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Mon Feb 19, 2018, 09:06 PM

Anyone seen this excellent Ted talk by Sue Klebold, mom of Dylan Klebold, Columbine shooter?

Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters who committed the Columbine High School massacre, murdering 12 students and a teacher. She's spent years excavating every detail of her family life, trying to understand what she could have done to prevent her son's violence. In this difficult, jarring talk, Klebold explores the intersection between mental health and violence, advocating for parents and professionals to continue to examine the link between suicidal and homicidal thinking.

And yes, she does address the issue of access to guns.

This is thought provoking and shows there are not easy answers, but makes it very clear that more and better mental health care and limiting gun access are both paramount.

https://www.ted.com/talks/sue_klebold_my_son_was_a_columbine_shooter_this_is_my_story#t-905951

Here is the transcript, if you'd rather read it:
https://www.ted.com/talks/sue_klebold_my_son_was_a_columbine_shooter_this_is_my_story/transcript

"It has taken me years to try to accept my son's legacy. The cruel behavior that defined the end of his life showed me that he was a completely different person from the one I knew. Afterwards people asked, "How could you not know? What kind of a mother were you?" I still ask myself those same questions."

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Response to Amaryllis (Original post)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 09:15 PM

1. the parents of both Dylan and Eric were really hounded--this was Columbine after all and set the

stage for so many more such incidents to come, but at that time we were all just slack-jawed and desperate to know WHY. I remember because I was essentially home-bound and immobile due to ankle surgery, making me a captive to 24/7 coverage that left me reeling, but I just couldn't turn away. Even then, I was both transfixed by what the parents might be able to convey and a bit horrified that they would be blamed to some extent--no matter whether deserving or not and despite their own pain.

I read Sue Klebold's book and will listen to this Ted talk as well. She's been pretty honest about Dylan.

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Response to hlthe2b (Reply #1)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 09:23 PM

2. It is a different kind of pain than those whose children were killed, but the guilt and constant

questioning of what they could or should have done differently to prevent what happened would be unbearable. I too felt horrified that they were being blamed after I heard more about them. We are seeing this now with the people that took in the Parkland shooter. One of the most poignant and scary points she makes is that it is possible to be a good parent and have no idea that your child has problems like this.

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Response to Amaryllis (Reply #2)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 09:48 PM

5. That's a false equivalency

This mother had no knowledge of her son purchasing guns. The people who let Cruz stay knew he had an AR15.

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Response to JNelson6563 (Reply #5)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 11:37 PM

12. They thought it was locked away

They also thought they had the only key.
No need to attack, they barely knew the kid.

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Response to Amaryllis (Original post)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 09:35 PM

3. No matter how excruciating her pain and I am sure it is extreme, she needed to take her

Reflection and misery to the grave. The parents of the monster don't get to activate our empathy reflex. There is no end to the victims' suffering and the children who were dead are still dead.

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Response to MaryMagdaline (Reply #3)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 09:42 PM

4. Excuse me? I have empathy for both.

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Response to sinkingfeeling (Reply #4)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 09:59 PM

7. Me too.

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Response to MaryMagdaline (Reply #3)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 09:52 PM

6. That's pretty cold. I find her story more interesting than any other

and their pain is in some ways worse. The guilt on top of all the rest would be terrifying. These parents could be any of us which makes her story so compelling as well as her journey.

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Response to MaryMagdaline (Reply #3)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 10:01 PM

8. I think she has much to teach the rest of us.

And we, who have so much to learn, should not foreclose any avenue of learning.

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Response to MaryMagdaline (Reply #3)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 10:26 PM

9. You dont understand atonement. Or that the line between good and evil runs thru every mans heart

Study the Amish reaction to murderers.

HUMAN beings are all connected, no matter how reviled.

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Response to lostnfound (Reply #9)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 10:43 PM

11. I think I understand atonement. I read her statements.

I was struck by how she accused her son's accomplice of being very "controlling." Was he more controlling than her son who enjoyed forcing other children to cower under desks so that he could kill them, thus controlling the date and time of their deaths? Her lack of objectivity only causes more pain. She caused me pain by that statement. God only knows what it would do to the parents of the children who were her son's victims.

The biggest problem I have with her statements is that they do not have a ring of truth. She is not an ignorant person; she is weak. She could not look evil in its face and for that I forgive her. I cannot believe That she didn't know her son was courting evil, via his "controlling" friend or not. If she was too frightened to face it, that is what she needs to admit to. Forgiveness is for everyone, even mass murderers, but you don't get there without complete truth telling. And if you cannot tell the truth because of the pain it brings you, don't speak at all.

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Response to MaryMagdaline (Reply #11)

Tue Feb 20, 2018, 12:48 AM

13. Thoughtful comments, fair. Nt

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Response to MaryMagdaline (Reply #3)

Mon Feb 19, 2018, 10:32 PM

10. whoah... Parents will differ on this, but after Columbine, the majority of parents wanted to hear

SOMETHING/ANYTHING from the parents of Eric Harris and Dylan Kliebold, Sue Kliebold did meet with parents who requested, gave limited interviews years later and offered statements through a family friend in the early days, while the Harris' have NEVER done so with the exception of a meeting that was literally DEMANDED 11 years later by the parents of Daniel Mauser, Tom and Linda Mauser. That, to my knowledge is the ONLY time any Columbine parents have heard directly from Harris' parents, though I'd bet the Mausers were NOT the only ones who wanted to.

So, to assume that the "RIGHT" thing to do is for Susan Kliebold to "take her story to the grave" is YOUR opinion, but clearly NOT shared. And, having lived with the aftermath of the Columbine tragedy now approaching 20 years, met many of the law enforcement, parents, and injured students there that day, I can tell you that Sue is looked upon as anything but exploitative or a subject of derision. Most consider her to be a victim too.

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