Howdy, folks! Meet your neighbors, the new GOP!
We call every abortion a murder! And like you, we're sick of all those whiney-ass kids complaining day after day that they'd rather not go to school wondering when they'll get gunned down in the classroom! Why can't the little punks suck it up?
We have a plan to stay in power until the polar ice-caps melt! We'll gerrymander your state, kick eligible voters off the rolls, and use the abracadabra! magic of the electoral college
And we'll use our power for all those great things you want!
We're the people who understand that what you really want from a Supreme Court justice is just one puking-great toga keg-party
We know you want a Senate that says FU! when anyone suggests requiring campaigns to report foreign interference
We'll bankrupt the country! Sell out our allies! Hand America's military bases to the Russians! All while playing golf and helping Our President make himself rich!
We're your neighbors, the new GOP!
Vote for us! We're betting we can deliver so many crises that you'll lose track!
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