General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsIf a friend threatens you during a political discussion do you forgive him?
1. The man is stupid and has some issues;
2. The man is a far right wing Evangelical Christian but will not admit it and claims to be a "messianic Jew;"
3. The man did not think of apologizing but appealed to me by saying he forgives people because some people have issues (which he clearly has);
4. I get whataboutism from him, when he managed to get around my blocks I told him that he threatened me and that was the reason why I blocked him, to which his first response was "you threaten."
The threat was to the effect of "Let's take this debate to the next level, I will destroy you." I have no idea what he thinks he can do but that is irrelevant. No friend of mine threatens me. Ever.
As an aside:
I have a hard time justifying this friendship because of his idiotic soft racism and stupidity alone. This however us the perfect justification for dumping him.
Oldest friend though. It isn't easy yet I feel better without.
33 votes, 1 pass | Time left: Unlimited | |
Friendship over | |
32 (97%) |
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Give him more opportunities to abuse me. | |
1 (3%) |
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1 DU member did not wish to select any of the options provided. | |
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maxsolomon
(34,578 posts)He's a child.
Cary
(11,746 posts)I agree but there is merit to the Christian turn the other cheek thing, which is what he suggested to me.
I'm not Christian.
Thank you for the input and for listening.
leftieNanner
(15,545 posts)That also requires taking responsibility for your transgressions. He must have forgotten that part.
Cary
(11,746 posts)Proud Liberal Dem
(24,711 posts)But, to me, threats seem like they should be a deal-breaker in terms of friendship.
Caliman73
(11,767 posts)Based on how you asked the questions, it seems you are looking for validation rather than a response. For me, I have family that have fundamentally different views on politics than I do. I was raised in a culture that values family immensely so it is a challenge though I do not really communicate frequently with those in my family who hold those opposite views. As far as "friends" though, we are friends with people who add value to our lives and to whose life we add value. If you find that this guy adds no value to your life then it is probably the right decision to disengage.
Cary
(11,746 posts)I wrestle with this.
Caliman73
(11,767 posts)the length of time you have been friends is important but what is more important is who much can you trust that this person genuinely cares about you and would be there for you.
"destroying you" in a debate is aggressive, but is it really a threat? like to your body or mind?
If it is a pattern of inflammatory language and you dread speaking to this person, then like you said, you may be better off not communicating.
It would be a pretty easy justification. "Look, we've been friends a long time and we've disagreed on things, but this is about fundamental values and it sounds like ours have become incompatible. You are never going to change my mind and I am obviously not going to change yours so it is better that we stop talking to each other."
FM123
(10,098 posts)You don't have to decide if you want to forgive him or dump him right now. You can revisit the idea of friendship in a year or two, if you want. I suspect a lot of these far right kooks are "under the influence" right now but might sober up when life under trump gets painful enough. Maybe.
mitch96
(14,442 posts)I did that with a long time friend.. When we were young we were against the war and pretty much liberal. He got draft number came up but chose the Navy and after his enlistment he "saw the light" and became a staunch conservative. That was ok by me but I had to end it after he would not quit his nonstop talking about how repukes and neocons were the only way to go. I told him we could still be friends if he would just SHUT UP about politics.. Haven't heard from him since.
Sad, we were good friends with lots of great history...
m
FM123
(10,098 posts)I suspect that there are so very many stories like yours (and the OP) out there. The repugs & trumpsters have really brainwashed so many of those we knew and loved...
Floyd R. Turbo
(28,632 posts)Cary
(11,746 posts)Floyd R. Turbo
(28,632 posts)brooklynite
(96,882 posts)Cary
(11,746 posts)When I quoted him he said "that doesn't sound like me."
brooklynite
(96,882 posts)Polybius
(16,908 posts)Sounds to me like he challenged him to a fight.
Gidney N Cloyd
(19,847 posts)Bradshaw3
(7,904 posts)It said that friendships have a natural cycle like most everything else. I always thought you were friends - at some level - for life. But maybe it's not a bad thing that friendships kind of run their course.
Aristus
(67,682 posts)long since.
Get rid of him. He is not worthy of the friendship of any decent human being.
Cary
(11,746 posts)So it is hard to write them all off. Isn't it?
We need to be engaged. Don't we?
Aristus
(67,682 posts)They seem more interesting in pissing on the process than participating in it.
If I have to listen to one more shit-for-brains ne'er-do-well tell me he voted for Trump in order to "shake things up"...
flying_wahini
(7,764 posts)He has been known to scream and get in your face and push a finger in your chest
after starting an argument. He rages frequently when drunk, which is every time we have any kind of family gathering. Did I mention he has a gun in his car?
I just dread the holidays.
avebury
(11,035 posts)you risk the safety of yourself and your family around him? You cannot control the choices of your sister and the rest of your family, you can only decide what is best for you and your family.
Given the climate we live in, should your BIL aggressively go after someone he might find himself on the other end of a gun as he gets shot because the other person fears for his/her life.
flying_wahini
(7,764 posts)But sadly, we may have other plans for the holidays this year.
Downtown Hound
(12,618 posts)A general threat to anyone who wants to take their guns away. It wasn't even directed at me personally. But I don't suffer fools. And I sure as hell don't take threats. Drop him. I don't mean to be alarmist, but you never know, especially these days, it could save your life.
Doodley
(9,981 posts)???
dawg day
(7,947 posts)You don't need to make a big deal about it. Just detach.
There are friendships which are too upsetting and stressful. When I find myself dwelling on negative things a friend said, or I find I'm dreading being around that friend, I know it's probably time to let it go.
You don't owe anyone friendship, especially if it's bad for you.
I wonder if Trumpists ever realize that they're driving away their friends and loved ones-- or do they just blame "everyone out to get me."
Cary
(11,746 posts)Blocked him. He figured out away around my blocks and contacted me like nothing had happened.
Maru Kitteh
(28,752 posts)to contact me in any way. I will consider it harrassment if you continue and report you to the appropriate authorities. There will be no second warning."
Click.
Cary
(11,746 posts)He can contact me any time he wants an ear full.
Cary
(11,746 posts)Cary
(11,746 posts)Authoritarian cannot handle complexity, too stupid to discuss and lashes out, cannot admit fault, reduces all to his fundamentalist religious terms, cannot fathom that I don't adhere to his orthodoxies, whataboutism, ...
Whiskeytide
(4,487 posts)... they need to be nice to me and remain civil, and that if they do, Ill recommend them for a trustee position in the concentrations camps when we regain control of the government and round them all up.
Timewas
(2,261 posts)Is all in for anything on the right and an avid trumpster....I really really hated having to finally give up and break the ties with him...BUT I also felt much better afterward...I would gladly welcome this friendship back but pretty doubtful..
nocoincidences
(2,294 posts)because I had the temerity to refer to his support of children being tortured at the border as Nazism, and that he was a just a "good German" for not speaking up about it.
Haven't missed our daily chats for over a month now.
That's how you know you have been hanging on to the 'ideal' of friendship for too long.
Give yourself awhile and notice if you actually miss anything about him.
Cary
(11,746 posts)It was 6 months ago. I regret that I hesitated for a full 5 minutes to block him.
But he got around my blocks and contacted me.
gratuitous
(82,849 posts)Especially when it's a friend or acquaintance of long standing. But persistent truculence and sustained hostility aren't qualities I find very friendly. I think you have made the right decision to cut him out of your online life.
Paladin
(28,619 posts)Individuals with beliefs and manners like him need pay a severe penalty, and learn that their behavior carries a high price. Your termination of your friendship conveys the exact lesson he needs to learn. I know from personal experience that it's not easy, but it's the correct thing to do. Best of luck.
Cary
(11,746 posts)If I had control I shake the man until the shattered pieces of his brain realigned to the point where logic and reason played a role in his life. Alas, I have no such power and if I tried I go to prison.
Paladin
(28,619 posts)Cary
(11,746 posts)qazplm135
(7,451 posts)completely different moral and ethical paradigms.
So, if such a friendship occurs, it's probably already on shaky ground such that strike two is never going to happen.
mitch96
(14,442 posts)I have one long time friend who is conservative and a previous teabagger.. We get along great..
WE DONT DISCUSS POLITICS!! Very rarely a comment comes out from him or me and we just roll our eyes and the other gets the point. Works for us..... Ive known him since I was 5 years old!!!
M
struggle4progress
(119,501 posts)CTyankee
(64,557 posts)That's what I'd say. That "friend" is not right in the head. Needs help. If he gets it, maybe he'll get better and can be your friend again.
Turin_C3PO
(15,182 posts)If so, maybe take a break then resume contact when Trump is out of office. If its a more recent friendship, Id just cut ties altogether.
lunatica
(53,410 posts)Consider the quality of your friendship to the people you call friends.
Have you ever said something that you later apologized for? Or did you let it slide because you think any friend of yours should do that rather than apologize.
Did this friend of yours show a side of themself that they kept normally hidden from view? In that case are they sincerely your friend?
If you hold yourself accountable for what you do or dont do then shouldnt you hold everyone accountable for the same things?
Was your friend reacting to something specific you said at that moment that would warrant such a threat, or is it your opinion in general that hes reacting to?
RandiFan1290
(6,335 posts)lpbk2713
(43,110 posts)Especially the transparent bible thumper types.
Cary
(11,746 posts)He has a degree in "Jewish Studies" from Moody Bible. WTF?
Look at the curriculum. How to relate to Jewish people and their culture? How to "plant 'messianic' synagogues in Jewish communities?"
I hate these people.
sandensea
(22,617 posts)And as always, anyone who resorts to insults or threats in what should be an amiable discussion, is the immediate loser.
It's his way of admitting that you were right - and that he ran out of arguments.
But then, he is a Republican. Other than ad hominem attacks, name-calling, and facile whataboutisms, they usually have nothing.
Cary
(11,746 posts)My narrative on that is that his thinking is not linear, like yours or mine. He is given "truth" from FoxNews and such and God only knows what he is told by his "Messianic Jew" nutbars.
He has issues. He was put into a special school when we were kids. He is unable to process.
sandensea
(22,617 posts)The struggle is real.
Cary
(11,746 posts)He means well, at least in my narrative.
sandensea
(22,617 posts)A lot of these people seem to think that if minorities could be swept out, that if women could be put 'in their place', and that if dissent could be quashed, America would be - wait for it - "great again."
That's the Powell memo in action: radicalize as many voters as possible so much, that even minor reforms would be impossible.
You're a brave guy to put up with your friend so well. All the Best!
Cary
(11,746 posts)Done my share with this particular puke. It's over but lots of good thoughts here.
TheRealNorth
(9,626 posts)Game over
secondwind
(16,903 posts)Hes been sending FB crap on Messenger (4 just this morning), and emails that are so absurd I wonder about his mental state. Rabidly anti-Muslim, immigrants, gays, abortion etc. Had enough.
Cary
(11,746 posts)Ugh
LiberalFighter
(53,187 posts)You can go from lover to enemy and everything in between.
DFW
(55,977 posts)Two things that would be deal breakers for me: violence and the threat thereof.
Let me preface that by saying that I have at least one friend who is so far to the right, if you read his website, you can't decide if he needs to be locked up or just dispatched by lethal injection. He never advocates violence directly, although you get the distinct impression that if it were up to him to have women burned at the stake for having had an abortion, he wouldn't hesitate to give the order. But confoundingly, he is sincerely charming in person, and while he sticks to his positions, he is never uncivil when in enemy territory (e.g. my presence). He, himself, will state that he knows "when to leave his guns at the door." Call him evil, warped (and I do), whatever, but he is highly intelligent, and will actually listen to you (before telling you why you are a libbrul soshalist etc).
But violence? That is the Rubicon for me.
ooky
(9,425 posts)utter nonsense about walls and the like. I only had one friend who did this and I dumped his ass. I can't be in the same room with someone like that and just ignore the elephant. He may be talking about something and I'm just sitting there thinking this is someone who is okay with taking small children from their mothers and caging them. I just don't respect anyone who has these values. It makes my skin crawl to have them around me.
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)Nobody needs that kind of aggravation in their life. I can't tell you how much more peaceful my life is now that I no longer associate with people who are hostile or who create unnecessary drama. Once these people are out of your life, you begin to realize how much of a drain they were on your mental health and general sense of well-being.
Cary
(11,746 posts)Just being around their stupidity, even if they aren't mouthing it, is taxing.
RobinA
(10,076 posts)have to consider is not the fact that he threatened me, I'd probably just laugh. I'd be more upset that a supposed friend wants to destroy me. I mean, what the hell?
Cary
(11,746 posts)backscatter712
(26,355 posts)I don't tolerate fundies or MAGAchuds in my life. I've cut off childhood friends because of their toxic shit.
Would you be friends with a Nazi? Because that's what you would be doing if you're friends with a Trump supporter.