PLEASE NO OFFENSE MEANT

[historian]

Most of you here are open minded enough so i want to just say this.
When i have right wing religious loonies going at me i stop and say "may i ask question?" Then i say "want to hear some good jesus jokes"?
they freeze immediately
trouble is the jesus jokes i have not at all offensive and are very funny - i wouldn never think of being offensive with anyones beliefs

[Fleshdancer]

1. that's a good way to stop their rantings.

I'm going to have to use that one.

[BootinUp]

2. Probably better ways to discuss

religion. I do not get offended easily over religion though.

I guess the question is what is the purpose of telling the joke?

[Sulldogg]

3. This actually works???

I hope not, or you need to talk to different people...

[historian]

4. oh it does

they stop and gape at me! but i have told these jokes to local neighbors who are fundies but dont shove it down your throat and are very helpful and kind - they what they preach.

[trekbiker]

5. did you hear the one about Jesus and the sheep??

(ROFLAO).. riechwingers looking on with murderous rage...

[mouse7]

6. On the way to being crucified, Jesus walks into a bar

Bartender says "Why are you so cross today?"

Bah, dun, dun.

[Groosalugg]

7. I think jokes are not offensive...

I say off-color jokes and such all the time. The purpose of a joke is to be funny. From what I have seen today, I think that a sense of humor is leaving this country. What's even worse is that people tend to turn jokes into "racist" or "sexist" behavior when in fact the person reciting the joke isn't a racist or a sexist at all! I think people need to lighten up. It's getting to the point where you can't say anything w/o offending someone. That's how bad this country is.

BTW, I'm a Christian and I wouldn't take any offense to a Jesus joke. Go ahead. Say it (as long as it's funny. :))

[chefgirl]

8. OK

Why can't Jesus eat M&M's??

They keep falling through the holes in his hands. :evilgrin:

Been a Christian all my life, and I'll probably smoke a turd in hell for it, but that one cracks me up.

Flame away!

-chef-

[Groosalugg]

11. Ooohhh...that's borderline...

but funny....and offensive....but funny. :thumbsup:

[historian]

18. ok here you are

Jesus is summoned to the pearly gates where he is asked to take over a bit (st peter had to go to the bathroom) Peter tell jesus - job is easy. The bells chime, open the gates, ask the person age, number and occupation. If he is in our book he can enter. If not he has go to Beelzebub.
After awhile bells chime . Jesus opens it and there stands an incredibly ancient old man
What isyour name asked jesus
Oh my son he said all my friends died so long ago no one has used it in ages - i cant remember
hmmm said jesus - when were you born?
Oh my son - i really have no idea
Weeeeeeeeelll said jesus - tell me do you remember your occupation?
Old man thought and said - weeeeeeellllllll i remember vaguely being a carpenter somewhere in the medittaranean area.
Really?! asked jesus excitedly what else?
Well said the old man if im not mistaken by son became very famous world wide
At this Jesus rushed over to him, embraced him and said "Daddy!!!'
The old man flung open his arms and replied...









"Pinoochio!!!!"

[Ysabel]

9. at this moment i am an atheist as well as a christian...

try and figure that one out if you can - and i'm not joking...

some jokes (including some in this thread) about jesus are offensive to me - and i'm still not joking...

edit - typo...

[RandomKoolzip]

10. Why did all the women love Jesus?

Cuz he was hung like this (makes crucified pose, with arms outstretched).

Okay, it works better when you can see the teller tell the joke.....

I also like the T-shirts that say "What Would Jesus Do For a Klondike Bar?"

[9215]

12. OOPs

.

[9215]

13. This ones from the Bible:

"....Then Jesus rode on his ass into Jerusalem..."

I can't imagine what else he'd be riding on if he was riding??


How does quoting the Bible verbatim pass as a joke?

[Journeyman]

14. A burglar was rummaging through the silver draw. . .

late one night when, from out of the darkness, a voice interrupted him:

"Jesus is watching you."

The burglar spun around, playing his flashlight across the room. "Who's there?" he hissed at the darkness.

"I'm over here," said the voice. "And Jesus is watching you."

"Who are you?" the burglar demanded. Just then, the beam of his flashlight caught some movement in the corner. Stepping forward, the burglar was surprised to see a parrot atop a perch.

"And who are you?" demanded the burglar.

"My name's Stuart," said the bird.

"Stuart? That's a funny name for a parrot."

"That may be," said the bird, "but it's nowhere near as unusual as a Rotweiller named 'Jesus'."

[sweetheart]

15. Jesus stops at an inn (motel)

Gives the innkeeper 3 nails and asks him

"Can you put me up for the night?" :-)

[Selwynn]

16. HAHAHAHHAHAHHAA!

[HydroAddict]

17. That was sick...But pretty damn funny!