Two people are drowning in a pool...

[ElementaryPenguin]

Donald Trump & Dick Cheney

There's no one else around but you - and you're a paraplegic who can't swim.

There's only one life preserver, and you're holding it...

Which one would you throw it to?


*(let's stipulate that not throwing it in might mean a charge of manslaughter)

[Sanity Claws]

1. I'd put it around myself and say that I was going to jump in

but got scared.

No way I'd help either bastard.

[ElementaryPenguin]

2. Good one! LOL!

[malaise]

70. You win the thread

[Hortensis]

95. :) Yes. The law recognizes our right to save ourselves.

You needn't even point out that Trump kills everything he touches, just his 300 panicky pounds or so.

[Loge23]

3. I'll take my chances with the charge. (eom)

[ElementaryPenguin]

32. Funny dat!

[mercuryblues]

4. I would throw it towards the pool

in an "attempt" to get it to one of them. When it landed on the edge there would be nothing I could do to help. Well except to call 911, if I don't also drop my phone.

[ElementaryPenguin]

33. Very creative, mercury!!

[zackymilly]

5. Can't throw it to anyone. I'm a paraplegic. n/t

[KG]

11. for the win.

[sl8]

18. Why couldn't you throw if you were a paraplegic? n/t

[qazplm135]

26. maybe he's paralyzed from the waist up?

[ElementaryPenguin]

35. Yep.

[sl8]

50. In addition to the paraplegia?

I think paraplegia refers to the lower extremities, exclusively.

[qazplm135]

55. the literal definition doesn't but

the practical definition since there is no way to be paralyzed about the waist but not below it (unless your head is up your ass).

[zackymilly]

111. I also lost my arms in the accident. nt

[JustFiveMoreMinutes]

141. I think you're thinking of quadriplegic n/t

[MontanaMama]

6. I didn't hear anyone yell for help.

Did you?

[ElementaryPenguin]

36. Nope.

[Grins]

88. "Help!" is "Soshilism!"

Can’t have that...

[lame54]

7. I'd get up and walk away...

As long as we're talking about miracles happening

[ElementaryPenguin]

53. I like that one.

[GoCubsGo]

8. I'd toss it between them, and let them fight over it.

They'd probably have to swim for it anyway, because I can't throw very far.

[ElementaryPenguin]

38. Brilliant!

[keithbvadu2]

97. You beat me to it. So,,,,,, Good one!

You beat me to it. So,,,,,, Good one!

[dalton99a]

9. The situation requires careful analysis. Ask them which one deserves it more

and give them plenty of time to present their case

[ElementaryPenguin]

134. Nice.

Nice and evil!

[Floyd R. Turbo]

10. I'd order pizza, wings, and beer and invite the neighbors over! 🍻

[ElementaryPenguin]

61. Good idea!

[Buns_of_Fire]

12. Here's a variant:

Same as before, both men are flailing madly to keep afloat. You've been in the neighborhood, taking photographs of the local fauna, when you happen upon them. At your feet is a life preserver -- only one.

Question: What shutter speed should you use?

[rzemanfl]

15. You win the thread! LOL. n/t

[ElementaryPenguin]

39. Very well done!

[Takket]

86. DUZY!!!!

[CatMor]

13. I would watch them both drown ....

and then throw in the life preserver. Who would know.

[ElementaryPenguin]

40. Ah, good point!

[Freethinker65]

14. Throw it to neither one and make them try to reach it and fight over it?

[Hekate]

16. Silly. Throw it in and let the two of them duke it out for possession.

With any luck, they both drown.

[ElementaryPenguin]

57. Right on.

[eShirl]

17. Tough luck!

[jberryhill]

19. Meh, they should just pull themselves up by their own bootstraps

[ElementaryPenguin]

41. Absolutely, huh?

[Crunchy Frog]

20. I'd throw it in such a way that it would "accidentally" miss.

Although the manslaughter charge might be worth it under the circumstances.

[meadowlander]

21. Surely sending them "thoughts and prayers" is sufficient action to avoid a manslaughter charge.

[ElementaryPenguin]

47. Works wonders for every mass shooting

[maxrandb]

22. I tried to help them

But McConnell blocked me.

[ElementaryPenguin]

42. Clever!

[librechik]

23. I'm not just paraplegic. I'm blind and deaf, too.

why am I holding this thing?

[R. P. McMurphy]

24. Lyrics Slightly Modified

Well if you told me you were drowning, I would not lend a hand
I've seen your face before my fiends, but I don't know if you know who I am
Well I was there and I saw what you did, I saw it with my own two eyes
So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been
It's all been a pack of lies

[SouthernProgressive]

25. The republican way.

I would throw it to the one who offered me the most money.

[avebury]

28. If it was Trump you know he would stiff you. nt

Last edited Thu Jul 25, 2019, 08:02 PM - Edit history (1)

[SouthernProgressive]

30. Yeah. He is in a bad spot. NT

[rzemanfl]

79. Ewwwww....please check your spelling. The damn keys are right

to each other.

[ElementaryPenguin]

83. Absolutely.

[ElementaryPenguin]

45. Quite good, that!

[qazplm135]

27. try and find a way to instantly become a quadraplegic

small price to pay.

[ElementaryPenguin]

52. LOL!

[liberaltrucker]

29. I'll take prison for $200, Alex

[ElementaryPenguin]

44. For $200 - What is the name of America's biggest scoundrel?

[Doreen]

31. I would ask my phone to call my far left

Democrat friend in Germany for a vacation to come over and decide who to throw it to. Do you think he will get back in time?

[ElementaryPenguin]

54. If not - Oh what a loss!!

[Doreen]

58. ....

[LunaSea]

34. Off to the kitchen...

to get the toaster, and an extension cord. Call the pet store, see if they stock any piranha...

[ElementaryPenguin]

48. Ha! Ha!

Sick!!

[Flaleftist]

37. I guess I'm getting arrested. nt

[ElementaryPenguin]

51. Hard to argue...

It wouldn't be worth it. 2 for 1

[Brother Buzz]

43. Is this a timed test?

[ElementaryPenguin]

49. Yes.

You've got to have it finished before impeachment proceedings against Trump are commenced.

[Brother Buzz]

56. Well, it my best Jack Benny voice....

I'm thinking it over.

[ElementaryPenguin]

59. But...but...

Neither of these gentlemen can swim a lick! I know you'll want to HURRY!!!!

[Kaleva]

46. Toss Cheney a shotgun and let history repeat itself.

[Blaukraut]

60. I'd throw it into the bushes/over the fence/into the neighbor's yard and say "oops, missed" n/t

[ElementaryPenguin]

62. What a shame. What a shame.

[randr]

63. Do my time as an American hero

[ElementaryPenguin]

65. Wow. You certainly would be.

[stillcool]

64. I thought they were faking it...

[ElementaryPenguin]

66. Perfectly plausible - given both of their track records

As shameless, prodigious liars!!

[sdfernando]

67. I'm a paraplegic, so...

by definition I cannot move my arms or legs. That means I cannot throw anything.

Therefore I would just sit back, smile, laugh and enjoy the show!

No, I cannot be charged with manslaughter because I cannot move my arms or legs.

[Tipperary]

71. Not the definition of a paraplegic.

[sdfernando]

76. Woops...sorry, you are correct....

I was thinking quadriplegic...silly me! I'm so eager so see these two drown! Yeah, I know, not very "christian" or nice.

[ElementaryPenguin]

80. That's ok - you apologized. So we know you're not a Trump troll!

[First Speaker]

68. OK, a serious answer: I'd throw it to Cheney.

...I'd be unhappy about the choice, but better someone who at least comprehends what an issue is, and what compassion is, even if he doesn't respect either. And Dick has a better chance to at least partially make up for his evil by doing something useful in his remaining time. There is zero chance Trump will ever do anything useful with his life.

[ElementaryPenguin]

73. I think you're right, and your the first one on this thread to save either, I believe!

[nini]

94. I agree cheney

because he's probably going to die soon otherwise

[ElementaryPenguin]

133. Perhaps not - with all

his horcruxes everywhere! (Harry Potterspeak)

[nini]

137. LOL

well.. there's that

[skypilot]

128. At least Cheney supports gay marriage.

That's the ONE redeeming thing I know about him.

[ElementaryPenguin]

135. True.

Trump abstains from alcohol and tobacco - just as his idol Hitler did.

[skypilot]

138. Abstains from alcohol.

Not that you can tell.

[Ilsa]

69. I'd throw a knife to each one and chum the waters for the sharks.

Then I'd throw in the life preserver.

[ElementaryPenguin]

75. Woah. I think we might have a winner (and there's lots of great competition here!)

Brilliant.


Positively brilliant!

[ProudLib72]

72. The only reasonable thing to do is break the life preserver in two

and throw one piece to each person, thus assuring that you have done your due diligence while making sure that neither has enough flotation to survive.

[ElementaryPenguin]

77. Wow. Another brilliant suggestion!

A lotta talent in the DU. No wonder Trumpistas think we're the elites.

[rufus dog]

74. I would conference call their respective daughters and ask them what to do

Figure they would argue for a good ten minutes so problem solved

[ElementaryPenguin]

78. Very clever.

(you get two evil frowns for that one!)

[DBoon]

81. I'd offer my thoughts and prayers

If god wants them to survive, it will be

Who am I to challenge the will of god?

[ElementaryPenguin]

92. The Paul Ryan rescue move, huh?

[Takket]

82. I'm throwing it over their heads. No manslaughter if I at least TRIED to save them

[ElementaryPenguin]

90. Doesn't sound like you tried too hard

Who in their right mind would?

[spooky3]

84. Does the life preserver have to be inflated? Nt

[ElementaryPenguin]

89. Uh, no.

Hadn't thought of that. Certainly lets you off the hook.

[MicaelS]

85. Throw it to Cheney.

He is out of power and can do little more.

[ElementaryPenguin]

87. Probably a smart choice, but

I sure would feel sick doing it.

[at140]

91. If the pool is in Florida, there is a surplus of gators here

you get my drift!

[ElementaryPenguin]

93. I do!! Right on!

How fitting!

Trump especially would make quite a good-sized meal!

[smirkymonkey]

96. I'd make an emergency call for help to Mitch McConnell.

And when he arrived, I'd push him in the pool as well.

[nini]

104. LOL

good thinking

[ElementaryPenguin]

112. Love it!

[RockRaven]

98. Throw it to Trump -- he's too incompetent and prone to panicky flailing to use it properly anyway

Then at least you kept it away from Cheney without endangering yourself.

[ElementaryPenguin]

113. Excellent, RR!

[Fla Dem]

99. I'd throw it in the middle of the 2. Let them decide. I'm a bad aim tho.

[pansypoo53219]

100. is the preserver flammable?

[ElementaryPenguin]

114. Hopefully!

[Turbineguy]

101. I would sit down

and enjoy my sandwiches.

[ElementaryPenguin]

116. Me too.

[Moostache]

102. Are we in Florida?

Because if so, I would pull out my gun, shoot them both and claim I was standing my ground in self-defense because one of them was mocking me and making wild hand gestures with exaggerated speech sounds and the other one was just a plain evil looking motherfucker that had no heartbeat and made me fear him biting me or attempting to make me a zombie...

[ElementaryPenguin]

117. Wow. That's quite creative...

Even for a "standing my ground" defense.

[Goodheart]

103. I would throw it to Cheney

because trump would whine so much while he's drowning about unfair presidential harassment that he'd bore Cheney to death, anyway.

[ElementaryPenguin]

118. I can hear now as he's going under...

There was no collusion, no obstruction - total exoneration - and YOU know that bet....(bubble, bubble...gone)

[Clash City Rocker]

105. I was expecting a question like "what kind of sandwich would you make while watching them drown?"

[ElementaryPenguin]

119. That's the follow-up thread

[AJT]

106. Hey, I thought they were practicing a synchronized swimming routine.

[ElementaryPenguin]

120. LOL! Clever dat!

[Thomas Hurt]

107. I suppose you could put it on yourself and then drive your wheelchair as fast as it can go....

and see if can hit both of them.

[ElementaryPenguin]

121. Hmmm.

Risky - but interesting!

Yeah. I like it

[grumpyduck]

108. I would claim the life preserver is too heavy for me to lift,

let alone throw. Then I'd toss T a cell phone so he can tweet up a storm while he's drowning. Cheney? Oh, yeah, the other guy... well, I only had one cell phone.

[ElementaryPenguin]

122. Hysterical!

[lunasun]

109. #1-Nothing they are both scum so they will float -and quite frankly they do not need any help

So many times have they reminded me everyone needs to stay afloat on their own !
After all, they are republicans . They only need to help and save themselves thank you.
No way would they want a disabled stranger to throw them a lifesaver.

That would make them losers according to the stuff they hype

They always give me the impression at least ,like they would rather die in such a situation (and others needing help should too)and always allude it’s so terrible to need help from others.
I would not want to go against their beliefs

[ElementaryPenguin]

123. I think you're on to something there...

If you want to torture them even more than letting them drown - is to have them saved by an inferior, bleeding heart liberal socialist!!

Let's save 'em then!

[guillaumeb]

110. Throw it, and hope it hits both of them.

[ElementaryPenguin]

124. Fill it with lead first, you meant to add!

[guillaumeb]

129. Agreed.

A nice thread.

[Vinca]

115. Would you guys promise to write me in prison? Couldn't save either.

[ElementaryPenguin]

125. How could you live with yourself not saving the life of either of those public servants?

EASILY!!!!!!!!!!!!

[littlemissmartypants]

126. Break the thing in two and toss them each half. nt

[ElementaryPenguin]

127. As long as it floats like a rock, that would be fine

[rateyes]

130. I would drink a glass of wine while watching them

both drown. Then I would piss in the pool and toss the life ring in the garbage as I rolled away with a huge grin on my face.

[ElementaryPenguin]

132. Priceless!

You're bad!

[Blue_true]

131. I would stand trial. nt

[ElementaryPenguin]

136. That would seem to be easier on one's conscience, huh?

Imagine having to live with having saved either of those evil souls!

[Blue_true]

145. Exactly. Not saving one would bother me, but not as much as saving one would weigh on my conscience

[Lucid Dreamer]

139. I see a stamp on the life preserver that says "Hecho en China"

"Hold on you two till I find one made in the USA!"

[grumpyduck]

140. Or write "USS John McCain" on it

and see what happens.

[ElementaryPenguin]

143. LOL!

[pecosbob]

142. I think I'd just pee in the pool.

[ElementaryPenguin]

144. Oh, you're bad. Letting two selfless, distinguished public servants drown right before your eyes!