I Never Took a Nap in the Dorm's Common Room

[MineralMan]

Back in 1963, when I went off to a state college in California, freshmen were required to live in the dorm. Then, there were no co-ed dorms, and the women's dorms got shut down and locked at 10 PM sharp. I was an engineering major, and had a huge study load. My roommate was a guy who liked his music loud, so studying in my room was almost impossible. I tried doing my reading in the common room in the three-story brick dorm, but it always seemed to be full of rowdy young guys and wasn't a great place either.

Next door was another three-story dorm, a women's dorm. Its common room was quiet. So, I started going over there with whatever textbook I needed to cram on. I'd plop down in an overstuffed chair near a lamp and do whatever reading I needed to get done. It worked great. Nobody cared that I was in there studying in the common room of the women's dorm.

Apparently, though, I got noticed. Every couple of days when I was there, some resident of the dorm would walk over and start a conversation with me. Even though it interrupted my reading, I didn't mind. Often the person would just sit down in the next seat and we'd start chatting. I was a shy young guy, so that provided an excellent opportunity to meet people. Partly because of that, I kept up that study pattern all through my freshman year, and met a couple of dozen nice first-year women. I even ended up dating a couple of them. Others told me stories about themselves and shared confidences with me.

Nobody ever objected to me sitting in the women's dorm common room and studying. Nobody worried about my presence. Nobody thought I was lurking here or didn't belong there. Nobody thought it was creepy that some guy was camped out in the women's dorm studying a textbook.

I wonder if my being a skinny, tall, blond white guy had anything to do with that. I'll bet it did, somehow. Privilege.

[ProfessorGAC]

1. Can't Be The Blond Thing, MM

You just must send off a vibe that doesn't make people "uncomfortable". Uncomfortable? Obviously a grad student who figured out some verbiage to hide the real agenda.

[MineralMan]

3. Yeah. I always found the dorms to be friendly, casual places.

I never even thought about it, really. I guess some people have problems they haven't resolved or something.

[malaise]

2. LOL

Yah think??

[MineralMan]

4. Yah, could be that was it...

What was really weird was that a number of the people who came over to chat would quickly get into telling me really personal stories almost immediately. Apparently, I was someone to talk to.

[malaise]

8. Eligible and all that

Someone escaping the noise would be interesting and attractive to most young women.

[kimbutgar]

5. I had a roommate that used to invite guys over and do them in the room even if I was there

It was an L shaped room. I couldn’t see but I heard. I spent quite a few times on the couch in the common areas of my dorm and rested on the couch.

[MineralMan]

6. It was entirely against the rules in 1963 to have anyone of the opposite

sex in your room. Expulsion was the punishment. So, nobody did that at my school. We had to find other places on campus to get some privacy. Fortunately, that wasn't too difficult. All the buildings were open and everything was pretty much unlocked. There was a faculty lounge in the English Department building that I remember particularly well.

[mythology]

7. That was also a different time

Yes I'm sure race plays a substantial part, but people today are more cynical and afraid. I've had people call the police on me for waiting outside an apartment building waiting to be shown an apartment as a suspected drug dealer.

[NightWatcher]

9. In the mid 90's I lived in the common area and in misc dorms, sometimes on the girl's floors...

I was not a resident of said halls but my friend had kicked me out of our apartment a block away. This went on for a couple of weeks. No one ever said anything and just assumed I belonged. I've even passed out and slept in the hallway before. It was a wild time.

[MineralMan]

10. There were a few people back in my day who freeloaded in the dorms, too.

It wasn't too difficult to pull off, I guess. Folks also lived in vehicles in parking lots, and used dorm facilities, too. You did what was necessary. I was never in that situation, though.

[NewJeffCT]

11. The Yale dormitory setup is kind of unusual

and, I think, makes it even harder to fathom the story.

They're set up as 14 colleges (think of each "college" as a dormitory quadrangle at another school) - these are not divided up by major, by graduation year, race, sex, etc. They're pretty much a cross section of the entire student body at Yale that were randomly assigned. Each of these colleges has their own cafeteria, library, common rooms, study areas and even music practice rooms. Each college has their own social events and there is a year-long competition every school year where the 14 colleges compete against each other in various events. There are maybe 350-400 students in each college. So, even by the end of your first year there, you most likely know a lot of people in your college and are acquainted or have passing familiarity with most of them

So, while it's not impossible for a stranger from the streets of New Haven to wander into a dormitory and then fall asleep in a common room, it's not exactly something you would expect.

If I saw a stranger asleep in my dorm common area, I most likely would leave them alone. If there was somebody else around, i would asked if they knew the sleeper.

if they were there for a length of time, I might go over to see if they were okay, but I would never think of calling 911 unless the person woke up & started causing trouble. or needed medical attention.

[MineralMan]

13. Well, that's what a normal person

would do. It's what I would do, too.

[treestar]

19. That sounds cool

though how are the libraries? They don't have full academic libraries for each college, do they? Is there a big central one somewhere?

[NewJeffCT]

20. Yes, they have at least two big central libraries

including a really cool building that holds extremely rare books, but the smaller libraries in the colleges just have some of the more common basics that might be needed by students - think of them like a convenience store compared to a full grocery store

[RhodeIslandOne]

12. I once got "the hint" and forced out of a common room

I was reading (not studying) and this guy and girl came in (the room had a nice view of Kenmore Square) and started setting up the other couch towards the window and cuddling and after a few minutes I knew it was time to get out of dodge.

[MineralMan]

14. Well, that was very polite of you.

Privacy is at a premium in group living situations. Back in my day, basic making out was tolerated in common areas. Anything beyond that was too much, and required more privacy. Students were very creative in finding more suitable places, though, and the school left many such places open around the clock.

With more than 6000 students in on-campus housing, it was essential, really.

[RhodeIslandOne]

15. My problem was the girl lived on my floor had a single room and plenty of privacy.

While her room did not have a view, it was kind of bullshit.

[MineralMan]

16. They may have been disappointed that you left.

Public sex is a thing with some people. You may have been their intended audience.

[treestar]

17. In 1963 and race probably not being an issue

(were they many black men at your college?) I am amazed that a male person was suffered to be in the female dorm.

[MineralMan]

21. The common room was on the first floor, and served

as sort of the parlor for the dorm. It was the only part of the women's dorm where men could be. Given the age and single status of the women living there, men were frequently in the common room, and were welcome to be there. It was a public space.

[oberliner]

18. I'm sure you are wrong

People most likely did think it was creepy.

[MineralMan]

22. That wasn't my experience at all.