As a man, I have the privilege of not having to worry

[YoungDemCA]

I have the privilege of not having to worry about where I park my car.

I have the privilege of not having to worry about walking outside alone at night.

I have the privilege of not having to worry too much about how much I drink at parties.

I have the privilege of not having to worry if what I say to a member of the opposite sex is misinterpreted as an invitation to pursue me.

I have the privilege of not having to worry about a culture and society that sexually objectifies my gender, to the point where some members of the opposite sex have seriously distorted views about members of my gender.

And I have the privilege of not having to worry about politicians and pundits basically blaming me if I get raped, or otherwise dismissing the feelings of fear, trauma, and anger that people of my gender who experience rape have.

In other words: Todd Akin is a fucking asshole.

[tblue]

1. And that goes double for white men.

I am not white or a man and sometimes I wonder what it must be like.

Thanks for a very thoughtful post. And welcome to DU!

[seabeyond]

10. ok. pattern. gotcha. nt

[treestar]

11. It obviously does not apply individual by individual

It is a societal theory.

You can find Clarence Thomas on the SCOTUS but that does not mean there is no white privilege. You can find Hillary is Secretary of State but that doesn't mean no male privilege. It's not meant to be taken personally.

[genxlib]

2. Despite all of these privileges

Despite having all of these privileges myself, I do not take any comfort.

As the father to a daughter and the husband to a wife, I feel vulnerable and exposed because I cannot always protect them.

It boggles my mind how these people, even with their privilege, can be so cavalier about this subject.

Yes indeed, Todd Akins is a fucking asshole. And he has many asshole friends to boot.

[Skittles]

53. good point, gexlib

I said it earlier to a coworker - don't these conservatives have daughters, sisters, wives, femaile colleagues? How can they threat women like shit?

[jorno67]

4. In Little Rock AR some 15 years ago...

In McArthur Park, a privileged white guy went into the public bathroom there in the park. Two men followed him, beat and repeatably raped him. The privileged white guy crawled some 300 yards to the Arkansas Arts Center Children Theatre box office. Our show had just started 15 minutes prior...It was still light out and there were at least 200 cars in the parking lot. We never heard if they caught the guys that did it...this is a scary world we live in and everyone must be careful...privilege or not.

[seabeyond]

9. you sign up today, and know all about redqueen? and who are you? nt

[Skidmore]

15. I would wager we have a

spelunker here.

[seabeyond]

16. lol. and i LOVE me some portland oregon. nt.

[nadinbrzezinski]

18. Let's help him with some proper gear

[seabeyond]

12. there you go then. the Op is full of shit and you men are equally raped? wow. convinced me. nt

[warrprayer]

20. Like this?

"Hearing Postponed For Erie Man Charged In Brutal Rape & Attack
Posted: Aug 15, 2012 8:54 PM EST
Updated: Aug 15, 2012 9:31 PM EST
By Emily Matson - email
A court hearing for the Erie man, charged in a brutal beating and rape, has been rescheduled.

37 year old Michael Williams is facing a number of charges including attempted murder, rape, and assault.
He was due in court Wednesday morning, for a preliminary hearing.
But, it was delayed while police wait for DNA evidence.
Investigators say Williams severely beat a man, then raped him.
It happened June 17th along the Bayfront Connector.
Erie's Police chief says they're waiting for DNA evidence from the state police crime lab.

As we've reported, police also want to see if Williams' DNA matches a different assault.
Back in January, a woman was attacked on Glenwood Park Avenue.
The suspect's description is similar to Williams'.
Police are waiting to see if the two DNA's match."

No one is immune.

http://www.goerie.com/article/20120619/NEWS02/306189928/Erie-man-charged-in-assault-rape-of-man

[seabeyond]

23. you will never.... NEVER find that i joke, dismiss, ignore or belittle anothers pain.

that simple. to suggest that the issue with men are the same on this is lubricious. BUT... i am one that has been addressing this regularly when discussing the sex slaves and child sex slaves we have in our communities today.

like that?

and it is not men that the GOP is addressing. it is women that are the ONLY gender getting preg during rape.

you really want to minimize that issue?

[warrprayer]

39. Not at all

guess I misread the O.P., I thought it was an attack on Akins???

[gollygee]

25. Yes, men also get raped

But the large majority of adult rape is against women. And I don't want to minimize male rape, as I am sure it is just as awful and horrifying and difficult. The only problem I have is the irritation of seeing a thread about an issue women overwhelmingly face over men, and having a bunch of posts pop up saying, "But what about the men?" Yes, men are raped as well, though not as often. But does it control the lives of all men as much, the worrying about where you park your car, the wondering if you should go out tonight to pick up groceries or wait until the morning because it is getting dark out, all the things we do in our life to try to make ourselves less likely to be victimized. Rape happens more to women than men, and certainly the constant worry about rape is also an issue mostly faced by women.

[Zalatix]

34. "What about men"? Why not "What about everyone"?

[jorno67]

48. +1000

[jorno67]

47. Sea...stop it.

Don't put words in my mouth.

[Raksha]

50. I don't think the OP meant to imply that privileged white guys never get raped.

Of course they can be raped, just like anyone else. But it's highly unlikely that anyone adds insult to injury afterwards by suggesting they were "asking for it," especially not when talking about white men as a class. With women it's a whole other story.

[Art_from_Ark]

55. Little Rock can be a dangerous place

Even today, it accounts for a disproportionate share of violent crime in Arkansas.

[PortlandTrailblazer]

5. You obviously don't know any gay men, poor men, or urban men then

"I have the privilege of not having to worry about where I park my car."

Really? No man has ever worried about where they parked? And yes, I know what you're talking about.

"I have the privilege of not having to worry about walking outside alone at night."

Really? This statement is downright homophobic, but I don't matter because this is my first post and you're supposed to fall into line until you reach 10,000 posts, when you become immune to criticism.

"I have the privilege of not having to worry too much about how much I drink at parties."

Do you live in the woods? You've never been in anything resembling a city, have you?

"I have the privilege of not having to worry if what I say to a member of the opposite sex is misinterpreted as an invitation to pursue me."

Bullshit.

"I have the privilege of not having to worry about a culture and society that sexually objectifies my gender, to the point where some members of the opposite sex have seriously distorted views about members of my gender."

But Redqueen and Seabeyond don't have seriously distorted views about MY gender???

"And I have the privilege of not having to worry about politicians and pundits basically blaming me if I get raped, or otherwise dismissing the feelings of fear, trauma, and anger that people of my gender who experience rape have."

Another homophobic statement. Misogynist too. Men raped by men are either ridiculed or COMPLETELY IGNORED 99.9% of the time and you fucking know it!

[lunatica]

8. An all out attack on your first post

You should seek help. I've alerted.

[seabeyond]

13. betcha i defend men like a zillion times more than you. tells us who you are and i can prove it

to you

[gollygee]

14. How long have you been lurking

Long enough you know the posters here pretty well. And this is the issue you decided was so horrible you had to start posting. Hmm.

[nadinbrzezinski]

17. I would like to point a couple thigns

for the most part you are MOSTLY correct.

But I would invite you to read a tad on MALE RAPE. It is a seldomly spoken subject in our society. It happens. And no, it is independent from gender self identification status.

I invite you to get a tad more informed.

http://goqnotes.com/296/male-rape-victim-shares-his-story/

[seabeyond]

19. yes. if in prison chance of rape escalates dramatically. not walking outside at night

yes, boys are raped along with girls. and we can no longer say sex slave is girls and women. it is boys too.

you are right.

there are conversations where i cannot put a gender because the boys are being raped also.

but, does that pertain to what the OP is referencing.

[nadinbrzezinski]

22. I was going to hold my tongue

but every rape patient I took care off, who happened to be male, was NOT in prison.

Gets worst, these were the ones willing to call an EMS crew... Mexico and the US are not that different when it comes to Male rape, it is simply not recognized.

Here

Men and boys are often the victims of the crimes of sexual assault, sexual abuse, and rape. In fact, in the U.S., about 10% of all victims are male.1

The term sexual assault refers to a number of different crimes, ranging from unwanted sexual touching to forced penetration.

Male survivors and others affected by sexual violence can receive free, confidential, live help through RAINN's National Sexual Assault Hotline, 24/7. Call 1.800.656.HOPE to be connected to a local rape crisis center in your area, or visit the National Sexual Assault Online Hotline to get live help in an instant-messaging format.

http://www.rainn.org/get-information/types-of-sexual-assault/male-sexual-assault

and here

* Little research has been done on male rape, so statistics are fuzzy. But here is what is known:

- 1 in 10 rape victims are men. (Rathus, Nevid and Fichner-Rathus, 568)
- In a survey answered by hundreds of rape and sexual assault support agencies, they estimated that 93.7 percent of male rape perpetrators are male and 6.3 percent were female. (Greenberg, Bruess and Haffner, 575)
- Many people do not believe that male rape by a female exists. However, penile erection can be achieved under emotional duress such as anger, fear, and pain even if the male does not wish it. (Greenberg, Bruess and Haffner, 576; Lips, 234)

http://thehathorlegacy.com/rape-statistics/

There is more if you are truly interested. Given that in my very much anecdotal experience the males I took care off were NOT in prison... I suspect that until we accept that it is a REAL problem, gender independent, and start dealing with it we really will not know the real stats. They are probably higher than 10%, but the current KNOWN stats are based on self reporting. How long did it take for women to finally report them? And we know a fair number of female rapes are NOT reported to this day either due to social pressure. I mean good ladies do not get raped, right? You know how many times we came across this attitude? More than I care to think about.

This is a human matter.

As to the OP...best piece of advise I can give you is... stay aware, you are NOT immune because of your gender.

[seabeyond]

26. the comparable number for men is one in 71 (1.4%).

Nearly one in five American women (18.3%), the study found, have been raped; the comparable number for men is one in 71 (1.4%).

your number on the men rapes seem to be way off. i will look at the stuff you provide, because i am very much into being informed on this issue. what i am not going ot do is start up arguing who has it worse or not. i ahve already fallen into this ugly little game in this thread. my bad. i dont do that.

i do not care who it is, where it is, what the circumstance is, when anyone is raped, i am squarely on their side.

busy, will get back to this post. but, your number looked way off with a perusal so had to throw this up.

http://www.splcenter.org/get-informed/intelligence-report/browse-all-issues/2012/spring/myths-of-the-manosphere-lying-about-women

[nadinbrzezinski]

27. Re-read what I wrote about SELF REPORTING

there was a time that only poor women and sluts were raped.

Have a good and excellent day.

[seabeyond]

30. Re-read what I wrote... i told you i would get back to it

i do NOT have time right now. hey

you have a good and excellent day, too.

[nadinbrzezinski]

33. I will add the really biased folks at the National Institute for Justice

Women are more likely to be victims of sexual violence than are men. The National Violence Against Women Survey (NVAWS) sampled 8,000 women and 8,000 men and found that 1 in 6 women (17 percent) and 1 in 33 men (3 percent) reported experiencing an attempted or completed rape at some time in their lives. [3]

http://www.nij.gov/topics/crime/rape-sexual-violence/victims-perpetrators.htm

HIGHER SELF REPORT... and also more recent.

Also I am not talking who has it better or worst... rape is rape.

I remember having this same sick argument with the DA when a 12 year old MALE child was involved.

[YoungDemCA]

24. Of course, men are not immune to being raped

Sorry if I gave anyone the impression I was saying that.

But in terms of probability....my OP still stands.

[nadinbrzezinski]

28. In terms of probability stay aware

it is not just rape that might catch to you.

I am not saying carry a gun, or anything like that. Parking in a well lit parking lot is still good practice... NOT walking alone at three in the morning in certain sections of town is still a good idea... I could go on.

[Zalatix]

36. +1,000. When do we start talking about rape victims as rape victims...

instead of separating them into women rape victims vs men rape victims?

Well, apparently, we start with posts like yours.

[nadinbrzezinski]

40. The statistics matter, from a crime statistics perspective

but it also helps people hide head in sand and say... see group so and so is not reporting therefore it must not be happening.

Stats are very revealing. Males have the lowest self reporting stats, followed by African American women and Latina, where the Culture pressures people NOT to report rape. That is where the stats are useful.

We need to do a lot of work for victims, regardless of gender or ethnic group, to be comfortable enough to actually report rape.

In my ideal world every rape would be reported and properly prosecuted. But I know the reality of why that will not happen.

[Raffi Ella]

21. Indeed. K&R

If I haven't said it yet, Welcome to DU.

[patrice]

29. What do you as a man think about this?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/101750084

[YoungDemCA]

31. Revolting is what I think

nt

[seabeyond]

32. voted 3-3 to keep it.

as a woman i think it is disgusting and i thought we were past this on du. i guess not. pssh, who am i fooling. not even close to being better than this.

things to do

outta here.

[gollygee]

35. A jury voted to keep that?

Rape is not a joke. That pisses me off.

[seabeyond]

37. yup. and some even brave enough to put name down as a rec... nt

[Alduin]

38. Last I checked, men get assaulted outside at night.

Especially in my town.

[eek MD]

41. Did you miss the privilege thread with 367 replies from last week?

Or did you just feel we needed a redux, like they did with Apocalypse Now?

[jp11]

42. I read your responses in this thread so far and still don't see how

you can basically say 'I stand by what I wrote'.

At least not without either being delusional about the reality of the world and your own mortality.

I don't live in fear but nor am I in a state of denial that I am mortal simply because I am a man. Crime exists and I am vulnerable to being a victim of crime as we all are.

Are you as 'likely' to be a target of rape in the situations you describe? Most likely no and nowhere near as much as compared to a woman. We could leave it there but you decided to make these statements that essentially say that as man you are somehow 'safe' and the reality is you are only 'safer' in certain conditions which could be true of many groups for any specific 'crime' or issue we might pick.

While I know the subject that is all the rage is rape there still exists the possibility of other violence and you as much as a woman are vulnerable to violence. While 'rape is rape' violence is violence and rape is violence except perhaps in some situations of 'statutory rape' which of course doesn't fit the 'rape is rape' meme going around of late.

I have the privilege of not having to worry about a culture and society that sexually objectifies my gender, to the point where some members of the opposite sex have seriously distorted views about members of my gender.

And I have the privilege of not having to worry about politicians and pundits basically blaming me if I get raped, or otherwise dismissing the feelings of fear, trauma, and anger that people of my gender who experience rape have.

Your gender isn't sexually objectified along the same lines as women but as a man you are stereo-typically going to painted as a rapist, criminal and child molester in many more situations than a woman would typically be. Then there are all the situations where as a man you'd face harsher criminal sentencing than a woman would.

You are absolutely wrong about politicians and pundits blaming you if you get raped or otherwise dismissing your feelings of fear, trauma or anger because very often as a man you simple can't be raped. If you are it is often 'funny' as in something that happens in prison and/or might be warranted for your being weak or perhaps a criminal etc. Those people who'd blame you exist and not just on the republican side or just in the groups of politicians and pundits.

Yes Akin is a fucking asshole.

[lightcameron]

43. Depending on the circumstances, you SHOULD worry about the first three.

Not for the reason of rape, but you do know that men can be victims of different kinds of violence.

As for this one:

I have the privilege of not having to worry if what I say to a member of the opposite sex is misinterpreted as an invitation to pursue me.

You've never had a woman misinterpret your comments/actions and think you're interested when there's no way in hell you're interested at all? It's a challenge!

[valerief]

44. Spot on! nt

[Peregrine Took]

46. I live in the city and when I'm out I'm always aware of who is around me.

At home alone I keep the doors locked even in the summer.

Its just built into my DNA. Watch out, be on guard, protect yourself.

I've heard too many stories and I don't want to be a statistic..

[Blue_In_AK]

49. A thoughtful post.

Obviously, you "get it." I can't speak for men and whatever fears they may have, but as a woman, I've experienced each of your worries. I always try to shake it off and be confident -- and I haven't lived my life in fear, by any means =- but a woman has to always be aware in those situations. I'm retired now and don't go out much except to walk the coastal trail with my husband and occasionally drive to the store. It's kind of a relief not to have to deal with so many people. .

[Bonobo]

51. Really?

Lets take those one by one.

I have the privilege of not having to worry about where I park my car.
Really? Let's see you drive to the South Bronx then and have a nice stroll to the nearest liquor store.

I have the privilege of not having to worry about walking outside alone at night.
Really? Same thing as above.

I have the privilege of not having to worry too much about how much I drink at parties.
Really? Well, you won't be raped, but you could get busted up in a fight if you act too aggressively. That's not something a woman has to worry about too much.

I have the privilege of not having to worry if what I say to a member of the opposite sex is misinterpreted as an invitation to pursue me.
Really? You never had a drink thrown in your face, got slapped, tsked at, pissed off your girlfriend or accidentally started a fight with a jealous boyfriend?

I have the privilege of not having to worry about a culture and society that sexually objectifies my gender, to the point where some members of the opposite sex have seriously distorted views about members of my gender.
Really? Try going outside and flashing your love handles or fat stomach around sometime. If you do not elicit cries of disgust or curled lips, you're probably in good shape. Or, try picking up a girl if you are 5'7" or less and see how many times you fail because you are not tall enough. I won't even mention having hair loss...

And I have the privilege of not having to worry about politicians and pundits basically blaming me if I get raped, or otherwise dismissing the feelings of fear, trauma, and anger that people of my gender who experience rape have.

You are right on THAT score.

In other words: Todd Akin is a fucking asshole.
You are 100% right on that one as well.

[hfojvt]

54. I had the car parking thing a number of times in Mason City, Iowa

I'd be in the downtown and notice three or four thuggish guys kinda glaring at me as I parked in public parking, and I wondered "Is it safe to park here?"

My main complaint about this kind of nonsense though is that "not having to worry" is described as a privilege.

Privilege is defined as a "special benefit".

Examples might be things like -

having your own parking space

having a lobbying group spend $20,000 to give you a trip to Israel (something Congressman Yoder got last year with his new $174,000 a year job)

Calling "not having to worry" a privilege, makes it sound like everyone should have to worry.

Since I was unable to swallow from about 4 pm until midnight, I guess I could point to all of you privileged dillweeds, who, unlike me, had the privilege of being able to swallow.

Or would that be ridiculous?

[Art_from_Ark]

52. Hmmm

As a man...

"I have the privilege of not having to worry about where I park my car"

In Bentonville, Arkansas-- no problem. In Little Rock, Arkansas-- problem.

"I have the privilege of not having to worry about walking outside alone at night"

See above.

"I have the privilege of not having to worry too much about how much I drink at parties."

Apparently you have a designated driver.

"I have the privilege of not having to worry if what I say to a member of the opposite sex is misinterpreted as an invitation to pursue me."

However, it can be misinterpreted as sexual harassment if you aren't careful with your words.

On the other points, I have no disagreement.

On edit: I have to agree with Bonobo about flashing love handles, being overweight, being below average height, and losing hair. Also, showing one's age (How many times have I read in this forum something like-- "Ewww, he's over 50 and trying to make it with someone half his age!!! Ewwwww!" Or even "He drives an SUV/has a huge gun collection to compensate for his SMALL PENIS!)