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DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » I got an email today from...

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:16 PM

struggle4progress (114,736 posts)

I got an email today from a student, saying she has to drop my course

because the Kavanaugh hearings brought back so many bad memories she can't concentrate

I know my own subject --- but it's not psychology, and I'm really not competent to deal with this stuff

When teaching, I keep my own political views in the background, so I almost never hear about how the political climate affects people

I'd guess a lot of people are angry and hurting right now



36 replies, 9395 views

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Arrow 36 replies Author Time Post
Reply I got an email today from a student, saying she has to drop my course (Original post)
 struggle4progress Oct 2018 OP
LineReply I think it has kicked us all
 MuseRider Oct 2018 #1
LineLineReply Yes. it has been overwhelming for many of us.
 SharonAnn Oct 2018 #17
LineReply I am very angry
 blue cat Oct 2018 #2
LineReply Give your student the benefit of the doubt.
 DemocracyMouse Oct 2018 #3
LineReply My son's psychiatrist broached the subject with me, but we
 Ilsa Oct 2018 #4
LineReply I've been extremely triggered by the things talking heads and our President are saying...
 moriah Oct 2018 #5
LineLineNew Reply I actually did forward the student such info, after a brief discussion with several women on campus
 struggle4progress Oct 2018 #33
LineReply Yup. Not just students.
 Ms. Toad Oct 2018 #6
LineReply I think we had a collective nervous breakdown.
 WhiteTara Oct 2018 #7
LineLineReply we are
 handmade34 Oct 2018 #11
LineLineLineReply I think
 bdamomma Oct 2018 #12
LineLineLineReply I was with a group of women tonight
 WhiteTara Oct 2018 #15
LineLineLineLineReply I'm a man and waking up in the night in terror.
 lagomorph777 Oct 2018 #25
LineLineLineLineLineNew Reply This is a very difficult time.
 WhiteTara Oct 2018 #29
LineLineLineLineLineLineNew Reply also...
 handmade34 Oct 2018 #31
LineLineLineLineLineLineLineNew Reply Oh, brilliant! My next move
 WhiteTara Oct 2018 #32
LineLineLineReply I do too,
 luvtheGWN Oct 2018 #20
LineLineLineNew Reply My friend, a therapist, likened this to having an unsafe parent
 lapislzi Oct 2018 #30
LineLineLineLineNew Reply The student actually described her feelings in similar language
 struggle4progress Oct 2018 #34
LineLineLineLineNew Reply You're describing my father.
 byronius Oct 2018 #36
LineReply Can you give Incomplete grades?
 Blue_true Oct 2018 #8
LineReply I bet student requests to speak with a psychologist
 Lars39 Oct 2018 #9
LineReply Most campuses have a rape crisis center
 FakeNoose Oct 2018 #10
LineReply Those of us who have been victimized
 lunatica Oct 2018 #13
LineReply Wow! I'm glad you told us of this
 ProudLib72 Oct 2018 #14
LineReply The things he says and does... I know we should all be immune by now
 ecstatic Oct 2018 #16
LineReply They are normalizing abuse
 IronLionZion Oct 2018 #18
LineReply Teachers are paramount.
 mahannah Oct 2018 #19
LineReply For whatever it is worth,
 Stonepounder Oct 2018 #21
LineLineReply my feelings exactly
 Hermit-The-Prog Oct 2018 #22
LineReply I want to thank folk in this thread for many useful suggestions
 struggle4progress Oct 2018 #23
LineReply Seems like a perfectly valid reason do drop.
 MineralMan Oct 2018 #24
LineReply Acknowledge email and maybe offer assistance you know of through the school . Some schools have
 lunasun Oct 2018 #26
LineNew Reply What do you teach?
 panader0 Oct 2018 #27
LineLineNew Reply Various mathematical topics
 struggle4progress Oct 2018 #35
LineNew Reply I'm pissed off and embarrassed that this POS is being fast tracked to the Supreme Court.
 Initech Oct 2018 #28

Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:29 PM

Star Member MuseRider (33,271 posts)

1. I think it has kicked us all

hard, even those who have never had a problem with men abusing them.

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Response to MuseRider (Reply #1)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 11:38 PM

Star Member SharonAnn (13,553 posts)

17. Yes. it has been overwhelming for many of us.

It has triggered so much anguish, pain, fear. It diminishes hope in the future.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:31 PM

blue cat (2,393 posts)

2. I am very angry

We’re more divided than ever. It’s maddening to watch but I’m having trouble looking away. I’m thinking about upgrading my cable with the hope of pulling my mind away and watching series for a while.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:37 PM

DemocracyMouse (2,275 posts)

3. Give your student the benefit of the doubt.

Nobody I know is focusing that well. It's a self preservation instinct to shift awareness from the normal tasks at hand to the dangers around us — and those welling up in our memories.

It's healing for the country to shift attention towards the forces destroying our democracy. Maybe ask your student if she feels strong enough to do a special project to address her concerns. But don't pressure her. Be kind and caring and patient.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:40 PM

Star Member Ilsa (60,874 posts)

4. My son's psychiatrist broached the subject with me, but we

didn't have time to talk it out. She couldn't believe the belief in their own rich white male entitlement. She said Dr. Ford was absolutely honest in her report to the committee.

I couldn't watch Dr. Ford's beginning statement. I didn't want to be triggered.

Wish your student well and remind her to do healthy things to take care of herself.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:42 PM

moriah (8,311 posts)

5. I've been extremely triggered by the things talking heads and our President are saying...

... so if your student could have been the victim of an alcohol-facilitated sexual assault, I can see why they might be having problems right now.

If you feel like going above and beyond and your school has a decent counseling program or you know of free services and/or a local Rape Crisis group, you could email your student the resource information with hopes that they can get the support they need to get through this.

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Response to moriah (Reply #5)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 01:33 PM

struggle4progress (114,736 posts)

33. I actually did forward the student such info, after a brief discussion with several women on campus

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:42 PM

Star Member Ms. Toad (31,380 posts)

6. Yup. Not just students.

I've got employees who aren't able to focus - and I'm not doing so hot myself.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:42 PM

Star Member WhiteTara (28,009 posts)

7. I think we had a collective nervous breakdown.

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Response to WhiteTara (Reply #7)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 11:05 PM

Star Member handmade34 (22,285 posts)

11. we are

still in the midst of the breakdown... I find myself walking around the house ranting and swearing...

this is a horrific time for our Country

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Response to handmade34 (Reply #11)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 11:10 PM

Star Member bdamomma (62,167 posts)

12. I think

the past week they are trying to get our moral and mental compass shot, they are ruining our psyches. We can't let this POS do this to us, and that 30% are not the majority, we can take them down.

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Response to handmade34 (Reply #11)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 11:23 PM

Star Member WhiteTara (28,009 posts)

15. I was with a group of women tonight

and everyone spoke about the unnamed terror that woke them in the middle of the night and how some weren't able to watch the news and everyone felt triggered. One woman who's 80, was living in Germany during the war and she is a mess.

I had to stop with everything. Today is the first day I didn't turn on my computer during the day and I actually accomplished 3 little tasks that I haven't been able to touch for a week.

Oh; please let this nightmare end soon.

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Response to WhiteTara (Reply #15)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 09:47 AM

lagomorph777 (30,613 posts)

25. I'm a man and waking up in the night in terror.

We are better than this.

Time to dispose of the Disposables.

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Response to lagomorph777 (Reply #25)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 12:09 PM

Star Member WhiteTara (28,009 posts)

29. This is a very difficult time.

Register at least 3 people between now and the 8th. Get forms at DMV or county clerks office. Help them fill it out, make sure they sign and turn it in. We have one last week. Ask everyone from the store clerk to the delivery person.

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Response to WhiteTara (Reply #29)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 12:26 PM

Star Member handmade34 (22,285 posts)

31. also...

if in a state that has early voting... take as many people as you can and GO Vote! Thanks!

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Response to handmade34 (Reply #31)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 12:52 PM

Star Member WhiteTara (28,009 posts)

32. Oh, brilliant! My next move

that starts Oct 22.

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Response to handmade34 (Reply #11)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 12:18 AM

luvtheGWN (1,330 posts)

20. I do too,

and there's not a damn thing (as a Canadian) that I can do about it. I'm so unhappy for you all, and so incredibly, deeply disgusted by what is happening to my neighbours to the south. We see the same hateful mindset of our ultra-conservative politicians here in Ontario. At least here, I have some ability to express my views and try to change things in my small, limited way. But it's so hard. Just know that we like-minded Canucks are hoping against hope that your midterms go the way you all hope they do. Do your best -- that's all any of us can do, or expect from others.

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Response to handmade34 (Reply #11)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 12:23 PM

lapislzi (5,762 posts)

30. My friend, a therapist, likened this to having an unsafe parent

You know, the kind that you have to walk on eggshells around all the time. You never know when the next grenade is going to land. I thought it an apt analogy.

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Response to lapislzi (Reply #30)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 01:34 PM

struggle4progress (114,736 posts)

34. The student actually described her feelings in similar language

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Response to lapislzi (Reply #30)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 02:32 PM

Star Member byronius (6,989 posts)

36. You're describing my father.

Highly intelligent, no-boundaries nuclear weapon.

Yes, this is all messing with my head.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:42 PM

Blue_true (31,261 posts)

8. Can you give Incomplete grades?

If so, tell her that you will give her an incomplete if she can't drop the class. Suggest that she go and talk to someone at campus health, if you have that, if not, tell her to contact a sexual assault hotline, they should be able to provide her with resources. Tell her that once she is ready, you welcome her taking and completing your class.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:44 PM

Star Member Lars39 (25,827 posts)

9. I bet student requests to speak with a psychologist

are way up. They were probably up last year, too, but the hearings have probably made it even worse.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 10:53 PM

Star Member FakeNoose (28,416 posts)

10. Most campuses have a rape crisis center

They are usually staffed by women who are trained to help with sexual assault issues. Perhaps your student could be referred to someone for help? It doesn't have to be about an assault that happened recently either. Maybe there are group therapy or even private therapy sessions available for students who need them.

Good luck!

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 11:16 PM

lunatica (53,410 posts)

13. Those of us who have been victimized

Do our best to overcome our feeling of shame and fear and try not to think about it because it is horrible to remember how you felt.

Then something like this happens and it all comes back with a vengeance. We feel the shame, the psychological and psychic pain wash over us and we are helpless and in panicked terror and can’t control it.

If you get a chance tell these people that they aren’t alone and that if they seek out people or groups they can talk to they will heal. You really cannot heal until you deal directly with it and on purpose and the best way to do that is talk about it in a safe environment and to listen to others’ stories.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 11:22 PM

ProudLib72 (17,984 posts)

14. Wow! I'm glad you told us of this

I hadn't considered the possibility of it affecting my students this dramatically. I'm not going to bring it up in class, but I'll be on the look out.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 11:28 PM

Star Member ecstatic (30,799 posts)

16. The things he says and does... I know we should all be immune by now

But no... it's still hurtful. Painful. He is such a disgusting, divisive person.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Tue Oct 2, 2018, 11:39 PM

Star Member IronLionZion (42,023 posts)

18. They are normalizing abuse

teaching some people it's OK to abuse and different people to expect to be abused. And there won't be consequences or any sort of deterrent.

In this case it's about gender and sexual abuse. In other cases it's been about race or wealth or other types of power and privilege.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 12:09 AM

mahannah (887 posts)

19. Teachers are paramount.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 12:48 AM

Stonepounder (4,033 posts)

21. For whatever it is worth,

this all has kicked a lot of us males as well. I knew there was a lot of sexual abuse going on, but I never understood how incredibly pervasive it is in our culture and it makes me want to lash out at these sub-humans who think they somehow have the right to abuse women. I can't really talk about it because I become incoherent due to my rage.

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Response to Stonepounder (Reply #21)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 05:27 AM

Star Member Hermit-The-Prog (27,241 posts)

22. my feelings exactly

I wanted to say "me too", but that expression is reserved for those who are victimized by the culture.

There was a post on DU a few days ago (seems ages) showing a survey of men and women, asking what they do to avoid sexual assault. It was shocking.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 07:52 AM

struggle4progress (114,736 posts)

23. I want to thank folk in this thread for many useful suggestions

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 09:42 AM

Star Member MineralMan (145,025 posts)

24. Seems like a perfectly valid reason do drop.

I'd let that student drop with no penalty for it, however it works where you teach.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 10:12 AM

lunasun (21,646 posts)

26. Acknowledge email and maybe offer assistance you know of through the school . Some schools have

help centers some do not offer much but instruction . At least acknowledge understanding maybe?

Hard for you to see this too . Take care.

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 10:12 AM

Star Member panader0 (25,628 posts)

27. What do you teach?

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Response to panader0 (Reply #27)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 01:36 PM

struggle4progress (114,736 posts)

35. Various mathematical topics

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Response to struggle4progress (Original post)

Wed Oct 3, 2018, 10:15 AM

Star Member Initech (96,323 posts)

28. I'm pissed off and embarrassed that this POS is being fast tracked to the Supreme Court.

Fuck Trump and fuck McConnell.

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