A note of advice to our eventual candidate, concerning the debates with donald trump.
When you get the urge to say this:
“Russia meddled in our elections and trump refuses to hold them accountable.”
Say this instead:
“Putin has killed at least 22 journalists that we know of, by throwing them out of windows, running over them with tanks,exploding their cars, and such, merely for asking for things like fair elections. Instead of standing up to all that trump kisses that Russian’s ass, attacks our own journalists and tries with Putin to make a joke out of America. Want video proof? Just youtube that.”
When you get the urge to say this:
“trump’s friendship with Kim Jong Un has been counterproductive to dunuclearizing North Korea.”
Say this instead:
“Kim Jong Un tortures Christians in concentration camps simply for being Christian. And he tortures their families, too, just for being their families. And Kim Jong Un has no interest in giving that up, or giving up his nuclear weapons, because he sees trump as a stupid pussy who is easy to manipulate just by pretending to be his friend.”
When you get the urge to say this:
“trump has refused to condemn the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia for the murder of Jamal Kashoggi”.
Say this instead:
“Mr. Kashoggi was an American resident with American children, and instead of respecting all that the Crown Prince sent henchmen with hacksaws to saw off Mr. Kashoggi’s arms and legs while he screamed so loud in pain and horror that the entire hotel heard them, and it’s captured on tape, and despite all that evidence trump excuses it away because with all his talk of executing journalists as enemies of the state he believes that people like Mr. Kashoggi deserve it.”
When you get the urge to say this:
“Because of his racism trump has treated migrants at the border in very cruel fashion.”
Say this instead:
“trump enjoys the news of children sleeping on cold concrete floors with open overflowing toilets, swamped in their own feces because like a coward he thinks it’s cute not to give them soap or sanitation… and cute because he and his friends make a lot of money off that for-profit operation. Speaking of which, despite him telling you that illegal immigrants should be deported he has knowingly and willingly employed illegal immigrants at his own resorts for many years. How long will you allow him to treat you like a fool?”
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