Herman Cain called Jesus 'the perfect conservative'

[WillParkinson]

Just when you thought Herman Cain couldn't be any crazier, another level is added to his nuthouse.
"The liberal court found Him guilty of false offenses and sentenced Him to death, all because He changed the hearts and minds of men with an army of twelve. Never before and not since has there ever been such a perfect conservative. For over 2,000 years the world has tried hard to erase the memory of the perfect conservative, and His principles of compassion, caring and common sense."

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/10/15/1026683/-Herman-Cain-Says-Liberals-Killed-Jesus

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

1. Wow......just wow

No wonder His followers are so lost.

[Brickbat]

2. I think Carl Sandburg said it best...

To Billy Sunday

You come along... tearing your shirt... yelling about Jesus.
I want to know... what the hell... you know about Jesus.

Jesus had a way of talking softly and everybody except a few bankers and higher-ups among the con men of Jerusalem liked to have this Jesus around because he never made any fake passes and everything he said went and he helped the sick and gave the people hope.

You come along squirting words at us, shaking your fist and calling us damn fools so fierce the froth of your own spit slobbers over your lips -- always blabbing we're all going to hell straight off and you know all about it.

I've read Jesus' words. I know what he said. You don't throw any scare into me. I've got your number. I know how much you know about Jesus.

He never came near clean people or dirty people but they felt cleaner because he came along. It was your crowd of bankers and business men and lawyers that hired the sluggers and murderers who put Jesus out of the running.

I say it was the same bunch that's backing you that nailed the nails into the hands of this Jesus of Nazareth. He had lined up against him the same crooks and strong-arm men now lined up with you paying your way.

This Jesus guy was good to look at, smelled good, listened good. He threw out something fresh and beautiful from the skin of his body and the
touch of his hands wherever he passed along.

You, Billy Sunday, put a smut on every human blossom that comes within reach of your rotten breath belching about hell-fire and hiccuping about this man who lived a clean life in Galilee.

When are you going to quit making the carpenters build emergency hospitals for women and girls driven crazy with wrecked nerves from your goddam gibberish about Jesus -- I put it to you again: What the hell do you know about Jesus?

Go ahead and bust all the chairs you want to. Smash a whole wagon load of furniture at every performance. Turn sixty somersaults and stand on your nutty head. If it wasn't for the way you scare women and kids, I'd feel sorry for you and pass the hat.

I like to wash a good four-flusher work but not when he starts people to puking and calling for the doctors.

I like a man that's got guts and can pull off a great original performance, but you -- hell, you're only a bughouse peddler of second-hand gospel -- you're only shoving out a phony imitation of the goods this Jesus guy told us ought to be free as air and sunlight.

Sometimes I wonder what sort of pups born from mongrel bitches there are in the world less heroic than you.

You tell people living in shanties Jesus is going to fix it up all right with them by giving them mansions in the skies after they're dead and the worms have eaten 'em.

You tell $6 a week department store girls all they need is Jesus; you take a steel trust wop, dead without having lived, gray and shrunken at forty years of age, and you tell him to look at Jesus on the cross and he'll be all right.

You tell poor people they don't need any more money on pay day and even if it's fierce to be out of a job, Jesus'll fix that all right, all right -- all they gotta do is take Jesus the way you say.

I'm telling you this Jesus guy wouldn't stand for the stuff you're handing out. Jesus played it different. The bankers and corporation lawyers of Jerusalem got their sluggers and murderers to go after Jesus just because Jesus wouldn't play their game. He didn't sit in with the big thieves.

I don't want a lot of gab from the bunkshooter in my religion.

I won't take my religion from a man who never works except with his mouth and never cherishes a memory except the face of the woman on the American silver dollar.

I ask you to come through and show me where you're pouring out the blood of your life.

I've been in this suburb of Jerusalem they call Golgotha, where they nailed Him, and I know if the story is straight it was real blood ran from his hand and the nail-holes, and it was real blood spurted out where the spear of the Roman soldier rammed in between the ribs of this Jesus of Nazareth.

-- Carl Sandburg, 1915

[Fire Walk With Me]

3. Whatever was in Sarah Palin has left her and is now animating Cain.

:scared:

[Tx4obama]

4. Here's a link that has the FULL transcript of what Cain wrote

http://www.redstate.com/thehermancain/2010/12/20/the-perfect-conservative/

[uppityperson]

14. He never condemned what others believed – just sin, evil and corruption

He helped the poor without one government program. He healed the sick without a government health care system. He feed the hungry without food stamps. And everywhere He went, it turned into a rally, attracting large crowds, and giving them hope, encouragement and inspiration.

For three years He was unemployed, and never collected an unemployment check. Nevertheless, he completed all the work He needed to get done. He didn’t travel by private jet. He walked and sailed, and sometimes traveled on a donkey.

But they made Him walk when He was arrested and taken to jail, and no, He was not read any Miranda Rights. He was arrested for just being who He was and doing nothing wrong. And when they tried Him in court, He never said a mumbling word.

Sounds pretty liberal to me, not what "conservative" has come to mean

[jmowreader]

30. Trying to superimpose 21st-century America on Biblical times really doesn't work

The fact that there were no food stamps, private jets (well, any jets), police cars or Miranda rights in Jesus' time probably never occurred to Cain.

As to "doing nothing wrong," the elders nailed Jesus on a Deuteronomy 13 violation.

But other than that...this Jesus guy was about as far to the left as it's possible to get, and even Herman Cain knows that. BTW, isn't there a bunch of stuff in the Bible about pride being a sin, and money being the root of all evil, and how you're supposed to sell all the stuff you got from dealing in bad pizza and turn over the money to the poor?

[Enrique]

5. what a phony

I don't think religious people are stupid, but anyone who doesn't see through this is stupid.

One part is even backwards as far as the point he is making, not that any of his moron followers would ever notice:

He was arrested and taken to jail, and no, He was not read any Miranda Rights. He was arrested for just being who He was and doing nothing wrong.

[flobee1]

6. I am speechless

First, Mr holy roller Huckabee telling people to flatten tires and lie to friends in order to rig an election and now this.


I'm starting to think peaceful protests don't go far enough.
it just makes me sick!

[mindem]

7. The Bible about the poor.

Maybe Cain needs to shut his cavernous empty headed yap and spend some time reading. Here are a few Bible passages pertaining to the subject.


New Testament passages
"Jesus answered, If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'" Matthew 19:21
"For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in." Matthew 25:35
"They devour widows' houses and for a show make lengthy prayers. Such men will be punished most severely." Mark 12:40
"The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because He has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed." Luke 4:18
"So he replied to the messengers, Go back and report to John what you have seen and heard: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor.'" Luke 7:22 < E-book: The Kingdom strikes back >
"Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys." Luke 12:33
"But when you give a banquet, invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind." Luke 14:13
"When Jesus heard this, he said to him, You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'" Luke 18:22
"Beware of the teachers of the law . . . They devour your widows' houses . . . Such men will be punished severely." Luke 20:46-47
"'Why wasn't this perfume sold and the money given to the poor? It was worth a year's wages.' He did not say this because he cared about the poor but because he was a thief; as keeper of the money bag, he used to help himself to what was put into it." John 12:5
"In Joppa there was a disciple named Tabitha (which, when translated, is Dorcas), who was always doing good and helping the poor." Acts 9:36
"Cornelius stared at him in fear. What is it, Lord?' he asked. The angel answered, Your prayers and gifts to the poor have come up as a memorial offering before God.'" Acts 10:4
"After an absence of several years, I came to Jerusalem to bring my people gifts for the poor and to present offerings." Acts 24:17
"On the contrary: If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'" Romans 12:20
"For Macedonia and Achaia were pleased to make a contribution for the poor among the saints in Jerusalem." Romans 15:26
"All they asked was that we should continue to remember the poor, the very thing I was eager to do." Galatians 2:10
"Give proper recognition to those widows who are really in need." 1 Timothy 5:3
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27
"Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, 'Here's a good seat for you,' but say to the poor man, 'You stand there' or 'Sit on the floor by my feet,' have you not discriminated among yourselves and becomes judges with evil thoughts? Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom He promised those who love Him? But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court?" James 2:2-6
"If anyone has material possessions and sees his brother in need but has no pity on him, how can the love of God be in him? Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:17-18

[w8liftinglady]

16. exactly- well stated

[Ilsa]

8. I have my doubts that he knows Jesus.

Yeah, that one, the one in the New Testament.

[OHdem10]

9. Sure ---Jesus said---Nothing is owed anyone. SARCASM.

This stock Republican talk usually expressed as
Nobody is owed anything.

What you do unto the least among us, you do unto me.
This does not describe Republicans on the Hill at all.

[Avalux]

10. Anti-Christ? Sure as hell sounds like he might be.

If I believed in that sort of thing; but everything that comes out of Cain's mouth is the abject opposite of reality.

[pschoeb]

23. I wonder what 9-9-9 is upside down

just sayin ;)

[uppityperson]

11. I do not think that word means what he thinks it means. Try Socialist instead. nt

[47of74]

12. Oh my f---ing GOD!

My head just exploded.

[Kennah]

13. A Herman Caining is less painful than a Caning

[Motown_Johnny]

15. and he praised Clarence Thomas as the type of Supreme Court Justice he would appoint

He is the perfect reverse barometer.

[jorno67]

17. Crack is a powerful drug...

[Kingofalldems]

18. So Pontius Pilate was in favor of Single Payer?

[Bandit]

21. Actually I have never read where the Romans charged for health care.

The Romans actually did a lot of things right...

[gratuitous]

19. Ah yes, a perfect conservative

One that pissed off the rulers so much that they collaborated to execute him. And, as conservatives ever since have successfully vowed, never again will one of them be executed for trying to change things. No matter how unfair, oppressive, unregenerate, unsustainable or murderous the status quo is, conservatives can always be counted on to endorse every last jot and tittle of despotic regimes.

Well played, Mr. Cain. "Cain." Hmmmm, isn't that a name with biblical roots? Seems I've heard it somewhere before . . . :think:

[City Lights]

20. Double dose of nuttery.

:crazy:

Put down the crack pipe, Cain.

[Ruby the Liberal]

22. Never read the bible, I see, Mr Cain?

Thanks for putting that out there.

[Liberal In Texas]

24. Rich man and eye of the needle....

remember that one Herb.

[Shandris]

25. You just won't admit he's right.

I mean, when I think of a filthy communist liberal socialist, the FIRST person -I- think of is...

...

...Pontius Pilate.

:sarcasm: (obviously!) and, more to the point, a very big, serious :wtf:

[a simple pattern]

26. Which shithouse rat can say the craziest things

Step right up, place your bets

[chalky]

27. This thread is just BEGGING for this picture

(Stole it from CTyankee from here: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x2135014)

[a simple pattern]

28. Yea verily, to the poor he said, "Get a job,"

and of the sick man, he said, "Let him die."

And when he heard that Lazarus was dead, Conservative Jesus said, "More for me."

[SomethingFishy]

29. "His principles of compassion, caring and common sense."

I must have missed the parts of the Bible where Conservative Jesus praised the Moneychangers and told the poor to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and get a job. Oh and told the sick if they couldn't afford for profit insurance to kiss his ass.

[IDemo]

31. Did he turn water into Corexit?

[dimbear]

32. It's all guesses, but the best guess is he was found guilty of

threatening the status quo. Sound conservative to you?