Do other schools take this stance on bullying?

[CoffeeCat]

I'll be honest, I'm looking for support here--and I'm wondering if
I'm being "difficult" or too protective as a mother.

My daughter is in forth grade. She is an adorable, silly, wonderful
little girl. She is very shy though. For some reason, a girl in her
class does not like her. This girl has resorted to calling my daughter
names. Two weeks ago, it was "retarted", "obese" and "crazy".

I talked to my child about this and we discussed it. I thought I had helped
my daughter--telling her that just because someone says something doesn't mean
it's true. I spent lots of time with her and even took her to "A Dolphin Tale"
a movie about a dolphin who overcomes obstacles. We used it as a teaching
moment.

Last week, the girl was at it again. This time, the names were "You're ugly
and weird looking". This time I encouraged my daughter to speak to the guidance
counselor.

The guidance counselor called me. Their stance is that they want my daughter to
wait until it happens again. After it does, my daughter is supposed to give this
name-calling girl an "I message". She's supposed to say, "I don't like it when you
call me names. Please don't do that." Then, if the girl does it again, my
daughter is to return to the guidance counselor's office. At that point, the
guidance counselor will speak with the other child and tell her to stop.

I really don't get this. I was told this will help to empower my daughter to
stand up for herself. Fine, I get that standing up for yourself is important.
However, I don't understand why the name-calling child is not even being
questioned at this point, and the burden is being put on my child to deal with this
and to continue to deal with it.

My child has been very sad all weekend. When she told the guidance counselor who was
doing this to her the guidance counselor said, "Really? I'm so surprised that she
would do that because she is such a role model here at our school." My daughter
told me, while crying this weekend, "That made me feel like a nothing. Like she is
a role model and they're not even saying anything to her, because they think she is
better than I am." The name-calling child is very pretty, outgoing and is in the
talented-and-gifted program. I think my daughter is hurt that someone who is so
well liked is treating her like this. It's caused her to really doubt herself.

I tried to explain better explain the school policy to my daughter--and how they are on her side, but
they want to empower her to stick up for herself. I'm having a hard time selling this
policy to her and to myself. I really am. We talked about it for more than an hour today--with more tears.

Am I out of line for feeling as if the school is going in the wrong direction when it
comes to situations like this? I don't understand why they can't just call the girl
in, ask her what happened--then tell her not to do it anymore--then help my daughter
process everything. Then everyone moves on.

Am I off here? This is turning into a fiasco for our family. My daughter is very hurt.

For those of you with children--is this typical of how schools react to name calling
and situations like this?

[petronius]

1. I think you need to give the guidance counselor an 'I message'

As in "I really don't like it when you put the onus for controlling bullies on my daughter, and I get very annoyed when administrators don't do their jobs to the detriment of children, and I'm willing to take this as far as needed to put a stop to it."

[CoffeeCat]

6. Thanks for your support...

...and believe me, I have lots of I-message fantasies, swirling in my brain! :)

[Zanzoobar]

17. I think the "I message" is a good idea.

Like, "I am going to speak with the kid's parents, and if that doesn't work I'll bring in the cops"

There's really no other way to do it without getting into trouble these days.

[Odin2005]

2. Yes it is, unfortunately, at least it was when I was in elementary school in the 90s.

School administrators are cowards who are afraid of doing anything that will cause them to get screamed at by parents who are "insulted about accusing their kid of bullying, he/she couldn't hurt a fly".

[CoffeeCat]

8. I get that...

There are a lot of crazy parents out there who get defensive. I can understand
why they want all of the bases covered. So, when they do call the child's parents,
they can say that this happened, then the child did the "I message" but it still
kept happening.

I am sure that schools feel that they have to CYA at times--because of the parents
believing that their child could do no wrong.

[Odin2005]

11. The "I-Statements" thing is just popular self-help mumbo-jumbo.

Something about it being "bad" so sound directly accusatory or similar nonsense.

[CoffeeCat]

13. I think the "I statement"...in this case...

...may empower my daughter and help her to voice her opinion to this girl. However,
it's a joke when it comes to this other child--because she seems to enjoy calling my
daughter very hurtful names.

So, when my daughter says, "I don't like it when you call me names," I fully expect
the child to reply with something that is not very nice.

[virgogal]

3. I'm with you and your third paragraph from the end says it all.

I wish your little girl well.

[CoffeeCat]

9. Thank you for your kinds words...

...and i too, hope this will be resolved soon.

:)

[proud2BlibKansan]

4. You're going to hate my answer

I can see both sides of this. The counselor is right. The best way to handle this, that will lead to real learning by your daughter, is to have her use the "I Message". It's not only effective, but empowering. I say that from experience, both with kids at school and in my personal life.

On the other hand, I can see your daughter's side of this. She should be able to go to school and feel safe and not worry about being called names. If I was the counselor, I would have tried to mediate by having both girls come to me and talk about what is going on. But then, I'm not a counselor so what do I know? :)

If this continues to upset your daughter, you should contact her teacher and/or the principal. Sometimes we need to just solve these problems and not wait for kids to learn from them.

Just my $.02. Good luck and let us know what happens.

[CoffeeCat]

10. I don't hate your answer...

I really don't. I do see the value in helping my child empower herself and stick up for herself.

After writing about this and thinking about it a bit--I think the worst part for me, is that nothing
was said to the name-caller AND the guidance counselor told my daughter that the name-caller was
such a great role model. And she is! She's in the talented-and-gifted program, is adorable and
she's definitely a well-liked child. Those are all great things.

However, in this context, I think how this was handled, has made my daughter feel as if she is not
as important as the other child.

From here, I supposed I help empower her--and let her know that if it does happen again--the other
girl ends up in the guidance counselor's office.

And also, I very much appreciate your opinion and your wisdom. You know, I always have. You are
one of DU's incredible assets and I appreciate you chiming in! :)

[proud2BlibKansan]

21. I had that same thought

It seems really unfair that the bully has not been reprimanded. BUT that could lead to more bullying. I've seen kids fight back hard when they think they're in trouble. So that 'no snitching' we deal with in school really does have a legitimate basis.

Just recently, when a kid came to me with a bullying accusation, I took the bully aside and let him have it. He is a repeat offender, we have a very strict policy at our school and I firmly reminded him he had better stop the bullying. I thought I had gotten through to him. He cried, begged me not to call his mom. Then, I'm still not sure why I did, but I followed him back into class and kept my ears open. And as soon as he thought I was not watching him, the bully walked over to his victim and held a clenched fist a few inches from his face.

Well, as they say, payback's a bitch. Bully got a several days suspension followed by a mandatory conference with Mom.

But what would have happened if my instincts had not told me to watch him when he returned to class?

Yes I understand completely how your daughter feels. I so wish she was in my school and I could talk to her to make her feel important and loved. But I understand the importance of her being empowered to solve her own problem. Tell her not all kids can be trusted to take care of this on their own. Her counselor must have a lot of confidence in her to trust her to handle this. I know for a fact we can't give this responsibility to most kids. So she must be a pretty smart young lady who has earned the respect of her counselor. :)

[CoffeeCat]

29. Incredible instincts...

...with regard to that bullying situation. Kudos to you for listening to your intuition--and also for caring enough to follow up and stay close behind the bully
after he spoke with you.

I hope that child learned his lesson.

We will get through this...and I appreciate your caring responses and for sharing your experiences too. It's great to know that there are educators out there like you!! :hug:

[elehhhhna]

5. Where and when is this happening? in a vacuum?

I support the idea of her telling the kid to knock it off -- good skill, best practiced young/early.

Don't have the answer, but here's some advice for her, which may resolve this (i.e,. cause the bully to move on) -- she shold attempt when possible to stay near the teachers, adults, busdriver, etc. and if (when) asked why she's hanging close, she should tell them.

[femmocrat]

7. Call the principal.

Explain the situation to him or her. If he/she doesn't handle it to your satisfaction, call the superintendent. If that doesn't work, call a school board member. School administrators are big on "going through channels".

I disagree with the guidance counselor on this one. In our district, the other girl would definitely be called in and told to knock it off. Both girls would be told to stay away from each other and all teachers who supervise them would be notified that the girls are to have no contact with each other.

Good luck. You know what is best for YOUR child; they don't.

[CoffeeCat]

28. Thanks for your kind words...

...and support.

I needed a reality check and it is nice to get the support of other parents.

As far as the principal--the guidance counselor is simply following procedure, which is set by the principal. He wouldn't add
anything positive to this situation.

[catabryna]

12. Kids who bully like the feedback...

They are looking for a certain type of response. I'm teaching my kid to walk away until he's emotionally ready to deal with it. If the kid continues, he's been told to talk to his teacher about it.

[CoffeeCat]

14. Wow, that is incredibly smart...

...and I knew others would have bits of wisdom from which other parents could benefit.

Telling your child to "walk away until he's emotionally ready to deal with it" really
is a very empathetic, empowering thing to say. Our kids aren't always ready to respond
or deal with it. They need time to process. So often, we know what they should say or
how they should respond. We can tell them the lines to say--or how they should respond, but
this is a learning process--and they must be emotionally ready to respond in a way that
helps them to feel better.

Great, great advice.

[catabryna]

19. Learned from the school of hard knocks...

I hope it helps!

[proud2BlibKansan]

22. My son once told a bully "I don't care" and walked away

Bully never bothered him again.

Simple yet effective.

[catabryna]

23. Don't empower the bully.

It's always better to take the wind out of their sails.

[plumbob]

15. I have been a teacher for three decades, and your school is handling this poorly.

About as badly as possible, other than just telling your daughter she must put up with abuse.

1. The moment that your daughter reported anything at all, the other student and her parents should have been called in for a conference with the principal and teacher present. If it can be determined that any actual name-calling occurred (you'd be amazed how eager some bullies are to brag about what they do, even to adults), then the offending student should be suspended (here it's three days).

2. The moment the behavior repeated itself, the offending student needed to be assigned to a different classroom, and the family assigned to family counseling.

3. After that, any repeat offense should be dealt with in the legal system - a ticket should be issued to the offender (here it's $750 for interfering with the educational process), and assignment to an alternative center should be made.



Because it appears that you do not have an actual licensed counselor, you will have to take action yourself.
1. Call the school principal and ask for a meeting with the principal, the teacher, and yourself.
2. At that meeting, insist on your child's safety in school, both emotionally and physically. It's a matter of federal law, not an option.
3. If there is a repeat of the offense, and the offending student is not reassigned, suspended, or otherwise removed from your daughter's safety zone, then I would suggest retaining an attorney and having him or her contact the superintendent of schools with an eye to legal action.
4. NEVER allow them to reassign your daughter - she's the victim, not the offender. Insist on your and her right to a safe school environment. Don't worry about being perceived as a hovering parent - that's just a bullying tactic used by schools to exclude parents.

Hope this helps - I teach high school, and part of my classroom expectations in writing to my students includes all of us working on a safe learning environment in every way. Over three decades, I have had a few bullies, and they were each dealt with in a matter of weeks. That doesn't mean they were still bullies, but they no longer felt free to do so at school.

Good luck, and I'm sorry the professionals in your daughter's life are doing a poor job so far. Hopefully, they can be jogged.

[Cid_B]

20. Good lord...

Is this a public school?

[plumbob]

39. Yes, it's a 3000+ enrollment public high school, one of two in town.

We also house the regional school for the deaf.

[plumbob]

44. Here's a local news story about the other high school here in town.

The FBI has been called in by the schools to investigate cyber-bullying on Facebook.

http://www.oaoa.com/articles/bullying-73902-cyber-pages.html



Facebook groups bring cyber bullying accusations
October 13, 2011 5:40 PM
BY JON VANDERLAAN
A series of Facebook group pages have been taken down from the social networking site after the ECISD police began investigating the possibility of cyber bullying.

The pages, which reportedly targeted Permian High School students, have even drawn the eyes of the Midland FBI to investigate potential cyber bullying charges.

A supervisor with the Midland FBI branch, who wouldn’t give her name because she said she had not yet taken a media-training course, said the FBI did not request for the removal of the pages but the agency is looking into the incident.

“There was such an outcry that perhaps the school or parents made a request,” she said. “We’re looking into what the possibilities are but we’re just not prepared to make a comment at this time.”


more at link


The district here is truly committed to fighting bullying.

[CoffeeCat]

30. Wow, that's amazing...

Your school is definitely ahead of the curve when it comes to bullying. They take it VERY seriously. It's sad that a school handling bullying the right way is
almost an anomaly. We hear so many horror stories about schools that ignore it or blame the victim. However, I'm sure there are many schools that do
take this problem very seriously.

It's very promising to read about a school like yours. The effects of bullying and teasing are so psychologically damaging. Your school's response to the
behavior is very responsible and so incredible for all of the children who attend your school.

Children have the right to feel safe at school--physically and emotionally. And if they don't--this signals that the policy is wrong. There is a lot of bullying
in my child's school, and I feel this is directly due to the failures of administrators to deal with this issue in a serious, thoughtful and professional way.

Thank you for your insight.

[plumbob]

40. You're welcome, and I hope your child finds peace and safety soon.

You are right when you say that the results tell you all you need to know - if a child does not feel safe, physically AND emotionally, then that school is failing them.

Good luck and only good thoughts headed your way from west Texas.

[demgurl]

16. Sorry this has happened to you.

It happened to us at our school last year and they did nothing. This year we are at a new school!! I refused to o back to a school where they did nothing to protect my son. I told them the next time someone lays a finger on my son I would call the cops. They said it was a good idea. I new then and there the battle was lost and we had to change schools.

Now we are in a school where the biggest class size is 18. Everyone knows each other and no one bullies. It is a 40 minute drive but so worth it.

Good luck to you and your wonderful daughter.

[CoffeeCat]

31. Thank you for you response...

...and for sharing your experience. These situations are so stressful and painful! When it's your child and the school
isn't acting in a professional manner, it's upsetting. I feel as if I'm sending my kid off to a school that can't and won't
protect her--and that isn't right.

I'm glad that everything worked out for you and your son. It's too bad he had to go through that, but I am glad that he
landed in a good place. Sometimes, it's just best to get your kid to higher ground and save your family.

Kudos to you for going the extra mile (literally!) to keep your son safe. You are a great parent!

[Arkansas Granny]

18. I'm sorry your daughter is going through this. I know that you would like to

see an immediate end to it, but as long as nothing physical is happening, it is important for your daughter to have an active role in ending the bullying. It's not easy to stand back and let this play out, but it's part of growing up and learning to take care of yourself. The counselor is more than likely following school policy for handling these situations. I hope the problem is resolved quickly.

[CoffeeCat]

32. You are exactly right...

The school counselor is following policy that has been in place for many years--and is the brainchild of the principal. She's just
following orders.

I do agree that teaching kids to be confident and that they have the right to defend themselves--is so important. In this case, I just
wish that all of the lessons didn't fall on the child who is being bullied. In my opinion, the other child needs to learn a few lessons
as well.

And this is 4th grade. These are very young kids. Some of them are just learning how to handle situations like this, and not all may
feel comfortable. So they do need our help and the help of the school.

I told my child that if it happens again--that she needs to say what she feels is best for the situation. I left it up to her whether or not
she wanted to do the "I message" thing. At this point, if my child feels comfortable saying, "You need to stop being mean" or "What
you're saying about me is not true"...I told my child just to speak her truth. And--to know that by doing it again--the bully
is going to be automatically sent to the guidance counselor.

I hope my child finds some comfort in this. It's just an awful feeling to see your child so hurt and feeling belittled--when it doesn't have
to be this way. Many of my mom friends have kids in the other elementary schools in town--and their policies are not like this. It's really
a shame.

[flvegan]

24. I am so glad I don't have kids. I'd be a horrible parent.

My first reaction to this is to ask, "is what she's saying true?" Kids are horrible to each other, and guess what, adults are too. If what the other girl is saying is true, then I'd teach my daughter how to deal with it, because the name calling is going to go on for another, oh....80 years. I'd also teach my daughter that "retarded" isn't an insult lest she ever get the mindset that individuals who ARE retarded aren't lesser being just because some other kid used it that way. Now, having taken the reality check (no, I'm not retarded nor obese nor crazy nor weird looking) then, well if it's not true why care what role-model princess says? Obviously she's not learning anything in her little gifted program if she can't recognize the basics. Frankly, she sounds like the stupid one.

I say this knowing that logic and reality don't often work with some children. I have no idea how kids are raised today. My mom raised a really independent kid, who today as an adult looks back on his childhood with fondness of the good times and laughter at the idiots who mocked me then, but today could never touch me.

Good luck with your daughter. Rereading this I realize this will likely be of no help.

[CoffeeCat]

34. One thing that bothered me the most...

...about the bully's choice of insulting words--was the "obese" word. My child is the smallest one in her class. She weighs 65 lbs! My child
asked me if she was obese!

I have worked so hard to foster a healthy body image with my children--teaching them to focus on health, having fun and eating to nourish. I avoid
talking about my weight or watching my weight, diets, etc. I have really tried hard to teach them positive messages, because girls have so much
pressure on being thin and beautiful. Then, this bully says something that causes my daughter to doubt her own body! Grrr....

Also the issue of using the word "retarded". My child is a solid "B" student--and she's also very creative and silly. She's so funny. And she's very cute. I get comments all of the time.
However, she is VERY shy. That's just her nature. She's like her dad. Maybe this other child sees my child's shyness as an opportunity?

I agree with you--the use of the word "retarded" as an insult--is pretty vicious.

One thing I did tell my daughter. We went to a school function the other night and I volunteered at it. I told my daughter that I spotted her
in the hallway--being funny, silly and kind to everyone--and how proud I was of her personality and of her caring spirit. I told her that she
should be so proud that she is a kind-hearted, caring person who is very loving toward others. I'm trying to help her "see" things as we go
through this... :)

[tblue37]

25. When my son was bullied on the bus in 7th grade, the principal

suggested that he should just not ride the bus, but maybe bike to school--about 5 miles from his dad's house, on a friggin' HIGHWAY! (Back then I had the kids during the afternoon and evening and on weekends, but they slept at their dad's house during the week because I had been thrown into poverty by the divorce and wanted them to have decent rooms in a decent house and decent stuff in a nice neighborhood.)

I told him that the misbehaving kids (9th graders) should be thrown off the bus, not the kid they were abusing. (They were slapping the back of his head and spitting in his hair.)

Then I told him that I was perfectly willing to sue the school, and I also promised him a whole lot of negative publicity for the school, because I would go to the newspaper (and to the local TV station, because I knew one of their producers).

Problem solved. From that point on, all buses had video cameras in them. Only one was functional, but they moved it around, so no one would know which bus it was on at any given time.

When I promise to cause trouble, it is obvious that I mean what I say, so they cooperated.

[CoffeeCat]

27. Holy buckets...

Can I channel you? You rock.

And that is ridiculous--suggesting that the victim ride their bike three miles across a highway. Why is it so easy for some schools
to blame the victim?

I'm thinking that teachers and administrators have experienced what the parents of these bullies are like--and it's no picnic. That's no
excuse, but I bet there are plenty of fireworks when the bully's parents get involved. After all, if you've got a kid who is abusing
other children--something is just not right at home. It's not always the case, but I bet it's generally true.

I totally am in awe of you and how you handled that.

Good for you. You changed school policy.

[tblue37]

38. You should have seen me when my son was in 10th grade and the person

bullying him was the high school's vice principal who had singled him out to pick on the first day of school--obviously as an object lesson for the rest of the new 10th-graders in the school. At the time my son (who is now a very buttoned down member of the US State Department) was a punk rock type with a 7-inch mohawk (plus a 1.5" trihawk on either side), a wallet chain, and the whole stupid look.

The school had no clear dress code, and many other kids dressed exactly the way he did, but the VP singled him out his first day, got all up in his face, and yelled at him for his wallet chain (which over half the boys at school had!). Later in the year, after hounding him regularly, the VP tried to suspend him for having decorative cone studs on his leather jacket like the smallest one on the right in this picture:



The VP insisted the jacket could be used as a weapon! (BTW, other kids had jackets just like it, too, but as usual the VP singled my son out and ignored the fact that his jacket was commonplace at the school.) Because my son was in the gifted program, he had an IEP, so the VP couldn't just suspend him without a meeting with me, his gifted counselor, and a couple of other administrators. When the VP saw me, a short, plump middle-aged woman with hearing aids, he immediately assumed he could steamroller me. I look like a bully's dream victim, but I eat bullies for breakfast.

At that meeting, he insisted the cone studs were "sharp" (they were not) and could be used to "stab" someone. I showed the fool that if anyone tried to use the jacket to "stab" someone, the studs would just lie down. They wouldn't stand up (probably like the VP’s penis). But he wasn't willing to listen. He actually had the temerity to tell me that I needed to be quiet and sit down!

I said, "I am not going to be quiet. In fact, I wonder how good your spelling is. Do you know what ACLU spells? Because I have already contacted them, and they will take our case for free. Channel 6 is interested in covering the lawsuit, too."

Fact is, I was lying. Of course, I would have contacted the ACLU if I’d had to, and I would have gotten the newspaper and the local TV station involved, too. But I figured that like most bullies, he would be a coward, and I was right. He backed down immediately and stopped trying to suspend my son.

On the way out of that meeting, I stopped to speak privately to him, and I told him to leave my son alone. I promised him that I could cause him more trouble than he could even imagine if he kept pestering him. I also told him that if the school actually had a clear dress code and if it actually enforced such a dress code, I would back them up wholeheartedly, because I thought my son’s style was silly and that many of the kids looked so bizarre (and often indecent) that it probably was a distraction at school. But since they had nothing specific—just something about "appropriate clothing"—and since they allowed other kids to wear exactly the same stuff he wanted to suspend my son for wearing, I couldn't let them so obviously single him out for discrimination.

He never bothered my son again. I guess he had not expected someone who looked like me to be quite so scary. I despise parents who think their little precious can do no wrong and who won’t back up teachers when their kids get out of hand. In fact, when my son was in 9th grade he gave a couple of teachers some attitude and I straightened him out immediately the second I heard about it. But in high school he was polite and well-behaved. I suspect that is why the VP went after him— he was tall, skinny kid who never talked back. He probably seemed to be a perfect victim for such a bully—just as I did.

My son was a smart boy, highly gifted, and very quiet and well-behaved in school. He just looked ridiculous with his punk rock style. But I figured that if the worst way my son could come up with to act out his teenage rebellion was to look foolish, then I had nothing to complain about. I wore miniskirts, fuscia paisley miniskirt length muumuus, white leather go-go boots, white lipstick, dark eyeliner, and heavy blue eyeshadow as a teenager. My friends and I looked every bit as ridiculous in the late 1960s as the punk rock kids looked in my boy's teenage years--and the adults around us were freaked out by our style, too.

I have an article on my Kidbits site about my son's punk style called "Don't Get Mad--Get Pictures!":
http://kidbits.homestead.com/mohawk.html

Another one, "How to Rain on a Punk Rocker's Parade" might also amuse you:
http://kidbits.homestead.com/mohawk2.html

BTW, if anyone can tell me how to make that picture smaller (before the editing window closes), I would appreciate the info.

[Chiquitita]

26. Here's an idea

Hi Coffee Cat,

I agree with Plumbob's suggestions. I have two kids who made it through k-12 and the bullying seemed to start around 3rd grade and stop around 9th grade. When it first started we did a few sessions of role playing at home. This really helped. One of my kids would play the part of the bully and I'd be my son and we'd act out possible scenarios, try different responses and critique them. This was great because we talked a lot, laughed, and I was able to model really assertive behavior for them. I got them to use assertive voices, humor, the tactic of walking away and not engaging, being strong and standing their ground. I completely disagree with the counselor's idea that your child should say "please" to the bully! This ridiculous insistence on politeness is totally inappropriate. Much better to say something like "Don't talk to me" and walk away. Also, defining a group of good friends and finding strength in numbers on the playground is a good tactic.

There's a good book, "The bully, the bullied and the bystander" that has a lot of guidance for parents. It's worth a look. Kids are empowered by knowing that they have the ability to deal with negative and hurtful actions by others; that they don't have to only go to an adult to resolve. Good luck. You sound like an excellent parent and I hope your daughter feels better soon.

[CoffeeCat]

35. Thank you for the book suggestion...

...I'll have to check out that one. Sounds like a great book.

I also like the idea of role playing. I think they can work through some fears that they have, when doing this. And
humor always helps and is great in situations like this.

Sounds like you are a great parent! :hug:

[roody]

33. At my elementary school, the bully would be interviewed by

several teachers and the principal and any witnesses. We do not tolerate bullying. There would be consequences.

[CoffeeCat]

36. And I bet at your school...

...you don't have a big bullying problem, like we do.

The school doesn't take it seriously. And also our school's policy is that the victim has to confront the abuser. And anyone who is a whistle blower
has to confront the person that they told on. Yeah, you heard me right.

My oldest child (who is now in middle school) saw some girls beating up a boy on the playground--when she attended this elementary school. They were kicking him and hitting him and it
went on for weeks. My child was terrified, but finally told me. I called the parent of this boy who then called our principal. The principal called me and told
me that my child WOULD HAVE TO CONFRONT THE GIRLS THAT SHE TURNED IN AND TELL THEM THAT SHE TOLD!

I said, absolutely---no way in hell. My kid freed this boy from abuse--and she was scared to tell, but she did the brave thing. And the principal wanted
her to be identified as the whistle blower to this group of girls who had been serially beating up this boy for weeks? Uhhhh...NO.

This is the mentality I'm up against.

That's why I'm posting. I'm sick of this nonsense. My oldest child is out of this elementary school and I'm upset that--once again--I'm forced to deal
with this counter-intuitive, bizarre policy of putting so much on the victim--while the bullies are given a free pass.

Situations like this don't have to turn into fiascoes for families--but somehow this school manages to do just that.

[roody]

37. I am so sorry. Your principal needs to research some of the

recent awards in lawsuits over bullying. How about the superintendent or school board?

[tblue37]

41. Sue, sue, sue--or at least threaten to. Also threaten to go to the

newspapers and local TV stations. They are scared of such publicity, because they are using this stupid approach for fear of the bullies' squeaky-wheel parents. If you squeak louder, they will address your concerns.

[Kat45]

42. I was also really shy when I was a kid. It's not easy.

So I have to ask, will your daughter be able to give the "I message"? If she can, that's terrific and will be empowering for her. (No, I don't agree with the school's policy, but since I don't have kids, I have nothing to compare it to.) I just don't think I would have been able to give that statement when I was little. I was so shy, I could barely talk to people outside of my group of friends.

[DirkGently]

43. What a horrendous guidance counselor. The "role model" comment should be called out.

Perhaps an escalation to the principal? At the very least I think this odd, inappropriate favoritism needs to be documented.