Suppose you had to give Donald Trump a job. What job would you give him?

[Doodley]

Knowing what you now know about Donald Trump, and supposing he wasn't famous and he wasn't president, and you were responsible for giving him his ideal job, what job would you give him and why?

[ProudLib72]

1. Screwing the caps onto tubes of toothpaste

[Doodley]

6. You would trust him not to fuck that up?

[ProudLib72]

12. Small hands means he can deftly maneuver the caps into place

It's seriously difficult to find something he can do. He can't read. He can't speak. He can't do anything that requires physical exertion.

[Doodley]

25. I know! This thread has made me cry, it's so funny!

[NRaleighLiberal]

2. Oxyclean infomercial dude. Or, cookware seller at a state fair

His bullshit would be harmless and you could turn him off or just walk on by.

[Doodley]

11. Yes, I can see that. But when he says the cookware is the greatest in the world

and can cook meat in ten seconds, the company might get sued for false statements.

[Sophia4]

102. Cookware seller came to my mind right away. He'd be very happy at that job.

[rzemanfl]

3. Urinal cake. n/t

[ProudLib72]

26. Taste tester?

To determine "freshness"?

[rzemanfl]

28. Naw, just piss on him. n/t

[ProudLib72]

31. ...

[NBachers]

62. ...

[unblock]

4. shoveling elephant manure.

i hear you can easily slip and suffocate in that line of work.

[Doodley]

13. I like that! It should be done in temperatures of at least one hundred degrees.

[Glamrock]

5. Jizm mopper at the Adult video arcade.

With his lack of respect for women and his affairs with porn stars and playboy models..... He'd be perfect.

[Doodley]

17. Hilarious! Funniest answer so far!

[Eliot Rosewater]

7. Goop boy at hair salon

[Doodley]

20. LOL! He would need six weeks of training first!

[OhZone]

8. this -

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One of the inmates, of course.

[vlyons]

21. Excellent!

Best ever

[Doodley]

24. I would love to see that! At least he wouldn't get far if he tried to do a runner!

[Chellee]

83. Run??

Seriously. He needs someone to hold his hand when he walks down a ramp.

[Doodley]

92. Good point!

[crazycatlady]

78. I'd say leave him to deal with the porta potty on the truck

[Atticus]

9. Mime. nt

[Orsino]

48. Winner! n/t

[dembotoz]

10. license plate maker

[jberryhill]

14. sign twirler

[Doodley]

73. Yes! He can wear a furry suit and swirl a sign in hundred degree heat.

[marylandblue]

15. Why do I have to give him a job?

I only hire the best people, and he doesn't make the cut.

[unblock]

18. hah! maybe he can be a line-holder at the unemployment office.

[vlyons]

16. Janitor in a Buddhist monastery

Zen or Tibetan. Maybe if he was exposed to Buddhadharma teachings, he would begin to learn something about his ego, compassion for others, self control over disturbing emotions. The Lamas and Zen masters could give him a daily dose of crazy wisdom. Actually that would be a great job for anyone.

[Doodley]

93. That would be a great movie ending for this sad saga we are witnessing.

[Elwood P Dowd]

19. Cleaning out my septic tank.

Because he's an expert at shoveling fecal matter.

[Doodley]

74. And so you don't have to hear him doing it, put the manhole back on after he goes down there.

[Elwood P Dowd]

90. Too dangerous. That might cause an explosion

Last edited Sat May 5, 2018, 10:58 AM - Edit history (1)

with so little air circulating and that giant orange gas bag trapped in there.

[Little Star]

22. I agree with President Obama.......

[lpbk2713]

32. Good choice.

This is a job that would require a really proficient bullshitter.

[mainstreetonce]

23. Sean Hannitty's body guard

Because he will fail at it

[Doodley]

94. Excellent!

[haele]

27. That is tough. And are we talking current day Donald Trump or Donald Trump "in his prime"?

So, under your question, I need to find a job where a vindictive, aggressive, lying, narcissistic personality might be successful at but won't cause a lot of problems to others that work for me or for the general public.
Something "competitive" that doesn't require consistency.
So, no team work. He's not a team player to begin with - and certainly not reliable.
Certainly nothing where there's a requirement to be responsible for maintaining codes, safety or customer service.
Nothing that requires handling money or financial records. Can't trust him not to cheat.
Non-profit or charity work? Don't make me laugh.
Something Artsy or Crafty? (A mythical Randriod Architect, maybe?) If he has talent, maybe - and those glittery monstrosities of kitch he likes to surround himself with suggests he has very little artistic talent. But whatever his talent is, he wouldn't succeed as an employee that needs to meet deadlines; he's the typical rich dilettante type who will make a bit of effort only when he feels like it.

I'd probably have him interview for some sort of job that requires performance art but not real acting.
Like maybe a "extra" for WWE events, playing the bad-guy.
Or maybe, if he made it through the worst Law School in the US, he can be the money-laundering front man for the Mob.

But why would he be even looking for a job? He's a grifter. Knowing what he is since the 1980's with the Robin Leach types slobbering over him, a real "job" would be too demeaning for him.

Haele

[Doodley]

75. I can see him as a performer - perhaps a clown or a performing seal.

[YessirAtsaFact]

29. Selling used cars

His willingness to lie about mechanical issues, etc and skill as a con man would come in handy.

Problem is I’d have to be a criminal myself to allow this.

[Doodley]

95. You have a point, but the owner would probably get sued, because Trump's lies would be so yuge!

[Scurrilous]

30. Rabid feral cat-wrangler.

For the grab back.

[Doodley]

96. That works for me. Make them big cats. like panthers, tigers or leopards.

[Initech]

33. Randal from Clerks has the perfect job for Trump.

Last edited Fri May 4, 2018, 12:09 PM - Edit history (1)

[Doodley]

97. Hilarious!

[dameatball]

34. Something simple, like being the guy who unsticks that first sheet on the new roll of toilet paper.

Then he will have to work his way up the ladder. No more inheritances.

[Doodley]

99. You would give him that much responsibility!

[procon]

35. Underwear model. nt

[Doodley]

100. The 'before' model in a before and after campaign.

[Proud Liberal Dem]

36. Is this a trick question?

None of course.

[Turbineguy]

37. Something involving lies.

He'd have his own department.

[SoCalNative]

38. The guy who cleans

the elephant complex at the zoo

[chowder66]

39. Oh that's easy! A fluffer. nt

[salin]

40. to be a scare crow to scare critters away from the garden.

No vermin, no vermin... no you're the vermin!

[hlthe2b]

41. emptying porta-johns / porta-potties

why? Sh...t rises to the top....so he should excel.

[Freethinker65]

42. Short story fiction writer?

[snort]

43. Walk in that direction.

[gohuskies]

44. Parade sweeper behind horses

He needs the hands on experience...

[fierywoman]

45. The person who picks up your dog's poop in your back yard.

[NCTraveler]

46. We would benefit by offering to pay of his debt with the guarantee....

he will go into retirement and hide for the rest of his life.

[Orsino]

47. Maybe his old one on Apprentice.

Fake job on fake TV.

[MurrayDelph]

49. If it was good enough for Bugs Bunny

it's good enough for Trump.

[Generic Brad]

50. Carny

And that would really put his skills to the test.

[Blue_true]

51. I thought about it hard.

Every single job that I thought of had too much dignity to it for that pig to fill it.

[TheBlackAdder]

52. None. He would go out on LTD with bone spurs, after stealing intellectual property and client lists.

[Atman]

53. Breaking rocks in the hot sun.

[democratisphere]

54. Donnie-On-The-Spot Manager.

[left-of-center2012]

55. I've got it !

[Siwsan]

56. Cleaning litter boxes and clipping the cat's claws

And I'd have video cameras at the ready. But no band aids.

[crazycatlady]

80. Only if the pussies are ready to grab back

[Siwsan]

91. Trust me - my Tortie, Boudicca, is not cooperative when it comes to claw trimming

She emits a sound that sounds like a hell beast on steroids.

[arthritisR_US]

57. Cleaning out the prison toilets.

[Soxfan58]

58. Anything the Federal Prison

Can come up with, like stain treating the underwear in the prison laundry.

[marlakay]

59. Janitor so he would learn to clean up messes

And in a school of all minorities so he could see what it feels like to be the only white person.

[MGKrebs]

60. Picking up trash on the side of the highway.

[Deb]

61. Overseer of the remote control

In his assisted living apartment.

[longship]

63. Bucket, string mop, toilet brush, public bathroom!!

Let him sweat!

[lpbk2713]

64. A walking jack o lantern.

The orange pigmentation should work well for him.

And he would only work one day out of the year. Less chance for him to fuck up.

[AndJusticeForSome]

65. Obama's golf caddy n/t

[shenmue]

66. Cleaning toilets

[Maxheader]

67. Perfect fit...

https://vimeo.com/91371784

[RockRaven]

68. Adult diaper stress-tester

He is, after all, a giant man-baby.

[yonder]

69. This is easy! Came to me last year.

Last edited Fri May 4, 2018, 01:47 PM - Edit history (1)

Building houses for Habitat for Humanity. Framing crew, hammer only. His crew boss would be an African-American teen, the foreman, a Mexican national. And they all would be women. Someplace hot and humid, say Alabama.

[tazkcmo]

70. Clearing large intake covers of debris

At the waste treatment facility.

[aka-chmeee]

71. Given his extensive experience in the field,

I suspect he would function passably as a proctoscope.

[MrScorpio]

72. A warning to others.

[Afromania]

76. Crash Test Dummy

[crazycatlady]

77. cleaning up shit

I don't care who's shit (dog/cat shit at SPCA, large animal shit at farms/zoos) but he needs to spend his day with shit.

[JustABozoOnThisBus]

79. A model. For photos with the word "Before" under them.

Maybe not a model for "Hair Club for Men"

[lamp_shade]

81. Swimming with the fishes.

[smirkymonkey]

82. Crash test dummy.

[IllinoisBirdWatcher]

84. Ed Norton's job

except I don't think he would fit through the manhole.

[Mc Mike]

85. Inspector of Arses.

[grumpyduck]

86. I would give him a paper cup

and have him drain a real swamp, one cupful at a time.

[Major Nikon]

87. Making furniture in Leavenworth, KS

https://www.unicor.gov/index.aspx

[TwistOneUp]

88. The guy in the circus that cleans up animal shit.

That way, he could stay in show business, and at a task whose complexity is something approaching his competency level.

[Lil Missy]

89. Easy - a con-job

[Takket]

98. Prison toilet clog remover

[Sedona]

101. Janitor at the Citadel

[dalton99a]

103. I wouldn't trust him to scrub a toilet

[FM123]

104. License Plate Maker

[Lithos]

105. Bathroom attendent

Or towel boy in a all male gym

[eShirl]

106. rodeo clown

[Devil Child]

107. Aidworker in any high risk community south of the border

Let him sit daily in the lived experience of those less privileged than him. Those he issues deportation orders for.

[Exotica]

108. Putin's Cock Holster

[Demovictory9]

109. imitating that lying character from SNL. "That's the ticket!"

[trueblue2007]

110. CLEANING UP POOP. Horse and Cow poop, dog poop. cleaning toilets everywhere.