i have been sexually harassed, assault....

[seabeyond]

Poll question: i have been sexually harassed, assault....

we have had threads that had stories on harassment. and i think they may be enlightening for some. but lets look at the numbers.

[amyrose2712]

1. What exactly are we considering harassment and assault?

[Cerridwen]

Because harassment is not nearly serious enough. We must include assault

so it's serious.

[amyrose2712]

3. I didn't say why, I want to knowwhat is considered harassment.

I also have been followed home by someone making unwanted advances. I have also been hit on while puking in a bucket at the hospital.

[Cerridwen]

5. Ah. My apologies. I misread what you had typed.

[Major Nikon]

4. There are legal definitions for both

Sexual harassment in the workplace is prohibited by the Civil Rights Act of 1964, as amended.

Assault (whether sexual or otherwise) is defined by the statues of each state, but is a little trickier to define because it can cover a very wide range of illegal actions.

[Cerridwen]

6. Yes, there are. And then there are the lived experiences which don't fit neatly

into legal definitions.

[jeff47]

23. Short version of a definition:

Verbal: Harassment.
Physical Contact: Assault.
Physical Contact involving an "intimate" area on either person: Sexual Assault.

Doesn't perfectly fit the legal definitions, but close 'nuff for a poll.

[amyrose2712]

2. Upon further consideration, I had to vote yes on both, I had an adult grab my ass

when I was 11. So I would have to say yes. I was a bartender and was repeatedly propositioned but I never really considered that harassment. I can't really recall anyone in the position of authority that used the authority to make me do anything.

[Cerridwen]

7. Kick.

[Confusious]

8. As much as I would like to be harassed, I haven't been

Papa don't take no shit. (Or so a girl told me. I give off "I don't put up with bullshit" vibes)

[SunSeeker]

9. Yuck, the pop-up ad in your post is for Cain

Seriously, why does the Cain Campaign advertise here? They really are insane. Well, at least Cain's helping pay for this website! And by they way, I don't know any adult female who has not been sexiously harassed or assaulted to some degree at some point in her life. What really blows my mind is why there is not more outrage out there.

[seabeyond]

10. isnt that something. hm. i dont see it. and i couldnt agree with you more. more sad

" What really blows my mind is why there is not more outrage out there."

there have been a few women that dont seem to get it. just think it is courtin. i have had courtin, and i have had a man trying to put me in place, humiliate, embarass me. there is an easy difference.

[Withywindle]

21. That's what I'll never understand.

i have had courtin, and i have had a man trying to put me in place, humiliate, embarass me. there is an easy difference.


There sure is, and of course WE CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE. Most women have experienced both, and the difference is almost always very obvious. So when defensive men say things like "Well, can we never ask a woman out then?" or "You can't pay a woman a compliment these days," I just simply cannot believe that it's honest. It's so disingenuous to say crap like that. Harrassment does not feel like a compliment. Ever.


I'll tell you a story. When I was younger, I got a LOT of street harassment. Don't know why, I'm not that special looking. But one summer on in internship in New York City when I was 19, I couldn't go ANYWHERE without some man following me or making sucking noises or saying really, really foul things. I tried not to let it get to me, not let it limit my life...but I was just so disgusted, and so angry, and sometimes so scared, so much of the time. I loved the city otherwise! I had so much fun there! I just wanted to be able to walk on the sidewalk in the summer without hearing words I won't repeat here DIRECTED AT ME all the time.

So there I was on a subway platform and a young man comes toward me, leans his head close to me, and I get my shoulders up, think "Aw goddammit, here it comes." And he said to me,


"You have such beautiful eyes."


And he walked on into the crowd without trying to push any further contact. Wasn't trying to pick me up or intimidate me or impose himself (much) or remind me that I'm just a piece of meat....he wanted to give me a compliment. For real. And that's all he wanted. And I started crying because I was so pathetically grateful.

[seabeyond]

26. Harassment does not feel like a compliment. Ever

since all this started, i have remembered many events. i hear what you say.

i had that happened on my wedding day. eloping to JUP in Pensacola. an older man says really, dont take this the wrong way, but you looks so pretty in that dress. it was more old fashion, classy, white, peasant off the shoulders. classy feminine. not sexy and tight like more now a days. and reminded him of a time.

there was nothing in it.

it just seems like today, we are all subject to that constant porn stare. a tool to be used. not a person. i really am so tired of it, and i really do not see it complimentary. i just stare back anymore.

sometimes a man will break from that and be genuine and then give a smile and a hi. then i can do the same.

[Withywindle]

28. Aww, that's really nice.

The story I told? That was way back in the summer/fall of 1988. I don't remember any of the creeps' faces, but I remember that young man vividly. I remember that whole moment vividly. That tells you how much it stood out.

Even the not-*terribly*-grotesque street harassment, after you get enough of it, it's just sexual panhandling, and it's a lot more intrusive and annoying and unwelcome than the asking-for-money kind of panhandling, because sexual attention is a hell of a lot more personal than money.

The genuine ones stand out because they're not trying to *get* anything.

[uppityperson]

16. google ads puts ads on pages based on similar words in what is written.

Hence, if we start writing about an octopus, after octopus is written enough times, an ad that has something to do with an octopus will show up. Hence, Cain and harassment go hand in hand, so to speak, so the ads show up here.

You haven't sen outrage here about assault or harassment? I have. Keep reading and welcome to du

[seabeyond]

18. really? lol. i didnt know that. what a hoot. betcha cain wouldnt be thrilled where his $

is going.

ah ha

[lunatica]

27. If you donate a small amount to DU you won't see those ads.

Believe me, it's worth it if you're serious about being here.

Welcome to DU.

[chemp]

11. hit on by male co-worker

When I told him I wasn't gay and told him to stop, he continued.
When my girlfriend confronted him (I was 19 at the time) he said he would do us both for a shot at "my sweet ass"

I had to be restrained at that point.

[RainDog]

12. My boss stood behind me and put his hands down the front of my shirt

without being asked. without any... warning. just did it. freaked me out. he thought it was a romantic overture. I got fired b/c I didn't show up for work the next day. or for some reason.

[seabeyond]

14. i was told that is ok until you say.... NO. go figure. i always though NO ONE had the

right to touch me sexually unless i gave the ok. grab a boob, pat an ass, rub a crotch and all fine until the magical.... NO.

and i was told this by a woman.

[HipChick]

13. I knee'd him in the nuts

He was doubled over,winded..

Because he tried to grab my boobs...

I don't know if that is assault, but he never did it again

[Name removed]

15. Deleted message

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Texasgal]

17. I posted my story earlier today.

I do not believe that I am any different. This is a common occurrence.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=439&topic_id=2258980&mesg_id=2259195

[Liberty Belle]

19. I have been harassed at work, and grabbed on the street by a man with a broken bottle bent on worse;

thank God I screamed and broke free, using self-defense techniques I'd just learned in a class. I twisted my arm, ducked and kicked like hell.

The harassment was mostly suggestive comments, nothing I couldn't handle and defuse with humor, which has always worked well for me in those sorts of situations so nobody lost a job.

[redqueen]

20. I would also have asked if the person who experienced the harassment or assault

told anyone, much less made a formal report.

But anyway yes, I have experienced both harassment and assault. I reported none of it.

[RZM]

22. Never really experienced it myself (though I have experienced stalking)

But just about every woman I've ever dated has some sort of story like that. Either they were raped, taken advantage of, had a 'close call,' or at the very least were made to feel uncomfortable. Last weekend I was out with my significant other - I walk fast and she walks slow so sometimes I end up ahead of her when we are going somewhere. Apparently while I was ahead, somebody grabbed her arm and said something to the effect of 'hey baby what's up.' She didn't tell me until we were a few blocks away.

[The Doctor.]

24. Years ago, while working at a chain bookstore,

The assistant manager called me into her office after closing. We were the last two in the store located in a mall. She was jovial and in a good mood. She'd made overtures before, but I just took it as typical workplace 'joshing'. She asked me what I was doing after work and rolled our chairs up together (she pulled mine towards hers as she rolled hers to mine) side by side.
Now I knew what was going on. She wasn't really unattractive, just not my type at all. The real kicker was that she was seeing a then friend of mine. I said I was planning on going home. Then she reached over, slid her hand up my leg, and started massaging my crotch. I said 'Okay...' and I gently took her hand off, smiled at her and said 'I really, really can't do this.' I tried to make it sound like I was tempted because I really didn't want to offend her and sour our working relationship.

I didn't tell anyone about it for a couple reasons; I didn't want to get her in trouble, I didn't want to wreck our work environment, and I knew damn well that if I said anything, I'd reap all kinds of ridicule for not 'being a man' about it.

Except for that last one, I imagine most women do not report such things for the same reasons.

I've had several unwanted advances. This was the only one where they were a superior.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

25. An Assistant District Attorney whipped it out and committed indecent exposure.

Unfortunately, I did not go to the D.A.'s office and have him prosecuted.

[TK421]

29. Only leered at which made me feel a bit uneasy, so I couldn't vote in this poll n/t

[Hell Hath No Fury]

30. Shall I count the ways??

Let's see, everything from being rubbed up against on the bus when I was in grade school (a regular occurence through the years) to being verbally sexually harrassed to having some asshole try to jerk off on my car window while I was parked to men exposing themselves to a dermatologist who put his hand on my lower back and started stroking it down to my buttocks while he was reading the instructions for my alopecea treatment.

As a woman sexual harrassment by men has been an ongoing part of my life.

[LibertyLover]

31. I was working at my first job as a legal assistant in a boutique

law firm on Wall Street in NYC. One evening, just before I left for the day, I was called into the office of one of the younger partners. He and a senior associate were having a drink and smoking cigars. I was told that I would be working on their corporate finance team. I thanked the partner and turned to leave. At that point he crossed the line. He told me that all I had to do was sleep with the senior associate to get the position. They both laughed. I walked out the door and reported the incident to the paralegal supervisor, who in turn went to the senior partner. The next day the partner who had spoken to me came into the legal assistants' office area and apologized profusely for his "poor attempt at a joke". Nothing else was ever said and I worked on his team for a few months until he went to another firm.

I also had a guy rub his crotch against me in an uptown A Line subway car. The first time it happened, the car was very crowded and I gave him the benefit of the doubt. The second time it wasn't crowded and I didn't leave him in any doubt. I moved away fast and told him in a loud voice to stop touching me. The train was pulling into 168th St. Station and he ran out. Gods, but I felt dirty. I got home and took a long shower.