Do you think older people can change their ways?

[cynatnite]

I've heard it said that when you reach a certain age, you've become incapable of change. I'm 53 years old and I like to think there are still things I can learn about myself, that I see when I screw up and I make amends for that and that if I make the same mistake more than once I haven't learned a thing. I like to think I'm capable of looking at myself honestly and improving my own self in order to be a better person.

Then there's tRump. He's gone through his life handling things a certain way and thinks that is the best way to go through his presidency. Bullying, letting his staff fight it out like it's a reality show and lying at every drop of a hat. Never apologizing for anything because he thinks it's a sign of weakness.

I like to think that anyone, no matter their age, is capable of changing their behavior and themselves if they really want to. For some it's harder such as addicts or other diseases that can incapacitate thinking.

But for many without those impediments that do not change bad behaviors such as lying or backwards thinking, would you say it's more of they don't want or are just flat out incapable of it?

Really interested in what everyone thinks.

Thanks!

[Wounded Bear]

1. Yes, I do...

although many are beyond hope.

[Mariana]

2. I think they can, but few of them want to. nt.

[Adrahil]

14. Exactly this....

It's possible, but it takes a person willing admit they have been wrong for a very long time. Few Old Timers have that kind of self-reflexivity.

[Phentex]

17. I think this is it...

I know many people who could change but they don't want to.

And then there are those who don't feel the need to change.

[LisaM]

3. Of course.

I don't think Trump was ever capable of changing his ways. Then look at someone like Hillary Clinton who is constantly evolving.

[RKP5637]

30. Exactly. Darn, I'm old now and I'm as flexible as in my 20's. I think a lot of it has to do

with genetics, education and life experiences. I'm still friends with many of my professors and professor friends, they too are like they were decades ago, and still liberal, what is fair, etc. as per my sig. line.

[beachbum bob]

4. You heard wrong, behavior and actions can change at any age..

What prevent human beings from changing is underlying fear of change. So when you overcome the fear, you can usually proceed with change....becomes muddied when you throw in mental issues and personality disorders that trump has.

[In_The_Wind]

5. Change is possible at any age.

[Moostache]

6. I have changed more in my 40's than I did in my 30's and its accelerating for me...

I was a real POS as a 20-something...then I became a clueless parent in my 30's...now, as my 40's are dwindling so rapidly that my head spins, I think I am finally becoming a decent human being...I only expect my sense of empathy and connection to helping future generations survive to expand further as a hit my 50's.

Once you stop leaning and changing, you might as well be dead or a Republican...but either way is not for me!

[Glorfindel]

7. Absolutely. I'm "older," and seem constantly to be changing my ways.

I thought I'd be bored to sobs in retirement, but quite the contrary. There aren't enough hours in the day to do all the things I want!

[ooky]

11. +1

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

8. You can if you want to, no matter how old you are.

It might take a little more thought and effort because people do tend to get set in their ways, but if you start to see that things aren't working for you, you'll have more incentive to change your behavior or your attitude or your outlook. But you have to figure out that the way you are now is what's causing your problems, and you have to want to change.

Trump won't change, though. Because he's a narcissist he doesn't think anything is his fault, so when things go wrong he blames other people or pretends nothing is wrong or weasels out of the problem using his money and his bullying behavior. He has no capacity for introspection and therefore will not recognize when his own actions are causing his problems. Whatever eventually happens to him will therefore be, in his mind, "unfair" and entirely the fault of someone else.

[smirkymonkey]

21. This! Exactly.

The key is that a person has to want to change, as has been stated up-post. I feel like I am always changing and growing, but that is because I can often see how my own self-destructive habits or blind spots are hurting me and others more than helping. It's not easy, but it's always worth it.

Very wealthy people like Trump are always protected from their mistakes and the damage they do, so they have the "luxury" of carrying on in they same way they always have because there are usually very few consequences.

The rest of us have to learn through pain or being uncomfortable that our ways are not serving us well - if we are at all introspective - and so we see the benefit of changing.

I think I can safely say that Trump will never change. He will be a selfish, narcissistic, dishonest, insecure asshole until they day he dies.

[RKP5637]

31. Well said!!! n/t

[ooky]

9. Its not their age that keeps them from being able to change,

it's what is in their hearts.

[Maeve]

10. Only if they are interested in doing so

My life keeps evolving because I embrace change. But I watch others who collapse in on themselves as they age, slowly surrounding themselves with only what makes them comfortable, like wrapping themselves in cotton-wool. Others attack what frightens them--"a good offense" and all that.

There is some truth in the idea that we just become more ourselves as we age...

[Goonch]

12. Trump and Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Individuals with this disorder exhibit a lack of ability to empathize with others and an inflated sense of self-importance.
Definition

The hallmarks of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) are grandiosity, a lack of empathy for other people, and a need for admiration. People with this condition are frequently described as arrogant, self-centered, manipulative, and demanding. They may also concentrate on grandiose fantasies (e.g. their own success, beauty, brilliance) and may be convinced that they deserve special treatment. These characteristics typically begin in early adulthood and must be consistently evident in multiple contexts, such as at work and in relationships.

People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they are superior or special, and often try to associate with other people they believe are unique or gifted in some way. This association enhances their self-esteem, which is typically quite fragile underneath the surface. Individuals with NPD seek excessive admiration and attention in order to know that others think highly of them. Individuals with narcissistic personality disorder have difficulty tolerating criticism or defeat, and may be left feeling humiliated or empty when they experience an "injury" in the form of criticism or rejection.

Related Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, Paranoid.

Symptoms

Narcissistic personality disorder is indicated by five or more of the following symptoms:

Exaggerates own importance

Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence or ideal romance

Believes he or she is special and can only be understood by other special people or institutions

Requires constant attention and admiration from others

Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment

Takes advantage of others to reach his or her own goals

Disregards the feelings of others, lacks empathy

Is often envious of others or believes other people are envious of him or her
Shows arrogant behaviors and attitudes

50 to 75 percent of the people diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder are male. Additionally, it is common for many adolescents to display the characteristics listed above; this does not indicate that they will later develop narcissistic personality disorder.

Causes

Causes of narcissistic personality disorder are not yet well-understood. Genetic and biological factors as well as environment and early life experiences are all thought to play a role in the development of this condition.
Treatments

Treatment for narcissistic personality disorder can be challenging because people with this condition present with a great deal of grandiosity and defensiveness, which makes it difficult for them to acknowledge problems and vulnerabilities. Individual and group psychotherapy may be useful in helping people with narcissistic personality disorder relate to others in a healthier and more compassionate way. Mentalization-based therapy, transference-focused psychotherapy, and schema-focused psychotherapy have all been suggested as effective ways of treating narcissistic personality disorder.

[tonyt53]

13. Almost 65 here. I accept my changes. Some are bad, but most are for the good.

Difference between you and I and trump is that we aren't narcissists, but trump is. A narcissist will never change because they think that they are perfect.

[ismnotwasm]

15. Yes

But there has to be desire and will.

[Phoenix61]

16. Intellectual curiosity

People who have it continuously change through out their life. They love to learn and apply what they learn. Without it, you learn the bare minimum to get by. These people are old by the time the turn 30. They resist change because it requires learning new things which holds no intrinsic value to them.

[IluvPitties]

18. Change is not about age.

It is about being brave and humble enough to accept we need them.

[smirkymonkey]

22. +1000

Yes, bravery and especially humility are key components in being able to change. Trump has neither of those qualities.

[Hoyt]

19. People can change at any time. Whether they want to, or think they need to, is another matter.

I keep hoping trump will wake up one day with the realization that he can make great changes for humanity and set out to do so. But, then reality returns.

[MineralMan]

20. Sure. At least some people can.

Mostly it's people who have been changing in one way or another all their lives. They can change at any time, if there is reason for it. I'm not sure age has all that much to do with it, frankly.

Others, though, have resisted change from an early age. Often, they lose the ability to change at some point, I think.

[kydo]

23. "Can" change and "want" to change are five different things

Yes, even old people can change. Do they want to? orange crushers, nope, they want you to change. Normal people, yes of course, if it suits them or if they need to.

[Brainfodder]

24. With enough modivation to, yeah

There is no fear of consequences from the actions of this Trump, but I can't see it ending well for him.

He is making them look like fools for ever/still believing the baloney.

Once they turn, and they will...

Unfiltered stupidity can't go on forever.

[cynatnite]

25. I'm asking this because of my tRump-supporting sister...

Because of some serious personal issues and years of lying repeatedly over a variety of things plus other bad behaviors on her part. I finally got sick of it after a huge lie that she told me over and over again that had serious repercussions that could impact her family and mine. Needless to say, it's a horrible thing that she's done to further her own agenda. It's painful to even think about.

Anyway, it was the final straw for me. I blocked and unfriended her on Facebook and I've blocked her on my cellphone.

I'm only willing to try to fix our relationship if she's willing to change her ways, stop the lying, the scheming and the rest of her bad behavior. She touts how much of a Christian she is.

I love my sister, but I can't tolerate it any longer. She's five years young than me. I don't know if she's capable of changing her behavior.

[LuckyCharms]

32. I've lost my siblings.

We will probably never speak again.

It's a shame, but it happens.

One is a Trumper, one isn't.

We are estranged mainly due to how I was treated when caring for a dying parent.

As we age, sometimes you have to decide what you will and will not allow yourself to tolerate for your remaining years.

[cynatnite]

34. I'm only willing to fix this if she's willing to change her ways...

If not, I don't see the point. I could handle my sister being a tRumper. I've got other family members that are, but they've never lied to me...especially at the level my sister has. We're fine. But my sister has took it to a new level and it was to further her own agenda. She did a really underhanded thing and more or less profited off our mother's illness. That broke our relationship.

[LuckyCharms]

36. I'm sorry, and I understand.

I don't even want them to change, because I know they never will. All I want is the following:

1) An acknowledgment that they were wrong.

2) A sincere apology.

Alas, I will never get even that.

I won't lie here...the estrangement has messed me up badly. However, it would be worse if we were not estranged, because what they actually did messed me up more.

There is a song called "Patchwork River" which has the following lyrics...""Forgiveness is nifty, but enough is enough, when they keep on doing that same old stuff".

I think you would need to weigh which is more harmful to you...reconciling or staying estranged. That will give you your answer. If the answer is to stay estranged, that is as noble and righteous as any other solution.

[pangaia]

26. Not me. No way in hell. I am right. too late.

[LuckyCharms]

28. We must be exactly the same.

Because I am always right. Seriously, I am.

[pangaia]

42. In that case we should never have a discussion about anything.

Good night..

[LuckyCharms]

27. Yes, I'm 59.

I've been a avid DIY'er since I was a teen, and sometimes I will realize that I have been doing something inefficiently my whole life, so I will change to become more efficient, or better if you will, at what I am doing.

Also, I am also open to reasonable opinions, even if they are opposite of my own. If there is a compelling argument for me to change my opinion, I usually will. However, if changing my opinion violates my established core beliefs substantially, I won't change.

Good, thoughtful OP.

[Thirties Child]

29. Insight can happen at any age. But--a caveat.

I'm 83 and I'm still learning who I am, expect to continue learning through to the end. I absolutely hate change, but change that is imposed on me, such as a store closing or my DVR changing the way it operates. Change that comes from within is a different story. I welcome that, but therein lies my caveat. When my parents were each around 85 traits that were always there, but usually held at bay, emerged and strengthened. It's as if they were middle-aged until 85, when they entered old age. Curious to see how it will affect me.

[Downtown Hound]

33. Can they? Sure.

Will they? Who knows? For most of them, probably not.

[Solly Mack]

35. I do. You just have to be open to new ways of thinking and doing.

Something a simple as getting into a new hobby can alter perspectives and change behavior - because you see things from a different angle.

Something that gets you out around people/nature. You don't even have to leave your backyard to take up gardening but it opens up a whole new world of the connection between all living things - if you allow yourself to see it.

As for lying, some people need professional help with that. There could be more to it than simply being a liar.

It's been said over and over again - but people get in their own way. Fear being the biggie. It can be hard to overcome fear. A person might need help with that.

It can be scary and it certainly can be hard to do, but change can happen. But I think you have to make a conscious choice to step away from who you are now to see what you can become.

As for Trump, I honestly don't think he has ever had a real thought at all. He merely accepts certain things, regardless of how false.

For example - If he's rich, he must be smarter, better, more whatever than others. He didn't think about it, probably heard it from another person - and he accepted it without question. No thinking.

[Anon-C]

37. I sincerely believe so!

[Lint Head]

38. I haven't really changed since I was 25. I guess I'm stuck now.

Time will change me but my mind is winning the race with time. When or if I lose my mind then I lose the race. After that lights out.

[Jim Lane]

39. To some extent.

If you've exhibited a particular trait or followed a particular course for X number of years, then it can be hard to change, and it gets harder as X increases.

I agree with those in this thread who point to the desire to change -- only I'd call it a necessary but not a sufficient condition.

Another factor is the community, meaning the people in one's circle, not necessarily the geographical neighbors. Just as to politics, for example, it will be harder for your sister to abandon Trump if the people she now knows overwhelmingly support him.

[cynatnite]

40. That's true. They're reinforcing their beliefs with each other rather than looking outside...

I suppose it is out of fear that their beliefs are false and an even greater one to have no choice but to accept it.

[aikoaiko]

41. Only under extreme situations in my opinion. Otherwise no.