How to speak republican...

[Archae]

Just got this in my e-mail:

Jonathan Bines
How to Speak Republican
10/24/11

Talking to a Republican can be frustrating. Often, it seems like they
are speaking an entirely different language -- and in many cases, they
are! For this reason, in the hopes of facilitating cross-party
dialogue and mutual understanding, I have compiled what I believe to
be the first comprehensive Republican-to-English dictionary, featuring
words commonly used by Republicans, and their English translations,
alphabetized for your convenience:

America (United States of): A country located in the N. Western
Hemisphere that is #1.

Bible: A sacred text that provides incontestable answers when thumped.

Birth Certificate: An official birth record required of all US

Presidents, regardless of race, since 2008.

Capitalism: A system of economic organization that has never been attempted.

Christmas: A holiday commemorating the birth of Jesus Christ, now
rarely celebrated due to persecution by atheists.

Compromise: (uncommon) A form of political suicide.

Coast (East): A very bad coast of the continental United States.

Coast (West): Another really inexcusable coast.

Communism: The belief that the government should ever do anything.

Condescending: Accurately informed.

Constitution (U.S.): The hallowed founding document of the United
States, the text of which must be interpreted strictly and amended
immediately.

Corporations: Large people who are overtaxed.

Deficits: 1) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Democrats that threaten to
bankrupt the country. 2) Fiscal shortfalls incurred by Republicans
that don't matter.

Democrat: A political party.

Election: A method of selecting representatives, the fraudulence of
which may be determined by the outcome.

Elitist: Qualified.

Endangered Species: Animals that have it coming.

Evolution: A theory of human origins that is out there.

Extremist (Liberal): Espousing or adhering to political beliefs that
are held by only a majority of Americans.

Fact: Information that has been verifiably posted to a RedState comment board.

Forest (National): Trees that have it coming.

Gut: Region of the body from which decisions should be made.

Homosexuality: A membership-only lifestyle organization that
perpetuates itself through youth recruitment.

Hitler: A man to whom it would be inappropriate to compare President
Obama in spite of the many uncanny similarities.

Jesus: Charismatic religious leader and son of God; born in Bethlehem
in the year 0; beliefs include love, charity, enhanced interrogation,
privatized healthcare, elimination of the estate tax, and the right to
carry concealed semiautomatic weapons.

League (Ivy): an association of eight Eastern universities and
colleges, the lack of a fancy education from which qualifies a
candidate for political office.

Liberal: A person who should be rounded up and shot but not really.

Marxism: A political and economic philosophy developed by Karl Marx
and promulgated by Paul Krugman.

Media (Mainstream): Where you won't hear things.

Medicare: A fraudulent, socialistic boondoggle that is sacrosanct.

Mexicans: Brown people who have it coming.

Mountaintops: Ancient rock formations that have it coming.

Muslims: Brown people who have it coming.

News: Fox News

Obamacare: A Federally-mandated policy to address the national
oversupply of grandparents through euthanasia.

Organic: Eaten by lesbians.

Party (Tea): A grass-roots movement of patriotic Americans fighting
for the principle of "No Taxation With Representation."

Poll: A survey used to determine, to within a margin of error, what
percentage of Americans are right.

Poverty: The condition of having inadequate financial or material
resources due to not trying hard enough.

Propaganda: The politically motivated dissemination of biased
information, opinion, or data through its publication in the New York
Times.

Punishment (Capital): The legally authorized killing by the State of
someone who is definitely guilty.

Racism: A form of discrimination that typically happens in reverse.

Regulation: Rules issued by a government agency for no reason.

Ronald Reagan: A fictional character based loosely on President Ronald Reagan.

Scientist: A person who employs a rigorous system of observation,
experiment, measurement, and verification to perpetuate his Godless
left-wing agenda.

Social Security: A redistributionist Ponzi scheme that is sacrosanct.

Socialism: An economic system invented by FDR.

Taxes: Levies imposed by the government that raise more revenue the
lower they are.

Torture: A method of interrogation that does not rise to the level of torture.

Terrorist: A person to whom a person who threatens to destroy the U.S.
economy unless his demands are met should not be compared.

Unbiased: Giving equal weight to both sides of the looking glass.

Wealthy (the): People who earned every penny.

Up: A direction which, depending on circumstances, is down.

Warming (Global): An anomalous, anthropogenic increase in the earth's
atmospheric and oceanic temperatures that isn't happening.

Welfare: A government program to distribute Cadillacs to unwed mothers.

Yes: (no translation available)

[ChairmanAgnostic]

1. one word missing from the great translator:

No - the canned response to any effort to help achieve fulfillment of the General Welfare clause of our constitution.

[safeinOhio]

2. For great examples

just visit the gun room.

[RC]

3. +10 Right on!

I could say some things, but my post would be removed.