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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsTeen boys rated their female classmates based on looks. The girls fought back.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2019/03/26/teen-boys-rated-their-female-classmates-based-looks-girls-fought-back/?utm_term=.3e7f391b6a96By Samantha Schmidt March 26 at 7:45 PM
Yasmin Behbehani had just walked into her third-period health class when her friend asked her if she had seen the list.
Theres a list of the girls names, her friend Nicky Schmidt, a fellow senior at Bethesda-Chevy Chase High School in Maryland, said. And were ranked.
Behbehani didnt want to see the list, or know whether she was on it. She had spent the past four years recovering from an eating disorder, working hard to avoid comparing herself with others, she said. But by her sixth-period class on that Monday earlier this month, a text message appeared on her phone with a screenshot of the list, typed out on the iPhone Notes app.
It included the names of 18 girls in the Bethesda-Chevy Chase High Schools International Baccalaureate Diploma Programme, ranked and rated on the basis of their looks, from 5.5 to 9.4, with decimal points to the hundredth place. There, with a number beside it, was Behbehanis name.
More at link with happy ending
dewsgirl
(14,961 posts)the age of 16-20, until I became pregnant with my first son. Throughout the last 22 years since then, I have had to fight those urges at times.
I am now trying to help my my youngest son's 16 yr old girlfriend who has the same issues. The fact that she is growing up in a different era, gives me hope.
I love that the boy that made the list, took responsibility for it and is trying to make it right.
Locrian
(4,522 posts)phylny
(8,386 posts)which initially did nothing but tell the female students not to discuss it and gave a suspension to one male student who started it. The female students persisted, feeling a one-day, in-school suspension wasn't enough. Then, they ended up gathering with male students and discussed how they felt and what such behavior does. Now, some of the female students are making a display about toxic culture, and they are discussing things with their male counterparts.
When I read "fought back," I assumed they made a list of their own.
I'm glad that wasn't the case.
Good outcome from a bad situation
lindysalsagal
(20,730 posts)and stormed the principal's office and demanded more.
They started an awareness group, the original boy who posted admitted he was wrong, joined the group, and now there is a fierce pressure to treat the girls with respect.
ONLY because they organized and demanded it together.
Kind of Blue
(8,709 posts)3 free articles a month.
mercuryblues
(14,537 posts)or try using you in private browsing tab.
Kind of Blue
(8,709 posts)retread
(3,763 posts)Kind of Blue
(8,709 posts)She looked up and down my perfect frame,
Then said these word that burned into my perfect brain.
She said, "Well, well, another one of those macho-matician men
Who grade all women on scales of one to ten.
And you give me an eight? Well, that's a generous thing to do.
Now, let's just see just how much I give you.
You comin' on to me with that corny numbers jive,
Man -- your style makes me smile, I give it a five.
When you walked up, I noticed that suit you wore;
It's a last-year's, double-knit, shiny-ass, frayed-cuff -- I give it a four.
And that must be your car parked out on the curb;
That '69 Chevy homemade convertible gets you a three and a third.
Now, as for your build, I guess it's less than a five,
Except for your potbelly -- I give that a ten... for size.
And that wine you're pourin' might be fine to you,
But I'm used to fine champagne -- I give your booze a two.
It's hard to tell what your flashin' smile is worth;
I give it a six -- you could use some dental work.
But it's your struttin'-rooster act that really makes me laugh;
It may be a ten to these country hens, but to me it's a three and a half.
And there really ain't too much to add, once the subtractin's done,
But since there ain't no zeroes -- I give you a one!"
dustyscamp
(2,228 posts)Link to tweet
https://www.reddit.com/r/magicTCG/comments/3fxpk3/the_hottest_player_on_the_pro_tour/
https://www.thedailybeast.com/dartmouth-professors-sexually-assaulted-students-turned-research-department-into-21st-century-animal-house-lawsuit
The suit also detailed how the three men used their power in the department to freely objectify their female students by commenting on their appearance, including one game that Kelly created to publicly rank the women on what he called a Papi scale. The scale began at zero which equated to would never bang,
https://techcrunch.com/2016/03/08/controversial-people-rating-app-peeple-goes-live-has-a-plan-to-profit-from-users-negative-reviews/
https://arstechnica.com/staff/2018/07/ratemyprofessors-drops-hotness-rating-prompts-me-to-rethink-undergrad-choices/
defacto7
(13,485 posts)Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)act like ..... teenage boys.
Those damn hormones.
DLevine
(1,788 posts)After all, boys will be boys. They should just stfu!
tiredtoo
(2,949 posts)the girls stood up for themselves. 60 years ago when i was a teenager we would rate the girls. Just never made a list. I am sure the girls rated the boys also.
Maru Kitteh
(28,342 posts)Amazing how many men, supposedly progressive men, just will not get it. Still.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)It's one thing to be attracted to someone, it is another thing to base their worth as a human being on how attracted you are to them.
irisblue
(33,023 posts)tiredtoo
(2,949 posts)WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)That's something.
I know any defense of men automatically means the alert is hit but just think about what you're saying.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)Does it mean these guys are all incels who will never leave their parents' basements? Of course not. Is it on the continuum of toxic masculinity, which among other things assumes a proprietary and entitled interest in the female body? Yep.
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)I'm speechless.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)when it challenges beliefs they've taken for granted their entire lives, so I appreciate you taking the time.
ismnotwasm
(42,008 posts)how incredibly sad
LanternWaste
(37,748 posts)But I get it... expecting a realistic standard of behavior from students can be a tough concept to realize. Best thing to do is trivialize the actions of those holding everyone to those standards to more effectively rationalize your own biases.
Good job!
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)is usually met with an alert or worse.
Can I start using the term TOXIC FEMININITY ? I don't think so.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)Toxic masculinity implies that being a man relies on aggression, violence, status and sexual conquest, and that stereotypically "feminine" traits reduce one's manhood. It's all about achieving power over others through weaponizing supposedly masculine traits. What would "toxic femininity" be?
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)So 17 and 18 yo boys who made up some list "mplies that being a man relies on aggression, violence, status and sexual conquest, and that stereotypically "feminine" traits reduce one's manhood."
That's right , any hint of developing male sexuality must be berated , called out and destroyed. ANd these happy horny males must pay a severe price.
Can't let developing males have any sexuality... must be destroyed and teach those kids a lesson.
My depiction of Toxic Femininity?
Wanting to destroy any innocent developing sexuality by labeling it as aggression, violence sexual conquest reduceing women to stereotypes....
Toxic Femininity ?..... seeking to destroy any hint of innocent sexual development .
Toxic Femininity?... see your post.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)People certainly have opinions about how other people look. Teens feeling an attraction to other teens is entirely normal, of course. And I think we can agree that sharing opinions with one's peer group is also normal, no matter the age. The issue, as many of us here see it, is when those opinions are weaponized -- equating someone's appearance with the whole of their worth, and then ranking that "worth" among an entire set of targets -- when things get problematic.
Groups of boys ranking the looks of girls is certainly not uncommon, but assuming it's a normal, useful or healthy part of developing sexuality implies that competition, entitlement and value related to how a person looks are things we should encourage as young people in our lives look for romantic partners.
Wanting to destroy any innocent developing sexuality by labeling it as aggression, violence sexual conquest reduceing women to stereotypes....
Toxic Femininity ?..... seeking to destroy any hint of innocent sexual development .
Toxic Femininity?... see your post.
If this is an innocent sexual development, would you say it's important that we encourage our young men to write up lists ranking the attractiveness of young men in their lives? What does it teach them, as they develop their sexuality?
Would you say a group of 25-year-old men creating a similar list of their colleagues in a workplace is an innocent expression of sexuality? How about 50-year-old men, creating a list of their colleagues?
Would you say that "seeking to destroy any hint of innocent sexual development" is a feminine trait, or a trait of toxic femininity? Where would a purity ball fit into this?
ETA: Don't get me wrong, I don't think teen boys are inherently "bad" or "toxic." But we live in a patriarchy, and the patriarchy hurts men too.
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)I've said all I can say . I'm done.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)Talking about what behaviors might mean can help us tear down the institutional oppressions each of us faces to a different extent. It's not about pillorying these specific boys (although I support the girls' actions and the outcome) -- it's about building a better society for all of us.
It's common to react strongly to these kinds of ideas. After all, when we grow up in a patriarchy or white supremacy, anything that pushes back on it is going to look weird, subversive, wrong or just plain misguided. It costs us nothing to sit with new ideas, though, and can help us find clarity in what we do believe.
Have a good day!
Habibi
(3,598 posts)I applaud you:
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)Squinch
(51,004 posts)developing sexuality"?
Do you even realize that this act was extremely cruel and girls - whether on the high or low score end of this - have to deal with this kind of cruelty every day of their lives and are irrevocably changed by it?
You REALLY don't have a clue.
Squinch
(51,004 posts)you are not entitled to disagree with their actions!
See how stupid that is?
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)I never said one damn word about what they did.
Go ahead... show me.
More insipid Toxiciity
Feel free to apologize when you can't find it.
Squinch
(51,004 posts)And how DARE you get snippy about my comment! I have HORMONES! By your own theory, that gives me the right to say and do whatever I want! Because HORMONES!
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)I am damn snippy about you accusing me of something I didn't even comment on.
I would explain it to you but your TF will get in the way.
I'm done , go ahead... have the last word and enjoy it.
Squinch
(51,004 posts)make any of your objections moot - according to your argument - because I have them! You are just being a snowflake because anything I say is just "innocent developing sexuality." You need to just accept it and not object to it. Because HORMONES. I have them! And according to your argument, that gives me carte blanche to be cruel and obnoxious and entitled!
... This is just too easy, but sadly you will never get it. You still think you need to explain something to me.
Squinch
(51,004 posts)Best Buy appliances with user reviews! Those poor boys will be damaged if their entitlement is not honored!
Boys will be boys, dammit, and girls better just take it and never let them know how hurtful it is! Because hormones! And BOYS! And the unfairness of asking them to treat others decently!
tiredtoo
(2,949 posts)But then that's just my opinion.
Squinch
(51,004 posts)athena
(4,187 posts)After all, its all about hormones! Who cares if ones actions hurt others? Young women should just understand that young men cannot be expected to control their behavior!
Im appalled by your lack of empathy.
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)And please, don't put words in my mouth.
Be better than that.
Squinch
(51,004 posts)That's just ignorant.
MRA troll will MRA troll.
Tarc
(10,476 posts)website.
Why don't you run along.
FailureToCommunicate
(14,020 posts)gratuitous
(82,849 posts)Then it was called a Slam Book, a spiral-bound notebook with each page devoted to a different person. The book would circulate with people leaving anonymous comments on the page, some complimentary, but many as mean and vicious as middle schoolers can be. It was quite popular for about a week, when someone started a page on the person who first circulated the Slam Book. It was promptly withdrawn from circulation when that person got a look at what random people thought of that person.
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,836 posts)They were horrible - most of the insults were about girls' looks and relative popularity, and some of it came from the Mean Girls, who seemed to be writing down what the boys were saying. Alpha girls being mean to low-status girls helped ensure the alpha girls' popularity with the alpha boys.
aeromanKC
(3,327 posts)jerk/douchebag/dickness rankings list.
Mister Ed
(5,943 posts)My headline would be:
Rank Ranking Rankles
Not to make light of the situation, though. I'm glad for the happy ending.
Squinch
(51,004 posts)Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)Forget it... I don't feel like being alerted on.
Squinch
(51,004 posts)Read some of the responses from entitled women-hating men in the comment section of that article.
Tarc
(10,476 posts)Move on.
Pachamama
(16,887 posts)This makes me proud to see how these young women handled this and the support the administration gave them....
It would be nice to think more of this kind of learning opportunities for both our young women and men could have and to combat Toxic Masculinity in this age of Trump....
PoindexterOglethorpe
(25,895 posts)All too often unacceptable behavior is tolerated under the guise of "boys will be boys" and THAT attitude has got to change.
Polybius
(15,476 posts)Hes always talking about his top three and who he would sleep with first. I dont think he tells the ladies but he tells us guys. Terrible.
djg21
(1,803 posts)The girls in my class had prepared a list of boys ranked by their looks, and they werent shy about showing it to the boys. Im not sure Id ascribe a sexist element to this at all. Its juvenile and stupid, and demeaning to the subjects no matter their gender.
misanthrope
(7,428 posts)or the adult equivalent in People magazine's "sexiest men?"
tenderfoot
(8,438 posts)MicaelS
(8,747 posts)What these girls did was magnificent.
ProudLib72
(17,984 posts)Now if this solution could gain national attention and be implemented in all schools, then we might be onto something.
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)Any hint of normal developing teenage sexuality should be destroyed and they should be treated like criminals.
Lets chemically castrate them now.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)betrayed, and unsafe. What's the next step after that? Fortunately, it's not chemical castration, which no one was calling for.
Squinch
(51,004 posts)developing teenage sexuality among males.
ProudLib72
(17,984 posts)If they aren't thinking about sex every 90 seconds, they could focus on learning things. So, yes, I totally agree with you about chemical castration!
treestar
(82,383 posts)Haven't they been taught any sensitivity?
My sister often lectured her sons on how to treat women. They can learn respect for others as teenagers. There are boys who do not objectify girls and wouldn't think of doing this. It's the jerks who would.
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)you're right.
Male Teenagers looking at women and privately ranking them on their looks is horrible.
Again must destroy any hint of teenage sexuality.
Boys cannot have any thoughts of any developing sexuality.
But girls can have Tiger beat . People's sexiest man alive and Cosmo that totally objectify men.
You're right.. there are boys who have no sexual thoughts about girls.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)lists in Tiger Beat and People and Cosmo. I encourage you to ponder what that difference might be.
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)It's ok for women to express their developing sexuality but young men must be ostracized
ridiculed and punished if they show a hint of normal sexual development.
One poster wanted them arrested for harassment and assault for the rating letter.
Do we really want to make boys eunuchs if they develop sexuality ?
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)The difference is not the ones doing the expressing, but the objects of their affection.
Women and girls who rank and talk about men and boys in magazines are talking about men and boys whose job it is to serve as those objects of affection. They want to be a part of that aspect of entertainment, and they are separated enough from the people admiring them that there is no danger of having to interact with them.
Young men and boys who rank their classmates are ranking people who are just trying to go about their day. Who are under the impression that the people they are sitting in class with see them as fully formed human beings, not dolls to judge and rank. The original article talked about the hurt, fear and betrayal these young women felt.
This is important: The outcome of an action matters more than intent when it comes to people interacting. The boys' actions hurt the girls. No one is objecting to young men finding young women attractive. We're objecting to their actions around it, and how it made the young women feel.
Objecting to that is not turning them into eunuchs, although I'm a little concerned that that is where your language goes consistently as you bemoan their plight. Asking someone to not be an asshole doesn't mean they can't be a man. It means no one wants them to be an asshole, that's all. If you conflate "being an asshole" with "being a man," well then, we're right back at toxic masculinity!
treestar
(82,383 posts)These guys are doing this to girls they know. It is not normal developing sexuality to treat girls like that! Very few boys do stuff like this. Most of them would not. So don't call it normal.
Gothmog
(145,554 posts)From the article cited in OP
I feel it when walking home from school, I get catcalled by a man in a truck who repeatedly asks me to get in his car, and follows me home when I dont, said Rose Frank, one of the senior girls on the list, reading from a letter she had prepared. I feel it when my mother tells me that my third ear piercing will send the wrong message in a workplace setting, and that in the future its best to let my hair down for job interviews.
As a father of two daughters, I am glad that these young ladies confronted this issue
pansypoo53219
(20,995 posts)clementine613
(561 posts)n/t
Rustyeye77
(2,736 posts)Total harassment and go figure, Assault.
See this is what I've talking about the entire thread.
For some stupid rating list lets criminalize them ...not only harassment but assault...even though it never happened. But that's ok because they are obviously danger to society.
Lets suppress any normal sexual development.
"How dare they show any developing sexual feelings...they must be thrown out of school and arrested.. then locked up"
Men must never have any sexuality.
WhiskeyGrinder
(22,431 posts)a list like this, it would absolutely be grounds for a sexual harassment investigation from HR. So what better way to prepare them for the real world than to educate them, as happened in this article?