came out to him in high school. His Mom suggested that he be careful; that he couldn't know how people would react. He said he knew my son wouldn't care, and if he only had one friend, so be it.

As it turned out, their whole group gave a collective 'so what, we love you~' when a generation ago, people would have maybe left school and left home.

I really feel us evolving, and I sure hope we hustle up.

Mahalo for sharing your story and letting me share mine. No choice ya? ;)

[MarianJack]

10. Thank you much for your story.

Much praise for your son & his friends. I really BELIEVE in today's kids!

PEACE!

[MarianJack]

41. BTW, mahina.

I just saw that you"re from Hawaii (or, as cokie roberts said in 2008, that "exotic foreign location"). We're about as far away from each other that 2 people can be from each other and still both be in the US (I'm in Maine).

Greetings! :patriot:

PEACE!

[mahina]

42. MarianJack! I am listening to the music of the Maritimes :) been to Maine, and Newfoundland,

and lived in Massachusetts for ten whole years :) When I moved there I was in the fifth grade, and we didn't wear shoes to school.

It was such a wonderful experience! I love New England. Aloha and thank you for your lovely note. Peace, aloha!

(ps listening to Stan Rogers' sea shanties, 'Leave her Johnny', 'Bartlett's Privateers', "Northwest Passage'. We are so connected, even now, through our histories. See you around sister!)

[Omaha Steve]

4. K&R!

[MarianJack]

11. Thanx, Omaha Steve.

:patriot:

[Firebrand Gary]

5. Sounds like you and your wife are raising one really cool kid.

I did not come out until I was 15, that was 20 years ago. I knew all along as a child, but at the time it was still a really bad time to be "different". I am so glad those days are starting to disappear.

[MarianJack]

13. I Hope that you had people...

...who supported and loved you when you did come out. At this forum, for all of it's flaws, you will find love and acceptance. :grouphug:

PEACE!

[muffin1]

6. K&R

Beautiful story! :)

[MarianJack]

14. Thank You muffin1

Great sig line and the kitty looks like one of ours.

:patriot:

PEACE!

[muffin1]

25. Thank YOU for your part in ending bigotry.

:hug:

[MarianJack]

26. If Everyone Does their small part,...

...we might not make it go away. Or, more likely make it so that a bigot looks like a fool to EVERYBODY. An example of this would be the way that a person who uses a particular word that starts with the letter "n" has become totally unacceptable in almost all company? When I was a kid it was all too common.

PEACE!

[Smarmie Doofus]

7. Cool kid. Cool pops. While you have the ear of the school admins...

...see if you can get them to be proactive w. regard to education re. glbt topics. This might take the form of a guest speaker, a glbt history month ( October, btw) project, inclusion of glbt content in sex ed, etc.

I know it's elementary school, and some of the parents AND staff will probably freak but the reality is kids have already been MIS-educated w. regard to this issue in a thousand different ways by the time they reach puberty.

My friend's kid was homophobically harassed in third grade. Not a one time thing: on going , systematic, physical violence and threats of violence. And the kid is .... in all probablility... *straight*. Ignorance on this topic hurts everybody.

EVERY BODY.

[MarianJack]

15. Ignorance is awful and...

...deliberate ignorance is hateful.

Thank you for your ideas. As far as opposition goes, the baggers in our district know me very well. I'm amazed at how they get stymied when I can refute their idiot points so easily. Their little walnut sized brains can't grasp that the arguments and talking points of the far right haven't changed in 40+ years of my experience.

PEACE!

[Happyhippychick]

12. Great kids come from great parents :)

Brag away about this kid, I love to hear stories like this.

[MarianJack]

16. We Try our best.

When we don't want to throttle him, we brag a lot about our "rotten kid".

BTW, he knows he's in trouble (as I did at his age) if I'm NOT calling him a rotten kid. :wow:

PEACE!

[lunatica]

17. You have a very cool son

Though he will one day he has very cool parents.

[MarianJack]

19. Thanx lunatica,...

...we try our best! :patriot:

PEACE!

[Erose999]

18. I'll share some reflections on my experience standing up to bullies...

Granted, I'm not gay... I was just a wierd and poor kid who liked books more than sports.

1.) After standing up to bullies with a fist fight, pretty much all of them would leave me alone after that. The few who would still pester me wouldn't bother me nearly as bad/often

2.) Most bullies are agged on by other kids. Its not that they are intrinsically bad people, its that they are insecure and they try to resolve their own insecurities by picking on others. A lot of bullies are victims of bullies themselves. Some of the people who bullied me became friends after I stood up to them.

3.) Fist fighting... I won some but I lost most of the time. But even if they beat me in a fist fight, the prospect of having a re-match just wasn't that appealing. Even winning the fight they still got hit a few times and they got in trouble at school.

4.) The thing about fist fighting is I would get in trouble as well. So I had to spend a lot of time in suspension and stuff, and I ended up in special-ed behavior disorder classes and such. And for a kid in public schools, once the "special ed" label is applied its hard to remove. You're more "monitored" and you don't have the independence other kids have.

5.) And I graduated high school in 1999 (the same year as Columbine). I'm sure the dicipline situation is a lot stricter in schools now and there are probably all sorts of "zero tolerance" policies against fighting and such.

I would recommend that kids be taught to use fighting only as a last resort, and that you teach them other strategies for dealing with bullies (using snappy comebacks, peer mediation, etc) before using their fists.

[MarianJack]

22. Not Gay, Liked Books More than sports, weird and poor.

WOW, are we related?

Thank you for sharing. Our son knows that violence is an absolutely LAST resort!

:patriot:

PEACE!

[raccoon]

20. You rock, and your wife and son. nt

[MarianJack]

23. Thank You raccoon!

:patriot:

PEACE!

[Lint Head]

21. Moments of beauty do not come often in life. I know you'll cherish this one.

You are rightly proud. :hi:

[MarianJack]

24. Thank you, Lint Head.

You're right! :patriot:

PEACE!

[crim son]

27. Well, *I* am proud of your son right now!

That boy is our future and you are preparing him right. It's so good to be reminded that there are smart, thoughtful and liberal kids out there. Thank you for posting!

[MarianJack]

31. This is the boy who...

...always wants to buy a meal for any homeless person he sees when we're in a Mcd's or Wendys.

Of course, he's 11 and frequently stuck in a horse's patoot mode, but he's a great kid overall!

PEACE!

[johnnypneumatic]

28. I would suggest martial arts classes

I would suggest martial arts classes for both your son and his gay friend. Having the skills to defend themselves would go a long way in preventing attacks from bullies. A bully likes attacking those who can't defend themselves, and they often attack 4 against 1. Once they learn your son and friend are not afraid, they will probably not escalate.

7th grade is the worst. Boys often turn into assholes when the testosterone kicks in. They also need to establish a pecking order. This is where the whole jock vs nerd (or fag) thing starts, if the school ignores it and lets it happen. Most schools would prefer to pretend the phenomenon of puberty and sexuality doesn't exist, and don't have a plan to deal with gay kids, except to repress and ignore, and let them get beaten up.
In my own experience, my 3 best "friends" from 6th grade became my worst tormentors in 7th. Being naive, and not understanding, I was afraid to fight back because I was afraid of hurting them, my "friends". If only someone had told I had to fight back hard and they would stop, things might have been different. But I was suddenly alone against the whole world, and all the adults watched and did nothing.

[MarianJack]

32. I'm sorry for what you had to go through.

We'll be sending him back to the local community Center for some classes this year.

We emphacise he's learning to DEFEND HIMSELF, not fight.

Thank you for your feedback! :patriot:

PEACE!

[Zoigal]

29. You have every right to be proud of your son. Wish more

kids/parents were like him. My step daughter is
lesbian and went through hell at school. As a former teacher
i suggest that you make sure of where your principal stands
on this issue. Some are not so sympathetic, unfortunately.....z

[MarianJack]

33. I'm Sorry for what your step-daughter had to go through.

Our school has a GREAT principal who has ZERO tolerance for intolerance. I know from my son's experience. He's African American and has had no negative experiences in his school due to his race. We will be talking though.

Thanks for the input! :patriot:

PEACE!

[Catlover827]

30. You are raising him well

Kudos to you and your wife for raising such an open-minded, tolerant son.

[MarianJack]

34. Thank You, Catlover827.

We do our best.

BTW, we have 2 cats that we LOVE! :patriot:

PEACE!

[BigBearJohn]

35. I am proud of your son. Great parenting!

[MarianJack]

37. Thanx, BigBearJohn.

We try to do our best! :patriot:

PEACE!

[Ilsa]

36. Awesome! Your son will benefit greatly from having a wide variety of friends, too. nt

[MarianJack]

38. Great Point, Ilsa.

My wife's best friend is a woman who married her life partner in MA a few years ago. We can't wait until we get marriage equality passed up here in Maine next year so they can make it official here, too.

My wife's friend's partner is (and I say this in the spirit of love, respect and affection) my son's "favorite uncle". We've always raised him with the spirit of acceptance and respect. He will dislike somebody, but only on the basis of WHO they are,, not WHAT they are. Fortunately, he has a very accurate horse's patoot detector!

PEACE!

[Divine Discontent]

39. good job, 'dad'! way to go!

believing and pushing for equality is a mental strength.


http://www.cafepress.com/barackobama12

[MarianJack]

40. Thank you, Divine Discontent!

:patriot:

PEACE!