Stress of separation takes its toll on military families

[unhappycamper]

Stress of separation takes its toll on military families
By DAVID TARRANT / The Dallas Morning News
11:02 PM CST on Saturday, December 18, 2010

Russell and Erin Miller met while deployed in Iraq in 2005 and discovered a shared passion for Dungeons and Dragons. Their interest in the popular role-playing game led to their marriage and settling down in Rice, 45 miles southeast of Dallas.

The husband and wife, both in the Texas Army National Guard, now have new roles: Erin, 28, as a soldier deployed to Afghanistan; Russell, 30, as a stay-at-home dad with 2-year-old daughter Abby.

How their marriage fares during Erin's 12-month deployment is a question of keen personal interest to the Millers – as well as a matter of urgent national security.

Two wars and multiple deployments have caused enormous strains within the ranks, contributing to a rising military divorce rate that is outpacing the civilian divorce rate, as well as a sharp increase in mental health problems.

While e-mail and video chats have made it easier for couples to stay in touch, the dangers of war can wear down the feelings of intimacy and togetherness that keep marital bonds strong. "It's all on you," said Russell. "You have to make so many decisions, and you don't get to bounce ideas off each other. And even when you do talk, you lose a lot of personal connection in the conversation."

[Obamanaut]

1. I had been in the military six years when Miz O and I married, and stayed

in the military for another 22.

There were many carrier deployments of six to seven months, and leading up to those deployments were many shorter separations. One evening just before I retired, we figured (roughly) that we had been separated for nearly 11 of those 22 years in increments of a few weeks to the longest period of two years when I was in Japan (she didn't want to pack up the kids to go.)

I retired in 1988, and we now have a marriage of 42 years. Those separations were not easy, and many marriages we know of did not survive, but I'm glad ours did.

[kimi]

2. Iraq killed my marriage

no other way to say it. Things he went through, that couldn't be reconciled with back here.

I'm in therapy, he wouldn't go. Or couldn't, I don't know, it's not for me to say.

We have 5 kids, who thankfully have gotten through this God-awful mess. And we are just one couple, there are so many more. But I will live with this the rest of my life, and my kids will too, and so will he.

Every day, so many live with this pain. Every frickin day. I just wonder, when George Bush lays down at night to sleep, does he know how many people cannot?

[Turborama]

3. I was touched to read your story, I can't imagine how extremely difficult it must be for both of you

Kind thoughts and best wishes to you and yours.

:grouphug:

[kimi]

4. Thanks

I don't get that level of understanding from most, so I appreciate it.

[Skittles]

6. aw Kimi

:cry:

whenever I hear "Support the troops", I wonder how many people know the toll military life alone, let alone wars, takes on families. I know because I was born on an Air Force base and moved constantly before I joined the military when I was still a teenager.

[Odin2005]

5. Iraq destroyed my cousin's marriage.

Now he and his ex are in a nasty custody struggle over their 2 kids.

[kimi]

7. But, ya know

I wouldn't do it differently. I served too. One of my boys just went on active duty. I've seen many families tough it out, it can just be so very very difficult.

And really, the military has been helpful to my family and myself, in the aftermath of this personal stuff that my family has been through. I see a therapist, get medication, through Walter Reed. 2 of my kids do, as well. And each visit we make there, it's a lesson in what this country and it's people will do for each other and others elsewhere.