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Fri May 4, 2018, 11:46 AM

Suppose you had to give Donald Trump a job. What job would you give him?

Knowing what you now know about Donald Trump, and supposing he wasn't famous and he wasn't president, and you were responsible for giving him his ideal job, what job would you give him and why?

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Reply Suppose you had to give Donald Trump a job. What job would you give him? (Original post)
Doodley May 2018 OP
ProudLib72 May 2018 #1
Doodley May 2018 #6
ProudLib72 May 2018 #12
Doodley May 2018 #25
NRaleighLiberal May 2018 #2
Doodley May 2018 #11
Sophia4 May 2018 #102
rzemanfl May 2018 #3
ProudLib72 May 2018 #26
rzemanfl May 2018 #28
ProudLib72 May 2018 #31
NBachers May 2018 #62
unblock May 2018 #4
Doodley May 2018 #13
Glamrock May 2018 #5
Doodley May 2018 #17
Eliot Rosewater May 2018 #7
Doodley May 2018 #20
OhZone May 2018 #8
vlyons May 2018 #21
Doodley May 2018 #24
Chellee May 2018 #83
Doodley May 2018 #92
crazycatlady May 2018 #78
Atticus May 2018 #9
Orsino May 2018 #48
dembotoz May 2018 #10
jberryhill May 2018 #14
Doodley May 2018 #73
marylandblue May 2018 #15
unblock May 2018 #18
vlyons May 2018 #16
Doodley May 2018 #93
Elwood P Dowd May 2018 #19
Doodley May 2018 #74
Elwood P Dowd May 2018 #90
Little Star May 2018 #22
lpbk2713 May 2018 #32
mainstreetonce May 2018 #23
Doodley May 2018 #94
haele May 2018 #27
Doodley May 2018 #75
YessirAtsaFact May 2018 #29
Doodley May 2018 #95
Scurrilous May 2018 #30
Doodley May 2018 #96
Initech May 2018 #33
Doodley May 2018 #97
dameatball May 2018 #34
Doodley May 2018 #99
procon May 2018 #35
Doodley May 2018 #100
Proud Liberal Dem May 2018 #36
Turbineguy May 2018 #37
SoCalNative May 2018 #38
chowder66 May 2018 #39
salin May 2018 #40
hlthe2b May 2018 #41
Freethinker65 May 2018 #42
snort May 2018 #43
gohuskies May 2018 #44
fierywoman May 2018 #45
NCTraveler May 2018 #46
Orsino May 2018 #47
MurrayDelph May 2018 #49
Generic Brad May 2018 #50
Blue_true May 2018 #51
TheBlackAdder May 2018 #52
Atman May 2018 #53
democratisphere May 2018 #54
left-of-center2012 May 2018 #55
Siwsan May 2018 #56
crazycatlady May 2018 #80
Siwsan May 2018 #91
arthritisR_US May 2018 #57
Soxfan58 May 2018 #58
marlakay May 2018 #59
MGKrebs May 2018 #60
Deb May 2018 #61
longship May 2018 #63
lpbk2713 May 2018 #64
AndJusticeForSome May 2018 #65
shenmue May 2018 #66
Maxheader May 2018 #67
RockRaven May 2018 #68
yonder May 2018 #69
tazkcmo May 2018 #70
aka-chmeee May 2018 #71
MrScorpio May 2018 #72
Afromania May 2018 #76
crazycatlady May 2018 #77
JustABozoOnThisBus May 2018 #79
lamp_shade May 2018 #81
smirkymonkey May 2018 #82
IllinoisBirdWatcher May 2018 #84
Mc Mike May 2018 #85
grumpyduck May 2018 #86
Major Nikon May 2018 #87
TwistOneUp May 2018 #88
Lil Missy May 2018 #89
Takket May 2018 #98
Sedona May 2018 #101
dalton99a May 2018 #103
FM123 May 2018 #104
Lithos May 2018 #105
eShirl May 2018 #106
Devil Child May 2018 #107
Exotica May 2018 #108
Demovictory9 May 2018 #109
trueblue2007 May 2018 #110

Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:48 AM

1. Screwing the caps onto tubes of toothpaste

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Response to ProudLib72 (Reply #1)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:51 AM

6. You would trust him not to fuck that up?

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Response to Doodley (Reply #6)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:54 AM

12. Small hands means he can deftly maneuver the caps into place

It's seriously difficult to find something he can do. He can't read. He can't speak. He can't do anything that requires physical exertion.

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Response to ProudLib72 (Reply #12)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:01 PM

25. I know! This thread has made me cry, it's so funny!

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:48 AM

2. Oxyclean infomercial dude. Or, cookware seller at a state fair

His bullshit would be harmless and you could turn him off or just walk on by.

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Response to NRaleighLiberal (Reply #2)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:54 AM

11. Yes, I can see that. But when he says the cookware is the greatest in the world

and can cook meat in ten seconds, the company might get sued for false statements.

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Response to NRaleighLiberal (Reply #2)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:56 AM

102. Cookware seller came to my mind right away. He'd be very happy at that job.

 

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:49 AM

3. Urinal cake. n/t

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Response to rzemanfl (Reply #3)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:07 PM

26. Taste tester?

To determine "freshness"?

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Response to ProudLib72 (Reply #26)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:15 PM

28. Naw, just piss on him. n/t

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Response to rzemanfl (Reply #28)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:21 PM

31. ...

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Response to ProudLib72 (Reply #31)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:49 PM

62. ...

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:50 AM

4. shoveling elephant manure.

i hear you can easily slip and suffocate in that line of work.

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Response to unblock (Reply #4)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:55 AM

13. I like that! It should be done in temperatures of at least one hundred degrees.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:51 AM

5. Jizm mopper at the Adult video arcade.

With his lack of respect for women and his affairs with porn stars and playboy models..... He'd be perfect.

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Response to Glamrock (Reply #5)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:56 AM

17. Hilarious! Funniest answer so far!

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:52 AM

7. Goop boy at hair salon

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Response to Eliot Rosewater (Reply #7)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:58 AM

20. LOL! He would need six weeks of training first!

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:52 AM

8. this -

?resize=1200%2C636

One of the inmates, of course.

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Response to OhZone (Reply #8)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:58 AM

21. Excellent!

Best ever

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Response to OhZone (Reply #8)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:59 AM

24. I would love to see that! At least he wouldn't get far if he tried to do a runner!

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Response to Doodley (Reply #24)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:50 PM

83. Run??

Seriously. He needs someone to hold his hand when he walks down a ramp.

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Response to Chellee (Reply #83)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:29 AM

92. Good point!

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Response to OhZone (Reply #8)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:21 PM

78. I'd say leave him to deal with the porta potty on the truck

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:52 AM

9. Mime. nt

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Response to Atticus (Reply #9)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:18 PM

48. Winner! n/t

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:53 AM

10. license plate maker

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:56 AM

14. sign twirler

 


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Response to jberryhill (Reply #14)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:08 PM

73. Yes! He can wear a furry suit and swirl a sign in hundred degree heat.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:56 AM

15. Why do I have to give him a job?

I only hire the best people, and he doesn't make the cut.

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Response to marylandblue (Reply #15)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:57 AM

18. hah! maybe he can be a line-holder at the unemployment office.


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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:56 AM

16. Janitor in a Buddhist monastery

Zen or Tibetan. Maybe if he was exposed to Buddhadharma teachings, he would begin to learn something about his ego, compassion for others, self control over disturbing emotions. The Lamas and Zen masters could give him a daily dose of crazy wisdom. Actually that would be a great job for anyone.

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Response to vlyons (Reply #16)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:32 AM

93. That would be a great movie ending for this sad saga we are witnessing.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:57 AM

19. Cleaning out my septic tank.

Because he's an expert at shoveling fecal matter.

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Response to Elwood P Dowd (Reply #19)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:11 PM

74. And so you don't have to hear him doing it, put the manhole back on after he goes down there.

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Response to Doodley (Reply #74)

Fri May 4, 2018, 09:04 PM

90. Too dangerous. That might cause an explosion

Last edited Sat May 5, 2018, 11:58 AM - Edit history (1)

with so little air circulating and that giant orange gas bag trapped in there.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:58 AM

22. I agree with President Obama.......

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Response to Little Star (Reply #22)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:21 PM

32. Good choice.




This is a job that would require a really proficient bullshitter.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 11:58 AM

23. Sean Hannitty's body guard

Because he will fail at it

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Response to mainstreetonce (Reply #23)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:33 AM

94. Excellent!

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:13 PM

27. That is tough. And are we talking current day Donald Trump or Donald Trump "in his prime"?

So, under your question, I need to find a job where a vindictive, aggressive, lying, narcissistic personality might be successful at but won't cause a lot of problems to others that work for me or for the general public.
Something "competitive" that doesn't require consistency.
So, no team work. He's not a team player to begin with - and certainly not reliable.
Certainly nothing where there's a requirement to be responsible for maintaining codes, safety or customer service.
Nothing that requires handling money or financial records. Can't trust him not to cheat.
Non-profit or charity work? Don't make me laugh.
Something Artsy or Crafty? (A mythical Randriod Architect, maybe?) If he has talent, maybe - and those glittery monstrosities of kitch he likes to surround himself with suggests he has very little artistic talent. But whatever his talent is, he wouldn't succeed as an employee that needs to meet deadlines; he's the typical rich dilettante type who will make a bit of effort only when he feels like it.

I'd probably have him interview for some sort of job that requires performance art but not real acting.
Like maybe a "extra" for WWE events, playing the bad-guy.
Or maybe, if he made it through the worst Law School in the US, he can be the money-laundering front man for the Mob.

But why would he be even looking for a job? He's a grifter. Knowing what he is since the 1980's with the Robin Leach types slobbering over him, a real "job" would be too demeaning for him.

Haele

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Response to haele (Reply #27)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:13 PM

75. I can see him as a performer - perhaps a clown or a performing seal.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:17 PM

29. Selling used cars

His willingness to lie about mechanical issues, etc and skill as a con man would come in handy.

Problem is Id have to be a criminal myself to allow this.

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Response to YessirAtsaFact (Reply #29)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:34 AM

95. You have a point, but the owner would probably get sued, because Trump's lies would be so yuge!

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:20 PM

30. Rabid feral cat-wrangler.

For the grab back.

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Response to Scurrilous (Reply #30)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:35 AM

96. That works for me. Make them big cats. like panthers, tigers or leopards.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:22 PM

33. Randal from Clerks has the perfect job for Trump.

Last edited Fri May 4, 2018, 01:09 PM - Edit history (1)



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Response to Initech (Reply #33)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:37 AM

97. Hilarious!

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:22 PM

34. Something simple, like being the guy who unsticks that first sheet on the new roll of toilet paper.

Then he will have to work his way up the ladder. No more inheritances.

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Response to dameatball (Reply #34)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:39 AM

99. You would give him that much responsibility!

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:24 PM

35. Underwear model. nt

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Response to procon (Reply #35)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:40 AM

100. The 'before' model in a before and after campaign.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:26 PM

36. Is this a trick question?

None of course.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:33 PM

37. Something involving lies.

He'd have his own department.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:36 PM

38. The guy who cleans

the elephant complex at the zoo

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:40 PM

39. Oh that's easy! A fluffer. nt

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:41 PM

40. to be a scare crow to scare critters away from the garden.

No vermin, no vermin... no you're the vermin!

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:42 PM

41. emptying porta-johns / porta-potties

why? Sh...t rises to the top....so he should excel.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 12:57 PM

42. Short story fiction writer?

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:02 PM

43. Walk in that direction.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:03 PM

44. Parade sweeper behind horses

He needs the hands on experience...

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:03 PM

45. The person who picks up your dog's poop in your back yard.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:10 PM

46. We would benefit by offering to pay of his debt with the guarantee....

 

he will go into retirement and hide for the rest of his life.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:17 PM

47. Maybe his old one on Apprentice.

Fake job on fake TV.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:24 PM

49. If it was good enough for Bugs Bunny

it's good enough for Trump.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:27 PM

50. Carny

And that would really put his skills to the test.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:28 PM

51. I thought about it hard.

Every single job that I thought of had too much dignity to it for that pig to fill it.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:29 PM

52. None. He would go out on LTD with bone spurs, after stealing intellectual property and client lists.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:29 PM

53. Breaking rocks in the hot sun.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:32 PM

54. Donnie-On-The-Spot Manager.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:33 PM

55. I've got it !

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:33 PM

56. Cleaning litter boxes and clipping the cat's claws

And I'd have video cameras at the ready. But no band aids.

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Response to Siwsan (Reply #56)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:23 PM

80. Only if the pussies are ready to grab back

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Response to crazycatlady (Reply #80)

Sat May 5, 2018, 04:19 AM

91. Trust me - my Tortie, Boudicca, is not cooperative when it comes to claw trimming

She emits a sound that sounds like a hell beast on steroids.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:33 PM

57. Cleaning out the prison toilets.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:35 PM

58. Anything the Federal Prison

Can come up with, like stain treating the underwear in the prison laundry.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:36 PM

59. Janitor so he would learn to clean up messes

And in a school of all minorities so he could see what it feels like to be the only white person.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:39 PM

60. Picking up trash on the side of the highway.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:40 PM

61. Overseer of the remote control

In his assisted living apartment.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:53 PM

63. Bucket, string mop, toilet brush, public bathroom!!

Let him sweat!

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:56 PM

64. A walking jack o lantern.




The orange pigmentation should work well for him.

And he would only work one day out of the year. Less chance for him to fuck up.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:57 PM

65. Obama's golf caddy n/t

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:57 PM

66. Cleaning toilets

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 01:59 PM

67. Perfect fit...

https://

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 02:08 PM

68. Adult diaper stress-tester

He is, after all, a giant man-baby.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 02:08 PM

69. This is easy! Came to me last year.

Last edited Fri May 4, 2018, 02:47 PM - Edit history (1)

Building houses for Habitat for Humanity. Framing crew, hammer only. His crew boss would be an African-American teen, the foreman, a Mexican national. And they all would be women. Someplace hot and humid, say Alabama.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 02:50 PM

70. Clearing large intake covers of debris

At the waste treatment facility.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 05:33 PM

71. Given his extensive experience in the field,

I suspect he would function passably as a proctoscope.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 05:42 PM

72. A warning to others.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:20 PM

76. Crash Test Dummy

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:20 PM

77. cleaning up shit

I don't care who's shit (dog/cat shit at SPCA, large animal shit at farms/zoos) but he needs to spend his day with shit.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:22 PM

79. A model. For photos with the word "Before" under them.

Maybe not a model for "Hair Club for Men"

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:39 PM

81. Swimming with the fishes.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:46 PM

82. Crash test dummy.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:51 PM

84. Ed Norton's job

except I don't think he would fit through the manhole.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 06:51 PM

85. Inspector of Arses.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 07:12 PM

86. I would give him a paper cup

and have him drain a real swamp, one cupful at a time.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 07:16 PM

87. Making furniture in Leavenworth, KS

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 07:39 PM

88. The guy in the circus that cleans up animal shit.

That way, he could stay in show business, and at a task whose complexity is something approaching his competency level.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Fri May 4, 2018, 07:45 PM

89. Easy - a con-job

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:38 AM

98. Prison toilet clog remover

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Sat May 5, 2018, 11:46 AM

101. Janitor at the Citadel

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Sat May 5, 2018, 12:05 PM

103. I wouldn't trust him to scrub a toilet

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Sat May 5, 2018, 12:29 PM

104. License Plate Maker

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Sat May 5, 2018, 06:15 PM

105. Bathroom attendent

Or towel boy in a all male gym

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Sat May 5, 2018, 06:16 PM

106. rodeo clown

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Sat May 5, 2018, 06:19 PM

107. Aidworker in any high risk community south of the border

Let him sit daily in the lived experience of those less privileged than him. Those he issues deportation orders for.

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Sat May 5, 2018, 07:00 PM

108. Putin's Cock Holster

 

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Sat May 5, 2018, 07:15 PM

109. imitating that lying character from SNL. "That's the ticket!"

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Response to Doodley (Original post)

Sat May 5, 2018, 07:21 PM

110. CLEANING UP POOP. Horse and Cow poop, dog poop. cleaning toilets everywhere.

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