An Open Letter to those who believe the Rapture will take place tomorrow

[malaise]

I will keep your money for you until you return. Send me all your worldy goods. I am a faithless heathen. Please contact me before it is too late.

That is all

[Dulcinea]

1. I'm in favor of the Rapture.

If it rids the earth of people who believe in such nonsense, I'm all for it.

[malaise]

3. Please don't tell them this until

they send me their world goods and cash - all of it. I'll share some with you

[GemDigger]

25. I said to my very religious cousin "If everyone is so damn excited about the rapture, then I hope

to hell it hurries up so the rest of us can clean up the mess". She hasn't talked to me since.

[malaise]

33. Hahahahahahha

[keithbvadu2]

40. Maybe the rapture has already happened... and they are still here with us.

Maybe the rapture has already happened... and they are still here with us.

[malaise]

52. Freaking perfect

[GemDigger]

73. Just like that! nt

[ooky]

41. Me too. The sooner they all fly away the better.

[dameatball]

2. I guess I can cancel my dentist appointment next Monday.

[malaise]

5. Don't cancel until Wednesday when they are gone

Are you sure your dentist won't be raptured??

[dameatball]

6. Good thinking. I'll be on standby!

[wendyb-NC]

4. Yeah.

They sure as hell won't need it up there all raptured out of their senses.

[jcgoldie]

7. Wait whats tomorrow?

First I heard of it. I do have to work early, but if they are going to be rapturing people maybe school will be cancelled and I can get real drunk tonight.

[malaise]

8. Hold that drinking for Wednesday night

Google this - not posting the Fox link
Biblical prophecy claims the Rapture is coming April 23, numerologist

[jcgoldie]

10. I hope it happens

With all those very morally outstanding Trumpers gone we could take back our country lickety split!

[malaise]

12. I wish they would jump into the Baby Con balloons

to speed up the trip - he sure will need one to get off the ground

[RVN VET71]

77. The anniversary of the deaths of

Shakespeare and Cervantes? Does this mean that god has an affinity for good literature?

[malaise]

81. Hehehehehe

That is deep - way too deep for me

[olegramps]

78. I think it was April 15th that when my money disappeared.

[malaise]

82. That was IRS capture not

rapture

[CentralMass]

85. Now known as the Ides of April.

[MineralMan]

9. Tomorrow? But, I have a fundraising breakfast to attend tomorrow

morning for the local Gilda's (Radner) Club.

So, could we postpone the rapture until Wednesday? I don't want to be on the road when all those driverless cars go careening.

Do you have David Meade's email address, so I can ask him to postpone this one?

[malaise]

13. Aren't they going to ahem lift off and head

skyward?
Traffic should thin out

[leftieNanner]

26. Yes, but

I don't think they will be taking their Buicks with them. Hence the driverless cars.

[malaise]

27. Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

for the Buicks

[highplainsdem]

11. Sorry to disappoint, but the Fox News story and the Patheos piece based on it, quoted here

the other day, are both from last year, predicting the Rapture on April 23, 2018.

So we can celebrate Earth Day today without worries about the imaginary Planet X causing devastation here.

It would be nice if we could get those who believe in such silliness off this planet, though...

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/progressivesecularhumanist/2018/04/get-ready-for-jesus-the-rapture-is-april-23/

https://www.foxnews.com/science/biblical-prophecy-claims-the-rapture-is-coming-april-23-numerologist-says

[malaise]

14. Hahahahhaa

So why are they still here

[Buzz cook]

59. I'm glad it already happened.

I was worried about what to wear.

[marble falls]

15. Raptors? Jeeeeeez, hasn't anyone gotten a handle on Jurassic Park, yet?

[malaise]

17. Hehehehehehe

Good marning

[marble falls]

20. Hey bubba! Another day in paradise! ....

If only I knew where paradise was.

[Wounded Bear]

31. "Just another shitty day in paradise..."

FIFY

[Takket]

16. I saw a billboard about the last week...

In Detroit. So this is a nationwide thing?

[malaise]

18. So it's on again this year

The annual rapture - this could be very profitable

[bluecollar2]

48. You owe me a new keyboard...

[malaise]

49. Well if this works you can have a new computer

[Kitchari]

19. That article is dated 2018

So 4-23-18 was supposed to be the date. Inexplicably, Fox re-posted it today.

[marble falls]

22. It isn't as if Fox ever was up to date (or even up to snuff) on real news.

[PJMcK]

21. A question

Throughout human history, there have been numerous predictions of when the world will end.

None of them were correct and we're still here.

Therefore, why would anyone believe such a prediction?

The idiocy runs very deep. One can purchase Rapture insurance in order to take care of one's pets after the human has gone to heaven.

[malaise]

23. It's all a business called 'How to Con the Gullible'

If you can get people to purchase rapture insurance, they are beyond gullible.
They should send me their money and worldly goods for safe-keeping

[Grammy23]

28. Malaise, first I read Tom Tomorrow

and just about laughed my ass off.

Then I read your comment and that took care of the rest of my arse.

I’m dead.

[malaise]

32. I'd rather die laughing than be fooled by rapture salesmen

[world wide wally]

24. What if they had a rapture and nobody came?

[fescuerescue]

29. I laugh. But if 1/2 (or whatever) of the words population vanished

and leave me here.

That would mean they were right and I'm fucked.

[zipplewrath]

37. Not close to half

If you listen to the people who believe this, there aren't nearly half of the population that "qualify". Apparently most of us would probably barely notice. Well, unless you were a member of THEIR church.

[louis-t]

30. "Go to Mommy's wallet and take out

all those green slips of paper and send them to me..." In honor of Soupy Sales.
I saw him on What's My Line this morning.

[malaise]

34. Soupy Sales is still around?

[louis-t]

39. He died several years ago.

Game show channel runs stuff all the way back to the '50s.

[malaise]

42. Funny thing happened last week

The Jeopardy star James had been on The Chase so folks were sending around the Youtube.
GSM shut down the video claiming rights.

[barbtries]

35. i have faith in you Malaise

is there a meme going around about the end of the world again?

[malaise]

43. Yes and no

Looks like it's now an annual event - how does that work??

[barbtries]

96. it's been working for millenia

but exactly how does not say much for human intelligence.

[malaise]

97. And isn't that the truth

They just keep believing - OK not today - new date coming up

[spanone]

36. Bwahahahahahahaaaa K&R...

[DoctorJoJo]

38. I Understand There Was a Translation Error, and That God Actually Said "Ruptured!"

Ouch! Glad I'm not a believer!

[malaise]

44. Their brains are ruptured

so I am ready to r(c)apture their worldy belongings

[Harker]

50. There goes my raptured appendix joke... n/t

[The Liberal Lion]

45. Like many others here I'm actually hoping this is true and I'm an atheist.

But unfortunately this will be again one of the many fairy tales of religion that believers will have to make an excuse for.

[bigbadR]

46. 100% support of the Rapture

Oh excellent, I for one pray for the Rapture every single day. Just think how wonderful it will be when our beautiful planet is rid of these racist, sexist, anti-science, anti-all vertebrate life, intolerant, fools. We can all rejoice when they are no longer polluting our civic space with their hate and fear. Amen!

[malaise]

47. Please be nice to them until they send me their worldly possessions I mean

their money - I don't want any of their crap possessions

[Totally Tunsie]

60. Ya' mean the MAGATs?

[TexasBushwhacker]

102. Good for general population reduction too n/t

[jmowreader]

51. The Bible says...

“Not all those who say ‘I believe, I believe’ will enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

There are a LOT of people who believe their claim to be a Christian is a sort of get-out-of-hell-free card. If they bring their clothes to church one day a week, say a few little poems and throw a couple bucks on the collection pot as it goes by, they can treat everyone else like shit the rest of the week and go to Heaven when they die.

Well guys, that’s not how it works. I believe your “Heaven” is in the thoughts of those you leave behind. And unfortunately if those thoughts were “that guy was really a prick, you know that?” then you’re in hell.

[malaise]

53. or as Marley would say Time will Tell

I believe in neither heaven nor hell

[dchill]

54. Get in line!

Can that be condensed down to bumper sticker length?

[FM123]

55. Woohoo, here's a song to celebrate:

[malaise]

58. I am not celebrating until they send me their money

and fly away

[Jake Stern]

56. Once again I'm the last to know

Nobody ever tells me about his stuff.

[kairos12]

57. I say go and leave your dog. And tequila.

[CloudWatcher]

66. After The Rapture Pet Care

Don't wait, there is still time to volunteer ...



http://aftertherapturepetcare.com

These guys claim to be serious ... right ))

[Gamecock Lefty]

61. Jesus is Coming Soon!

Said someone 2,000 years ago!

[samnsara]

62. theres a rapture tomarrow?

[NurseJackie]

63. Dorothy Sheedy

[peggysue2]

89. Hahahaha!

I remember that episode! One of the best TV series out there, too, with a fantastic finale.

Back in the day, I loved that show.

Thanks for the memory.

[malaise]

99. How did I miss this

You did win the thread - first

[Kablooie]

64. So should I sit outside tomorrow?

I wouldn't want to hit my head on the ceiling when I'm pulled up to heaven.

[malaise]

68. Beware of the rising Buick

[Siwsan]

65. Hmm. That might save me a trip to the Family Reunion!!

I think I'll wait to book that hotel room.

[malaise]

69. Will any members be raptured?

[Siwsan]

75. Some are waiting. Possibly in vain. Make that probably.

Safe conversation topics can be tricky. I wouldn't go, but my elderly cousin needs my help, so I consider the experience to be my way of working on my own Karma.

[BlueJac]

67. I personally hope they disappear tomorrow...

maybe later tonight would be better, that way tomorrow will truly be a fresh start from insanity!

[OMGWTF]

70. The Rapture 2,000 years of "any day now."

[randr]

71. All of their driving licenses should be revoked

Heaven help us if they rise while driving.

[albacore]

72. I'm not saying that I'll be raptured soon....

.... but I'm not buying any green bananas!

[H2O Man]

74. Recommended.

I prefer raptors myself.

[malaise]

83. One for the birds or

Toronto?

[H2O Man]

90. The birds!

[malaise]

91. Just kidding

I knew that

[H2O Man]

92. Well, I did

travel to Toronto to see Rubin in the past. And I enjoyed watching various raptors on the way, though most appeared to be hunting, rather than playing ball.

[malaise]

94. LOL

You were so lucky to really know Rubin

[H2O Man]

95. Indeed, I was.

You can imagine how many times I wish I could just pick up the phone and call him. (Though I am confident that I already know what he would think of Trump.)

[NCjack]

76. I guess it would be too much luck to have Trump and Pence raptured. nt

[malaise]

84. I'll vote for Pence first since I assume the vile MAGAcretin will eventually

be captured

[PufPuf23]

79. Did you ever see the end of the TV show Six Feet Under?

We need to start hoarding blow up dolls for election morning 2020.

[malaise]

86. You win the thread

[PufPuf23]

98. Thank you but I see now that this wasn't the first

mention of Six Feet Under in this thread, (did not read thread past several replies when posted)

See NurseJackie video clip above.

Would setting loose an armada of helium filled blow up dolls outside polling places on vote day be some voting law violation?

[malaise]

100. Thanks - I corrected that

You're a great DUer

[PufPuf23]

101. Thank you!

Just made my day.....

[Me.]

80. Bye Felicia

[Kingofalldems]

87. I missed that. Where did it come from?

Hick fundies?

[malaise]

88. aka

Fox

[artislife]

93. My luck I will be behind them in traffic

when they leave their earthly bodies and gas guzzlers.

[LakeArenal]

103. Wouldn't it be a larf...

If the rapture took us and left them behind. Maybe Karma is in charge of the rapture.

[ThoughtCriminal]

104. Knock! Knock!

Who's there?

Armageddon!

Armageddon who?

Armageddon tired of waiting for the apocalypse!

[malaise]

105. Love it

[Blue Owl]

106. Right while the believers are taking a crapture

[Mendocino]

107. I saw him!

[malaise]

108. Now knock it off

Love Monty Python

[Mendocino]

110. Moistened Bint

[malaise]

112. That's King Con himself

the vile MAGAcretin

[jcgoldie]

109. Well here I am at work...

Went ahead and came in just in case it didn't happen. Same assholes are here so unfortunately no rapture I suppose. Or is heaven on Pacific time and maybe we'll get out early?

[malaise]

111. I think they already set a new date for sometime in May

We MAY be fooled again - it's quite an entreprise