ladies, do NOT change your name when you marry

[loyalsister]

Any laws regarding proof of identity turn out to be biased against women.

96-year-old Chattanooga resident denied voting ID

http://www.timesfreepress.com/news/2011/oct/05/marriage-certificate-required-bureaucrat-tells/

[msongs]

1. by all means continue to use your FATHER's family name nt

[peace13]

2. In this day and age that is not necessarily true! n/t

[Luminous Animal]

46. I have my father's family name but my daughter has her mother's family name.

[roguevalley]

48. I don't mind. Mine is Bishop. I love my name.

[Donnachaidh]

3. of course, then you have to deal with tons of idiots questioning WHY you didn't change it

As I've been doing for almost 3 decades. :shrug:

[Retrograde]

63. And if you travel abroad

be prepared to have to convince US customs on your return that you and your spouse really are a family.

BTW, many years ago (pre 1970) some states required women to take their spouse's name on marriage.

[Donnachaidh]

66. hell, FEMA and LA County threatened to SHOOT my DH when we went through Northridge Quake

I was on crutches, with a 17 month old, and our apartment was redtagged. They gave me a 2nd floor motel room (no elevators), and told me because our last names were different, they would have DH *shot* if he was found in the room with me.

Fun, huh?

[newspeak]

68. well, today some of the hoops you got to jump through

especially, if you get a divorce; I've thought that today if I got married I'd keep my name.

[HappyMe]

4. I changed my name when I got married.

I never had any problems. Changed it back when divorced, still no problems.

And if my love and I ever married, I would change my name again. It's a personal decision.

[loyalsister]

16. If you lost every piece of documentation of your identity

It would take some time to track it back. Especially if you live in a state other than the one in which you were born.

[HappyMe]

26. I haven't ever lost any of those documents.

I recently put the originals in a safe deposit box.

[loyalsister]

36. If you can afford it that's a great solution

Some of us can't.

[HappyMe]

44. It's not that pricey.

My sweetie crammed his important documents in there too.

I still have certified copies of all of it here.

[loyalsister]

49. It's all relative

If you're left with $100 after rent and essentials every month, it is pretty pricey. Bringing us to another point. This law disproportionately affects poor people. It's an extremely biased law.

[peace13]

20. The key is changing your name back upon divorce.

The new laws are designed to stop women in their tracks. Think about it. Do 99.9% of men even remotely have this problem. Because of recent legislation I suggest that any woman who has ever been married or divorced should keep all marital records in a very safe place.

[ProgressiveProfessor]

5. My wife did not, my daughters did

who knows with the crazy kids these days...

[ProgressiveProfessor]

25. Similar thread, more focused on voter supression here

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=102&topic_id=5016546&mesg_id=5016971

[ProdigalJunkMail]

6. or, change your name if you are so inclined

and keep a copy of your marriage certificate...

FFS...nice knee jerk there!

sP

[loyalsister]

13. And if your house burns down or get hits by a tornado?

The fed, state, and city governments are not connected and organized enough to make it easy to track our own identities if there have been changes.
It's possible that they will be at some point. But, until then it is a bad idea to use aliases.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

17. it is not an alias...

FFS. it is your name. your only name. it has been legally changed. and you protect documents that are important to you...the extent to which you protect them is proportional to their importance. you can also obtain copies of almost any sort of paperwork from the county or state should the need arise.

sP

[loyalsister]

24. Not in the criminal sense you see in the movies, maybe

But a name different from the one you started with is an alias.

[RaleighNCDUer]

34. And if your protected documents disappear in an F5 or a 1000 year flood,

do you know where you would replace them?

I've been married twice, and divorced twice, and I THINK I could find one set of those divorce papers - no idea where my marriage certificates are. Presumably my exes have them.

But then, that's not a problem because I have an outie instead of an innie.

OTOH, I could find my DD214 in a heartbeat.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

37. your last sentence proves my point :-)

and my dad can find his in about 20 seconds as well.

we have multiple copies of many documents (well, two). we keep one set here in a fireproof safe and another about 300 miles away in a fireproof safe. if both of them are destroyed at the same time, paperwork will be the last of our concerns....


sP

[RaleighNCDUer]

40. OTOH, the government would not be able to find my DD214.

That section of the archives burned up in a fire in St Louis about 30 years ago, I understand. If my copy disappeared, my service history would also disappear forever.

Maybe, by cross-referencing with the IRS for tax returns, and the FBI for my security clearance, I could prove I served - but my dates of service, time in grade, etc., have no verification.

That's OK - those were not my best years anyway.

[graywarrior]

7. I didn't change my name when I got married

I'm me, not him.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

8. and changing your name wouldn't have made you 'him' either

i get your decision...but not this logic.

sP

[graywarrior]

10. It's logical to us

And that's all that matters.

[ProdigalJunkMail]

12. well, logical I guess is in the mind of the beholder

but it is a personal decision , so...

sP

[graywarrior]

15. Besides, my last name is way cooler than his

[ProdigalJunkMail]

18. SCORE! he should have taken yours then...

had my wife had a cool name I would have switched in a minute!

sP

[graywarrior]

35. Now he wishes he had

[TuxedoKat]

32. HaHa

I didn't change mine either. :)

[graywarrior]

39. Ain't it great?

We still confuse people after all these years.

[TuxedoKat]

59. Yeah

People still change my last name or add his to mine, including my mom and brother?! WTF?! My husband hates it when people call him by my last name too or gets mail addressed to him that way -- haha. It doesn't bother me that much when it happens to me except when my mom and brother do it, which maybe they do to irk me. I'm so glad that women started keeping their last names in the '70s, gave me the courage not to change mine in the '80s when I married. It was the fashion not to change your name when I got married but not long afterwards, women started completely changing their names again, not even keeping their last names as a middle name. Go figure. My last name is cool too, no way I was going to change it, too much a part of me, unless it was something way better than mine and really aristocratic-sounding, like Van Winthrop de Rockefeller or some such. ;)

[Luminous Animal]

47. Nor did I and our daughter has my last name.

[TuxedoKat]

61. Wow

good for you. Mine don't, although I've encouraged them to change their names to whatever they want when they are older. Wish I'd been more of a b---h about this, they only have my last name as one of their middle names.

[loyalsister]

22. I agree it's a personal decision

Just pointing out the roadblocks it has created for some women.

[MineralMan]

9. It's certainly not necessary to change your name.

My wife didn't. It's her name - the one she's had all her life. She couldn't see any reason to change it, and neither could I. I see the name changing thing as being a hangover from the days when women were chattel. Since those days are gone, changing a name because of marriage is just silly.

It has caused no problems for her or for us, ever. I can't imagine any reason why it would. A few people have asked about it. One or the other of us always says, "That's her name. Why should she change it?" Nobody ever has an answer for that.

20 years this December.

[Wait Wut]

19. It's not always "silly".

I changed my name because I couldn't wait to distance myself from my father's side of the family. My poor son is stuck with it.

[loyalsister]

75. Congrats :)

Some women want to keep their name because it represents their personal heritage.
Some just like their name.
Lots of reasons I have heard.

Whatever personal reason anyone has to do either is valid. My main complaint is that this law complicates one of those choices.

[phleshdef]

11. My wife was gonna change hers and just never got around to it, LOL.

It doesn't bother me one way or the other, but hers is easier to spell and write, so I told her I wouldn't blame her if she just stayed with it.

But in all seriousness, people should not ever have to worry about this kind of shit in America. I have a feeling that this won't stand for very long.

[peace13]

14. This is a real problem and it happened in Ohio to my sister.

She moved here to Ohio because of health reasons. She had her birth certificate, valid drivers license from Idaho, and SS card. I had called the day before and these were the only docs requested. When we went to the DMV to get her an Ohio ID they would not issue it because she was in the data base from when she was 17 with her maiden name. They wanted proof of how her name changed. Here is my wheelchair bound sister, age 56, who has been married and divorced three times and they want to track how her name changed over the last 40 years. We had current divorce papers for the last marriage but no marriage licenses and no divorce papers from the other marriages. Talk about a fiasco. All the DMV folks could say was...Why didn't you change your name back if you are divorced! My sister was divorced because she got a very awful disease and her husband refused to get her the care that she needed. She moved to Ohio so that we could take care of her and this how it is. During all of the awful proceedings the last thing on our minds was a name change!

I requested that the DMV run her Idaho drivers license and they refused. 'We don't do that'. These rules are made biased against women and it is only going to get worse.

I agree with you. Never change your name unless you have room enough to have your marriage and divorce papers tattooed on your ass. Nothing good will come of it!

[sammytko]

23. You can put the name change in the divorce decree and go form there

I've been married twice. That is what I did the last time. I will never change my name again!

Strange that the lady never got a photo ID. My mother has never had a driver's liscense, but she has had a state (TX) photo ID for years. she is 88 and never worked outside the home.

[peace13]

28. Yes you can but if you are sick and people don't think to do that you are screwed.

If you have kids and you don't want to have a different name than they do this could lead to problems. The point is that these NEW laws are popping up and women need to be aware.

[sammytko]

62. the lawyer does the thinking for you

never understood about this thing with kids having different last names - what if they have different fathers, what if the mom re-marries - so many scenarios

[one_voice]

21. I recently needed to renew my driver's license...

I had to get a copy of my birth certificate, my first marriage license, my divorce decree, and finally my second marriage license. Each was 25 dollars, the cost of the drivers license was 25 dollars do in total it cost me $125, not to mention the time it took to fill our each form.

A man, never has to do this. All he needs is a birth certificate. He can get married and divorced 75 times and it wouldn't matter.

I agree, the laws/requirements are unfair to women.

[peace13]

29. This is Ohio law as well.

If they haven't had to do it folks just don't believe it! Sheep....baaaa!

[dixiegrrrrl]

27. "Absentee ballots do not need Voter ID" !!!!!!!!!!

good lord....
The stupidity of it all.

[peace13]

30. I believe Ohio uses the last four of the social for this. n/t

[loyalsister]

50. So, you just show up and recite it?

No. You have to have the card or official documents. Not only that there are many older women who never worked outside the home and never got SS cards. They were not mandated by law.

[peace13]

60. No for absentee ballots you use your last four SS.

At the poll you have to show a picture ID and have a rectal exam! : )

[no_hypocrisy]

31. Not only using my birth surname, but also use my father's mother's maiden name

for my second name to honor her memory and her name.

[OneTenthofOnePercent]

33. Keep important docs in safe places. Problem solved.

Doesn't matter what gender you are... if you change your name and lose important documents then you are screwed.

[loyalsister]

38. There are a lot of people in MO

Who thought they did- until the floods and tornadoes hit.

[mainer]

41. Really, though, how do any of us prove we are who we are?

If you could get hold of someone's documents, you could prove you're just about anyone of your gender and approximate age.

[AtomicKitten]

42. That is such convoluted horseshit.

America should be ashamed. The Justice Department needs to intervene.

[ItNerd4life]

43. What an insulting exclamation. What else shouldn't we do because you said so? nt

[loyalsister]

53. Please

I was just pointing out a problem and solution.
At this point, it might be a good idea to assume, for now, that this is the law we will be living under if the worst happens as far as losing documents and being too poor to afford the very messy process of sorting it out.
My stated opinion is that paying attention to negative consequences of bad laws might be a good idea. Blow it off or think about it- it's clearly a personal choice.

[JDPriestly]

45. The best thing is to keep your name and then add your husband's name.

[Retrograde]

64. Maybe it's different today

when I did that in 1974 New York said I could only have three names on my driver's license, not four. California followed suit two years later, which is why I have different names on my passport and driver's license.

[msanthrope]

51. Ladies, do what the fuck you want with your name, and sue the opposition. nt

[loyalsister]

58. Of course!

I can't believe this thread is controversial.
The point is that this kind of discrimination is an intended consequence of these laws. I think it sucks that they have created a problem out of a long standing social custom.

[etherealtruth]

52. I did not

I was born and given a name ... I opted to stick with it for my almost 50 years. I have never regretted my choice

[RebelOne]

54. My maiden name is used as my middle name on my drivers license.

It saves me a lot of hassle.

[loyalsister]

57. I think that is more common now

I think it will make it easier than the complete change.

[DearHeart]

55. These laws are bullshit! But, if you need the certificate, in most cases

you can get a copy of your birth certificate or your marriage certificate from the state you were born or married in. I have been doing some genealogy work and have found my grandparents marriage certificate online doing a Google search!

[loyalsister]

56. It would be nice if it was easy and didn't cost $$

But, say, you've moved around and been married a few times?
This is definitely not a hardship for many. But it is a significant hardship for others. I was just making a point about how it limits people.

[Retrograde]

65. And try not to have a name that doesn't fit WASP norms

My mother's birth certificate has the Polish form of her name: for those unfamiliar with Slavic languages women's surnames are often slightly different than brothers'. And if you come from a Hispanic culture good luck trying to explain what looks like your last name isn't your "family" name, that's the second last.

Better yet, just don't bother registering while not Republican :sarcasm:

[newspeak]

67. well my SIL got a divorce and changed her name back to her maiden name

DMV required she have BC, marriage certificate for first marriage, divorce decree, marriage certificate for second marriage, divorce decree with request for name change to maiden name. For her, especially the first marriage was years ago, it was quite a hassle.

I was employed at SSA in my early days, and some seniors had a very hard time proving age; because buildings that hold the records burn down, some have been born at home in those early days. We would send for census records, and I remember one socialite, we took old newspaper clippings to prove her age along with her SS app.

These ID's WILL disenfranchise voters, especially seniors.

[loyalsister]

73. Jimmy Carter was the first president to be born in a hospital

There are still plenty of senior - probably concentrated in southern states who weren't. Considering hospitals were segregated well into the sixties, widespread disenfranchisement of black elderly women is inevitable.

[flvegan]

69. Ladies, do what you want when you marry.

Being scared off of what you might want to do by a one-off example hyped on the internet is silly.

[Throd]

70. What if you're birth name is Helga Oxteats?

[a la izquierda]

71. Too late.

I have originals of everything in a fireproof safe. I travel internationally all the time. It's the best I can do for now.

[proud patriot]

72. I kept mine when I married

These voter ID laws are so blatantly wrong

[Tuesday Afternoon]

74. .

tmi.