Laughing at match.com

[tavernier]

I’ve been widowed for a while now and out of sheer curiosity, thought I would check a dating site, specifically in the seniors category. The entire first week I got a whole bunch of replies, compliments on my picture, personality, etc., but didn’t answer any because the whole thing seemed a bit cheesy and I’m probably still not ready.

So, I decided to go for broke and added to my profile with the words: I am a card carrying liberal who believes in equality and global warming. If this is a problem, please do not reply.

And that was the last time I heard from anyone.

[Phoenix61]

1. I feel your pain

I can't remember the last time I had a real "date." I'm the token liberal around here. A little lonely but my sense of personal ethics is fully intact.

[cyclonefence]

2. Good for you

Think of all the time you might have wasted on some RW jerk. Better to weed them out at the start. I hope Warren Beatty's long-lost twin gets in touch, and you live happily ever after.

[Corgigal]

3. Wow, I'm sorry.

Just wanted to tell you my daughter met her boyfriend on match. They been together 3 years now and he's a college professor.

Not to quote Trump, but let's see what happens. Good luck.

[catsudon]

4. It's all about tinder now

People want instant gratification and not working in relationships, sad isn’t it?

[Cuthbert Allgood]

7. I know. Back in the 80s I never had sex with someone unless marriage was an option.

Really. Not even lying.

[bucolic_frolic]

9. tinder box?

i don't smartphone or facebook. guess i'm safe.

[Blue_Adept]

10. Do you engage in the modern world at all?

Or are you like the cops in California that never heard of AirBnB?

[bucolic_frolic]

70. To the extent the modern world as you call it

bleeds me financially, I try not to

[VWolf]

37. In all fairness,

most of the profiles on Tinder (at least in my age range) clearly state "looking for LTR, no hookups"

[Major Nikon]

38. Not really

Some people don't value or want relationships. Others don't have any particular hangups over starting a sexual relationship immediately. As society progresses, the idea of people inferring ownership rights going either direction by virtue of coitus just isn't that strong anymore. For those who think differently, there's plenty of other options.

[geardaddy]

5. Awesome!

[Blue_Adept]

6. Are you in a deep red area?

I used match.com for awhile here in MA and believe me when I say it, Tinder, and other services have huge swathes of people that posted exactly what you posted.

Myself included.

Had two good experiences with it and the third had both her and I cancel the service because we lined up so well together. Been seven months now.

[SunSeeker]

25. Congrats!

My sister-in-law is happily married 17 years now to a man she met on the internet.

[Blue_Adept]

31. Thanks!

My first wife I had met through the old BBS system back in the mid 1990's, married in 98. One of those earlier "met online" stories.

First relationship after that a decade later was through IRC from Seattle that was an amazing year.

A year after that was a reconnect from high school through FB that lead to a seven year relationship.

Now a new match one.

[thesquanderer]

8. other possible explanation

I think when profiles are new, they get more exposure, which means that you'd likely get more response in your first week than in your second. Also once someone sees your profile once and decides to write or not write, they're not so likely to look again. So at the beginning, you're new to everyone on the site, and after that, you're not, so there are fewer people seeing you for the first time. The political slant may not be much of an issue. Unless maybe you live in Kansas.

[lillypaddle]

11. Bored, some years ago I tried EHarmony out

Long story short, after answering tons of their stupid questions, I got a notice that they had NO one in their data base that was compatible with me. They wished me good luck.

Actually, I was quite offended.

[AJT]

13. You are not alone. My daughter had the same experience with eHarmony.

[lillypaddle]

14. I think we might be too cool

for their fucking database.

[MontanaMama]

32. That's the attitude!

I think you're too cool for their database too...

[lillypaddle]

43. haha

[7962]

18. EHarmony CONSTANTLY sent me "matches" who were nothing at all like my profile requirements.

met a great woman the old fashioned way; through friends.
She says how lucky she is to have me. I feel I'M the lucky one.
Its tough being mid-50s and looking for someone who isnt odd or looking for net worth before feelings!

[ToxMarz]

23. eHarmony was set up by evangelical Christian Dr. Neil Clark Warren.

If you're here, you likely won't find a match there.

[keithbvadu2]

33. His commercials were obsequiously sugary sweet... condescending.

[linnknee]

12. Boy do I agree with You

I don't even want to be friends with anyone that voted for the dotard. I'm an older single person and I have no desire to even converse about the weather with a trump supporter. No one with half a brain would have voted for that imbecile.

[Oppaloopa]

66. There used to be democratic singles web sites.

[BobTheSubgenius]

15. Instructive, for sure.

Now, if you had been taking the whole exercise seriously, that would be a huge time saver.

[7962]

16. Match & the others are such a joke. Especially if you're a guy.

If you're a woman, you have to deal with so many perverts

[womanofthehills]

62. Yr ago, I was corresponding with a guy who said he was "writing a book"

When I asked what the title of the book was, he wrote back - "Inside the Mind of a Serial Killer." That was the final straw to make me cancel eHarmony.

One guy after lots of pretty decent exchanges, suggests for our first date we soak naked at a hot springs????????

[7962]

74. oh lord. thats just ridiculous. nt

[roscoeroscoe]

17. Get this

http://liberalhearts.com

Haven't any personal experience, but it's out there!

[rurallib]

19. Kind of makes me wonder what kind of creeps frequent those places

I apologize if I am out of line, but I sort of get the feeling it is guys looking for a quick score.

[Blue_Adept]

21. Same people you have in your everyday life

And probably a fair number of people on DU as well, myself included.

I work from home, I raise two kids, getting out can be difficult in trying to find the right person. The majority of ~my~ friends are scattered around the world so that makes it more difficult as well.

There's assholes on all the services to be sure, but also a lot of normal folks.

[steve2470]

20. best wishes with online stuff

I've "been there, done that, and got the crappy t-shirt". I have not been impressed in the past. I'll just do it the old-fashioned way from now on, meaning I meet them in person first.

[PatrickforO]

22. That is very interesting.

I saw an article or video or something about how right wing people are having difficulty on dating sites, too.

By the way, good luck to you. Having been through two divorces, and losing several loved ones, I can tell you that time does heal the grief of a relationship ending.

First, if you haven't, read up on Elizabeth Kubler-Ross's grief cycle. Those states of mind - denial, bargaining, anger, etc. are quite real and happen to everyone. And they don't necessarily happen in order. And once they are over and you think you're out of it, something can throw you back in. But, hey, forewarned is forearmed.

I think the best advice I received after my first divorce when I was a devastated emotional wreck was to move on living my day to day life, find a support group, make some friends and find out who I really am and get comfortable being alone. Then, when the right person comes, and they will - believe me - you'll be ready.

My second marriage was a transitional relationship, and ended up being a five month disaster. So the above is really good advice.

Please accept my best wishes for a great future!

[JeaneRaye]

24. That's good.... weed 'em out early!

As a previous user of Match.com, I can only say that I wished I had done what you did. For me, it turned to be a lot of wasted time.

[MoonRiver]

26. Hahaha!

Still happily married after 27 years, but we're getting a little long in the tooth. I look at those ads and say, naaaa, I've had the best why settle for less.

[Rainngirl]

27. I would totally do the same!

Any level of republicanism is a massive deal breaker. I went on a coffee date a LONG time ago with a guy. The first time he mentioned rush limbaugh as his hero and used the word "feminazi" was the end of it. I absolutely cannot respect a person with those beliefs. It speaks to their inability to think for themselves.

[Marty Marzipan]

28. I would have responded!

... but my wife wouldn't like it!

[Freddie]

29. My brother is widowed

His wife is gone almost 3 years now (long illness) and while he has a couple "lady friends" he'll take to dinner or a movie he is far from ready to get serious with anyone and perhaps never will be.
By the way, where do you live? He's 65, real nice guy, not bad looking...

[tavernier]

42. Tavernier, like my name.

It’s in the Florida Keys, a bit removed from civilization. I can understand your brother. Even though getting serious is hard for me to imagine right now, I enjoy my male friendships. I guess I like to flirt a little, feel like a girl.

[Freddie]

51. He's in central PA

A little far, oh well. Yes he enjoys his lady friends (I suspect one of them would like to get more serious with him) but he's not ready to settle down if he ever will be. One of his issues is that his wife was in poor health for the last 6-7 years of their marriage and he knows at his age that could easily happen again, and he can't handle that again at least now.

[spinbaby]

68. It's hard to start over after a long marriage

I lost my husband almost two years ago after a 40-year marriage and am in no way ready for a new relationship.

[Poiuyt]

30. I found my wife on match.com so it can work

[IronLionZion]

34. Bumble is female-friendly Tinder

Only women send the first message on Bumble, so you won't get creepy stuff from perverted men.

I've had successful relationships from OKCupid, which is free. But not when I post vehement Trump-hating stuff. DC is full of political people who look for generally similar political views but also common interests in other areas.

[keithbvadu2]

35. Conservatives complain that liberal women don't want to date them.

Conservatives complain that liberal women don't want to date them.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100210320638

=================================================

The pro-Trumpers have their own dating site.

http://www.newsweek.com/face-trump-dating-site-dropped-child-sex-conviction-812484

‘A dating website promising to match pro-Trump supporters has removed the main photograph from its homepage after local media identified one of the people portrayed in the image as a North Carolina conservative activist who has a child sex conviction.’

Besides, there should be a plethora of republican women, even married ones, who would date him.

Republican women don’t mind that marital infidelity thing.

[niyad]

41. of course we won't date them. . . yechhhhhhhhh

[VWolf]

36. In my neck of the woods (NJ),

90% of the profiles read - "If you support Trump, then we probably won't get along"

[Chico Man]

39. I met my wife via Match

We are quite happily married

[niyad]

40. for giggles, I went on one of those sites. my profile included the words "radical eco-feminist,

NO republicans or conservatives need reply"

dead silence.

[kimmylavin]

44. Met my husband on match!

We've been married 12 years now.

I made it very clear that I was an ultra-liberal, that the man would have to get a Disneyland passport, and that if they were the type of men who didn't call for a certain number of days, not to bother.

Had a few phone calls, six very nice first dates, and then on the seventh, met the love of my life.

So it happens, and I wish you the best of luck!

[TexasBushwhacker]

45. I prefer OkCupid

You can answer LOTS of questions on things lifestyle, sex, religion, ethics, etc. and rate them in terms of importance. For example, I'm an atheist and while I'll date someone who is moderately religious, I won't date someone who says religion is "extrememly important". Been there, done that.

And you can avoid the men with names like "Juicy69" (who was 65)!

[Jim Lane]

46. I agree with thesquanderer (#8) - it's probably unrelated to politics.

I've used Match in the past, resulting in a couple of long-term relationships.

My expertise is that I gave some thought and did some research into how to use the site. Very common advice for men is that a woman who joins the site will probably get a lot of messages; therefore, to improve the chance that she'll respond to you, you should message her as soon as possible after she joins, before she's inundated. Colloquially, this is "jump on the newbies." In your first week, you were jumped on!

What if your initial profile had included your political statement? My guess is that you would have gotten about the same number of messages. (Maybe you'd screen out a few for whom liberalism was a problem; maybe you'd add a few for whom the addition made you seem more real.) Similarly, if you hadn't changed your profile, your number of messages after the first week would probably have crashed anyway.

Another factor is that you're in a small pool. I'm in the NYC metro area. In the Keys, by contrast, I assume that there aren't nearly as many women for men to consider. I'd guess there are a lot of men there who have already read literally every profile of a local woman who meets their basic criteria. They have no alternative to jumping on the newbies because they've already rejected or been rejected by everyone who's not a newbie.

As for what you do now, I suggest that you respond to some of the more likely prospects who messaged you. Be upfront: Tell them what you told us, that you're uneasy about the process, and that you're not sure you're ready for a relationship yet anyway, but that if they're still interested then you're open to at least meeting. If nothing else, meeting a few strangers might help you get ready.

Good luck!

[tavernier]

49. Good advice!

I did like a message sent to me by one guy who didn’t start all of his 40 sentences with “I” and didn’t have a Mercedes and a large yard with room for a pony. (That’s a Keeping Up Appearances reference I couldn’t resist... sorry) So I answered him and in his next message he had us cuddling and planning a future.

Damn. I was sort of just hoping to find out if liked Italian or Chinese the best.

I guess I wasn’t prepared for some of the come ons quite so soon.

[TlalocW]

47. I have a lifetime free membership on Match

Basically because I was on the internet before most people and joined it when I was free. Twenty some years later, I have not gotten a date out of it. Besides any possibilities of being an asshole which I don't necessarily dispute, being an atheist who doesn't want kids and who lives in the Midwest doesn't help.

TlalocW

[tavernier]

48. LOL!! I'll date ya, I'm fond of assholes!

Sadly I don’t do winter, so we will just have to send hearts and smooches long distance, from the Keys to the Midwest.

[marble falls]

50. I did good on Senior People meet, been together for ten years. Last year my widower dad asked...

me for advice on meeting someone - the 58 years he spent with my mother kinda took him out of the social whirl, and found someone in a couple weeks. Other than she looks spookily like my mom, they've been happy and traveling.

[democratisphere]

52. If a person must become a drumpf deplorable in order to get a date,

the sacrifice would never be worth it.h

[sharedvalues]

53. Match.com is suburban-focused, many quite GOP and selfish

Try okcupid which has more interesting and accepting people, meaning more Democrats.

Match.com has been historically had many milquetoast suburbanites who are GOP and so focused on their own wallets that they dont care about social safety nets or the major political problems of our time.

[Blue_Adept]

55. Just call us deplorables already, yeesh.

[sharedvalues]

56. No there are good people there on match too

There’s a reason why the GOP does best in upper middle class suburbs - lots of brainwashed people there who don’t care about the country and instead selfishly want to pay lower taxes. That’s a big part of the match.com demographic. They definitely do have other good people but some of the other services cater less to the selfish GOP surburbanite.

[Blue_Adept]

57. So now it's upper middle class suburbs and not just milquetoast suburbs?

Let's not change the goalposts too much. You're already painting with quite the broad brush.

[sharedvalues]

58. Selfish GOP upper middle class suburbs

Appear to be biased toward match in my area. Other services have less of that.

[Cha]

54. Good for you, tavernier! Weed out

the brainwashed idiots.

No one is exponentially better!

[liberalhistorian]

59. Hubby and I actually first met here on DU

and then in person at a DU meetup in the western state; we recently celebrated our tenth anniversary. He'd responded in that state's forum when I asked for advice as I'd gotten a job in that state and was planning a move there. He was divorced and a liberal in a very red state, living in a rural area, so you can imagine the slim dating pickings.

We both had, well, "interesting" (lol) experiences with match and other online dating sites. I was shocked at the very nasty, harassing messages I received calling me all sorts of creative variations of "libtard". I just ignored them and went on with things until I got a really persistently harassing idiot who just wouldn't leave me alone; I was happy to block and report him, telling the admins that I wasn't paying a monthly membership charge to be harassed because some snowflake didn't like that I wasn't in political agreement with him.

He was removed from the site and his membership fees for that month were not refunded, apparently he'd done it to other women and paid no attention to warnings. Talk about schadenfreude, lol. Dating really is a jungle and a dog-eat-dog world, I do NOT envy anyone who's dealing with it now.

[Bluesaph]

60. Well I would date you

If I wasn’t married. That sounds like a big check for me! Just ride it out. There are smart, pretty liberal women who are single. Heck! You might find someone here!

[dweller]

63. oh get in line Bluesaph !

I initially started in reading this thread to see if ANYBODY was going to say
I'm interested
and other than TlaclowW and Freddie"s proxy for his brother
I'm not seeing the response
so, seeing as you're married, and I'm not, I'm a step up 😁
of course I've not replied to say what a catch an ultra liberal nurse writer is,
but I'm a kinda shy guy, and out of the "dating scene" for many years now ...
so I'm just watching from my corner for now 🤔

[tavernier]

67. Hmm... I need specifics.

Do you have a hot bod, spend hours at the gym? Do you drive a BMW at work and a corvette for fun? A home with a pool and a waterfall or a simple penthouse apartment in Manhattan? Yup... I have seen several of these profiles, which just made me wonder, if true, why can’t he get a date??

And thanks for polishing up my resume. If DU was indeed a dating site, that would certainly be my first choice.
Dem men are definitely the most attractive!

[rplcmint67]

61. Nice...At Six O'Clock things go under the table for Filthy Don

Playboys after dark!

[RestoreAmerica2020]

64. Spanish dicho, proverb: es mejor solo que con una mala compania

Last edited Sun May 13, 2018, 12:14 PM - Edit history (4)

'better to be alone than in bad company!' A dicho my grandmother would often say to the women in her family. Wise, very wise. So, don't think of it as rejection, they did you a favor! So funny though...card carrying liberal. Its funny because a friend of mine was planning to set me up on a blind date...I knew his political views, I told her hell no! But, but..he's a nice guy, she said, I said frikn hell no..I saw our first date flash before my eyes...MAGA rally? Shite, I want to enjoy my retirement years, not attach myself to someone who alligns themselves to hate, bigotry, racism. Life is to damn short!

Give yourself some time and be careful out there, meeting people is done mostly through social media...if interested then you meet for coffee...then, it progresses from there. Well, that's what my younger son tells me. Anyway, finding someone that share the same interest, values and beliefs just makes life a hell of a lot easier. Yet, being single isn t so bad, I find it to be liberating.

Sorry, I dont mean to be flippant, my singleness is a result of a divorce decades ago and I've never regretted the decision. I see my parents marriage...they thoroughly love each other, enjoy doing things together; my father absolutely cherishes, values, respects my mother. They've been married 65 years! Yes, It's different when ones spouse passes, and I'm deeply sorry for your loss, and its' great that you're opening a new chapter in you life and I wish you all the best.

Paz.

[Raine]

65. I met the love of my life in what experts say is the worst place ... in a singles bar.

We met in 1979 during the disco period and were together till he died in 2010. We started talking and had lots in common, love of animals and both of the same mind politically. You can find the perfect person anywhere even when you don't expect to. At this point I'm not interested in finding anyone else. I had the best but who knows maybe someday I'll be ready someone new.

[The_jackalope]

69. I met an uber-liberal lady vegan Jewish Renewal rabbi on Match

It went fabulously for a couple of months until I rolled over one morning and thought, "Wait a second, I'm a carnivorous atheist. WTF am I doing here?" Then I remembered last night, smiled, rolled over and went back to sleep.

[The Wizard]

71. Maybe liberals are less likely

to buy some weird stalkers bullshit.

[extvbroadcaster]

72. You have to do it

Put right on your profile "If you support Trump, we will not be a match" - it saves time believe me.
The "opposites attract" idea is BS if you ask me. A couple has to be more or less on the same page, and having one think dotard is doing a fine job is a deal breaker. That being said, online dating does work every once in a while. Kind of like a blind pig finding an acorn. But you have to get through a bunch of problems. First, way too many guys on all the sites. That means women get tons of replies, guys not so much. Read between the lines. If somebody says the most important person in their life is god, run like hell. Mentions of church and being christian could be an issue if you are not looking for that. Some other red flags - multiple divorces, tons of kids, high school diploma only, tattoos all over, loves riding Harleys, favorite activities are all bar related like pool and darts, decline to answer body type, no picture or picture old or fuzzy - if any of these things bother you don't waste your time. I have never seen anybody anytime say they did drugs in their profile. Now come on, how many people smoke pot? Lying on that one is common. Drinking is always listed as "social" - yeah, right. So go into it with eyes open and meet in a public place and just have coffee. You can tell pretty quick if it is going anywhere. If you get red flags all over, say nice to meet you and you are off the hook for just the price of a cup of coffee. Good luck to everybody trying the online dating world!

[BlancheSplanchnik]

73. And if you don't notice red flags at coffee, stay aware

They could show up later.

I’ve been single seven years after the last mistake blew up. Long string of mistakes.

Now I’m finally less freaked out about being single. It’s quite comfortable.

Ha, now I’m more freaked out about meeting someone—supposedly my top number one desire.

On the dating site (Plenty of Fish), I get tons of scammers. They’re easy to weed out, though.

I’ve had a couple maniac wing-asses go ballistic on me—my profile says I’m Liberal, anti trump and also not interested in men 15+ years older than me.

Ha, sixty year old women attract scammers and 75+ year old men!