I don't know what we do.

[KentuckyWoman]

The people of Central and South America are suffering. Children are starving. Out of desperation fathers drag their children through days, weeks, months of walking toward any beacon of hope they can find. Little children, walking for days without food or water in the north Mexican desert. They arrive at a border station already half dead.

These are our neighbors. Instead of mobilizing support to save people in need, we put up a President who calls these fathers rapists, throws hungry frightened children into cages, and treats mothers like they are nothing but whores.

Why in the fucking blue ass hell are Americans of any sort going on about our daily business? What has happened to us? Did this country ever have any decency? Was it my imagination?

I am here watching my husband die by millimeters, trying to enjoy the love of my life for what weeks or months we are fortunate to get. But all around me everything I worked for all my life is going to shit. How do I sit this out? How can I not grab my pitchfork and yell until my voice is gone?

Our neighbors are desperate. It is not just the damn wall. It is the lack of action. The refusal to give aid.


All I can think of is loading up my car with food and water and driving to the border. What would happen if enough of us did?

My husband can't travel. He's on chemo and needs me here. I can't be 2 places at one time. What am I to do?

[FreepFryer]

1. Always put your oxygen mask on first before helping others, even the most helpless.

1. If you are taking care of your own health, and sharing your anxieties and fears in a healthy way, that’s first.

2., making sure your family is safe and surviving as best as possible is next. Being strong and mentally alert enough to care for your husband is crucially important, it sounds like - so don’t skip steps 1. and 2.

3., you can budget your time to help the causes most important to you (whether helping reverse the xenophobic anti immigration abuses of Trump or any number of other causes). This is necessary if we are going to survive and thrive after this dark era, but it is impossible if you don’t fulfill the prior steps on an ongoing and self-sustaining basis.

If you don’t maintain this triage priority list, you may find yourself exhausted and without the emotional resources you need to keep going.

Don’t let that happen.

Best of luck to you.

[pazzyanne]

9. The old adage: "Take care of yourself first...

...so you can take better care of others later." In the middle of everyday life we tend to forget ourselves. We think we are being unselfish, but in the long run, we rob ourselves and our loved ones of our best efforts. Loved you post!

[KentuckyWoman]

14. Your post is so kind

It is the best advice. A sorely needed reminder. Thank you so much.

[FreepFryer]

16. Thank you! Wishing you lots of good news, positivity and sunlight in the new year. (n/t)

[WeekiWater]

2. Beautiful post but I think you answer your own question.

You are in a difficult position. You are doing what you can. It sounds like you are exactly where you need to be right now.

I don’t discuss it here but I’m going through some very difficult times. I have a job I love but it is taxing. Thankfully I can dictate when I put my time in, for the most part. I’m doing everything I can to get the things I have to get done accomplished while also caring for my own health and making sure my son isn’t just cared for but that he is thriving. I deal with my issues and often find myself working for hours after my son goes to bed.

So many people are struggling in the land of rugged individualism. Taking five hours a week to take on a new cause means losing five hours a week on maintaining or getting ahead. Much less than getting up and going somewhere to help.

That doesn’t mean we can’t financially support orgs dedicated to doing what we wish we had time to do.

There is also the thought of an individuals priorities. People are dying because of our health care system. Syria has created one of the largest refugee crisis in history. Children are starving in our own country and across the world. Innocent people are regularly being shot and killed. Oppression is being maintained by way of our justice system which is anything but blind, failing school, and by other means.

This is tough. I love your heart and your post. Too many of us are one step away from homelessness and are spending all of our time holding on.

[SammyWinstonJack]

13. I wish that Orange asshole destitute and living on the streets along with

the rest of his grifting family.

[elmac]

4. This is one organization I follow, they give aid to those in need at the boarder

and get harassed quite a bit by boarder patrol.

http://forms.nomoredeaths.org/migrant-deaths-and-the-right-to-provide-humanitarian-aid-without-fear-of-prosecution/

[pdxflyboy]

5. Dear 1620rock

You are not alone.

[summer_in_TX]

6. Others before me spoke wisely.

I'll just add that your heartfelt words on social media are important. While you are doing the important work of caring for your husband and also for yourself, speaking up is another way to help.

ICE hasn't let many of the donations to get through, but some are getting released. And the groups helping them are in need of aid. Your words may inspire others, especially those who want to do something but haven't yet taken action.

I'm shy about sharing on my Facebook page under my married name. But besides here, I have a Twitter account under my maiden name where I can speak up. I'm thankful for being able to express myself.

Blessings on you and your husband. It's a hard time, but I hope has moments where you feel blessed.

[lunatica]

7. Stop beating yourself up!

You’re doing a great deal now, just with your own life altering issues. You’re taking care of the love of your life and here is nothing more important now.

You can donate a little money. Money is always needed and will go where it’s needed most. I have set up small monthly donations which is the lifeblood for any charities or organizations. Believe me a small monthly donation adds up to millions when more people make them. It’s a reliable and steady income for those organizations that help people, animals and the planet and rely on donations.

I have Tendonitis all over my body so I can’t do too many physical things, but I still make a difference with my donations. It makes me feel I’m doing something that is needed and truly helps people.

[AlexSFCA]

8. Ayn Rand and prosperity gospel

[Laffy Kat]

10. You are being a loving wife and friend right now.

You and your husband need each other more than ever. Focus on that while you are able. You won't regret it.

[lillypaddle]

11. Deep breath, my friennd

Cup of tea wouldn't hurt, but a shot of Kentucky bourbon REALLY wouldn't hurt.

I know, it sounds trite as hell considering all that is falling around us. But there is only so much that we can do as individuals. The stress of it all will kill you, too. Be careful with that, please.

And on top of it all, your husband is ailing terribly, sounds like terminally. Oh my dear KentuckyWoman, I think you are doing all that you can humanly do - living one day at a time.

[WhiteTara]

12. The Dalai Lama has a meditation practice

to alleviate suffering in the world. Sit quietly and breathe in the pain of the world and breathe out all the joy you have ever known. Do this for some period of time. The practice is called Tonglen. You can read more about it on the internet.

[thucythucy]

15. I'm pretty much in the same boat.

My sweetie is terminally ill--a brain tumor. She needs care 24-7, much of which I provide. We used both to be politically active--it was a huge part of our lives, but for now all that is on hold.

So thank you for this post, and to all the responses which offer such good advice. You are one of the main reasons I keep coming back to DU.

Best wishes to you and yours.