Dear White People: If you see something, say something
There has been some discussion ‘round these parts about whether white people who witness racist behavior should get involved or just let the person or persons targeted “handle it themselves.”
While I always took it as a given that any woke white person seeing such a thing should, unquestionably, say something and not just leave it to minorities to fend for ourselves, apparently, there are some white folk stuck on the idea that if we’re doing a “good job” defending ourselves and/or calling out the racist aggressor, they need not say or do anything but watch - and, likely afterward tell their friends about it and, of course, bemoan how awful it was to see, no doubt feeling very good about their outrage.
Wrong.
In fact, that attitude is the very epitome of white privilege at its worst, which allows you to be a bystander, sending silent thoughts and prayers while we fend off your white breathren who, no doubt, take great comfort in your silence and assume, not unreasonably, that it means you agree with them or, at the very least, don’t object strongly enough to their words and behavior to say anything.
So, let me lay it out for you.
I cannot count how many times I have been in these situations - if you are black in America, they happen all the time. This is an exhausting, frustrating everyday reality for us. Not only do we have to deal with the attack, we then have to make all manner of split-second and diamondcut precise calculations that would challenge the Hidden Figures.
Is this racism or is this guy just a jerk to everyone? Do I respond or let it go? If I let it go, am I condoning his behavior? If I don’t try to put him in check, am I leaving him free to do this to someone else who may not be able to protect themselves? And if I DO challenge him, is he dangerous? Could I get hurt? Is there anyone here who will take my side and back me up or am I on my own? And what will everyone here think of me? Will I look crazy or unhinged? Will it affect me or my reputation or job or future in some way? Is it worth it?
And all of this takes place in a fraction of a second while our hearts are pounding, stomachs churning and blood rushing in our ears. And when we DO say something, it’s all we can do to stay calm, continue breathing, keep our voices from shaking too much, and not yell like a crazy person.
Let me tell you - you don’t really know the meaning of “lonely” until you feel what it’s like to have to do all of this ALL BY YOURSELF while your fellow human beings stand around looking at you as if none of this has anything to do with them.
So, given all we have to deal with when confronted with this, is it really too much to ask that you stop sipping your latte long enough to support us with a word or a gesture? It’s not enough that, afterward, you pat us on the back and say, “Wow. That was awful. But YOU were GREAT!” or tell your friends about how awesome we were long after the fact. We need your audible, visible support RIGHT THERE, IN THAT MOMENT.
If you’re truly an ally, that means doing more than standing around watching us fight the battle. SAY SOMETHING! And, even if you don’t want to say anything, step up and DO SOMETHING, even if it’s just standing next to us on our side facing down the ugly.
When you see a white person display bigotry or hatred, don’t just stand there. SAY something. Even if you think the POC has it under control, don’t just stand there, SAY something. Of COURSE we have it under control. We’ve been dealing with this crap all of our lives. We almost always figure out how to handle it and then take care of our business and we manage to do it while having to assess in real time, on the fly, in public, in the middle of the situation exactly what to do and how to do it and then actually pull it off - like Rogers dancing as well as Astaire, but backwards and in high heels - while y’all stand there staring at us and supposedly send good thoughts our way that, for all we know, could just as easily be good thoughts you’re sending to our attacker since we can’t tell if YOU DON’T SAY ANYTHING!
Now, let’s be clear. By “say something,” I don’t mean jumping all up in it like you’re our Great White Hope. And I certainly don’t mean you should put yourself in harm’s way or turn this into a fight about you. But a word, a gesture - sometimes just physically stepping up and standing next to us can make a huge difference.
Because here’s the deal: we don’t need your help. But we do need your support. And we need your support then and there in that moment in time and it needs to be heard and seen, not just by us, but everyone there.
There’s a reason hardly anyone remembers the ballplayers who sat in the dugout and stood around the field being impressed by how much dignity Jackie Robinson showed when he withstood the racist taunts from the crowds, but there IS a statue of Pee Wee Reese standing with his arm around his friend.
Be Pee Wee Reese.
Thank you in advance.
Sincerely,
Effie Black
= new reply since forum marked as read
I'd comment but it looks like you are doing fine by yourself.
I appreciate this joke.
Touché
At least your greek chorus is leaving you alone! 
Because not having enough to grapple with in the moment, we need to also occupy ourselves by looking around the place and saying, "Can someone help me out here?"
I don’t think they’re getting intended response.
For both the excellent, eloquent explanation and illustration AND for having my back on this. As you said, it makes a difference.
That I overlooked.
I usually responded to "He didn't allow them to be racist they already were" and not make the link to how their behavior switched up since the rise of Trumpism.
I'm giving the hat tip smiley a work out today
Welcome to DU, wonkwest!
I'm so glad another thoughtful, informed poster has joined this board.
It's how we become a community.
Dwi'n cadw'r ffydd! 
Mae fy nhad annwyl yn Cymraeg.
Yr wyf yn dysgu iaith honharrd. 
Teimlwch yn rhydd i gywir i mi !!
Tan yn ddiweddarach.
And then I laughed a little at the irony. 
Be Melissa DePino.
Things like this happen to black and brown people in this country every single day, and they talk about it, tweet about it, and write about it, but for more reasons than I can discuss intelligently in this small space, people who look like me -- white people -- often don't see, hear or believe their stories. And what's even worse is that it often takes a black or brown person experiencing this type of painful situation -- and having it exposed it to the world -- for many of us to even get involved, which in and of itself is part of the larger problem.
After my tweet went viral, a well-meaning friend of my generation, who believes herself to be racially unbiased, said to me, "I'm shocked. I never knew that still happened until I saw your video." My first thought in response was: Really? And my second was to wonder: What was it about this story that broke through to her when other stories didn't?
Was it the fact that the video was taken by someone she trusted, someone who looks like her? Was it that she doesn't enter the much-needed conversation on race because she's afraid or uncomfortable? Is it because she thinks that it's not a problem that today, in America in 2018, counts as her problem? These are also important questions, and I don't have good answers.
https://www.cnn.com/2018/04/16/opinions/philadelphia-starbucks-why-i-tweeted-the-video-depino-opnion/index.html
Where's your proof? I see none. Where are the links to the aforementioned topics which stated such things here on DU? I asked you to post them with my previous post. Still waiting! This whole thread was unnecessary. What you're addressing is persona non grata on this website.
I'm not new, I've been here on and off since the 2002 midterms. Through the '04 Deaniac phenomenon, the 2006 & 2008 uprisings. I thankfully avoided the 2016 primary. So I'm familiar with you and your posts. You tend to inflate your own self-importance.
Have a good weekend, regardless.
Yes, "lecture" would be the right word.
Any more public service announcements?
Wait..How about one for the Male People? 
are doing a good job of creating awareness of this huge problem that many of us whites were not adequately aware of, with the possible exception of police shootings and beatings. And, I now understand that Blacks and Hispanics have dealt with this racial bias every day for so long that's it became a normal part of life a long, long time ago. Social media may well have broken the ice of this ocean of racism where hate erupts even in coffee shops and clothing stores each day - events we otherwise wouldn't hear about in the mainstream media.
I agree that whites in particular need to be more brave and speak up because that has an impact that spreads to others that are witnesses. However, I did want to mention the fear factor, which Lovemydogs mentioned, above. Our society is consumed in fear these days from multiple directions, thanks to rabid right-wing dogma that is spreading. That particularly is affected by the increasing proliferation of people carrying guns. That's why it's important when confronting someone unknown to do it wisely: look the person over thoroughly and try to judge their demeanor and temperament as possible. If they are in a furious state or in a group, it may be best to not confront. And, it's wise to confront in a non-threatening way that's not abrasive or loud - as you said, "just say something" to interrupt their ownership of the crowd. However, if the situation escalates, it becomes disturbing the peace at some point and it's best to just call in the cops.
What's interesting is that after one person says something to the offender, others will typically chime in and that's important for gaining control (they almost never attack multiple people). Once something is said, that takes the wind out of the offender's ego and hopefully they shut up. I like another poster's idea of framing a response based on bullying, which removes racist and political overtones from the conversation.
I feel it's also important to not do or say things that would make the offender feel overly demeaned or threatened beacuse that's just asking for violence. We must remember many of these people are already highly agitated before they spoke and tempers may be very short and easily ignited. There's no great honor in losing teeth or gaining broken bones.
The unfortunate part is that these confrontations will not likely change the offender. A large percentage of these people have been brainwashed to the point of no hope and the best we can hope for is they will be so in fear of repercussions that they just stay quiet. It's possible a few may change their thinking and return to being good citizens. The problem is that our society does not require rehabilitation for such offenses as we do for crimes, but instead we just send them home to pout and they feel free to offend again.
However, members of our progressive community can help by being more open and friendly to all members of the community and those efforts spread and multiply in tons of good will. The efforts of you and other DUers in the minority paid off for me in awareness just the other day. As I was leaving a Lowe's store with a cart full of heavy bags of mulch and sand, a very healthy young black employee walked by and offered to help load my stuff in my truck. I usually don't ask for help, but realized this as an opportunity to meet and chat with this young man. He tossed those bags in like they were nothing and saved my back, which as killing me already. When done, he immediately turned to walk away and I stopped him. He turned around and I shook his hand and thanked him. That seemed to make him very happy. No telling this to brag, but to point out that we all need to return to a more civil way of dealing with all our fellow travelers through life. The little things do count.
Please keep this conversation going. We need it to stay in our dialog so we don't fall back into complacency......
and the 'splainers ARE the usual suspects. So funny. They funny
and tragic at the same time because they "just don't get it" or my favourite, just don't give a damn. White privilege and entitlement IS at stake here. 
and to be used in my daily travels around town and country. YOU ARE A PATRIOT. 
and this really is all we have unless an american can claim another country as birth home. You are a breath of fresh air...I love ya!!!!!!!!!
Love you, too:
