The Onion: "RNC Builds Levee Out Of Poor People To Protect Convention Site"

[KansDem]

From The Onion--

TAMPA, FL—With Tropical Storm Isaac’s torrential rains battering the Gulf Coast of Florida, Republican National Convention organizers raced to build a protective levee out of local poor people Monday in order to prevent the Tampa Bay Times Forum from flooding. “We brought in several truckloads of low-income residents and welfare recipients from the Tampa area, and we have dozens of volunteers laying them down flat and packing them real close together to create a watertight barrier,” said Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus, noting that there were “more than enough” impoverished families devastated by foreclosures to fashion a sufficient levee around the entire 20,000-seat structure. “We’re still looking forward to a very productive, successful three days of celebrating conservative values and laying out a bold new direction for our country. And in terms of the storm, the poor people are now stacked nearly 5 feet high and 4 feet deep, so we should be good.” In a further attempt to assuage concerns about safety, Priebus confirmed that crews had already secured the convention site against high winds and debris by nailing hundreds of illegal immigrants over the arena’s windows.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/rnc-builds-levee-out-of-poor-people-to-protect-con,29337/

[awoke_in_2003]

1. And today Rush...

said we should fill the levees with bags of money, so the people of Orleans will take the money and drown. The Onion is getting far too close to the truth about how these assholes think.

[freshwest]

5. You can count on Rush to do his job of shredding the conscience of Americans. What's left of it.

That's what he gets the big bucks for.

[louis-t]

2. Sad and funny all at the same time.

[smokey nj]

3. Things That Shouldn't Be Said In Modern Society To Be Said At Least 1,400 Times At RNC

http://www.theonion.com/articles/things-that-shouldnt-be-said-in-modern-society-to,29336/

TAMPA, FL—According to numerous sociologists and political experts, things that should never under any circumstance be spoken aloud in modern society will be said no fewer than 1,400 times this week at the Republican National Convention in Tampa, FL.

Throughout the three-day event, as the GOP unveils its 2012 platform and formally nominates its presidential ticket, experts predict words and phrases pertaining to science, health, and justice that are entirely unbefitting 21st-century human civilization will, on average, be voiced every 40 seconds from the podium at the Tampa Bay Times Forum.

According to alarming projections, the number of jarringly anachronistic remarks about gender alone will easily number in the hundreds.

“As the convention kicks off Tuesday with speeches from the likes of Rick Santorum and Nikki Haley, we should prepare ourselves to hear a more-or-less unending stream of ideas that should never even enter one’s mind, let alone be verbalized, in this day and age,” said Elizabeth Unger, a political scientist at Georgetown University. “It’s difficult to comprehend, but dozens of comments on such topics as human relationships and the physical world itself—which will seem as if they were crafted by some primitive unthinking civilization that existed centuries ago—will actually be emphasized, repeated, and used to punctuate key points in every single speech.”

[The Doctor.]

6. When The Onion gets to print that much truth as humor,

You know Where the world is headed.

[slackmaster]

4. If Rush Limbaugh said something similar it would be outrageous

Coming from The Onion it's just funny.