Indelible in the hippocampus

[lapislzi]

Is him grabbing my breasts and pronouncing them "ripe." Indelible in the hippocampus is his plaid shirt and the electrical cable he carried...to "check the breaker box." Indelible in the hippocampus is me looking frantically around the kitchen, spying the bread knife, and wondering how I could explain the blood to my parents if I cut him. Indelible in the hippocampus is deciding not to cut him, to spare my parents the ordeal of my having murdered or maimed our next-door-neighbor.

What's indelible in YOUR hippocampus?

[MFM008]

1. I was 7

He was 18.
53 years ago.
Feeling dirty my best memory.

[lapislzi]

4. {{{MFM008}}}

you are loved. You are worthy.

[MFM008]

15. Thanks

❤

[irisblue]

16. {{MFM008}} ❤

I'm glad you're here with us.

[handmade34]

2. Oh,

being 15, going to the local isolated swimming hole with others... going off down the trail by myself(don't remember why, maybe to pee, maybe because I am such an introvert, just to be by myself for a bit), discovering an older boy had followed me, got me to the ground, got my shirt off, fighting back, fighting back,... finally he quit but would not give my shirt back, I had to go back to the swimming hole w/o a top and find a ride to get out of there... it was humiliating and terrifying and no one seemed to care...

I had no one to tell, my mother was emotionally absent, my father was physically absent... I just told my partner last week as all this unfolded...
______________________________

other stories I could tell, stories others can tell... I have been crying off and on betweens rants these past few weeks...

[lapislzi]

5. Hug

You didn't deserve what happened to you.

[handmade34]

8. ....

It took a lot of years and I'm ok, but I cry for all the women that are still in pain...

I think my pragmatism and often stoicism comes from a deep place where my memories linger... I have used my practical, academic and cognitive self to overcome many things (I related so well to Dr. Ford)… not only the number of sexual assaults/harassment towards me from boys/men but I had no one in my life to go to... I want to encourage everyone to find someone to share with



Rep Eric Swalwell says it best!

Link to tweet

[lapislzi]

10. You are so right.

I hadn't felt traumatized for many years...until last Thursday. That plaid shirt was hiding, waiting for an opportunity. If he wasn't dead, I'd want to kill him.

My poor therapist...she is hearing the same story all day, every day. And she probably has one herself.

[irisblue]

17. {{handmade34}}❤

Thank you for telling us.

[Sqee]

3. I was 12, he was 16.

He raped me anally in a barn.

Boys weren't supposed to do that to other boys.

I was too ashamed to tell anybody until I finally broke down and told my wife of 25 years, just last week. That was 40 years after the event.

[lapislzi]

6. He has no power to hurt you any more.

[irisblue]

18. {{Sqee}}❤

Welcome to DU. For a male survivor, it must be so hard to be almost invisible. I am sorry this happened to you

[Madam Mossfern]

7. I was in the shower

... and from behind me there was a strange gloved hand over my mouth and a knife blade at my throat ( I still remember the feel of that blade)...when he was done, he said " I need to decide whether to kill you."


Still in therapy decades later

[lapislzi]

11. We care. I care.

[logosoco]

9. Thinking, in my 12 year old mind, that cuss words had power, since grown ups used

them. So I thought saying "FUCK NO!" would help. It did not.

Other memories are vague (which I see as a blessing). I am not even clear on what time of year it was, among other things. So for tRump and others to think the story sounds fishy because she can't recall other details is just proof they have no idea what trauma does to the human brain.

[lapislzi]

12. Don't let them gaslight you.

Your truth is your truth. I believe you, and so do many others.

[irisblue]

19. {{logosoco}}

I believe you. Thank you for telling us.

[demigoddess]

13. i was about 3 and a half when I was in day care and some of the boys

not even teens thought they should try out something. For years I did not remember it awake, only in my dreams. I told the lady of the house and the boys were told they had done something wrong. But I was not spoken to. I think they might have told my mother as she thought I was a slut even at a young age of 11 or 12. She thought I roamed all over the city 'having my way with men' and going to school and getting good grades on no sleep. All without anyone noticing I was not at home at night. Yes, I hate to say it but even some women are misogynistic and side with the men.

[lapislzi]

14. You didn't do anything wrong.

You were a baby.

I care.

[irisblue]

20. {{demigoddess}}

How brave and strong you are to stand in your truth.