Can we talk about net crushes?

[redqueen]

I know it's been done before... but I was just thinking about them last night. I spent nearly ten years on the net without ever having experienced this, but since last year, I've had 3. So... I was wondering about you folks. What's your experience? Have you ever had one? More than one? A few? Please share!

[7th_Sephiroth]

1. only ever had one

she was from here, but she got tombstoned

[redqueen]

6. Sorry to hear that.

Did you keep in touch?

[7th_Sephiroth]

12. i wish

she was kinda attatched to this place and freaked out after the tombstoninghavent heard from her since

[redqueen]

21. Aww

Sorry to hear that.

[7th_Sephiroth]

28. we were good friends tho

she was nice, a little bit of a righty, but funny and mischievous

[redqueen]

31. oooooh

Like playin' with fire, do ya?

I could tell you some horror stories about being involved with a righty...

:scared:

[7th_Sephiroth]

33. ask 90% of DU about her

and you would get nothing but praise, only Matcom and the like hated her

[redqueen]

39. Hrm.

I don't know about hating anyone... I just meant that there are fundamental differences in the ways that people who are liberal-minded and people who are conservative-minded think, and that down the line, it can cause some hellacious problems.

[7th_Sephiroth]

43. she was more a liberal than a righty

but she confused her religion as political beliefs, but she lived in texas (chineese *i think, sorry if i'm wrong* immigrant, or her parents were) and in texas your religion is your politics

[redqueen]

52. Oh, no it isn't.

I've lived in TX my whole life... it's dirty, but religion is as it is everywhere, a card to be played to work the rubes over.

[7th_Sephiroth]

74. she was religious

and it influenced her politics a bit, she was (is) a nice person, but i think she is conflicted a bit

[redqueen]

84. Oh I know the type.

Machiavellian / Straussian politicians count on them.

[pres2032]

59. do i know her?

[Wat_Tyler]

66. Oh God, it's not Kamika, is it?

[redqueen]

69. Take it outside!

:spank:

[Wat_Tyler]

107. I see it was Kamika.

What a strange presence she was. As I understand, there's a good strain of homophobia among some members of the Korean Presbyterian Church, sadly. She was certainly afflicted by that.

[Wat_Tyler]

108. This is not a dupe.

Oh, OK, it is.

[7th_Sephiroth]

75. i do not know

why

[pres2032]

81. curious is all

She sounds like a nice person and was wondering if I came in contact with her on DU. That's all, you don't have to share if you don't want too. :-)

[7th_Sephiroth]

87. she was Reprtedly a homophobe

but i never saw any proof

[pres2032]

90. um, ok, i wouldn't know

but then i was told that i'm pro-pedophile and i didn't know that. :eyes:

[fudge stripe cookays]

2. Married one!

:D

[redqueen]

8. Congrats!

Did you meet on DU?

[fudge stripe cookays]

26. Nope, we wre together way before we knew about DU.

But met over the internet.

FSC

[CornField]

3. I married mine

I guess it was more than a crush. :) Three kids and several years later, we're still going strong.

[redqueen]

Congrats!

Did it start as a crush?

[CornField]

36. Oh yes, definitely.

We met in a chat room. He offered to help me with a Unix problem I was having... e-mails followed, then phone calls, and about six months later he drove across four states to come see me.

One of the things we both appreciated about starting our relationship from a distance was that we really had time to get to know one another. There was no pressure to become intimate too soon. By the time we met face to face, he knew more about me than some friends I'd known for years.

[Beware the Beast Man]

4. No. That's dangerous territory.

Though I did meet my wife in a Yahoo chat room.

[redqueen]

11. hahaha

Okay. :hi:

And congrats!

Hows the new kid? :hi:

[Beware the Beast Man]

17. Oh my goodness, there's a new kid?

:wow: She didn't even tell me...

[redqueen]

23. Oh hell

I've confused you with someone McLargeHuge!

Forgive me!

[BigMcLargehuge]

92. was that a Freudian slip?

;)

I've never been crushed, net or otherwise.

[redqueen]

94. heck, I don't know!

I confuse myself far too often to even TRY to start figuring me out.

:hi:

[Mizmoon]

5. Never

tho someone recently told me I look cute in my blog pic and they would like to date me long distance. Mr. Mizmoon didn't think it was a good idea, the spoilsport :P

[redqueen]

14. hehe... imagine that!

:hi:

[Magrittes Pipe]

7. Never.

[JimmyJazz]

9. Do you need a fire extinguisher?

:o

[Magrittes Pipe]

15. No.

:shrug:

[redqueen]

16. Lucky you.

It's distracting. :)

[eyesroll]

10. If I haven't met you in real life, you don't exist.

OK, maybe that's a bit severe, but it is a mental block for me.

I don't really get net crushes, although some online interactions have led to good friendships.

[Beware the Beast Man]

13. We don't exist!!!

:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:

[redqueen]

20. The webcam says you're lying. ;)

I thought the same way when I first got on-line. I did not get how anyone could really get into a person via the net. Now I do, though.

[Misunderestimator]

24. But, but, but, but.... you mean people aren't real here?

:cry: OMG I just lost a whole lot of friends... :)

(Oh yeah, btw... you CAN meet people in real life that you've met online, just a thought) :hi:

(And if I sound grouchy... it's the lack of nicotine... don't mind me.)

[redqueen]

29. Still no nic?

GO YOU!

:thumbsup:

[Misunderestimator]

37. Yep... since around noon on Sunday.

I believe I'm over the worst of it... just grumpy. :)

[Beware the Beast Man]

41. I caved. (real quick hijack, I apologize)

After my medical drama (the stitches in my finger), my wife treated me to a pack of cigarettes. What a lovely enabler she is...

[redqueen]

44. What'd you do to your finger?

[Beware the Beast Man]

51. Gouged in on a broken glass while doing dishes.

Five stitches.

[redqueen]

54. Ouch.

Hope it wasn't too deep/painful.

[Misunderestimator]

46. Yeah... that's why I'm doing it now before I move to California...

I can't count the number of times I've caved, but the number of times I've been this many days is fewer, and I don't want to do it again. Best thing is that my cough is already completely gone. Good enough incentive for me.

Try again... in your own time... :)

[eyesroll]

53. I've actually met a few dozen DUers in person...

So then they go from non-existance to existance.

It's all very weird.
I think it might actually be a defense mechanism or something, against getting to attached to/involved with someone who may or may not even remotely resemble their online persona.

[Misunderestimator]

65. Well, true... absolutely nothing BUT online contact would be a little odd.

I know a few more vicariously through NSMA lately too, so it feels that I've met them since she has. (And it is probably a pretty good defense mechanism to have.)

[jpgray]

18. I prefer to talk about net ennui

...

[redqueen]

25. See now that I really don't get.

If one is bored, surely there's something else one could do, no?

[jpgray]

27. I've changed my mind (nt)

[steve2470]

19. had a few, never worked nt

[redqueen]

30. Worked?

I guess I don't expect that much out of them... if a friendship is formed, it's gravy. :)

[steve2470]

32. if it doesn't go too far, that's great nt

[redqueen]

40. That sounds kinda scary.

Too far? Did someone kill a bunny?

[steve2470]

45. lol no nt

[Modem Butterfly]

22. Nope

I had someone have a crush on me who sent me a PM that was over the line. I liked him well enough as a person, but I had to end the friendship. I told my partner all about it and he seemed to think it was cute, but he was glad that I chose to end the friendship. I don't flirt with people on-line because I would not want my partner to flirt with people on-line.

[redqueen]

34. It's good that you're open and honest about it.

Sad that they didn't see the boundaries, though. Gotta keep those well-defined.

[Arkana]

35. I, um...wow *wipes forehead*

Geez...ok, I've had one, but I kinda grew out of it...plus she found a real boyfriend. She was funny, smart, but a bit too right-wing.

We need a blushing smiley.

[redqueen]

42. That right-wing thing is a dealbreaker.

Libertarian I can tolerate, as long as they don't mind being lectured. :)

[Arkana]

61. Yeah, it really is, isn't it?

She's fiercely anti-abortion, hates Bill Clinton (and only because of Monica--she attributes her hatred of him to the fact that she hates her dad, who cheated on her mom), and thinks Dubya looks "cuddly."

The funny thing is, though, that outside of politics we were very much alike.

[redqueen]

71. I think it's nice that she admits the reason for her hatred of Bill.

Shows that progress is possible... if she wants it. She obviously knows it's irrational.

I hope the boyfriend she found is liberal... seems like with a little work she might could come over from the dark side. :)

[Bunny]

38. Oh, I have one or two. They're perfectly safe and harmless, since

I have no intentions of acting on them. And they probably don't even know that I exist, at least not in that way! It's harmless amusement for me, which is really all I am capable of at this stage in my life anyway. So, I'd say it works out well for everyone!

[redqueen]

48. That's the best thing about them, I think.

Harmless amusement... well put. :)

[Sheets of Easter]

47. All my girlfriends exist in cyberspace

[redqueen]

49. heh... you're a real cyber romeo, then?

Welcome to DU!

:hi:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

50. 3 of em eh?

Wow!

[redqueen]

55. I know!

I think it's my hormones. :)

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

60. Mmmmm - girl hormones

:evilgrin:

[Sheets of Easter]

64. Fuckin' Coltrane, man!

You have taste, mi amigo. that guy could blow.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

106. He was otherworldly no doubt

Welcome, your majesty

[terrya]

56. I don't have any now. A long time ago, I did. n/t

[redqueen]

58. You have someone you're happy with.

I think that kind precludes the whole crush thing, doesn't it?

OK, maybe not completely... but pretty much.

[terrya]

85. Exactly right.

:-)

[SarahB]

57. Well, you know a bit about me.

I was on the net for years and never sought anything out, but then found myself connecting to a person a year and a half ago at a depth I could never imagine. It's was like we knew each other forever. I always tried to hold back, but he was so damned intense with me. (It's not like men don't like me in person. Just the opposite and I suspect the same for you. Maybe I even like the fact that he didn't know what I looked like for awhile, but it was just me.) I ended up crossing lines I shouldn't have crossed and thought about crossing more lines, then it was over. I had to face myself and my life square on and ask the important questions. What do I really want? Am I happy? Why? Can I ever happy with my husband? I came to a conclusion for reasons within itself that I was not happy with my marriage for its own reasons and had to get out. I was more than ok to be alone.

A few months after I made that decision, this other guy came back into my life to a degree. A rather intense degree. Hundreds of long letters between us and when we we've talked, it's like fire. My divorce is final in a little over 2 months and even if I'm alone, I'm quite ok with that. I even want that for the most part and the other guy in question is in such similar shoes that we understood that about one another. What's going on now, I don't know, because I bring out a lot of something for him as well and I'm not sure if he's ready to face his feelings and the fears he has regarding his own past. I'm not putting my life on hold. If someone comes into it my life (or is already there) that asks me out, if this guy's not willing to be proactive with me, I'll take an opportunity, but it's hard to imagine after everything that has gone between us, not meeting or fulfilling this is some way. I'm not up for indefinite limbo in cyberland though. I'm more a woman of action. It's about time for this to either go forward soon or end. I'm not sure why I'm so scary. I'm a pretty nice person. :shrug:

[redqueen]

67. Aww Sarah...

Yeah I do... I admire the fact that you kept your looks hidden. I think that saves a lot of distrust on your part as to what he was really about. I'm glad to hear you're on your way, and not putting your life on hold.

You pretty much know mine, as well. It's so cliche... ugh.

And you're not scary... you're you. And if you'll allow me to be so bold as to say so, I think some time alone is just exactly what you need right now. IMO everyone should spend a few years on her own before getting too seriously involved in a relationship. Good luck to you. :hug:

[SarahB]

80. There's alone and there's ALONE.

I don't want to get serious. I don't want casual sex with someone who doesn't give a damn about me either, but you know a woman's got needs (geared too much of that down in my marriage for far too long as well). I need some kind of happy medium with someone who gets it and isn't going to start pressuring me for something I'm not ready for. If it was meant to be, it'll work out. If not, than I'll move on.

[redqueen]

82. I know what you mean.

But IMO that ALONE time is valuable. And yes, I mean ALONE ALONE. I mean you go see movies alone, you go out to eat alone, you go to museums alone, etc.

But then again maybe I'm just a loner weirdo. :)

[SarahB]

110. Yeah, SPACE!

Most things I want to do alone, except for one thing at times, but only in the right set of circumstances. ;)

Yeah, and about that appearance thing. It's funny how many lines have been dropped to me since the gallery opened here. I'd almost love to do a study. For instance, have a profile only up on an online dating site and see how many responses I get. Then, put one with my picture up and see how it changes (and see how many freepers or whatever drop me a line who don't even bother reading my profile). It just seems pretty rare that people notice my inside before they notice my outside, so it means something.

My ex and I took the kids to a science museum yesterday together, he said, "There were a couple hundred women there and only a couple came close to being as pretty as you. (Sometimes I thing he tries to butter me up though in hopes of some action.) You'll have such an easy time finding plenty of men out there." But then, why? It's a whole other ball game when you don't know for sure whether someone like you for you or they like you for your hair-tits-smile-etc. With that guy, I know it's more than that for him even with the immense chemistry factor which is why it's hard to turn my back on completely.

[NewJeffCT]

79. Damn, there goes my cyber-crush on SarahBelle

just kidding... ;=)

(though, I'd imagine half the straight male DUers have a crush on her...at least the single ones)

[SarahB]

86. Even a few married ones.

:D
I'm just careful about crossing lines now. I'm an ethical person. I don't want to mess with any marriages. Too important to treat casually.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

62. I have lots of crushes on DU..a few have had crushes on me

one became my precious and one became worse than a nuisance. The end.

[Misunderestimator]

68. My precious.....

[redqueen]

73. Sorry to hear about the nuisance.

But congrats on your precious...

You two are too cute!

:loveya:

[sniffa]

63. i have a List of 'em

hopefuLLy, they know who they are. :smoke:

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

72. Are crushes and stalkee's the same thing?

Can I be both?? PLEEEEEEEEEEEASE!??! :smoke:



:loveya:

[redqueen]

76. hehehehe

Oh I'm sure they don't, Mr. Subtle.

:hi:

[underpants]

102. Oh gee thanks hon

:bounce:

[Parche]

70. crush

I have a crush on Redqueen!!!!

[redqueen]

78. Awwwww

You big ole flirt, you!

:hi:

[miss_kitty]

77. Yeah I had one

not on this site. He was a married guy, so I knew that there was nothing to come of it, and I'm glad it went no further. Once the first blush of crush wore off, I realised this was the wrong guy for me, married or not. Phew!

I think this cartoon sums up 99.9% of internet attractions:



and I'm not talking about only the physical.

[redqueen]

88. hahahaha

Psychologists say the 'crush' or 'infatuation' stage of a relationship can last 2 years... TWO YEARS!

I wonder what year of marriage the average divorce happens in...

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

83. I had one recently... on DU and I learned the awful truth that it was

my ex BF stalking me. He was just banned from DU earlier this week after it had been discovered. He accrued over 1300 posts in the lounge since the beginning of the year, and had been PM'ing me incessantly, pretending to be someone else.

In addition, he was posting threads here in an attempt to bait me into them, hacked into my DU account and harassed others on DU in an effort to gain info on me... creepy creepy shit.

[redqueen]

89. Wow.

I'm sorry to hear that... has he been tombstoned?

:scared:

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

91. Yes, and I think you'd recognize the name, too...

PM me if you're curious.

[redqueen]

98. Oh, I'm curious...

you betcha!

[Cyndee_Lou_Who]

99. I really wish I could just tell EVERYONE here who it is!! I feel so...

VIOLATED! ewwww

[NewJeffCT]

93. Back in the early days of the Internets...I had quite a few

Way back in the early to mid 90s, I was a very shy guy and met several women through the internet (even back before Chat was around...) Unfortunately, I kind of learned the hard way that people online are not always completely honest.

The first woman I met, we ended up talking on the phone for hours and hit it off really well... she sold herself as this hot babe "I'm 5'6" 125 with a really large chest." (I have a good memory for numbers!). We met in a local mall, and she was a good 2-3 inches shorter than 5'6" and you could easily reverse the 1 and the 2 in her weight. She was correct about the large chest, though. To top it off, she had a 1 year old baby and was still living with, though officially separated from, her husband. Now, I've dated women of all shapes & sizes, but I would have preferred to have known up front what she looked like. I was disappointed, to say the least.

She was the most dishonest of the women I met. However, I met several more like that over the next few years.

Then, I got married & divorced and met a few more from online while going through the divorce process. I did meet a drop dead gorgeous Filipino woman with a vivacious personality from online in person and really had a crush on her... however, she was kind of the wild at heart type and didn't want to be tied down in a relationship, and I was kind of too laid back for her.

Then, I met another woman from online that seemed to be a dream come true. Attractive, nice, outgoing, intelligent, and with my ex-wife having spent money like George W. Bush and leaving me with a lot of debt, this woman was from a wealthy family. We really hit it off on the phone, but then she confessed to me that she was really married and was not going to do anything with me... she was just a bored housewife married to a rich guy that worked too many hours. (And, looked a bit like Teri Hatcher, only with a bigger chest...)

Live & learn.

[redqueen]

95. Oh, that's awful!

I think I must have a pretty good BS detector. Sorry to hear about your rotten luck, though.

Poor guys... so easy to get suckered with the measurements. ;)

[NewJeffCT]

96. well, 10-12 years ago, I was very naive

very naive when it came to women. I tended to trust people until they give me a reason not to trust them and to sometimes put women on pedestals. Each time, it was "this is the one that is honest..." I ended up pushing to meet much quicker after a few broken hearts, as I didn't want to get too emotionally involved over weeks & weeks of chat and phone.

But, as shy as I was back then, I likely would not have had many dates at all if it wasn't for the internet. So, it was a blessing that way at least. And, my divorce helped me a lot with my naivety towards women and when I put women on pedestals, I did it high enough so I could look up their dress. (to paraphrase Steve Martin)

At least I'm happily remarried now (3 years + now) and have a stable financial situation and a very active daughter who just turned 2.

[redqueen]

97. Congrats!

2 years old... I'll bet she's SO cute! I'm envious. :)

I don't know... there's just some way that people give themselves away to me when they're not being honest. Doesn't mean I break it off or even confront them about it... I just take them for what they are. I always trust people from the start, but it doesn't take long for people to telegraph their personality to me.

[NewJeffCT]

111. of course she's cute

Of course, she gets most of it from my gorgeous wife. I'm not sure I have the correct link from imageshack or not...

http://www.imageshack.us>

http://www.imageshack.us>

[Briarius]

100. Like most I've had a couple

not that anything has ever come of them. I've never been the 'ladies man' as it were, but it's probably been for the best.

[redqueen]

103. Yes ... probably for the best.

Love your avatar. :)

[Briarius]

109. Thanks!

it's pretty accurate of how I view myself and how I come across :D

[RevolutionaryActs]

101. Yes....

And they're all DUers..... :o

[redqueen]

104. You have good taste!

:hi:

[RevolutionaryActs]

105. Of course! My mama didn't raise no fool

:silly: