5th Avenue Shooting Victim Released from Hospital
The man shot by Donald J. Trump on 5th Avenue was released from the hospital earlier today. The victim, who wishes to remain anonymous, sustained multiple injuries when the “pResident” gunned him down on the busy NYC street. After a series of surgeries and months of intensive physical therapy, the victim was finally deemed well enough to go home.
However, the victim is now permanently disabled and will require lifelong care from medical specialists and homecare professionals.
“No harm, no foul,” said WH chief of staff, Mick Mulvaney. “The man didn’t die. Therefore, there were no consequences to the ‘pResident’s’ actions, any more than there were consequences to Ukraine, who got their financial aid despite Trump’s attempts to stop it. So get over it!”
Nikki Hailey commented that the victim was attempting to undermine the “pResident” by being shot point blank, which is unconstitutional.
Upon hearing the news, AG Bill Barr announced that a full investigation into the victim will be commenced immediately. “After reviewing the victim’s medical records, I can assure the public that they completely exonerate pResident Trump. If there was any wrongdoing here, it was on the part of the alleged victim, who has yet to explain why he was on 5th Avenue to begin with, and why he chose to place himself in the line of fire.”
Predictably, Trump lashed out in a series of tweets stating that he will be “suing the victim for treason”, describing the man as a never-Trumper whose reported injuries are nothing more than ‘fake news’. During a rally held later in the day, Trump imitated the victim – who is now confined to a wheelchair – by pretending to stand up and falling down. The performance was applauded by the brain-dead who still attend his rallies, while chants of ”Knock him down!” filled the hall.
When reached for comment, Lindsey Graham declared that the minute he recovers from his most recent attack of the vapours, he will rise from his fainting couch in time to kiss Trump’s ass – and has no need to read the victim’s accusations against his “pResident” in order to determine that Trump is totally blameless.
Donald Trump Junior appeared on FOX-News to explain that despite the fact the shooting victim is now permanently disabled, he has not suffered as much as himself and his siblings.
Rudy Giuliani, located under a bus in a DC suburb, stated that the shooting victim was part of a ‘deep state’ contingent who are trying to undermine the “pResident” by pursuing an agenda outside of the usual procedures, and whose actions are contrary to the country’s best interests.
Jim Jordan – as aides held his non-existent jacket – railed against the eye-witnesses to the shooting, stating that if they were patriotic Americans, they wouldn’t have seen anything untoward going on.
Former national security advisor, John Bolton, refused to comment on the shooting incident, as he weighs whether his remarks will be more financially rewarding if he withholds them until the release of his upcoming book.
Several SS agents, who spoke off-the-record and refused to be identified, stated their admiration for the victim, saying, “He took a bullet from the ‘pResident’, which most of us would never do – any more than we would take a bullet for the ‘pResident’.”
= new reply since forum marked as read
Could be
Charge: Stealing government-issue property (bullets) while fleeing the scene of a potential boost to tRump's moral standing with Russia.
The pResident also suggests treason may be applicable, perhaps as serious as giving the finger to his motorcade.
KY...........
... but please credit me as the author.
