More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Hazy Shades of Late Winter Edition
Last edited Tue Mar 12, 2019, 02:57 PM - Edit history (1)
Well, you can't say "shady" without thinking about Donald Trump, which means it's time for the thirty-seventh installment of our occasional look into the world of right-wing cognitive dissonance.
Updates:
* Bill Clinton was a draft dodger for not serving in Vietnam. But it was okay for Dick Cheney, George W. and Jeb Bush, Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich, Clarence Thomas, Dan Quayle, Tom Delay, Tom Tancredo, Pat Buchanan, Donald Trump (Updated), Willard Mitt Romney, and John Bolton not to go. (#1, November 2010)
* You show how strictly you follow the Constitution by wanting to ignore the First, Fourth, Fifth, Eighth, Thirteenth, Fourteenth, Sixteenth, and Twenty-Fifth Amendments. Well, really all the amendments except the Second, and sometimes the Tenth. (#1, November 2010)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* You're from the party of the Willy Horton ad, the Max Cleland = Osama Bin Laden ad, Swift Boating, Birtherism, and Donald Trump; you once expressed admiration for the Taliban; and you think you have room to complain about negative ads being used against you
Almost verbatim from Newshounds:
* The death of migrant children in US custody is the fault of Democrats for not funding the Trump Wall that Mexico was going to pay for
* Rush Limbaugh is hip with the young people
* You decry an investigation with numerous convictions as "partisan witch hunts" after you were one of the ones leading partisan investigations of Hillary Clinton that found nothing no matter how many times you tried.
* Semen is magic
* Texas and Iraq are all inside the White House
* You scream about "Socialized Medicine" as one of the most evil things in the world, but go to Canada, a country with universal socialized healthcare, to get surgery.
* "Reasonable compromise" = Temporary protection for DACA and Dreamers, permanent racist border wall.
* You think Ralph Northam should resign for being a disgusting racist over thirty years ago. You think Mexicans are rapists and murderers, and that neoNazis and white supremacists are "good people" to this day.
* "Presidential Harassment" = Investigating credible evidence that the President and their allies illegally colluded with a hostile foreign dictator to steal an election and are trying to rip off the country. "Presidential Harassment" =/= Spending six years demanding the President produce his birth certificate, and then calling it fake when he does.
* Transparency of the interests of our leaders is bad
Maybe it would help if your interests weren't terrible...
* Germs are another thing made up by liberal scientists
* "Anti-Semitic" = Pointing out that AIPAC spends a lot of money lobbying members of Congress. Not "anti-Semitic" = Accusing a Jewish Hungarian who fled the Holocaust as a child of being a Nazi Communist who wants to destroy America.
* Constitutional Amendments are un-Constitutional
* "National Emergency" = A problem so requiring drastic, immediate attention that it "didn't need" to be done, and the man declaring the emergency can immediately leave for a three-day golf weekend.
* You're offended by Spanish in a Mexican restaurant.
* Big story worthy of massive media coverage: Celebrity files false report of an attack against him. Not a big story: Right-wing white supremacist in the US Coast Guard plots terrorist attacks to assassinate American political leaders and media figures.
* Nobody celebrated the Fourth of July until Donald Trump had the idea to do so.
* You're a second generation trust fund baby and think you can say the poor don't want a better minimum wage with a straight face.
* Democrats paid someone to steal absentee ballots to throw an election result to the Republican candidate.
* There's nothing wrong with thirteen year olds getting married.
* Paying hush money to the porn stars you had affairs with is the sign of a good family man.
* A lying, tacky, draftdodging cheat and proud sexual predator is a good role model
* Blacklisting conservatives who won't kiss Donald Trump's giant ass is more proof that Fox News is Fair and Balanced.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Bravo!
