More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Summer of Malcontent Edition

[Fritz67]

Yesterday was Memorial Day, where we remember those who gave their lives in defense of our freedom. We celebrate with cookouts, mattress sales, and Tweets from a draft dodger talking about how awesome he is.

So as a long, hot summer of malcontent is upon us (not until June 21st astronomically, mind you) time to take another look into right-wing doublethink with the 33rd installment of More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today!

Updates:

* You screamed with outrage at the idea that Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton are going to take everyone's guns away, even though they've never said a thing about doing so, but not a peep when Donald Trump actually said people's guns should be taken away. (#25, Oct 2016)

* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for Dick Cheney, George W. and Jeb Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Clarence Thomas, Dan Quayle, Tom Delay, Tom Tancredo, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump, Willard Mitt Romney, and John Bolton not to go. (From all the way back in #1 in November 2010)

* Valid for Hitler Comparisons: A black man wants to make health care more affordable to more people. Not Valid for Hitler Comparisons: A bombastic bigot with a bad haircut wants to stop immigration, persecute believers of a religious minority, torture people, demand loyalty oaths, punish those who criticize him, build internment camps for children, and refers to other human beings as "animals" (#23, July 2016) .

All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:

* Being willing to sleep with Donald Trump is an "extraordinary ability"

* Tyranny: A black President wants to give more people better health care. Not Tyranny: A white president wishes to be "president for life"

* You've been married multiple times, cheated on all of your wives, had sex with porn stars, and are pushing abstinence only sex education

* You think the idea that Donald Trump is a Russian agent is an absurd conspiracy theory, and the fact that Trump fired his Secretary of State twelve hours after condemning an alleged Russian attack on the soil of the US's closest ally is a complete coincidence.

* An electoral victory by a Republican is a victory for Republicans. An electoral victory by a Democrat is still a victory for Republicans

* Wanting to not get shot makes you a Nazi

* Senator you will support: child molester. Senator you won't support: Republican that used to be a Democrat

* The Republicans running the investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 election are conducting a Democratic conspiracy against Trump.

* Brown v. Board of Education was more Judicial Activism you despise

* You oppose gay marriage but not sex with animals. Yes, that's right, ten Republicans voted against an animal sex ban.

* "Fiscal Responsibility" and "America First": Passing a massive tax cut that balloons the deficit and gives 80% of its benefits to foreigners

* Being an autocrat who murders his enemies with poison gas and polonium = Exactly like the Founding Fathers

* Golfing While Black is a criminal offense.

* Too controversial for the NFL: a black quarterback who kneels during the national anthem. Not too controversial for the NFL: a white quarterback who tweets racist slurs

* You're enraged that a comedian made crude jokes about Donald "Grab'em By The Pussy" Trump and his inner circle.

* You hold comedians to a higher standard of conduct than you do the president of the United States.

Closely paraphrased from TranssexualKaren:
* Being president means you are immune to Constitutional restrictions upon the office of the president.

* "Champion of … the rule of law": a racist convicted in a court of law of abusing his prisoners and defying court orders.

* "Criminalizing politics" = A Republican just got caught politicizing crime.

* "Divisive": Memorials to the innocent victiims of racist crimes Not "Divisive": Monuments put up to the traitors who waged an armed revolt against the United States in the name of racism.

* The best way to protect our elections against cyber terrorism is to give up even trying.

* "America First" = Saving the jobs of a Chinese cell phone manufacturer

* The "F-bomb" is more offensive than dead schoolchildren.

* Racism = Pointing out that black people can be shot at whim while white people can stride around with military grade weapons with no problem.

* Inflaming tensions in the Middle East and breaking international treaties are actions deserving of a Nobel Peace Prize.

* HIV and HPV are the same thing.

* The White Cliffs of Dover, not climate change, are behind the rise in ocean levels.

* Democratic Presidents have to obey subpoenas; Republican Presidents do not

* You blame unhealthy food for school shooting, even though you criticized Michelle Obama for trying to get schools to serve healthier food.

* "Family values" = Tearing immigrant children away from their families

[beachbum bob]

1. the only thing that republicans need to believe is they are the true victims

and its all caused by blacks, hispanics and democrats

and nothing can be said to change majority of their minds and why its a waste to even think so