Welp. There goes my relationship with my one surviving parent.

[Coventina]

But, if he wants to support the Putin Puppet........

It's good to know that's his choice that he'd rather love Trump than his daughter.


Sayonara, Dad.

[HAB911]

1. Me and my family

It's not politics
It's morality (I told them)

[Demsrule86]

4. I wish my parents were still here...I would leave politics out of it and just enjoy

them...I have a brother who votes GOP...we don't talk politics. I love my brother and believe one should not lose a family member because of politics...just let it go.

[HAB911]

7. Very difficult to do

[Demsrule86]

62. I am an activist, I work every election...even midterms...but I have a life outside of politics.

I have my beliefs and will discuss it with anyone who is interested (how we win hearts and minds) but I have other things in my life including my family...we are a mixed bunch and I love them all even the GOP types.

[Bettie]

24. But, it is no longer "just politics"

it is issues of basic morality, basic humanity, decency.

I avoid talking to my brothers about anything. Actually, to most of my family, because they defend the indefensible.

They worship at the altar of this creature that is, according to their own stated religious beliefs, the worst possible version of a man possible. And they love him.

Knowing that the people who you are related to are utterly without a moral compass makes it hard to do much more than be polite.

[Demsrule86]

61. I would not allow Trump to destroy my relationship with my family...and I live in the

Mid West. Some GOP types are truly evil but some are misguided and may come around. As for religion I don't go there...to each their own. It will take time to fix this and I just don't think you should give up on your parents or your brothers.

[Bettie]

73. I gave up on my brothers in the W years

they are both beyond reason at this point.

I communicate with them when necessary, but we have nothing in common.

Glad you are able to continue with your family. Mine is a lost cause.

My parents are not in the picture at all.

[babylonsister]

78. I have the same relationship with my brothers.

How could they??

[paleotn]

70. Sorry, but I can't.

This isn’t about politics anymore. Obama / McCain or Obama / Romney was politics. This is way beyond politics. This is the survival of our republic. This is about supporting atrocities that would bring a sentence at Nuremberg. If it splits families, so be it. It split mine down the middle. 2 siblings on the side of what’s right. 2 siblings that have no problem with nazis in order to “save the fetuses!” and their shootin’ irons. I told them to go to hell. I still mean it with every fiber of my being. Mom and dad have been gone for over a decade. My dad fought real nazis. They would agree with me.

[Duppers]

48. Amen!

I don't understand folks who say politics is just an artificial construct. Nope, our political choice reflects our *moral core*...and our intelligence & comprehension.

[Trueblue Texan]

59. I agree....

...it's not politics, it's Democracy.

[catbyte]

2. I'm really sorry, my friend. That thing currently infesting the White House is a cancer on this

country and the world. I've had to cut off contact with people I've known almost all of my life for that very reason. I can relate.

[KentuckyWoman]

38. Respectfully, I don't agree HE is the cancer. Only a symptom

This kind of polarization didn't happen in a vacuum. If Americans can once again find a way to talk to each other on issues it is amazing how much we agree on. Far more than the disagreements. The powers that be work hard to keep the wedges between us. One person at a time we can make some differences if we can just figure out how to listen to the reasons people have chosen the way they did.

I believe the cancer is that fact we've allowed social and news media to divide us with their sports slogan, bumper sticker mentality.

[Bettie]

83. He's the most obvious

tumor, being bright orange and super loud.

But he's definitely part of the cancer which has metastasized in recent years, spreading throughout the body politic and damaging everything.

[TheBlackAdder]

85. He's not a symptom. He's another cancer cluster that has grown to become malignant.

[Jake Stern]

3. The only person I've cut ties with over Trump is a close friend

She used to be a sweet, compassionate, progressive woman but came out the other side of a 6 year enlistment in the Army a bitter, hateful right wing asshole.

My family has an agreement: No politics and no religion as topics of conversation and for the most part we abide by it.

Really keeps the peace.

[Demsrule86]

6. We do that too...not worth it to lose a family member over politics.

[OneGrassRoot]

11. REALLY?

Sorry, I know this post is going to come across as combative, and I guess it is. I've had this conversation many times and it continues to amaze me when anyone equates what is happening now as "politics."

This isn't remotely politics as usual and dismissing it as such continues to normalize the white supremacist, authoritarian steamroller overtaking our institutions which were already steeped in it but at least it was moving in the right direction toward more equity and justice.

I know we're all different and people must handle such personal choices as they are able to live with, but I'd rather speak of important things, including politics and religion, than unknowingly make small talk with someone who embraces Trumpism in all its heinousness. All for the sake of "family."

I choose my family and blood isn't always part of that choice. I believe in shunning when dealing with white supremacist, misogynistic, cultish, brainwashed people. If or when they wake up, I'll be there, but in the meantime, I won't condone or normalize those worldviews with my polite silence.

[Cornus]

15. Very well stated...

...and I agree completely with your observations.

[OneGrassRoot]

23. Thank you...

I receive a lot of pushback about my position but it's one I can live with and continue to sleep at night. I can't live with myself when I perpetuate hatred and ignorance by trying to be nice and polite and keep what I feel is a very shallow, ultimately harmful "peace."

[Freedomofspeech]

30. I totally get it.

We have lost close friends here in Western PA. I cannot tolerate anyone who thinks that worthless bastard is wonderful. As far as I'm concerned anyone who supports him has no heart or soul.

[lunasun]

74. Thank you . .

For resisting and not staying silent

[The Wizard]

29. I'm too old to suffer fools and

wasting time with bigots and morons.

[in2herbs]

35. I am in your corner OneGrassRoot. The first thing that is no good about Trump is his

absence of all that is moral and good. After that it's his politics. The two issues are inextricably bound and I believe that one's
political persuasion reflects one's moral compass. I no longer have anything to do with those whose moral compass is broken and I certainly don't want to waste my free time talking to others to whom I cannot have a free flowing of information discussion. There is nothing to be learned from a Trumper. May they RIP.

[erronis]

41. Yes, you are spot on. "Politics" can be viewed as a temporary game of ones-upmanship. Destruction

of this democracy by evil forces both inside and outside of this country is not pure "politics". It is a game to the death.

[grantcart]

46. I had one close relative who we had to institute a "no politics" rule

A year ago he asked how we could get A Democratic landslide (after never having voted for a Democrat for 40 years) to save the Republic from Trump.

Now he calls to find out how we are doing.

I would hate it if the Republicans impacted it so that I loss contact with my nieces and nephews ( who have all grown to be Dems or independents).

[OneGrassRoot]

87. I differentiate between the factions...lol

I don't include Never Trump Republicans in with my stance on shunning.

I fully realize the GOP has enabled the existence of Trump since Reagan with their race baiting and other detestable stances, yet for people who have been Republican in the past but are revolting as they see what we see and will vote for a Dem, I can handle that. I invite that.

[Demsrule86]

63. There are no white supremacists in my family so I can't speak to that...but there are Republicans.

And yes really, my brother actually won't vote for Trump next year. He told me he would vote for Biden if he is the nominee ...otherwise, he won't vote...I pointed out gently that getting rid of Trump was what was important and he should vote for any Democrat...and we left it at that.

[OneGrassRoot]

88. As I replied to grantcart above...

I differentiate between the groups. It's the ones who fully embrace Trump and Trumpism who I choose to not have a relationship with, not all Republicans and conservatives.

[Evolve Dammit]

67. Agree 100%. Haven't spoken with Fox News damaged family members for years. This is not just politics

They are brainwashed by propaganda constantly. Your post is well-stated.

[smirkymonkey]

5. So sorry to hear that Coventina.

I always feel like we are walking on eggshells during family gatherings. We have so far managed to refrain from bringing up politics since we are split down the middle (one brother and I are very liberal, one brother moderate right w/ rabid RW wife, sister a conservative w/ rabid RW husband, parents Fox watching right-wingers), but I am always waiting for the explosion.

My dad turns 80 on Friday and I really don't feel like I can afford to have anything come between us. It's a really difficult thing to deal with because they are so impervious to reason.

[Jake Stern]

12. My father is 79 and very conservative

My mom is a very outspoken liberal

I see it this way: if they can make it work then the rest of the family can too.

[Girard442]

8. So sorry.

You're so right about the morality. I wonder if these people think that it's OK that their grandchildren could see Trump as a role model.

[UniteFightBack]

9. Don't do it. Don't let them win. nt

[FM123]

10. So sorry.

We are all here for you on DU.

[pandr32]

13. I am so sorry

We are a family here so I hope our numbers can comfort you. Nothing hurts quite like seeing someone you love hollowed out by propaganda.

[AncientGeezer]

14. Wish I had that choice....lost my Dad a few yrs ago at 78. We agreed on nothing...

political. He would have voted for the Trumpanzee over HC....I'd give up anything I have to have him back....warts and all...of course he thought I had warts.

[emmaverybo]

27. Mom hated Trump, but we had words over other things like that I wanted her to stop driving. If

I had mom back, I’d find a better way to talk about things like that and I’d have spent even more time with her, words or no, the last months of her life. Lost mom almost three years ago. She was 90, but I wish she was here today to tell me to stop going barefoot in her house.

I hear you AncientGeezer.

[Baked Potato]

16. Please take the high road

A day doesn’t pass me where I wish I could talk to my Dad just once more, about anything.

[pintobean]

33. Exactly. There are no do overs

once they're gone. We have to live with what was.

[KY_EnviroGuy]

17. Far too much politics in our brains these days.

I remember many a year (50s/60s) when politics was only discussed near election time and the prime topic was which candidate for county road commissioner could get that damned pot-holed farm road fixed. Everyone acted as ladies and gentlemen in those discussions no matter their political persuasion.

KY..........

[roamer65]

21. It's because morons in this country have turned politics into a sport.

They treat like baseball or football.

[Ligyron]

86. Our team do or die Tribalism 4 sure.

But I think by and large the moneyed interests have done the heavy lifting needed to do so.

[Generic Brad]

18. My family were Forever Trumpers when Bush II was in office

The bullying attitudes and unapologetic racism were in full display then too. Every family gathering I had to listen to tales of "The Apprentice" and hearing quotes from "Art of the Deal" and how this country would be cleaned up if Trump, the most successful businessman ever, was running things. I was given non stop shit about having an immigrant wife and a mixed race child. They were Bush and Cheney lovers, but Tump was who they really wanted in office. I reached my breaking point with them 14 years ago.

I'm so sorry your relationship with your father has come to an impasse. You are not alone.

[treestar]

69. Wow being for trump

That far back is unusual. As for an immigrant wife, Donnie Dotard has one !

[Hortensis]

19. It takes two to do something so sad. You said "sayonara."

Don't blame him alone, and don't imagine everyone is doing this. Many families are holding.

[Coventina]

25. You also don't know the many ways he has abused me all my life.

So, yeah, if this is his choice, to love Trump more than me, I'm OK with him exiting my life.

[emmaverybo]

31. So sorry for the abuse. Maybe Trump then is just the last straw, what was needed to distance

yourself. In any case, family isn’t created by DNA. It is created with people your heart feels at home with.

[Hortensis]

39. No, I don't. And leaving him for that reason may be the right

thing to finally do for yourself, because he's still hurting you.

Too many people, though, are choosing to become estranged because of political spats they didn't care enough about the relationship, or perhaps just think enough, to avoid.

[Coventina]

55. Here's just one example, that is relatively recent:

My mother died of a really strange kind of dementia.

Years later (8 years, actually) a scientific breakthrough was made that identified her condition, which turned out to be genetic. It could manifest in different ways, primarily ALS, but sometimes dementia or other neurological disorders. (Which had made it hard to track in families). (We had donated her brain to a research tissue bank, so they were able to test her brain retroactively).

This means that my three siblings and I have a 50/50 chance of getting sick in some horrible, terminal fashion.

When this news came out, what did my supportive father say?

"Your husband is going to leave you."

And what did he say to my sister's fiance?

"Don't marry her unless she gets tested and she doesn't have it."

I almost quit the relationship then. Maybe I should have.

[MyMission]

89. Sounds like my father, who passed 20 years ago

My parents left NYC (and me) and retired down south when I was barely 24. He said he wasn't ever going back to NY, that there was nothing there for him. I was hurt and appalled, as were some of his friends and family. They did travel to many places after that, but not to see me.

My (democratic) mom did come to see me by herself in NY over the years. I visited them several times a year. At one point I decided not to visit them anymore. Then a friend's father died unexpectedly, and I decided that I would continue to visit my folks, only so I would not experience guilt when he died; so I would know I did the right thing, was a good child who honored my parents. I am more religious than they were.

I flew down when he was hospitalized just before he died. I told him "I have you to thank for my strength"
What was behind that statement, the thoughts I didn't say out loud was " you were a mean old coot, tough as nails, and I had to develop a thick skin. You inspired me to be kind and stand up to bigots, and stand up for those who are marginalized and need someone to speak up for them, against folks like you "

I too have many memories of his cruelty towards me, his only child. I never married, in large part due to my relationship with him and issues with men, trust, and control. It's good you were able to find someone to share your life with, despite your father.

I'm glad I did continue to visit him. He did mellow slightly, stopped pushing my buttons as much, but was generally cantankerous as always, and republican.

We were able to agree to disagree, and enjoyed nature and nice meals and sightseeing when we got together in those later years. I'd go for short visits.

I wish you well, understand the need to distance yourself, and send hugs.

[Jake Stern]

28. This

Families have survived even deeper chasms than this. Pro-Slavery versus abolitionist, Pro-Union versus Pro-Confederate, pro-escalation versus anti-war during the Vietnam War.

Somehow they kept their families together.

[Hortensis]

42. My husband and I both come from tiny "families" who are gone.

I'd love the chance to try to help family I've belonged to and with all my life get past this.

[Coventina]

51. I have family whose ancestors come from both sides of the Civil War

The Confederate descendants still believe that they were wronged and should have the right to own slaves.

Yeah, you better believe I don't have anything to do with those cretins.

This isn't about political chasms. This is about what is moral.

[roamer65]

20. My dad and I for the most part avoid politics.

Plus he’s alone now, so he’s now scared of alienating the two kids that love him the most.

[Maeve]

22. That is a hard decision to make

It must have been very difficult to finally reach that point.

[maryellen99]

26. I've cut off a couple of my husband's first cousins and don't feel bad nt

[KentuckyWoman]

32. My brother and I have made it work.

We came very close to a split but since that moment we both have made an effort to put family first.

We have the benefit of time. More than 70 years of earning each other's respect. I feel he's lost his way and he feels I just can't see. We are both right. I do not, can not, understand how such a good man lost his way. Edit to add that he and I both continue to do the kinds of things that earned each other's respect in the first place.

[Alea]

34. Why can't he have his politics and you have yours? Did you give him an untimatum?

That's crazy. I can't imagine severing a relationship with a parent over politics.

[Coventina]

37. Nope. His decision, not mine.

But, I've kind of had it, so if that's the way he wants it, I'm not gonna beg him to change his mind.

[cwydro]

80. As the previous poster asked, why can't he have his opinion?

Why does it have to be the same as yours?

[Coventina]

81. Again, this is HIS CHOICE. I didn't say ANYTHING to him on the subject.

He saw something on my personal blog that he objected to and sent me a hate-filled email about it.
Stating that he was taking himself out of my life.

I'm just choosing not to respond to it.

He knows how to find me if he changes his mind.

[cwydro]

84. Ok, I misunderstood.

I thought you were choosing to get out of his life. My bad.

I don’t know how close you are to him, but I hope it works out.

Don’t let this shitstain of a presidency ruin your family if you can help it.

My parents were on the same page as me in their last years, but I wouldn’t have cared if they weren’t. When I was younger, we frequently had spirited political discussions, but nothing ever would hurt our family ties.

My parents were English, and I think things are a bit different from that perspective. Lots of arguing and carrying on, then drinks all round. Agree to disagree type thing.

[Turin_C3PO]

40. It's about more than politics.

It’s a moral issue. If someone still supports Trump at this point in time, then they’re profoundly immoral. I can’t say whether I’d sever a relationship but I’d for sure look at them as a bigot and idiot.

[LakeArenal]

36. My dad fell asleep listening to Rush.

Loved Bush. I’m sure he’d hate trump but love his politics.

I wish he was still here to turn up Fux Youz
a hundred decibels.

But no one loved me like my dad did. No one.

[nini]

43. A difference over policy is one thing

Supporting fascist policies is definitely another. We fought a world war against these bastards, and anyone who supports them now is an enemy. It sucks. But you're doing the right thing..

[GentryDixon]

44. I'm there with my only child. 😭

[MarcA]

45. In a way this can be a good thing. It shows a person's true self.

Hold together if you can, it will be a challenge, but tribe should not be
placed above values.

[ancianita]

47. If he didn't actually say he loves Trump more than you, you needn't think it unless you want to.

It could be how you feel, too, but it's in your head. If you need a reason to disconnect from your parent, this situation is no more useful than any other. Little things in life add up, and this could be the limit for you. I don't know your lives together. I assume he's been in your life since you were born, yes?

[Coventina]

49. OK, well, he's choosing Trump above me. Amounts to the same, yes?

And yes, he was not an absentee father, if that's what you mean.

But, he raised me in an very unhealthy environment. Chose a weirdo, fundy lifestyle that warped my brain, and caused us to be homeless most of my childhood.

It's taken me my entire adulthood to try and get sane and emotionally healthy. I always kept him in my life, because I always thought, despite his warped view of the world, that he was doing the best he knew how. But this proves to me that his f'ed up value system means more to him than me.

I guess the whole, "not having a home" thing should have proved that to me all along, but now I guess it's finally become crystal clear.

[ancianita]

52. I see. It adds up now. If you're happier for giving up on him, you do what you have to toward that.

Still. Children's love is an abiding grace that too many parents take for granted. Often, when children are homeless, they might come to see their parents themselves as 'home,' rather than a place.

One thing you could remember about him: he loved you before you loved yourself. Whatever he put you through.

In the end, none of this will matter. What will matter -- not to him, but to you, is knowing in your heart that you did the best you could, too.

If you can live with that, more power to you.

I can relate, since I was homeless, at times, and just didn't know it.

All the best moving on with your life.

[WanderingLiberal]

53. Me too

Sadly I’ve lost both parents & our relationships were irreparably damaged by politics. When I asked my mom, but what about your granddaughter, and she told me it didn’t matter, she’d be dead, I gave up. Thankfully, my folks created nothing but liberals.

[tiredtoo]

54. My son is also a trump/putin supporter

We have reached a point where we now accept the others stupidity. We now avoid politics for the most part and if we do get into it a bit, one of his 4 sisters puts the brakes on us.

[onecaliberal]

56. Same with our oldest daughter. 💔

[Mr.Bill]

57. I spent about eight hours yesterday

at a family reunion with about 40-50 people. I'm pretty sure most of them are republicans.

The subject didn't come up. They know they are wrong. They know they fucked up. They know they can't defend it anymore.

[jmbar2]

58. I highly recommend a documentary: "The Brainwashing of My Father"

Although it sounds like the grievances between you predate Trump, this documentary gives an good explanation of what has happened to many of our idiot relatives.

Recently saw a quote that I tucked away in the back of my mind for discussions with MAGAts. The only difference between conservatives and fascists is that conservatives still believe in the rule of law. May appeal to the values that they once held, before the disease set in.

[Missn-Hitch]

60. Sorry to hear. You are not alone.

I am barely maintaining a relationship with 1 of my 4 siblings. Our parents have passed. It's a sad state of affairs we find ourselves in.

[Croney]

64. I understand completely and support your decision.

I love my relatives and will continue to be civil from a distance, but those who have shown me they are mentally unwell (i.e. Trumphumpers) are not people with whom I wish to share my remaining days. Life is too short for concessions to toxic people.

[Arazi]

65. It's the constant baiting and confrontational attitude that's driven the wedge for me

I'd love to have an agreement to never discuss religion or politics but the Trumper family members will. not. give. it. up.

They're in a cult

[vlyons]

66. Your Dad still loves you

But he's just confused and deluded, when it comes to politics. You feel deeply hurt, because he doesn't fit your pictures of what he SHOULD be. I'll bet that you still love him too.

If the Dalai Lama were standing in the room with you and your Dad, what would he see? Would he stop loving you or your Dad just because one, or both of you are confused and deluded?

The antidote to anger and resentment is patience, which is one of the perfections of a Boddhisattva. The perfection of patience is said to endow one with radiance. I imagine that love renaissance paintings, where the saints have a halo around their heads. So when your Dd appears in a confused and deluded state, see it as an opportunity to practice the perfection of patience. Be a ray of sunshine.

[SonofDonald]

68. I have three cousins that are trumpers

Funny thing is that their Father, my Dads Brother who I loved as a second Dad was a solid Democrat even though he was a Combat Wounded Marine Veteran.

And Democratic Delegate locally

I don't talk to them anymore due to this, we did have somewhat of a conversation about politics and after a few bullshit statements from them I asked what part of politics created children taken away from their parents and put into cages?

It went downhill from there, I finally said that anytime they wanted to continue our discussion to let me know and that I would be bringing a list of questions for them.

I said I'd be bringing questions involving politics that could have only two answers, either politics or hate.

I haven't heard from any of them since.

[fescuerescue]

71. Politicians are temporary

Trump will be gone in no more than 6 years. Probably sooner.

Someone better will come along. Then sometime later, someone much worse.

I don't understand why folks make internal family decisions over external political events that they have no control over.

But it happens and the only losers are the family. The politician doesn't even know.

[csziggy]

72. I understand - My Dad was a right wing nut

Though he never sank so low as to watch Faux Noise.

He always knew I was liberal but after I volunteered to work on the Obama campaign in 2008 he never discussed politics around me. He did send out some right wing emails, but more than one of his friends called him out on it and he stopped - but after he died I found a number of crazed letters to papers and to politicians on his computer.

Mom voted for Obama in 2012 - Dad was no longer calling the shots and she made her own choice. In 2014 she admitted to me that he had been a good president. Considering that she and Dad had voted for George Wallace, that was a huge shift.

Then my older sister helped Mom fill out her 2016 ballot, asking her if she wanted to vote for a TV reality star who had declared bankruptcy or for a woman who had worked for public service all her life. Mom voted for Hillary Clinton!

Good luck - you will need it to deal with relatives that have bought into the toxicity of Trump.

[lunasun]

75. Stay strong . His loss, the puppet won't payout . Non related to politics I have estranged family

and years later, do not regret any of the separations . Each family situation is different so just this

[Books_Tea_Alone]

76. How can anyone socialize with family who condone placing children in cages???

Actually it offends me deeply. When you boil it down it is about racism and decent humanity. To continue to support this pos in the WH means that you think in terms of "others" not being equal to "you". I cannot have thinking like that in my home. Towards other races, religions, gender, those with disabilities (I will never forget the mockery of that reporter)

I have severed ties with every family member and friend, which were numerous. I pointed out to my parents the sheer hypocrisy that they have 3 granddaughters and a special needs grandson and continue to support this monster. I have disinvited family members to holiday dinners not because of their "politics " (as some here advise to put aside) but because of their endorsement of human suffering and infinity.
I will even take it one step further with my belief that they are never to be forgiven. Ever. Even if they denounce T.rump I will never forgive that they had a part in installing and supporting this piece of crap, his family, and entourage. No mended fences- they are abhorrent.

[samnsara]

77. I've divorced every single family member...Xmas sure is cheaper now!

[cwydro]

79. My mother hated the orange shithead, but if she could come back to life, I wouldn't care a fig whom

she supported. Sigh.

You only get one dad and one mom. Lucky you to still have one of them alive. Politics would mean nothing to me compared to their lives.

[Kurt V.]

82. there are things more important than politics. one is family. imo.