Why are younger people so anti social?

[FreshStart1]

I am 26 and was raised by my parents who were about 40 when they had me. I seem to be able to hold conversations better and relate to people about 45 on up.

To keep a long story short, me and my fiance have moved about 3 times in the past 2 years. No one really introduced themselves when we moved into different apartment complexes, save for one lady who introduced herself a good 5 months after we moved in.

It seems that social media has made people extremely introverted and has made human to human interaction almost foreign in nature.

About 10 or so years ago I remember watching a dateline NBC special where people where fake kidnapped, punched, etc in public during daylight and hardly anyone came to help, they just kept walking.

Surely I am not the only one who notices this?

[ZZenith]

1. You have to admit...

It would have been kind of funny had nobody replied to you.

[Lefta Dissenter]

2. LOL

You are evil.

[EarnestPutz]

10. (Walks by, with headphones on, texting on a smart phone. Looks up) Huh?

Yes, that would have been funny. A whole generation is spending
less and less time interacting with the world around them. Not just with
other people, but with everything that their senses could tell them if
they were not hiding in their tech-based cocoons.

[dewsgirl]

11. 1. and 2. Thank you for the laugh.

[ZZenith]

3. But seriously, thus is modern man afflicted -

We don’t really have to worry about getting polio but our neighbor is so desperately lonely he may flip his lid and start shooting the joint up.

Gonna take a few decades before we know the survivability of the Information Age.

Fortunately global climate change is gonna make the whole thing moot.

[msongs]

4. good news is u can go to the coffee joint and nobody bothers you cuz they are all playing with

the cellphones. of course if you are looking for a friendly chat that hardly ever happens anymore

[ZZenith]

7. I find people are eager to chat with another human

Once they’ve ascertained that you aren’t trying to sell them anything or mean them harm.

[WhiskeyGrinder]

5. If you've moved three times in the past two years, you've probably been living in places

where most people aren’t putting down roots. People in those situations socialize at work, with school friends, or other communities they are a part of, rather than building new ones. Once you live in a more permanent situation, I’m gurssing you’ll find “young people” to be more social.

[blue neen]

6. I think social media plays a big part in what you're describing.

Attainment of proper social skills is a grace that must be worked on.

[Crutchez_CuiBono]

34. +1

[WhiskeyGrinder]

8. Also, social media has not "made people more introverted." It has, however, provided

a new way for people to interact. Not necessarily better or worse, just different.

[Codeine]

14. I agree wholeheartedly.

The notion of applying a value judgement to the methods that different social groups choose to interact is absurd. Different does not inherently equal bad, or wrong, or even diminished.

[FreshStart1]

9. You are correct..

About the mental health part. I grew up learning "if you see something say something". If you look into the biographies of some serial killers and mass shooters, they had signs they were "disturbed" for years, and most people either ignored them or didn't give it much thought.

I've heard of people laying dead on the ground in their house, for WEEKS, because no one checked on them.

Kinda scary how socially withdrawn we have become.

[Codeine]

12. I'm social, but not in a casual way.

By that I mean I don’t give the slightest of fucks about my neighbors or the like. I actively cultivate social groups based on shared interests and activities and enjoy my social interactions with those people.

I just don’t feel the need to interface with people I don’t know based solely on the fact that the stucco boxes in which we keep our furniture are adjacent.

[BigmanPigman]

13. Yep, we are living in a brand new world

and a lot of it is pretty crummy. Just because we are able to communicate further, longer and cheaper doesn't mean that we are really "communicating" any better than before. We may be communicating more but the quality of the communication is not what it once was on some levels.

[womanofthehills]

15. A small town is where you need to live

I live outside of a town of a little over 800 people and when I go to town to get my mail and run errands it's a super social day. I probably know 300 people in this town on a first name basis. Also our town has lots of activities where people can meet neighbors: Hiking club, 2 book clubs, art center, art shows, lectures, yoga classes, clay classes,etc.

My friend has an apt in NYC. She has lived there for over 30 yrs. She said she had a horrible migraine but did not know one neighbor whose door she could knock on for an aspirin.

[LuvNewcastle]

27. That's often the case.

People who are physically the most isolated have the most friends. Of course, other people would say that most of them aren't friends, they're just acquaintances, so they don't really count. But if you're in need of help, you'll definitely find that they count.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

16. It depends. Here are some random thoughts and observations.

I'm 70. In my life when I have moved I can only recall one time where neighbors stopped by to introduce themselves. That was when we moved to Overland Park, Kansas, into a stereotypical middle class neighborhood. That was in 1970.

I only know a handful of my neighbors where I currently live, in Santa Fe. I live alone, and I tend to be content with a moderately solitary life. But I am involved in the science fiction world, and just got back from an s-f thing in Colorado Springs, where I saw old friends and made some new ones.

People are often wary of strangers, and so it depends a lot on where you are, what the surroundings are, to be able to strike up a conversation.

Also, you would have simply learned to relate well to older people because your parents were older. Were you an only child? How easily did you make friends as a child? And you don't even need to answer either of those questions, because they are only partially relevant.

What I will say is that if you want to meet people and be able to have casual conversations with strangers, you may need to make the first move.

There are lots of suggestions out there about meeting people: a church, taking classes at a community college, joining some kind of group. But if you're not one who goes to church, if you have no need in your life to take a class, if you just can't seem to find a group that you'd like to belong to, it's tough. You have my sympathy.

[tanyev]

17. Are you an extrovert? That is the kind of thing an extrovert would complain about.

I'm in my mid 50s and anti-social. I've been anti-social since long before the internet. I lived in an apartment complex for 11 years and didn't know any of my neighbors. We were all fine with it.

[Codeine]

18. You're my kind of neighbor.

[tanyev]

19. .

[sarcasmo]

20. The phone/screen has turned them into Zombies.

[CousinIT]

21. I have lived in my state for 24 years. When I moved here. . . .

NOBODY introduced themselves in the many apartments I lived in. They made a lot of goddamned noise and one of them tried to set MY apartment afire and slash my tires (because I complained about her loud parties). People I worked with were just work "friends". Bought a house and know neighbors either side but most of the others I do not know. Abusive ex however has badmouthed me to a few of them and I won't attend neighborhood functions because of this person, so that may be part of it.

But by and large people are NOT friendly - abusive ex or none. They never have been. It could just be this state but I doubt it.

[Decoy of Fenris]

22. Some folk just don't like other folk. That has little to do with social media.

My wife and I are both the same way, oddly. With us, it has nothing to do with social media (I've got a FB account but never use it) but just a general distaste for the average human passed in the street. We want nothing to do with them and so long as they keep to themselves and let us do the same, we'll get on just fine. Our general rule is "So long as it doesn't come to our door it isn't our concern." The short and nasty of it is, folk like us don't want to know you and don't care about how that makes us appear.

The funny thing is, our respective and overlapping groups of friends are the same way. Antisocial people tend to somewhat paradoxically find and stick to other antisocial folks, fulfilling our social need without having to interact with more extroverted people. Extroverts, by their nature, make us uncomfortable with things like smalltalk, something antisocial folks just see as nonsensical and a waste of effort/breath. We -can- do these things, but why bother? They're a waste of time. Unless there's a topic that we hold close or have a passion for, some of us just don't see it as worth our time to bother. It's nothing personal, just preference.

[pnwmom]

23. I worry about that. I do think it's harder for new people to an area and young people

to meet each other these days. And the more activities move online, the harder it will be.

[JI7]

24. things are different because of Social Media . these days people can get together based on common

interests.

[snort]

25. As far as I'm concerned

y'all can just fuck right off.

[LuvNewcastle]

28. +1

[ansible]

26. It's very hard to trust people these days, too much danger

I'm more cautious and wary when someone actually acts friendly instead. Usually masks a darker intent.

[JI7]

30. i don't think this is true. it's things like 24 hour news, social media, internet etc that make it

seem like things are worse today but i think overall it's much better/safer.

[obamanut2012]

29. They aren't

People aren't expected to participate in forced social interactions as much anymore, and this introvert loves it. I'm a semi old, and am on nodding acquaintance with my neighbors of several years, and know I could go to them if they needed help, and vice versa. That's enough. I don't want to know my neighbors, they aren't my friends, and I don't want them to be. I want them to be respectful of noise and boundaries, period.

I work with "young people" every day, and have for decades, and they aren't any more or less social now than before.

[cwydro]

31. They might be wondering why you haven't introduced yourselves.

Go for it.

What have you got to lose?

[True Dough]

32. My wife and I moved into our place almost one year ago

We've met and chatted briefly with the neighbors on either side on several occasions. They seem friendly enough. My wife and I have said to each other, "We'll have to invite them over for dinner sometime. Maybe a barbeque." Then summer turns into fall and fall turns into winter. We said to each other: "We didn't get them over for dinner yet. Maybe during the Christmas holidays." And now we're midway through January and no get-togethers yet (no invitations from them either).

We work during the day, go out for walks every evening with our dog, spend quite a bit of our "spare" time looking after our aging parents. So outside of quality time with each other, discussion forums like this are a fantastic way to interact because we can spend as much or as little time as we want. Only have 10 or 15 minutes? Read a few dozen posts and perhaps respond to a few. Gotta go!

[BumRushDaShow]

33. I think there is a prevailing myth about some idealized society

not unlike what you might see in the "Stepford Wives", of robotic and fanatically friendly "neighbors" and whatnot.

I think if you have an individual who generally stays in the same neighborhood/town/city - whether in the same house (or other homes nearby)/apartment and goes through school there, they may develop childhood "friendships" in the neighborhood and/or in school, including some who they may end up knowing for the rest of their lives (and in many storied cases, even marrying/becoming SOs), and who may move to residences in the same general area and continue to see each other regularly. This is one subset of "friends".

As time moves on, you may enter a workplace and develop "friendships" - generally more as "acquaintances", but some of these work relationships might go further if you share interests (which may even lead to marriage/SO relationships). This is another subset of "friends".

Fast forward to those who create families with children - after which one might develop "friendships" with the parents of their children. These parents tend to live in the same general area and in some cases may even morph into what is often dubbed as "extended family", with the relationships continuing on past the time when the children have grown up. This is another subset of "friends".

If you have a hobby (or a number of hobbies), or some service-related interest that offers a club, and/or are religious and attend some house of worship, you may pick up additional "friendships" based on shared likes - some of these relationships becoming long-lasting. You may have seen threads from people right here on DU who have done just that with other DUers - initially corresponding/interacting "online" and eventually meeting up and becoming close friends.

So during a young adult transition period, when you find yourself in multiple locations (including sharing accommodations), that generally tends to keep the relationships minimal as it takes time to develop more long-lasting friendships based on residential considerations alone, and therefore that should not necessarily be a criteria for judging the state of society in general when there are many other outlets for interaction.

In addition, the scenario that you mention about the supposed "disinterest" of the public during criminal activity - that is something that is not new, but if anything, the advent of the cell phone means that someone will often appear to "walk by" but will also be calling 911. There are plenty of stories of people who do intervene and you do have that push of "If you see something, say something". So the "Good Samaritan" has not gone completely away, although in a number of cases, people have their own personal situations going on that they feel would (sadly) preclude them from being required to participate in the criminal justice system as a witness. There were 2 "coming of age" films that came out in the mid-80s - "Stand By Me" and "River's Edge" that highlighted the theme of (fictional) incidents of teen disinterest in similar tragic situations and the aftermath of that. There was no "social media" back then to blame for their decisions.

And before "social media", people "read" newspapers or books (when on public transit and in some cases while walking down the street) as a way to virtually hang a "Do not disturb" sign that signaled that they were "occupied" and are not interested in interaction. Although I do find it disconcerting that you have what people have now started dubbing "zombies" walking the streets staring at phones completely oblivious to their surroundings, I expect one or two major "incidents" will start to curb that tendency in the individual post haste. Eventually, as has happened in the early days of the "'net", burnout will often happen and the person finally decides to step away and take a break.

[GoCubsGo]

35. What you are describing has nothing to do with being an introvert.

And, being addicted to social media does not make anyone an introvert. You are describing anti-social behavior, not introversion. They are not the same thing. There is plenty of information out there to describe the difference. I urge you to look it up.

[Nay]

36. I'm 68. Where I see a real difference is in social competence AND in social manners.

As a confirmed introvert, I am not one of those loud extroverts who always starts conversations just to yak. However, I can conduct myself in the correct manner when interacting with others, whether those others are strangers, neighbors, acquaintances, coworkers, or family. I can start and maintain a simple conversation, respond appropriately to others' comments or observations, and be pleasant while doing so. I can take the initiative in a social situation like, say, a neighborhood pool party where I only know a few people, just to keep everything friendly and pleasant with those I am near. I have to say that women are much better at this than men -- honestly, men have retreated into phones and computers to an almost Aspergian degree, depending on their wives and girlfriends to assume the burden of making all the friends, setting all the playdates/parties/barbeques/meetups and keeping up all the friendships, etc. Many times I've noticed 20 yr olds to 40 yr olds who simply don't know what to do when someone talks to them. They get this stunned look on their faces, reacting as if the nearby shrub just talked to them.

That doesn't mean that women are immune, though. I was at a lively and fun dinner -- half doctors, half teachers -- and the conversations were interesting and far-ranging. Several women could not get through a two-hour dinner without looking at their phones 20 times.

Paradoxically, we have always known and talked to our immediate neighbors in our suburb, but recently a Facebook page called "Buy Nothing" (restricted to just the neighborhood of about 2 square miles) has had a great effect on neighbors getting to know each other better. People post useful items for free and neighbors can just come and get those items. We also have a neighborhood chat page, where we can find out the latest news specific to the neighborhood. This also gets us all to start noticing our neighbors, and new people can join and immediately feel welcomed.

[Qanisqineq]

37. Yes, but not just the young

I'm 45. Moved twice in last 5 years. Current home in North Dakota: neighbors go inside if they see us outside, refuse to even say hello. Previous home in California: everyone got in their cars in their garage and we never saw anyone. Had no idea what they even looked like.

5 years ago we lived in S. Korea and our Korean neighbors nodded, bowed, and said hello or anyeong haseyo. The soldiers on the military base were friendly. It is very lonely here in the US.