General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsI'm a GRANDMA!! My son and his husband have adopted a beautiful baby boy!
They've been fostering him since he was two weeks old. (Sad story with his drug addicted and often incarcerated mother. She used while she was pregnant, and my NEW GRANSON will likely be a special needs child as a result.) But, so far so good. He's now 10 months old.
It's final!!! It's official!!!
It was touch-and-go... we weren't sure, and I daren't say anything so that I wouldn't "jinx" it. At one point the mother agreed to give him up... but then she went "off her meds" and wanted him back... then started setting conditions. What a mess. (Both her and the process.)
She already has four other children who have been placed in the custody of the grandmother... and her logic was that she could easily take care of "just one". --- But the state disagreed, and so did the grandmother who appeared in court to "testify against" her own daughter so that my boys (my grown son and son-in-law) could give him a chance at a better life.
She (we) have no idea who the father is. She was prostituting herself for drug money and there's just no way to know... so that's one less thing to worry about.
Hey! Did you catch this part: I AM A GRANDMA!!
I knew it would work out. But then I was so afraid that it wouldn't. I can't stop smiling. I'm over the moon!
PS: My boys were "on the list" for just a couple of weeks and they were initially offered the chance to be foster parents for three siblings (1-2 and four) ... that was just too much so they declined (and they feared that they'd be put at the bottom of the list for declining). But less than a week later, they were asked again... and it all worked out.
I'M A GRANDMA!!
TEB
(12,840 posts)ploppy
(2,162 posts)Such wonderful news for you and congratulations to the dads!!
handmade34
(22,756 posts)ismnotwasm
(41,973 posts)Its the best!
Shanti Mama
(1,288 posts)Great to read such positive news.
Thanks so much for sharing.
democrank
(11,092 posts)Im sure your precious little grandson will bring you joy beyond words.
Maeve
(42,279 posts)My son and his wife are working on an adoption now...I've had a crocheted baby blanket tucked for several years (made from yarn I got from my DIL's mother's estate--she is going to cry so much when I tell her!)
nolabear
(41,956 posts)Midnightwalk
(3,131 posts)sheshe2
(83,710 posts)Beautiful.
Hugs to you, your son, son in law and grandpa. Welcome to the family, baby boy.
planetc
(7,802 posts)You can ask any of the ladies I used to ride the bus with: their grandchild was not official until I had seen the picture. Even if you haven't got a good one, the story is still heart warming.
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)... but I'm going to respect my boys' wishes on this and not post any photos. Privacy, doxxing, google's reverse image search, facebook...they're very protective and only sharing photos selectively.
I can tell you that he's adorable. He has a very large head... but I'm sure his body will grow into it. I love him so much!
MontanaMama
(23,297 posts)He had a perpetual bruise on his forehead because he kept tipping over...poor little dude. He grew into it. I can tell you love your grandson!! What a lucky little boy. Blessings to you and your family. Babies are magic.
planetc
(7,802 posts)They should be cautious, and I am perfectly content with my mental image of an adorable baby with a big head. He will not need to play pro basketball, but he will need his wits about him. Congratulations to all concerned.
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)nolabear
(41,956 posts)smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)What is wrong w/ "Congratulations"?
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)nolabear
(41,956 posts)I cant find the damned thing now. So help me, it was there and it was a downer.
Mea maxima culpa!
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)I definitely thought it was some kind of mistake! Have a good evening nolabear! Sorry if I upset you.
nolabear
(41,956 posts)I swear I didnt imagine it. 😬🤣
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)(I'm not sure what the other reply was about. Maybe a mis-click.)
zbird
(1,595 posts)Congratulations to you and your (growing) family!
Ilsa
(61,691 posts)Cary
(11,746 posts)WhiskeyGrinder
(22,315 posts)Croney
(4,657 posts)Congrats, Grandma! ❤️
helpisontheway
(5,007 posts)rurallib
(62,402 posts)Iliyah
(25,111 posts)nolabear
(41,956 posts)Our gorgeous grandson was adopted two and a half years ago and my kids literally had a phone meeting with prospective birth parents for a second baby last night! If you havent ridden that roller coaster you cant appreciate the strength it takes. So many almosts, maybes, rethinks, but its all so worth it.
Congratulations Grandma! Im so very, very happy for you!
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)I really didn't want to announce anything or hint at possibilities, then have to explain how/when/what went "wrong" if it didn't work out.
Thanks for your kind thoughts and wishes!
nolabear
(41,956 posts)empedocles
(15,751 posts)spanone
(135,805 posts)Anon-C
(3,430 posts)Harker
(14,007 posts)My very best to all...
Docreed2003
(16,855 posts)NanceGreggs
(27,813 posts)TalenaGor
(1,104 posts)That's a new one by me but I love it & im going to steal it
Just_Vote_Dem
(2,801 posts)Very happy for you!
thinkingagain
(906 posts)To you, the new parents and a lucky baby boy!!
dewsgirl
(14,961 posts)jls4561
(1,257 posts)May your family be happy and healthy. I would also wish you love, but it sounds like that you already have that in abundance. Oh, what the heck, I'm also wishing you love; you can always use a little more.
pdxflyboy
(675 posts)I wish you many happy years with your grandson.
panader0
(25,816 posts)Congrats grandma and I hope for all the best.
tavernier
(12,374 posts)I hope the mother doesnt know who they are or where they live... she sounds a little nuts.
volstork
(5,399 posts)...and a heart for you and your expanding family!
CatMor
(6,212 posts)becoming a grandmother is the best. What your son and his husband are doing is wonderful.
lapucelle
(18,230 posts)smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)You must all be over the moon!
nocoincidences
(2,218 posts)Has the mom given up her parental rights, or she had them taken forcibly?
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)The grandmother couldn't take him... And things fell into place.
Maru Kitteh
(28,333 posts)Welcome to the Grandma club!
pazzyanne
(6,546 posts)And, congratulations to the excited Grandmother!
Chicagogrl1
(418 posts)Such great news! Congrats to your son & sil. Thanks to them for caring for the baby boy.
Amaryllis
(9,524 posts)to have you as a mom. How wonderful to share in all that joy.
The Genealogist
(4,723 posts)I'm sure the lad will have a stable, loving, safe home. I wish your son and his husband much happiness with their new son!
Skittles
(153,138 posts)very happy for you Nurse Jackie!
and kudos to the other grandmother, what a wonderful gal
TNNurse
(6,926 posts)That little boy found just the right family.
How wonderful for all of you.
Gothmog
(145,046 posts)mcar
(42,288 posts)So happy for you and your son and son-in-law. It sounds like they will be great parents to a baby who desperately needs them.
Go Grandma!
Fresh_Start
(11,330 posts)being a grandma is pretty sweet
blueinredohio
(6,797 posts)apcalc
(4,463 posts)Takket
(21,550 posts)friends of mine adopted last year too and i'm so happy because they are going to be such great parents and their daughter is so sweet glad she has a forever home. now your grandson has a forever home too
nini
(16,672 posts)Pure love!
So happy for you
catbyte
(34,359 posts)boston bean
(36,220 posts)Ohiogal
(31,950 posts)I wish a lifetime of happiness to you and your family and the new little one!
greatauntoftriplets
(175,729 posts)You'll be a terrific grandmother.
Dem2theMax
(9,650 posts)I'm adopted, and it is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.
NurseJackie, give that new grandson a big hug from me . And hug both of his dads for me and thank them for doing the most wonderful thing in the world!
Congratulations to all of you!
lunatica
(53,410 posts)And you already have a head start with the tyke. Happy days grandma!
secondwind
(16,903 posts)tishaLA
(14,176 posts)mecherosegarden
(745 posts)Now, to spoil that grandbaby!
Hekate
(90,617 posts)mainstreetonce
(4,178 posts)Blessings to you and your family.
cate94
(2,810 posts)Thats awesome!
Different Drummer
(7,611 posts)Great news!
StevieM
(10,500 posts)terminated. She obviously loves her child very much. I hope your son and son-in-law will respect the legitimacy of that love and commit themselves to an open adoption.
If the mother at one point "agreed" to give up her child it might have happened in the aftermath of intense pressure and coercion. The fact that she ultimately refused to sign adoption papers does not reflect a lack of ethics on her part and nobody can fault her for not doing so. No mother should ever be faulted for loving their child and wanting to parent them.
We don't yet know whether the baby in question will have a better life, only that he will have a different life. I don't begrudge you your happiness over becoming a grandparent. But we should not forget about the woman who has just suffered a terrible loss.
Kudos to the mom for fighting for her child. And kudos to your son and son-in-law if they do the right thing and recognize that their adopted child has a mother who loves him and try their hardest to keep her in his life.
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)This is remarkable. Unbelievable! I haven't been personally insulting to you or your family. What it is that makes anyone think that they have the right to presume things about this situation and my family and to make rude insinuations and insulting comments?
It's unclear what prompted this... but that ENTIRE post is rude and inappropriate. Please don't lecture me. And please do not presume to judge or tell us what we "should" or "should not" do. Don't presume to know the entire story or background. Someone so woefully ill-informed about the circumstances and how things came-to-be has zero business offering "advice" or pretending to know the birth mother's state of mind.
ehrnst
(32,640 posts)mcar
(42,288 posts)sheshe2
(83,710 posts)You disrespect Nurse Jackie, her son and SIL...her entire family. Love and caring go a long way. The courts and social workers already took four of them away. Then she had a fifth.
With all due respect, you are wrong to make these determinations without first had knowledge of what happened.
StevieM
(10,500 posts)As I understand her post, the mother's parental rights were not terminated with regards to her four other children. They are currently being raised by her mother because she has had problems in the past and most likely has financial issues in the present that make it hard to raise those children. But she is still their mom, regardless of the fact that they are being raised by their grandma.
And what happened in the past does not relate to how she is doing now, including her financial ability to provide for a new baby. If she gets pregnant again, for example, I don't believe it would be legitimate to automatically terminate her parental rights again.
I believe that we should always try to preserve the bond between mother and child. And we should not completely discount the importance of biological connections. Those 4 children you mentioned just lost their brother.
I am not disrespecting Jackie, I am rejecting the moral legitimacy of our society's attitude towards adoption, and the lack of empathy we show towards first mothers (more commonly referred to as birth mothers).
I don't regret showing the child's mother some love and respect in a thread where nobody else has. This is most likely the most painful time of her entire life. She is a human being. And my heart is with her.
radical noodle
(8,000 posts)My daughter teaches special ed in elementary school. She sees kids all the time who are neglected by their parents and live with their grandparents. The kids are knocked around back and forth between parents and grandparents until they hardly know who they are. They often have emotional problems because of their "loving" biological parents. They are often neglected and feel unwanted and unloved. If she loved that baby so much, perhaps she should have started loving it by not using drugs during her pregnancy.
Nurse Jackie's new grandson will be loved and cherished and know it, unlike the undoubtedly miserable life he would have had with his mother.
Yes, I can feel some sympathy for the mother. She has serious issues and is likely an unhappy person, but this baby deserves better than she can give and the original grandmother knows it too since she testified against her daughter having this baby.
StevieM
(10,500 posts)And if a mother has a drug problem, that is what foster care is for. And that could include drug testing in order to resume custody. The purpose of foster care IMO should not be to see if we can replace the parents with "better" parents.
I don't care what the grandmother had to say. Her opinion shouldn't matter. It is information and documentation that matters. So, for example, the grandmother could tell us if her daughter visits with her other children regularly. Or if she tells them she loves them. Beyond that only a drug test can tell us if the mother is ready to resume custody. And foster care should be about getting children and their parent ready for the point where they can be reunited.
It is not fair to say that her addiction problem means that she doesn't love her child. She proved her love by fighting to keep him and by trying to take part in a reunification process, which would have involved staying clean and drug testing before that process could culminate in reunification.
radical noodle
(8,000 posts)because she's ended up caring for four kids she didn't plan to raise and doesn't want to add yet another one.
Yeah, foster care is so wonderful for kids, right? My parents took in foster kids when I was little. I still saw how unsettled their lives were, even in a good home. They stayed a few months and then off they went to another place. The last was a little boy that no one wanted until someone (us) wanted to adopt him and give him a forever home. Suddenly his family wanted him back because it would be a "stain" on their family to have a child adopted out. He had a life moving back and forth from mother to grandparents, knowing no one really wanted him.
You're putting mothers first, most people put the kids' best interests first.
yardwork
(61,588 posts)You're leaping to a lot of assumptions to fit a narrative that revolves around what you think other people "should" think and feel.
Instead of picking on somebody who is celebrating their son's and family's lifelong commitment in adopting a child with special needs, perhaps you might find a kinder use for your concern about people's rights. Do you volunteer to help special needs children, or people struggling with addiction?
There's a lot wrong with the world today and plenty of ways to help.
By the way, as a gay person, I noticed how Nurse Jackie affirms her son's marriage to another man, and their decision to adopt a child. Many parents of gay children are not as loving and accepting. Nurse Jackie is celebrating love, commitment and family.
llashram
(6,265 posts)does not mean you are right in your "moral" rejection or the rudeness you used to register your objection to this adoption. You are entitled to all your experiences related to the adoption process that helps at-risk children. Your judgements against this adoption hold no weight and have a ring of false empathy and more like contention for contention's sake.
Knowing about being adopted into a loving family, as I know the adoption process, from the first-hand experience of my life, the birth mother has not proven one iota of responsible behaviour in having 5 children who were born at risk because she showed no love in poisoning the fetuses she carried.
He pain is real as an addicted person and I hope she gets the help she needs, yet she had no right to put her child at risk as she did, period.
From what can garner from the posters loving enthusiasm of becoming a grandmother, the child now has a fighting chance to have a normal upbringing with love and caring in its life.
NCProgressive
(1,315 posts)is healthy for a child's well-being.
For the child's psychosexual development, it needs to bond with a "primary" maternal figure without divided attention.
When the child becomes an adult and fully understands the various roles, he/she is free to communicate and get to know the birth mother. Some adopted children do this but many don't because they don't want to be ungrateful to the adoptive parents.
You should look at it from what is good for the child and not for biological mother. Her consideration is secondary to that of the child's well-being.
NCProgressive
(1,315 posts)and share their happiness without making it a political pontification?
murielm99
(30,727 posts)Wonderful news.
GP6971
(31,133 posts)It's a fun time!!
dem4decades
(11,282 posts)Green Line
(1,123 posts)wendyb-NC
(3,319 posts)At least as fast as your son, did. Enjoy the tiny times, but be ready to chase him before too long. Congratulations to your son and his husband, on becoming official dads. They are heroes, I'm so happy for them, and their son. That little sweet baby will have a stable, nurturing home environment, with his two proud dads who love him so much.
zeusdogmom
(990 posts)There is hardly anything better than being a grandma. So happy for your son and his husband and their child. Life is good. Life is good.
Rorey
(8,445 posts)Being a grandparent is just about the best thing ever, IMO. I just got home from spending the day with my sweet little granddaughter. I've got five and another on the way.
Ligyron
(7,622 posts)This will no doubt work out to the benefit of all, even the misguided baby mom and especially for the child fortunate to have such a loving family to care for him.
Wishing you and your boys many years of joy, happiness and success in any challenges that lie ahead.
Tarc
(10,476 posts)dawn5651
(603 posts)yardwork
(61,588 posts)Cousin Dupree
(1,866 posts)pnwmom
(108,973 posts)I'm happy for you!
seta1950
(932 posts)Babies are magical
herding cats
(19,558 posts)Enjoy the spoiling without all the responsibility!!!
tblue37
(65,269 posts)gopiscrap
(23,733 posts)you'll love being a grand parent
Totally Tunsie
(10,885 posts)Congratulations to all!
lucca18
(1,241 posts)I am very happy for you!
Enjoy spoiling your grandson!
gademocrat7
(10,651 posts)Great news for you and your family.
babylonsister
(171,048 posts)especially that lucky baby! Yay, Mimi!
FM123
(10,053 posts)So happy for you, Grandma!
Karadeniz
(22,486 posts)I'm proud of your son and know the baby now has a chance for a happy life. Congratulations!!!❤❤
radical noodle
(8,000 posts)You'll be the best grandma ever! What a wonderful life that little boy will have with his new family.
DUgosh
(3,055 posts)Was made in China - coolest kid ever. Congratulations! Have you decided what your Grandma name will be?
bottomofthehill
(8,327 posts)So happy for your growing family
Talitha
(6,579 posts)And give them all a big hug from DU, ok?
Cracklin Charlie
(12,904 posts)Youre gonna love it!
AverageJoe
(2,292 posts)❤️
Baked Potato
(7,733 posts)BobTheSubgenius
(11,562 posts)And major kudos to two (assumedly) young men for taking on this project!
Pachamama
(16,886 posts)Your Grandson will grow up with much Love...
fierywoman
(7,679 posts)lillypaddle
(9,580 posts)I can tell that you will be the BEST Grandma ever! Congrats to your son and his husband, and that wonderful baby boy.
Demsrule86
(68,539 posts)I am so jealous...my son and his wife are trying...don't forget the job of a Grandma is to spoil the baby thoroughly! Seriously, My grandma on my Dad's side was so important to me. We were so close. I miss her everyday. She was a great lady and I was lucky to have in my life...and your Grandchild is just as lucky...enjoy.
grantcart
(53,061 posts)vercetti2021
(10,156 posts)I'm so thrilled to know they were able to adopt a beautiful child! Congratulations!
Bluepinky
(2,268 posts)Hope hes covered in grandma kisses!
BlueMTexpat
(15,366 posts)How wonderful for all concerned!
calimary
(81,179 posts)Thats wonderful news, NurseJackie!
Congratulations, Grandma! Blessings to your whole family! Many happy years!
Cha
(297,029 posts)And, to your son and his husband and baby boy
CaptYossarian
(6,448 posts)This will be a Valentine's Day you'll never forget.
The Polack MSgt
(13,186 posts)Congrats to all the family
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)We're all very happy! Overjoyed!
Trueblue Texan
(2,424 posts)Bubblegum cigars all around!
SallyHemmings
(1,821 posts)Welcome to club!
I love being a Mum Mum!
ehrnst
(32,640 posts)still_one
(92,114 posts)Danmel
(4,911 posts)Nay
(12,051 posts)Freddie
(9,258 posts)Heres some hope: our best friends grandson was born addicted and spent his first 6 weeks in the hospital. Hes 6 now, in first grade and absolutely normal in every way. Their son is raising him and the mother (ex-girlfriend) has supervised visits, shes currently in jail for violating parole. The kid started life with so many strikes against him and with love from his dad and grandparents hes a happy first grader.
Bring a grandma is the best thing in the world. I have 3.
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)George II
(67,782 posts)NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)Thank you. I am. We are. It was the hardest secret to keep. Most family and a few friends knew... but I was asked (and advised) to not post or boast or otherwise "interfere" or do anything that would "influence" the process.
Bettie
(16,083 posts)I'm so glad that it all worked out!
Have a great time with the little one, Grandma.
Freedomofspeech
(4,223 posts)All the best to your family. Being Grandmother is the best thing ever!! I love being Mimi!!
NewJeffCT
(56,828 posts)to you and your son and his husband.
brer cat
(24,544 posts)I am very happy for you and the dads!
Scarsdale
(9,426 posts)Ever child deserves to be included in a loving family. Especially one that has such a rough start in life. This little guy is one of the lucky ones, I think. I have no doubt that you will "smother him with lots of love". Great news.
Raftergirl
(1,285 posts)MineralMan
(146,282 posts)Time to start planning all the ways to spoil your new grandchild!
hamsterjill
(15,220 posts)And kudos to your son and his husband for opening their home to a needy child who will now have an awesome family life and future ahead.
Also, wishing good things for the other four children and their mother. I hope she can get her stuff together for their sake if not for her own.
Again - congratulations!!!
Phentex
(16,334 posts)How exciting! I'm very happy for you!
treestar
(82,383 posts)Enjoy being a grandma!
A friend has a refrigerator magnet, which says: "Granny is the name. Spoiling is the game."
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)Kahuna7
(2,531 posts)Rider3
(919 posts)Congratulations!
Still In Wisconsin
(4,450 posts)Mickju
(1,799 posts)Congratulations!
Fla Dem
(23,625 posts)R B Garr
(16,950 posts)Congratulations!
BeeBee
(1,074 posts)And congratulations to the dads too!
gerryatwork
(64 posts)Wonderful news to your son, his partner and especially for the baby. They will make wonderful dedicated parents.
woodsprite
(11,908 posts)Soxfan58
(3,479 posts)You will love being a grandparent.
marble falls
(57,063 posts)Pacifist Patriot
(24,653 posts)Congratulations, grandma!
Mersky
(4,980 posts)Can feel your sparkling joy through the screen, and it is beautiful. Congratulations to your boys for persisting, and making this world a better place.
Thank you for sharing such a momentous event!
irisblue
(32,950 posts)wryter2000
(46,026 posts)We had a similar event at church--two married men caring for a beautiful baby girl in hopes of adopting her. It was touch-and-go for months waiting for the adoption to go through. They now have her and her baby sister. Both are gorgeous toddlers now and intelligent and energetic. I wish the same for your grandson.
Soph0571
(9,685 posts)Congats Granny Jackie.
NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)❤️
Mz Pip
(27,434 posts)Being a grandparent is such fun.
BeckyDem
(8,361 posts)not been well cared for during pregnancy. Congratulations and wishing all the best to you and your son's family.
GeoWilliam750
(2,522 posts)Wishing you lots of happy Grandma time.
I am increasingly of the opinion that happy grandchildren are the true measure of success, and I wish you every success.
jcmaine72
(1,773 posts)sl8
(13,713 posts)NurseJackie
(42,862 posts)Thank you! EVERYONE* here has been so kind and enthusiastic! That means so much to me.
*with one exception.