Kim Jong-un’s Wedding Vows - brought to us by Andy Borowitz
Kim Jong-uns Wedding Vows
Posted by Andy Borowitz
PYONGYANG (The Borowitz Report)The press department of the Democratic Peoples Republic of Korea has released the official transcript of Supreme Leader Kim Jong-uns wedding vows to his new bride, Comrade Ri Sol-ju:
My Bride, on this our Wedding Day, I wrote this poem for you:
With arms wide open
Under the sunlight
Welcome to this place
Ill show you everything
With arms wide open
Ill show you love and laughter and Disney characters
Snow White, Cinderella, Buzz Lightyear, and Nemo the fish
From every Disney movie ever made except Mars Needs Moms
Which really blew
And if Disney claims intellectual property
I will destroy Disney Studios in a merciless fireball
They stole all their characters from North Korea anyway
Grumpy the Dwarf was totally based on Dad
I wish Dad was here
He loved looking at things
Hed look at us right now and say,
Those are two things right there
And then go look at something else
Ill never forget the day I proposed to you
And you told me, You had me at food.
And so, my bride, I promise:
My love will last longer and go farther
Than North Koreas mightiest missile
Way longer and way farther
And I will make you grateful every day
That unlike Katie Holmes, you married someone normal
LOL
www.borowitzreport.com