Clint Eastwood Propositions Film Critic To Obtain More Positive Review Of 'Richard Jewell'

[edbermac]

ATLANTA—His hands shaking a bit as he slowly unbuttoned his shirt, director Clint Eastwood reportedly propositioned Susan Parker of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution Monday, offering to sleep with the critic in exchange for a more favorable review of his latest film, Richard Jewell.

“Just sweeten it up a little, make it sound like a fun movie to watch, and you can take me right here,” the 89-year-old Oscar winner said to a panicked Parker before lifting up a pant leg and rolling down a dress sock to reveal his bare, varicose-veined calf to the reviewer.

“It doesn’t even need to be a glowing review—just scrap all that stuff about how it treats the FBI and the media the same way the Trump administration does. What do you say? You do a little something for me, I’ll do a little something for you.”

At press time, Parker was gently patting the back of Eastwood, who was doubled over in a prolonged coughing fit after a failed attempt to caress the critic’s crotch.

https://entertainment.theonion.com/clint-eastwood-propositions-film-critic-to-obtain-more-1840467030/amp?__twitter_impression=true

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

1. The Onion, but it had me wondering for a bit.

[marble falls]

2. Like Clint said, "it could have happened just like that." I believe Clint could have done just that.

[dewsgirl]

3. OMG had me all the way to the last line.

I had no idea the Onion also covered entertainment.SMH Funny story😆

[CatMor]

4. Funny ...

actually good to hear the movie is a flop so far.

[Demovictory9]

5. Ewww