Heavily Armed Officers Sub-Due DC Sandwich Thrower For Assault With Deli Weapon

[erronis]

https://www.wonkette.com/p/heavily-armed-officers-sub-due-dc
Gary Legum

Everyone by now has seen the video of the brave law enforcement officer serving in Donald Trump’s ridiculous militarized takeover of Washington DC, who took the force of a thrown sandwich to the chest and, despite what must have been indescribable pain and probably watering eyes from the overpowering scent of stone-ground dijon mustard, nonetheless joined half a dozen of his colleagues in chasing down the perpetrator, thus making the streets of our nation’s capital safe from the menace of flying lunchmeat.

Now the alleged perpetrator stars in another video, a mess of propaganda from the White House aimed at discouraging anyone who might get any funny ideas about testing the functional limits of Kevlar against a forcefully hurled hoagie.

The perp was a guy named Sean Dunn, who turned out to be a paralegal in the criminal division of the Justice Department. The police took him to DC Superior Court after arresting him on Sunday, only to release him without charges. Then on Wednesday, the local US Attorney’s office issued a warrant for his arrest on a federal felony charge of “forcibly assaulting, resisting or impeding a federal officer.” And also for staining the cop's body armor with condiments, those won’t just wash right out, the poor guy might have to buy one of those OxiClean pens before his next laundry day.

The full video shows just how incensed Dunn was at the fascists in the minutes before he went all DEFCON-1 with a salami sandwich.

Dunn’s lawyer told The Washington Post that she spent Wednesday trying to negotiate his surrender, but no one at the US Attorney’s office seemed to know who was in charge of the case, and no one could ask DC’s USA Jeanine Pirro because she was probably passed out under her desk with an empty bottle of Ripple.

[BoRaGard]

1. Time to start munching in earnest

[LetMyPeopleVote]

2. The White House posted an insane video of the police arresting the sandwich guy in a safe and wealthy neighborhood.

The DOJ is lying about how Sean Dunn was arrested

This guy's a vet and a lawyer who threw a sandwich and offered to turn himself in, so they sent a paramilitary platoon with a camera crew.

They have FBI and U.S. Marshal badges; apparently those agencies do no real work beyond camera stunts, harassing minorities, and filling concentration camps.

— Max Kennerly (@maxkennerly.bsky.social) 2025-08-15T11:55:45.282Z

[OneGrassRoot]

5. Notice "The Purge" siren. n/t

[electric_blue68]

20. Ohhhh, brother... 🙄🙄🙄

[Bernardo de La Paz]

3. A Nerf ball was not available. . . . nt

[sheshe2]

4. O.M.G.

Your last paragraph...

[erronis]

6. Wish it was mine! From Gary Legum @ Wonkette.

I think I stretched the DU limit on quoted paragraphs to include that zinger.

[sheshe2]

11. Well, I am going to give you credit...

for finding it and highlighting it. Ya just gotta love Gary Legum and Wonkette! I

[UTUSN]

7. Referral to our DU Legal department: Since he was released by the court with the "Felony" being over-charged,

can he, or at what point, can he sue the MAGAtocracy for loss of his job?

[stopdiggin]

14. his firing was probably the MOST legitimate thing ..... -(nt)-

[barbtries]

17. he's not getting his job back.

if any charge was warranted i'd say it was drunk in public.

[Takket]

8. He's in a real pickle now

Lettuce consider the severity of this crime. He’s definitely going to by sour over how much dough this will cost him.

It is never a good idea to play chicken with the cops. They might club you.

[erronis]

9. His goose is cooked. Ass in a grinder. It's all a bunch of baloney in any case.

[SeattleVet]

10. Oh, no! He was assaulted by a submarine!

[swong19104]

12. The juices from the onions

and jalapeños could really bring about the tears.

[malthaussen]

13. During WW2, POWs at Colditz refined the art of "goon-baiting."

They used to do things like throw water balloons at the guards from upper-floor windows. Finally, the Kommandant started court-martialling prisoners for "Assaulting a German Soldier." It could carry a death sentence (in fact, at least one prisoner was so sentenced, IIRC).

The POWs liked it, though -- because a court martial trial meant a trip to the area HQ, which offered them more opportunity to escape!

-- Mal

[neohippie]

15. They can't find the fraud or waste in their own actions

Even when its sofa king obvious... they are wasting time and excessive resources on social media stunts like this

[erronis]

21. The sofa king is no lazy boy. He loves eating wieners all day long.

[barbtries]

16. i actually had not seen the video,

but now that I have I think that dude was drunk.

[erronis]

22. Guessing it's not hooch that adddled his pate.

But if I had to intern for this travesty of the DOJ, I'd look for some succor.

[kimbutgar]

18. This era in our history will go down for the stupiest !

Charging someone with felony for throwing a sandwich at a nazi ice thug is insane !

It is the orange dummy era.

[Seinan Sensei]

19. Dunn should have told them

… that he was Jared the Subway guy.

Then maybe TSF the Epstein File Guy might have let him go.

[Wonder Why]

23. A lot of baloney for a little baloney?