"Passed". "Passed away". "Passed on". When did it become verboten to say 'died"?

[Aristus]

A pet peeve of mine is cutesy euphemisms for one of humanity's most important, and ultimately inescapable, transition points: death.

I see obituaries all the time is which the loved one is reported to have "passed", "passed away", "passed on", "gone home to glory","gone to be with Jesus", "gone to be with the angels", and probably the most annoyingly provincial "GONE FISHIN'!"

I read a book recently written by a doctor working in a teaching hospital in New York City. She reports taking on a new nurse for overnight care in the geriatric ward. One morning, she comes in to receive the nurse's overnight report on patient status. The new nurse, who hailed from someplace in the deep South, announced that one of their patients "had passed."

"Passed what? Passed urine? Passed stool?"

"No...she...she passed away. She passed on."

"......You mean she died?"

"Yes."

"Then say 'she died'! This isn't East Cornpone or wherever you're from! Use medical terminology here."

If someone were to say to me that such a euphemism can ease the pain and grief of the loved ones, I would simply say death is death. The loved ones will not grieve less or feel less pain if we take ridiculous steps to avoid using the words "death", "dead", or "died".

[HipChick]

1. Transitioned?

Is that ok?

[Aristus]

2. Meh.

It's possible to go too far in the other direction. For example, I would never tell a patient's family that the patient had 'expired', as if he/she were a gallon of milk. Just 'died'. Short, simple, and direct.

[HipChick]

7. My problem is a lot of these terms are tied up in religious connations..

I went through something traumatic at 16, which caused me to forever reject organized religion..."died" implies for me, that the soul does not live on...like this is it..finite..

[Aristus]

12. I agree with you.

But I don't see why someone of a religious bent should feel moved to avoid the word 'death'.

People of many different religions agree that, while the soul may live on, the earthly, corporeal body dies.

[Sneederbunk]

24. Heaven forbid there be any religious connotations.

[Voltaire2]

66. It implies no such thing.

[LastLiberal in PalmSprings]

78. I've always preferred "croaked."

But I can see where "passed away" has its purposes.

In journalism school the first thing they drummed into our heads -- after "the purpose of a newspaper is to make money" -- was that you used "died" instead of any of the euphemisms.

[pangaia]

26. Expired.. never thought of that one, but I think I like it...

[LeftInTX]

88. Isn't expired the medical term?

[malaise]

10. Caribbean death columns are full of that one

It's disgusting. Dead is dead - gone to rot like the rest of our ancestors - fugging dead.

[pangaia]

27. Maybe it shouldn't , but that cracked me up.

[malaise]

50. The only way to enjoy life is to laugh at its end

from we can. If more of us shared that view, we wouldn't take ourselves so seriously because we'd know that we are all dispensable

[HipChick]

80. Exactly....we are only here for a short time...

[malaise]

84. Trees live longer than humans

Just saying

[pangaia]

97. expired.... dispensable..... what's next??

[HipChick]

43. Right, and I see like 1hr long mass obituaries on TV...

[malaise]

51. All repeating the same BS

On more than a few occasions, I've been tempted to ask them to open the casket to see if it's the same person I knew.

[HipChick]

67. lmao! That reminds me of the time I attended a funeral...

and the family described the deceased as a "World Traveller"...we all looked around at each in disbelief as we knew that this woman never travelled like a 100yards from her backyard, except to meddle in other people business...

[malaise]

70. Bwaaaaaaah

[brush]

105. Sometimes it's hard for people who have experienced the pain of losing...

a loved one to say he/she died. It's painful. Passed or passed away is a little more soothing and doesn't bring back the pain as much.

I have experienced that pain and don't understand at all why an attempt at easing it bothers anyone.

[malaise]

108. I disagree

We have all had someone die. We are born and we die. There is no life without death. I see no reasons to accept only softened words. That said everyone can do what they want.
The nicest death announcement I ever saw was that of a columnist who wrote it himself when he knew he was dying.
Name died reluctantly. I loved it.

[brush]

112. That's fine. You use what you like, others will use what they want.

[Mariana]

106. A relative of mine "entered into spirit life" in 1877 in Providence, RI.

[malaise]

111. LOL

Love it.

[Mariana]

11. Transitioned? You mean transitioned from living to dead?

There's potential for confusion there, I think. Isn't it better to be clear and precise?

[malaise]

63. Just checked today's Sunday paper

'made the transition' - they mean from earth to heaven, but we know it's life to death.

[SCantiGOP]

3. We hide behind a lot of words

When my youngest started school a neighbor was asking if a certain teacher was still there. She described the teacher as being “stout,” but my daughter said, “No, she’s really fat.”
At least the lady hasn’t passed so she was with Jesus in the great beyond.

[highplainsdem]

4. I don't consider those "cutesy eupemisms." They've been used a very long time, and

the people using them know very well that they're referring to death.

The doctor who wrote that book sounds to me like a bully who knew exactly what that nurse was saying, and knew the nurse knew it, but couldn't resist ridiculing her (including with that stupidly contemptuous "East Cornpone" comment, which IMO disqualified that doctor from teaching; we've had a nursing shortage for a long time and ridiculing new nurses like that, showing prejudice against what you think is their origin, does not help).

[Aristus]

9. That's certainly a valid point.

I can understand the doctor's point of view, though. She may have been thinking: "What other euphemisms of hers am I going to have to decipher in the course of a medical workday? How much is this going to gum up the works or slow us down?"

[Ilsa]

40. Instead of setting her up with

"passed what?" etc, the doctor should have simply asked her, "do you mean the patient died?" When the nurse answers yes, then the dr should have told her you she needs to be specific when giving report. There was no need for the nasty attitude to get her point across.

[Blue_Roses]

134. Exactly.

Belittling isn't the answer.

[mitch96]

49. "The doctor who wrote that book sounds to me like a bully"

No, a self aggrandizing prick... I've worked with many like that.. Back in the day while doing an ICU patient in my CT scanner, I asked the nursing supervisor how another patient was doing.. She said he had a "unfortunate out come" Knowing full well what she meant, I questioned her. She whispered "he died".. So very loudly I said, why didn't you say he died??? Dead is dead and it's the ultimate "outcome" of life... jeeze... Always with a new way of stating the obvious..
Pet peeve... Like something is not old, it's a "legacy" item... The military is classic with this... A "Hi impact fixation device"..... aka a hammer.. or a "rapid disassembly due to a sudden decrease in velocity"..... aka a crash...

m

[LeftInTX]

95. No the doctor is not a bully. Nurses are taught technical/medical/legal terms for death...

Pass is not one of them...and if she wrote it in a chart, it would not be acceptable. Her charge nurse should call her out if she is using these types of terms in a medical record. The medical record is a legal document. "Passed" in medical terms usually means to poop or pee or fart.

[RhodeIslandOne]

145. This

Doctor sounds like a dick.

[Spider Jerusalem]

5. I find the American love of euphemism to be weird and creepy, honestly.

I've lived in the UK for a decade; the news here, when someone well-known dies, says "died". They don't say they "passed", or "passed away". Maybe it has something to do with the USA's weird (for a Western country) religiosity.

[Mariana]

15. You may be right about the USA's religiosity.

The overwhelming majority of Christians, of course, believe that their Christianity gives them eternal life. So, they may consider it offensive and disrespectful to their beliefs to hear someone say that a Christian has died.

[zipplewrath]

159. Yup

It is a sensitivity (a very old one) to those who believe that the dearly departed have not died, but live on. In these modern times that can be just about anything from heaven to Sto'Vo'Kor.

[pangaia]

28. "religiosity.".. that's exactly what it is...

Passed? Passed where? into 4th grade?

i know, that's too simplistic..

[lastlib]

124. maybe they were a kidney stone in the body politic.......

[sl8]

31. Well, then my education about all things British, courtesy of Monty Python, Ltd., has led me astray.

...
Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!
...

[SharonClark]

32. Legitimate news in the US generally uses DIED.

Obits written by funeral directors, ministers, or family members often use 'pass' in some form.
I've noticed some UK obits also avoid DIED and just list "name on date" or "name peacefully/unexpectedly on date".

[LeftInTX]

91. I don't think it's religious....

It seems to be almost non-religious

People will say "safe passage"....with no destination

Religious obituaries often say, "Went to be with his heavenly father".

I remember first hearing "passed" on psychic shows......

[SteveMO]

6. I prefer passed

And gives those grieving a sense that your loved one will be somewhere else instead of dying.

[malaise]

143. Where else?

I think it's arrogance to believe we are anymore immortal than our dead ancestors.
Dead is dead.

[SteveMO]

157. Not everyone is an atheist

Last time I checked.

[malaise]

158. True

But in scientific terms not alive is dead -not passed on or in transition. We live and then we die. That is a statement of fact.

[malaise]

8. +1,000

It's as if people are terrified to say someone died when the only absolute guarantee from birth is death.

[NurseJackie]

13. I prefer the word "died" as well. But when grieving, others may need a softer word...

... even though the person (or pet) is still D-E-A-D (DEAD!) using softer euphemisms make it easier to talk about without becoming emotional, while coming to terms with their loss.

I can easily see how many would want to avoid using abrupt, cold and clinical terminology. And in their minds, the words they use for "dead" may just be a way to show loving respect.

Everyone deals with death differently. In that regard, to-each-their-own. I'm not going to judge someone for using euphemisms and synonyms when discussing a difficult and sad subject.

[Laffy Kat]

127. Let's just say, "She's at the rainbow bridge"?

That sounds nice. Who wouldn't want to go to the rainbow bridge?

[Blue_Roses]

135. Well said!

[Donkees]

14. Obituaries aren't coroner reports, they are closer to a celebration of the person's spirit

and offer some comfort to the bereaved.

[Rhiannon12866]

125. And the information comes from the bereaved, as well.

I've written them for the papers myself, most recently for my grandmother and my mother.

[Donkees]

138. In addition, visual language and imagery taps into the healing imagination where hope resides.

[Rhiannon12866]

139. It certainly does.

And the entire point is to honor a life - which is important to anyone who's experiencing the loss.

[kcr]

16. Seriously! When did people start getting emotional about people dying?

Is that something new? What's this stuff about "sad", and "crying" while we're at it? Is it those darn millennials again? They're ruining everything with all this new stuff.

[Coventina]

23. +1

[theaocp]

17. I believe George Carlin talked about the passivity of the term.

While I don’t think it’s a problem, personally, I like the humor of replacing it with “expired”, like a magazine subscription. I’m not advocating people use that term, but it always brings a smile to me when I have to think about mortality.

[Aristus]

18. I addressed 'expired' in a reply above.

n/t

[procon]

19. "Passed" is a christian euphemism; passing on to their belief in a supernatural realm.

I prefer the straight, died.

[Aristus]

20. I'm a Christian, and I agree with you.

I don't think there's anything heretical in the notion that the earthly body dies a permanent death, even if the soul lives on.

[pangaia]

35. What is the soul?

really--

It is a serious question, although an answer isn't necessary. Just something to think about.

[procon]

99. Can't hold onto a nebulous belief in the concept of a spiritual soul.

Instead of the christian notion that the holy trinity dwells in souls that becomes eternal supernatural entities, maybe there's a substitute in the human psyche. The tripartite connections of the id, ego and superego shapes our character, but doesn't linger after we die.

[Garrett78]

77. You beat me to it. It's a religious phrasing. And some non-religious use it because...

...it's ingrained and because it's seen as more polite or sensitive.

[Mariana]

107. My FIL died recently, and he wasn't religious.

My dumbass sister in law is forever posting all over social media how happy he is in heaven and describes all the fun things he's doing there. That's creepy as hell.

I had to call and inform all the various government and corporate entities that need to know when someone dies. I discovered that some people are seriously rattled when they hear the words, "he died" even if they never even met the person. I felt it necessary to say he "passed away" because these complete strangers were getting upset if I said, "He died."

[Garrett78]

109. Yep. It's an odd quirk ingrained in our society.

[RobinA]

142. I Had A Similar

experience when my father "went home to be in the arms of the Lord" My family is pretty much a "he died" bunch of people and that's the way we talked amongst ourselves. We also are not at all religious. However, when telling other people and agencies about my father's death, particularly people I didn't know well, I found myself saying "passed away." I don't know why. It just seemed polite. Or something.

[Mariana]

160. Some downthread think it's "unfeeling" to say that someone died.

You instinctively knew what it took me a couple of phone calls to figure out - many people, even complete strangers, will judge you harshly if you don't pretend that the dead person isn't really dead.

I'm sorry about your father.

[Le Gaucher]

122. If you believe in re-incarnation. .. You could say s/he is being recycled.

I heard the following...

So and so has left his Mortal coil.

Xyz left her body

...

I prefer "breathed his/her last". Simple. Honest. Not as harsh as "Died".

[Hassin Bin Sober]

21. I got a call in the middle of the night telling me my patient in a nursing home "expired"

I was tempted to call back and ask if I could add quarters to the meter.

The most disturbing aspect is I own a construction company.

(My number is very close to a clinic)

[MontanaMama]

29. Oh dear!

I can relate. My land line is one number off from the local cancer treatment center. I get all kinds of calls at all hours. When patients leave voicemails, I always call the office to relay them because, well...because.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

37. I only ever called back once.

An elderly lady called to say her son went for his prescriptions and they filled the ibuprofen but not the amoxicillin and now his face is all swollen.

I called back to tell him to get to the ER. I know two people who almost died from tooth abscesses. I didn’t want them waiting for a call back that was never coming.

I was tempted to call back the lady inquiring if I removed gall stones. I wanted to tell her I only install.

[Rorey]

54. LOL, you win

[lastlib]

123. That's what happens to cereal past its 'use by' date........

or grocery coupons.....

[Peachhead22]

22. When my dad "passed"

Sorry if some see it as a "cutesy euphemism", but for a while after my dad passed (15 years ago) it was quite a gut punch whenever someone simply said he "died". Yeah, it's a bit silly, but that was how I felt. And since then I try to give loved ones of someone else, no matter who it is, the same courtesy. It's as much for me as it is for them. I'm a big believer in karma.

[Rorey]

56. Now I'm not going to know WHAT to say.

I grew up hearing "passed away", but somewhere along the way I started saying "died". I've never considered that it might be offensive to some people.

[Aristus]

87. It's more like annoying. I prefer direct, no-nonsense science in a medical report from one

professional to another. The manner in which we talk to the dead patient's loved ones is a different story.

If I've diagnosed a patient with peptic ulcer disease, that's the term I use with the patient and my colleagues. Not something like: "Gottums widdle pain in oo tummy?"

[Rorey]

94. The older I get

the more I'm getting to be just like my mom. She was matter-of-fact about everything. I remember when I was a kid a new funeral home opened up in town and had an open house. She went and gave us the full report when she got home, including details that I'm sure weren't part of the tour. I'm betting she asked a lot of questions, and some were no doubt uncomfortable for others.

When she got sick and apparently sensed that she was dying, her way of putting it was. "We've reached our life expectancy." She and my dad really weren't so old - very early seventies. I guess that was the gentlest way she could think of to say, "We're dying."

[RobinA]

146. I Think In General

we should use the accepted terminology of the people we are talking to within reason. If everybody says "passed" and it doesn't mean something you can't endorse, say "passed." I will never say anything to the effect of meeting again someday, since it is not my belief. But if you are talking to people who prefer terms more watered down, go for it. They are the ones in their hour of grief, so meet them where they are.

[Rorey]

154. Absolutely agree

I'm mortified if I find out that I've offended someone unintentionally, and I certainly would never want to be anything but helpful in someone's time of grief.

A few months after my previous husband died (at the age of 38, and definitely not expected), I ran into someone that I knew while grocery shopping. I hadn't seen her for quite some time, so at some point I asked her if she heard that he had died. She said, simply, "yes" and continued on with another topic. Now THAT hurt. No condolences of any kind. I never expected for anyone to go on and on about it, but her brevity felt callous at the time. Since then I've excused it as a matter of her probably not knowing what to say, or perhaps thinking that she might be causing me pain if she mentioned it. I learned a lot from that interaction.

I'd like to think that I'm a person who has a lot of empathy toward others. I just never really put any thought into how the word "died" could be more painful for someone to hear. I definitely will from this point forward.

"Meet them where they are" is a great way to put it. Thanks.

[GWC58]

126. Well last month, 31 July 2018, my

mother “died.” I lost my political cohort. She hated Trump as I do. I miss her dearly! Passed, passed on, passed away, died. It’s all the same and, to me, hurts just as bad!😢

[Lars39]

161. I'm so sorry for your loss, GWC58.

[GWC58]

166. Thank you

Lars & Peachhead for your kind condolences.😶

[Lars39]

167. Makes for hard times, but you're among friends.

[GWC58]

169. Yes!

I consider all of you my “distant, Democratic friends.” 👍🏻😀

[Peachhead22]

165. Sorry for your loss

eom

[backtoblue]

25. We are a death denying society

I've written thousands of obituaries. About half say "died" and the others say "passed away, went to be with the Lord, etc." We also don't add the cause of death publicly or on tombstones anymore.

In my opinion, refusing to use the words "died, or death" extends the grieving process and prolongs denial.

However, people need to be able to grieve at their own pace. As a coroner, I would use the word "died". While talking to families at the funeral home, I would use whatever euphemism needed to take the sting out of their pain. If a mother prefers to say her son "passed away", that would be the words I would use as well.

I think the main distinction of the various terminology is how it's used between colleagues on a professional level, and how it is used when talking directly with the grieving family.

[MineralMan]

33. I say "died." However, when speaking to those who are grieving, I

refer to their loss, instead, or to their grief. They need no reminders of what has occurred. They already know the fact.

If they want to use other words, I have no problem whatever with that. I can find many ways to refer to their grief that don't even mention the actual death. There's no need to remind them.

It's complicated, really. People have different beliefs with regard to death. I'm able to accommodate any of those beliefs in others.

I've met people who insist in using the words "died" and "dead" when speaking about someone's loss of life. Such people seem to think it's important to use the word, for some reason. Sometimes, it's even done in a hurtful way, knowing that those words make the pain more sharp for their listeners. Why would someone do that? Very rarely is the actual event needed to be mentioned. Expressing sympathy and concern does not require a direct reference to it.

[backtoblue]

34. I agree, was adding to my post when you responded

[MineralMan]

38. Thanks.

I saw your edits.

[Oneironaut]

164. Interesting thought on this.

I live in one of the oldest parts of this country. Nearby, there’s a graveyard with pre-Revolutionary War headstones. The ones that are still readable are interesting. One mentions that the person died after falling off a horse. Many have long, odd statements or poems.

[gtar100]

30. I believe the proper saying is

Being pulled back into the Earth by gravity with no ability to resist. And for good measure, you just might be given a six foot head start.

[Rorey]

57. LOL, you win too!

That's brilliant. I might have to print that out and keep it handy.

[SharonClark]

36. I can handle "passed" better than I can "they slept together"

They had sex. Just say it.

[Rorey]

59. The sleeping part

Yeah, just say it. I'm also a bit annoyed when someone calls it "making love", when it's "just sex".

[bronxiteforever]

39. Sorry but I must quote Monty Python

E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!!

[oasis]

64. lol

[highplainsdem]

65. Speaking of Monty Python...John Cleese moderated a forum on life after death a few months ago:

[bronxiteforever]

69. Cool and thanks! Bookmarking for listening tonite!

[peekaloo]

119. omg Pining for the Fjords......thank you for the reminder

[bronxiteforever]

141. They were brilliant.

[ismnotwasm]

41. Depends on the person, depends on the circumstances

In working in transplant, when people are waiting for an actual death to save their own, I think we have learned to be blunt without being assholes. It can often segue in a discussion on what an incredible gift the dying person, or their family, is giving

Now personally I didn’t like my father much. I usually refer to him as “Fucking dead”, but I don’t do this in front of my mother, then I say things like “when dad was alive..”

I dunno. In healthcare we are used to death, but I try to be culturally sensitive. I don’t care if people are religious (I care if the government tries to be)

People who are grieving need a little time sometimes. I’m willing to let them have it.

[GoCubsGo]

42. I share your peeve.

It strikes me that those who utter euphemisms are insinuating that, in dying, the deceased did something offensive. It's akin to using "one of those people" to describe someone who belongs to a group or class of people one finds offensive, for whatever reason.

[Ilsa]

44. Some of these terms may be spiritual, but not religious,

or even scientific, like passing on his energy, or the consevation of energy: "According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you're just less orderly. Amen. --- Aaron Freeman"

[Hekate]

45. Inhumed? Off to the Great Beyond? Let people express themselves.

[DFW]

46. Maybe around the time toilets became "rest rooms?"

Some 50 years ago, MAD did a satire on a doctor series (Dr. Kildare?), and he always got everything wrong in the MAD version. When some patient died, he said the patient had "perspired."

[Rorey]

60. If I need to excuse myself to pee

I'm going to just say I'm going to rest. In honor of you.

I've always thought it was an odd thing to call it too.

[RobinA]

149. Recently In London

for the first time, I discovered that asking where the "rest room" was got a blank stare. (I suspect a bit of a put on, surely enough Americans visit London for Londoners to have become familiar with the American rest room.) Anyway, they want you to say "tiolet," which frankly I find a bit graphic to be blurting out in a nice restaurant. I could go water closet without a problem, but "toilet," just no.

In fact, rest rooms were at one time just that, particularly out in public. At least for women. An old rest room, particularly at the theater, had ample space to visit, lounge, and refresh oneself between acts. That was before every inch of space in a public building had to be "revenue producing."

[DFW]

153. Actually, most European countries just use the word toilet in one form or another

Spain is kind of a holdout with its "aseos," but from France to Scandinavia to Poland to Switzerland to the British Isles, it's "toilets" in one form or another. No one here in Europe (I just got back an hour ago) gives it a second thought.

[Siwsan]

47. People use the term that gives them the most comfort.

If they are talking about a friend or family member, I can't begrudge them that emotional cushion. I've read obituaries that state things like the deceased "Went home to be with their Lord and Savior." Not something I'd ever say but it's what they believe, and it gives them comfort at a horrible time in their life.

Died, passed away, expired, or floated away on a rainbow colored unicorn - it's all the same.

[nolabear]

48. The power of language. "Dead" is blunt, unfeeling and specific only to the body.

The euphemisms are comforting to those mourning, and respectful of the mystery of the life and death of the person, the spark that was loved and will be missed. It’s also respectful of the feelings of those who care and are grieving.

The doctor might have been correct but he was correct at the sacrifice of compassion for the nurse.

[smirkymonkey]

58. I agree. I am not religious but I am sensitive to the power of language.

"passed away" just seems like a kinder, gentler term to use when one is speaking to grieving loved ones. "Dead" just seems so blunt.

[gibraltar72]

52. I was in insurance and financial services.

People have all kinds of words they'd rather use than death or die. Almost everyone bought life insurance in case "something happened to them".

[Rorey]

62. And why call it "life insurance" anyway?

It doesn't ensure that you're going to live.

Upon further reflection, we have car insurance in order to make ourselves whole, or pay damages, in case of some calamity. Life insurance doesn't make us whole.

I'm kinda bothered now because my husband no longer has life insurance, and I do. We haven't been getting along very well for awhile. Kinda scary.

[gibraltar72]

86. Short answer people wouldn't buy death insurance.

Long answer it insures value of a life. No it can't replace but it can pay off the mortgage, provide dignity. When something "happens to you". I've seen how it can work and am saddened when people I know have a plea for cash in obit to help pay funeral expense. They weren't beggars in life why "when something happens to them?

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

53. Have you not noticed that here on DU pet owners commonly post

to report their animal has "Crossed the rainbow bridge?"

I find that very odd.

Passed away, or just passed doesn't bother me, because I know exactly what is meant.

Died works also.,

[highplainsdem]

61. This is why:

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/animalia/wp/2018/05/01/what-is-the-rainbow-bridge-and-why-do-we-think-dead-pets-cross-it/

[Voltaire2]

68. Odd? I find it hilarious.

It is one of the many idiotic delights here.

[sarah FAILIN]

55. Better than other terms

"Went to be with the Lord " or "is walking with Jesus" are my 2 pet peeves in this area.
Saying someone passed on leaves it more open to what happens after death and is kinder to the family left behind.

[lillypaddle]

71. Bought the farm?

[MagickMuffin]

72. I prefer: Transition

As a Rosicrucian student this is how we view death.

Transition: This term is generally used to indicate the condition called death, but since there is no death in natural law, any more than there is in the spiritual or so called supernatural, the term is not only erroneous, but absolutely contradictory.

The great change that takes place at the time of death is supposed to occur is, after all, a mere transition and transposition of the various component parts which when united constitute a living human being or a living entity of conscious matter. This transition consists of separation of the dual parts of man (soul & body) and also changes the constructive processes of the physical body which have been holding together, to some degree, the material elements composing it, permitting a new condition to exist whereby these elements begin to separate and return to their primary form of living matter. Therefore, it is truly a transition with no indication of death to any former physical and spiritual expression.

Rosicruian Manual

[SeattleVet]

73. When my father died several years ago...

I went back to NY for the funeral. The next day I stopped by my old workplace and was talking with someone when another woman saw me and casually asked what I was doing there, since she knew I'd moved to Seattle several years before.

I said, "We buried my father yesterday."

When she said, "Oh, I'm so sorry", I said, "Well, we sort of had to...he died!"

The look on her face was priceless!

[dameatball]

74. They went to the great thesaurus in the sky.

[gulliver]

75. Moved on, took retirement, left the theater

Died is technically correct, but it is presumptuous for a number of reasons, including that people "inter-are" to a large extent. McCain's not really dead except in one technical sense. Of course.

[apcalc]

76. Agree

I say “ died”.

[muriel_volestrangler]

79. The usages date back centuries

You can find them in Shakespeare, Chaucer and earlier.

[Aristus]

90. Shakespeare and Chaucer were poets.

I'm not saying charge nurses can't be. But it's best to save it for off-duty hours.

[planetc]

81. When somebody in your family is dying, the word death is never far from your mind

And when they've died, it doesn't matter much what term is used when people speak to you. But the situation is different when you're conveying this news to people who were complete strangers to your mother. A few days ago, somebody called, using a sales script, for my mother. I said she had passed several years ago, and the shock in their tone of voice was real.

In those situations, what you want is for such phone salespeople to cross your mother off the list of targets, but you don't need to make them feel like ghouls to do that. You just need to convey the information that your mom is really no longer interested in whatever they're selling. All social situations are ... social. In general, I find it's bad policy to make complete strangers feel awful. In those situations, "passed" or "passed on" are perfectly clear, but not brutal.

When you've been prepared for years for the news that your family member is not going to rally and outlive us all, any term at all is acceptable. When you're just trying to get through a morning's work, and a complete stranger has died, I say kindness is never wasted.

[ailsagirl]

82. My parents were Canadian...

and they always used the expression "passed away."

So I grew up with it and it's 100% natural to me.

When I hear so-and-so has passed, it sounds incomplete. Passed? Like passed me on the street?

Language is fascinating!

[Jake Stern]

83. The doctor you quoted sounds like an former doctor of mine

Insisted on explaining a condition using medical jargon instead of layman's terms. Really pissed me off. I shouldn't have to ask a physician repeatedly to translate the mumbo jumbo.

If I have butt pimples, tell me I have butt pimples instead of telling me I have acute tuchas pimplitis verigrossa.

[LeftInTX]

96. The doctor is writing about what a nurse is saying in professional setting

A death in a medical facility is a legal event. The term "passed" should not be used as it means other things medically.

Although this term was used orally, legally their could be problems if the term "passed" is used in a chart or medical record.

What if there was a lawsuit and the chart says "Patient passed at 3:00 AM"? A lawyer could claim all sorts of incompetence. Such as not actually verifying that a patient had died or expired. "Expired" is the correct legal term.

[Mariana]

168. "The patient died" is hardly medical jargon. nt.

[LeftInTX]

171. I used to see or hear "Time of death"

Didn't see too much of it cuz I worked with babies. Usually in medical charts, I would see, "expired".

Also "cause of death" is a legal term.

[Kaleva]

85. Have you ever "put down" a pet or did you execute it?

[Hermit-The-Prog]

117. i killed 'em

It's a terrible responsibility that should be faced without self-deceptive euphemisms such as "put to sleep". IMO, of course, and in my case.

My own obituary should simply say, "He's now fertilizer for the trees". (Assuming those ingrate brats remember to toss an acorn and a walnut in my box before covering it with dirt).

[raccoon]

89. It may sound Victorian, but to me those terms seem less harsh. NT

[Initech]

92. Those are nothing compared to some I've heard.

I went to a funeral two years ago, and the person who died belonged to some new age hipster church, and when they were officiating the ceremony, they said that he didn't die, he "transitioned to the spiritual realm". Needless to say that one ranked about a 9 out of 10 on my WTF-o-meter.

[Aristus]

93. I'm reading a lot of valid and interesting opinions. And I'm glad so many have weighed in on this.

The truth is, I'm a notoriously sentimental person. I cry when the Grinch's heart grows three sizes, for example.

But when I die, if someone puts in my obituary that I have 'Gone Fishin'!', I'm going to come back and haunt them in a manner that will make Poltergeist look like a Barbara Walters Special.

[RobinA]

150. So...

if you currently fish, stop. If you don't fish, don't start!

[fescuerescue]

98. People who just experienced the loss of a loved one

Always appreciate it when someone corrects their use of the English language.

Plus, it makes the person making the correction appear to be very intelligent and caring.

[Aristus]

101. This wasn't a conversation between a provider and a patient's family.

It was between two medical professionals, one of whom used a euphemism instead of a clinical term.

[fescuerescue]

136. strange that two medical providers

didn't understand the language that their patients use.

Maybe medical schools should have English courses so that they can understand this strange species that they treat.

I'll ask my wife about this this morning after shes finishes her shift as an RN at emergency room how she copes with talking to humans.

[Aristus]

155. I think the doctor in question simply wanted to head off any bad habits.

"The patient sustained a laceration of the left fifth phalanx" is more clinically appropriate, for example, than: "He gottums a owie on his lil pinky-poo."

[fescuerescue]

162. Yea that's fine

But I think "passed" exists well within common language and between the your two extreme examples.

"pass" is even in the webster dictionary.

[Equinox Moon]

100. Dropped the flesh.

[StarryNite]

131. Ewww

[kimbutgar]

102. Personally I think passed is the right word

I was with my mother when she passed and I felt her spirit pass though me when she died. It was an experience I will never forget. I felt so much peace when she went on to the other side.

[StarryNite]

132. I can relate.

I had a similar experience after my mom died.

[Rob H.]

103. One person's "cutesy euphemism" is another person's "not being an insensitive prick" nt

[oberliner]

104. I see multiple headlines using "dies" and not "passes away"

[WheelWalker]

110. My use of the term "croaked" will raise an eyebrow from time to time.

[backtoblue]

113. Reminds me of the movie Patch Adams

Patch (Robin Williams) was trying to help a suffering pancreatic cancer patient come to terms with his eventual death.

"To push up daisies. To bite the dust. To kick the bucket, etc"

The patient eventually starts making his own euphemisms and laughs, turning from the bitter dying man to a light-hearted man content with his fate.

One of my favorite movies.

[MBS]

114. + 1 million.

And "passed" is the worst of all.

[WillowTree]

115. Incredibly small stuff. I just can't be concerned.

When someone has suffered a loss, I'm fine with them describing it in whatever way causes them the least additional grief.

[llmart]

116. I've had an epiphany after reading this thread.

I will no longer go to a funeral and say to the grieving family, "I am so sorry he kicked the bucket."

Just kidding. I prefer to use the word "died". I'm not religious so passed away or passed on or went to be with his heavenly father, blah, blah, just wouldn't sound right coming out of my mouth.

[sl8]

118. "Crotch crickets" is still acceptable clinical terminology, though, right? n/t

[Aristus]

120. I use it all the time...

[lastlib]

121. "Bought the Big Ticket"?

[Crunchy Frog]

128. For a truly great collection of euphemisms, see The Parrot Sketch.

[Jane Austin]

129. Amen!

When people say "passed" I want to say, "passed what? Go? Gas? A stone?

I'm with you.

What's wrong with died?

[Raine]

130. It's always been that way more or less,

it really isn't anything new. I've heard both died, passed away etc used through out my life and I'm no spring chicken.

[area51]

133. Well ...

[Mike Nelson]

137. It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World...

… had Jimmy Durante "kick the bucket" before he expired, so I like "kicked the bucket" best.

Seriously, I have no problem with "passed on" or "passed away". I use them. To me, they mean died. You could say any living thing died... I would not say a tree or a wasp "passed away".

"Gone to be with the Lord/Jesus" is different, to me; it's explicitly religious, and tells me something about the deceased's faith. I would not use it unless I was sure of the deceased's religious belief.

Some in my great-grandparents' generation used "expired" for died. Maybe that came from a medical term? I saw it in journals and letters.

Language continues to grow and change... "passed" is dropping the "away" and "on"... but that word alone bothers me. That's when I say, "Passed what?" Passed the bar? Passed a kidney stone?

[LeftInTX]

173. Expired is the correct medical term

It is funny to hear the term used outside a clinical setting. Never knew anyone used it outside of a clinical setting. (Were they medical professionals?) My grandmother barely English, so she just said, "Died".

She used the term "Pass water" for peeing. Considering that she had starved and had been in a genocide as a child, I found that saying kinda strange as I'm sure she didn't pass anything that resembled water for months or probably years. I'm surprised she didn't say, "pass the maple the syrup"

[stopbush]

140. Look on the bright side: when you yourself die

you won’t be around to care whether or not people say you’ve passed away.

[RhodeIslandOne]

144. Passed away is fine

Except when it’s someone getting murdered or dying in car accident. That’s not peaceful.

[LanternWaste]

147. Get on board the "One Word, One Meaning" wagon

Get on board the "One Word, One Meaning" wagon. It's literal, efficient and remorseless. And rarely feeds peeves.

[NCTraveler]

148. I seem to be able to figure each one of them out.

"The new nurse, who hailed from someplace in the deep South, announced that one of their patients "had passed."

Dr. should have been able to figure that one out without issue.

[MicaelS]

151. This is nothing new.

I am 60 years old, and have heard it since I was a child.

[woodsprite]

152. When my mom died, one of my daughters daycare workers said "She passed through the veil".

I had never heard that term before. She was an older woman, possible older than my mother, so not sure if it was an old term or if she was maybe of the Mormon faith.

[leftyladyfrommo]

156. Years ago I worked in a bank in a predominantly

black neighborhood.

When one of my customers died his wife called to tell me that Old Chester had stepped on board the Glory Train.

I have always loved that.

[Oneironaut]

163. B/c people often use euphemisms for things that make them uncomfortable.

That’s what I think, anyways. Nobody wants to talk about, think about, or acknowledge death. We hate it so much, we created entire religions to delude ourselves that we will never die.

Hence, we try to spruce it up a bit. A person isn’t dead - they “passed on.” The terms are meant to remove the fangs death has in our psyche.

[LeftInTX]

170. I was phonebanking last month

Called an older couple and asked to speak to the Mr "Jones". The wife replied, "He is no more".

[Jamaal510]

172. I prefer saying "ventured into the shadow realm". nt

[ailsagirl]

174. It's a euphemism

I'd much rather hear that than "died"

[Aristus]

175. I have DU friends in the real world.

If anything ever happens to me, and they announce it, they will say “he died.”

If it’s about me, it’s okay to say the same.



(Where did you find this thread? I figured it had been archived ages ago...)

[ailsagirl]

176. I don't know where I found this thread

Just stumbled across it.

Or when I doctor tells a loved one, "He/she didn't make it" is much preferable to, "He/she died"

That's just me-- there is no right or wrong, just personal preference