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NurseJackie

(42,862 posts)
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 08:20 PM Feb 2020

I'm a GRANDMA!! My son and his husband have adopted a beautiful baby boy!

They've been fostering him since he was two weeks old. (Sad story with his drug addicted and often incarcerated mother. She used while she was pregnant, and my NEW GRANSON will likely be a special needs child as a result.) But, so far so good. He's now 10 months old.

It's final!!! It's official!!!

It was touch-and-go... we weren't sure, and I daren't say anything so that I wouldn't "jinx" it. At one point the mother agreed to give him up... but then she went "off her meds" and wanted him back... then started setting conditions. What a mess. (Both her and the process.)

She already has four other children who have been placed in the custody of the grandmother... and her logic was that she could easily take care of "just one". --- But the state disagreed, and so did the grandmother who appeared in court to "testify against" her own daughter so that my boys (my grown son and son-in-law) could give him a chance at a better life.

She (we) have no idea who the father is. She was prostituting herself for drug money and there's just no way to know... so that's one less thing to worry about.

Hey! Did you catch this part: I AM A GRANDMA!!

I knew it would work out. But then I was so afraid that it wouldn't. I can't stop smiling. I'm over the moon!

PS: My boys were "on the list" for just a couple of weeks and they were initially offered the chance to be foster parents for three siblings (1-2 and four) ... that was just too much so they declined (and they feared that they'd be put at the bottom of the list for declining). But less than a week later, they were asked again... and it all worked out.

I'M A GRANDMA!!

181 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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I'm a GRANDMA!! My son and his husband have adopted a beautiful baby boy! (Original Post) NurseJackie Feb 2020 OP
Congratulations grandma TEB Feb 2020 #1
Congratulations! ploppy Feb 2020 #2
so cool! handmade34 Feb 2020 #3
Yay! ismnotwasm Feb 2020 #4
Wonderful! And congratulations! Shanti Mama Feb 2020 #5
Congratulations to you and your family. democrank Feb 2020 #6
Congrats! Maeve Feb 2020 #7
We adoptive grandmas need to all talk. It's an amazing thing. nolabear Feb 2020 #23
Congratulations 🎉🎊 nt Midnightwalk Feb 2020 #8
Grandma. sheshe2 Feb 2020 #9
A lovely story. Thanks for sharing it. Where's the picture? planetc Feb 2020 #10
Thank you for asking... NurseJackie Feb 2020 #24
My son had a big head... MontanaMama Feb 2020 #103
And your boys are absolutely right. planetc Feb 2020 #124
Congratulations! sinkingfeeling Feb 2020 #11
That is uncalled for. nolabear Feb 2020 #22
What? smirkymonkey Feb 2020 #41
I think the username was mistaken as being a reply. NurseJackie Feb 2020 #73
I am SO sorry! Not only did I reply to an entirely different post nolabear Feb 2020 #102
No problem. I was just kind of confused. smirkymonkey Feb 2020 #107
Oh no, it's fine. I'm just freaked out by not being able to find it. nolabear Feb 2020 #110
Thanks! NurseJackie Feb 2020 #51
How wonderful! zbird Feb 2020 #12
Beautiful story! Congratulations! nt Ilsa Feb 2020 #13
Mazel tov! Cary Feb 2020 #14
Congratulations! WhiskeyGrinder Feb 2020 #15
That child is going to be LOVED to the moon! Croney Feb 2020 #16
Yay!! Congratulations! nt helpisontheway Feb 2020 #17
Well, here's to a good life for the child, the parents and GRANDMA! rurallib Feb 2020 #18
Congrats! Iliyah Feb 2020 #19
I AM SO THRILLED! I am a grandma in the same way! nolabear Feb 2020 #20
It was a very difficult secret to keep. NurseJackie Feb 2020 #154
I understand. It'll make you philosophical for sure. ❤️ nolabear Feb 2020 #159
Congrats. As my Mother very often said, 'there's nothing like a baby' empedocles Feb 2020 #21
Congrats!!!!! spanone Feb 2020 #25
Congratulations!!! Anon-C Feb 2020 #26
That's great! Harker Feb 2020 #27
Congratulations Grandma!! Docreed2003 Feb 2020 #28
Congratulations!!! n/t NanceGreggs Feb 2020 #29
congratulations!! and I love the use of the word 'daren't" TalenaGor Feb 2020 #30
Congratulations! Just_Vote_Dem Feb 2020 #31
Congratulations thinkingagain Feb 2020 #32
Congratulations, Nurse Jackie. dewsgirl Feb 2020 #33
Congratulations, Grandma! jls4561 Feb 2020 #34
Congratulations! pdxflyboy Feb 2020 #35
Wow! That's the best news I've had all day. panader0 Feb 2020 #36
Congratulations! Your life will never be the same! tavernier Feb 2020 #37
Congratulations! volstork Feb 2020 #38
Congratulations ... CatMor Feb 2020 #39
That's the best news... lapucelle Feb 2020 #40
Congratulations NurseJackie to you and your son and his family! smirkymonkey Feb 2020 #42
Big Congrats! nocoincidences Feb 2020 #43
She gave them up on her own accord... Eventually. NurseJackie Feb 2020 #67
Congrats to the happy couple AND YOU TOO Grandma! Maru Kitteh Feb 2020 #44
Congratulations to the wonderful "new" family! pazzyanne Feb 2020 #45
So Happy For All of You Chicagogrl1 Feb 2020 #46
That little boy is fortunate to have you as a grandma, and your son and son in law Amaryllis Feb 2020 #47
Congratulations! The Genealogist Feb 2020 #48
awwwwwwwww Skittles Feb 2020 #49
Congratulations. TNNurse Feb 2020 #50
Congratulations Gothmog Feb 2020 #52
Mazel tov! mcar Feb 2020 #53
Congratulations to you and your son's family Fresh_Start Feb 2020 #54
Congratulations Grandma. It's the best thing in the world. Have fun. blueinredohio Feb 2020 #55
Congrats! apcalc Feb 2020 #56
congrats!!!!!!!!!! Takket Feb 2020 #57
there's nothing better than a grandchild nini Feb 2020 #58
Congratulations! catbyte Feb 2020 #59
Wonderful! Congratulations!! boston bean Feb 2020 #60
Congratulations! Ohiogal Feb 2020 #61
Congratulations to the happy couple and family. greatauntoftriplets Feb 2020 #62
I get really weepy when I hear stories like this. Dem2theMax Feb 2020 #63
I can't think of a better thing in the whole wide world! lunatica Feb 2020 #64
There's no greater joy than being a grandparent!!!! Congratulations, and spoil him rotten! secondwind Feb 2020 #65
Mazel Tov! tishaLA Feb 2020 #66
Congratulations! mecherosegarden Feb 2020 #68
So many best wishes! Hekate Feb 2020 #69
Wonderful news mainstreetonce Feb 2020 #70
Congratulations! cate94 Feb 2020 #71
Congrats! Different Drummer Feb 2020 #72
Let's not forget about the pain that the mother is no doubt in after having her parental rights StevieM Feb 2020 #74
It's unclear what prompted this... but this ENTIRE post is rude and inappropriate. NurseJackie Feb 2020 #131
You really think that was appropriate or sensitive? ehrnst Feb 2020 #137
Why are you pooping on this OP? mcar Feb 2020 #140
When you say: sheshe2 Feb 2020 #170
I reject the claim that adoption provides a better life. Adoption provides a different life. StevieM Feb 2020 #171
Here's some truth for you radical noodle Feb 2020 #172
You don't know anything "undoubtedly" would have happened. StevieM Feb 2020 #173
Her opinion matters a lot radical noodle Feb 2020 #176
You're making a lot of assumptions and writing "should" a lot. yardwork Feb 2020 #175
your rejection llashram Feb 2020 #177
I reject the notion that having two mothers while growing up NCProgressive Feb 2020 #179
Is it so hard to congratulate someone on a good news NCProgressive Feb 2020 #178
Congrats!!! murielm99 Feb 2020 #75
Congratulations!! GP6971 Feb 2020 #76
Finally some good news. Congratulations. dem4decades Feb 2020 #77
Congratulations on becoming a grandmother! Green Line Feb 2020 #78
Congratulations to you, NurseJackie, being grandma is fun, they grow and learn so fast. wendyb-NC Feb 2020 #79
Congratulations!!!! zeusdogmom Feb 2020 #80
I'm so glad that the court did the right thing! Rorey Feb 2020 #81
That's fantastic! Ligyron Feb 2020 #82
Congrats Tarc Feb 2020 #83
congratulations to your son and son in law and to the families .. dawn5651 Feb 2020 #84
Congratulations! That's fantastic! yardwork Feb 2020 #85
You are going to enjoy this so much! Being a grandparent is the best. Congrats! Cousin Dupree Feb 2020 #86
Congratulations, Grandma NurseJackie! pnwmom Feb 2020 #87
Congrats seta1950 Feb 2020 #88
Congratulations!! herding cats Feb 2020 #89
Congratulations!! Can you upload a picture for us? nt tblue37 Feb 2020 #90
Congratulations gopiscrap Feb 2020 #91
You'll love every moment! Totally Tunsie Feb 2020 #92
That is just so wonderful! lucca18 Feb 2020 #93
Congratulations Grandma! gademocrat7 Feb 2020 #94
Lovely! I'm happy it all worked out for everyone, babylonsister Feb 2020 #95
Congratulations! FM123 Feb 2020 #96
It makes me happy to hear that good people have been doing what good people do!❤ Karadeniz Feb 2020 #97
Fantastic news! radical noodle Feb 2020 #98
One of my g kids DUgosh Feb 2020 #99
Mazel Tov! bottomofthehill Feb 2020 #100
Congatulations! Talitha Feb 2020 #101
Congratulations, NurseJackie! Cracklin Charlie Feb 2020 #104
Congratulations!! AverageJoe Feb 2020 #105
Good for you! And your son ! Baked Potato Feb 2020 #106
BIg congratulations to all 4 of you! BobTheSubgenius Feb 2020 #108
That's wonderful NurseJackie - so happy for all of you Pachamama Feb 2020 #109
Congratulations! I'm so very happy for you! fierywoman Feb 2020 #111
Great news! lillypaddle Feb 2020 #112
Congratulations Nurse...that is so wonderful...Happy Grandma day!!!!! Demsrule86 Feb 2020 #113
As the proud father of an adopted daughter, I say spoil that kid grandma grantcart Feb 2020 #114
I'm so happy for you honey! vercetti2021 Feb 2020 #115
That's wonderful! Congrats! Bluepinky Feb 2020 #116
Congratulations, Nurse Jackie! BlueMTexpat Feb 2020 #117
YAAAAAAYYYYY!!! calimary Feb 2020 #118
Congratulations, Grandma Jackie! Cha Feb 2020 #119
Congratulations to you and your family! CaptYossarian Feb 2020 #120
That is fantastic NJ The Polack MSgt Feb 2020 #121
💖💖 Thank you everyone for the kind words and wishes. NurseJackie Feb 2020 #122
Congratulations, Grandma! Trueblue Texan Feb 2020 #123
Congrats! SallyHemmings Feb 2020 #125
Congratulations!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ehrnst Feb 2020 #126
Congratulations Jackie!!! Have fun Grandma still_one Feb 2020 #127
Mazel Tov! Danmel Feb 2020 #128
Welcome to Grandma-stan! It's a wonderful country! nt Nay Feb 2020 #129
Congratulations!! Freddie Feb 2020 #130
Thank you for the kind words and encouragement. We're hopeful. So far, so good! NurseJackie Feb 2020 #132
That's great - you must be excited! Wish your whole family the best. George II Feb 2020 #133
Thank you. I am. We are. It was the hardest secret to keep... NurseJackie Feb 2020 #134
That is awesome! Bettie Feb 2020 #135
What a lucky baby!!! Freedomofspeech Feb 2020 #136
Congratulations NewJeffCT Feb 2020 #138
Wonderful news!t brer cat Feb 2020 #139
Congratulations! Scarsdale Feb 2020 #141
Mazsl Tov! Raftergirl Feb 2020 #142
That's wonderful! MineralMan Feb 2020 #143
Major congrats to the New Grandma!!! hamsterjill Feb 2020 #144
Congratulations! Phentex Feb 2020 #145
Congratulations! treestar Feb 2020 #146
I love it! Perfect! NurseJackie Feb 2020 #147
Congrats, NJ! nt Kahuna7 Feb 2020 #148
YAY! Rider3 Feb 2020 #149
Mazel tov! Still In Wisconsin Feb 2020 #150
That's great! Mickju Feb 2020 #151
WOW, that's wonderful, Congratulation. I know that will be one spoiled grandchild. Fla Dem Feb 2020 #152
Awesome news, NJ! R B Garr Feb 2020 #153
Congratulations Grandma! BeeBee Feb 2020 #155
Congratulations gerryatwork Feb 2020 #156
Congratulations! That's awesome! What a lucky little boy! nt woodsprite Feb 2020 #157
Congrats Soxfan58 Feb 2020 #158
A very late, but hearty congratulations to all who get to share in this happiness! marble falls Feb 2020 #160
What wonderful news! Pacifist Patriot Feb 2020 #161
Hi, you're a grandma! Mersky Feb 2020 #162
Congratulations to you and your sons and their child irisblue Feb 2020 #163
Congratulations! wryter2000 Feb 2020 #164
You are gonna spoil this baby ridiculously Soph0571 Feb 2020 #165
Ha! Fun gif! NurseJackie Feb 2020 #167
Congratulations! Mz Pip Feb 2020 #166
That is a very big deal and highly commendable to take an infant who has BeckyDem Feb 2020 #168
WONDERFUL!!!!! Happy Grandmothering!!!!!! GeoWilliam750 Feb 2020 #169
Awesome news!! Congratulations, Granny! jcmaine72 Feb 2020 #174
Congratulations to you and yours, Grandma! n/t sl8 Feb 2020 #180
Thank you! EVERYONE* here has been so kind and enthusiastic! That means so much to me. NurseJackie Feb 2020 #181

democrank

(11,092 posts)
6. Congratulations to you and your family.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 08:25 PM
Feb 2020

I’m sure your precious little grandson will bring you joy beyond words.

Maeve

(42,279 posts)
7. Congrats!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 08:25 PM
Feb 2020

My son and his wife are working on an adoption now...I've had a crocheted baby blanket tucked for several years (made from yarn I got from my DIL's mother's estate--she is going to cry so much when I tell her!)

planetc

(7,802 posts)
10. A lovely story. Thanks for sharing it. Where's the picture?
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 08:26 PM
Feb 2020

You can ask any of the ladies I used to ride the bus with: their grandchild was not official until I had seen the picture. Even if you haven't got a good one, the story is still heart warming.

NurseJackie

(42,862 posts)
24. Thank you for asking...
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 08:40 PM
Feb 2020

... but I'm going to respect my boys' wishes on this and not post any photos. Privacy, doxxing, google's reverse image search, facebook...they're very protective and only sharing photos selectively.

I can tell you that he's adorable. He has a very large head... but I'm sure his body will grow into it. I love him so much!

MontanaMama

(23,297 posts)
103. My son had a big head...
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 12:16 AM
Feb 2020

He had a perpetual bruise on his forehead because he kept tipping over...poor little dude. He grew into it. I can tell you love your grandson!! What a lucky little boy. Blessings to you and your family. Babies are magic.

planetc

(7,802 posts)
124. And your boys are absolutely right.
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 08:56 AM
Feb 2020

They should be cautious, and I am perfectly content with my mental image of an adorable baby with a big head. He will not need to play pro basketball, but he will need his wits about him. Congratulations to all concerned.

nolabear

(41,956 posts)
102. I am SO sorry! Not only did I reply to an entirely different post
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 12:04 AM
Feb 2020

I can’t find the damned thing now. So help me, it was there and it was a downer.

Mea maxima culpa!

 

smirkymonkey

(63,221 posts)
107. No problem. I was just kind of confused.
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 12:42 AM
Feb 2020

I definitely thought it was some kind of mistake! Have a good evening nolabear! Sorry if I upset you.

nolabear

(41,956 posts)
110. Oh no, it's fine. I'm just freaked out by not being able to find it.
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 01:42 AM
Feb 2020

I swear I didn’t imagine it. 😬🤣

nolabear

(41,956 posts)
20. I AM SO THRILLED! I am a grandma in the same way!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 08:37 PM
Feb 2020

Our gorgeous grandson was adopted two and a half years ago and my kids literally had a phone meeting with prospective birth parents for a second baby last night! If you haven’t ridden that roller coaster you can’t appreciate the strength it takes. So many almosts, maybes, rethinks, but it’s all so worth it.

Congratulations Grandma! I’m so very, very happy for you!

NurseJackie

(42,862 posts)
154. It was a very difficult secret to keep.
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 12:09 PM
Feb 2020

I really didn't want to announce anything or hint at possibilities, then have to explain how/when/what went "wrong" if it didn't work out.

Thanks for your kind thoughts and wishes!

TalenaGor

(1,104 posts)
30. congratulations!! and I love the use of the word 'daren't"
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 08:52 PM
Feb 2020

That's a new one by me but I love it & im going to steal it

jls4561

(1,257 posts)
34. Congratulations, Grandma!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:03 PM
Feb 2020

May your family be happy and healthy. I would also wish you love, but it sounds like that you already have that in abundance. Oh, what the heck, I'm also wishing you love; you can always use a little more.

tavernier

(12,374 posts)
37. Congratulations! Your life will never be the same!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:04 PM
Feb 2020

I hope the mother doesn’t know who they are or where they live... she sounds a little nuts.

CatMor

(6,212 posts)
39. Congratulations ...
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:09 PM
Feb 2020

becoming a grandmother is the best. What your son and his husband are doing is wonderful.

NurseJackie

(42,862 posts)
67. She gave them up on her own accord... Eventually.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:54 PM
Feb 2020

The grandmother couldn't take him... And things fell into place.

Chicagogrl1

(418 posts)
46. So Happy For All of You
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:17 PM
Feb 2020

Such great news! Congrats to your son & sil. Thanks to them for caring for the baby boy.

Amaryllis

(9,524 posts)
47. That little boy is fortunate to have you as a grandma, and your son and son in law
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:17 PM
Feb 2020

to have you as a mom. How wonderful to share in all that joy.

The Genealogist

(4,723 posts)
48. Congratulations!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:18 PM
Feb 2020

I'm sure the lad will have a stable, loving, safe home. I wish your son and his husband much happiness with their new son!

mcar

(42,288 posts)
53. Mazel tov!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:32 PM
Feb 2020

So happy for you and your son and son-in-law. It sounds like they will be great parents to a baby who desperately needs them.

Go Grandma!

Takket

(21,550 posts)
57. congrats!!!!!!!!!!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:35 PM
Feb 2020

friends of mine adopted last year too and i'm so happy because they are going to be such great parents and their daughter is so sweet glad she has a forever home. now your grandson has a forever home too

Dem2theMax

(9,650 posts)
63. I get really weepy when I hear stories like this.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:41 PM
Feb 2020

I'm adopted, and it is the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

NurseJackie, give that new grandson a big hug from me . And hug both of his dads for me and thank them for doing the most wonderful thing in the world!

Congratulations to all of you!

lunatica

(53,410 posts)
64. I can't think of a better thing in the whole wide world!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 09:46 PM
Feb 2020

And you already have a head start with the tyke. Happy days grandma!

StevieM

(10,500 posts)
74. Let's not forget about the pain that the mother is no doubt in after having her parental rights
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 10:13 PM
Feb 2020

terminated. She obviously loves her child very much. I hope your son and son-in-law will respect the legitimacy of that love and commit themselves to an open adoption.

If the mother at one point "agreed" to give up her child it might have happened in the aftermath of intense pressure and coercion. The fact that she ultimately refused to sign adoption papers does not reflect a lack of ethics on her part and nobody can fault her for not doing so. No mother should ever be faulted for loving their child and wanting to parent them.

We don't yet know whether the baby in question will have a better life, only that he will have a different life. I don't begrudge you your happiness over becoming a grandparent. But we should not forget about the woman who has just suffered a terrible loss.

Kudos to the mom for fighting for her child. And kudos to your son and son-in-law if they do the right thing and recognize that their adopted child has a mother who loves him and try their hardest to keep her in his life.

NurseJackie

(42,862 posts)
131. It's unclear what prompted this... but this ENTIRE post is rude and inappropriate.
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 09:36 AM
Feb 2020
We don't yet know whether the baby in question will have a better life, only that he will have a different life.
Yes we do!

This is remarkable. Unbelievable! I haven't been personally insulting to you or your family. What it is that makes anyone think that they have the right to presume things about this situation and my family and to make rude insinuations and insulting comments?

It's unclear what prompted this... but that ENTIRE post is rude and inappropriate. Please don't lecture me. And please do not presume to judge or tell us what we "should" or "should not" do. Don't presume to know the entire story or background. Someone so woefully ill-informed about the circumstances and how things came-to-be has zero business offering "advice" or pretending to know the birth mother's state of mind.

sheshe2

(83,710 posts)
170. When you say:
Sat Feb 15, 2020, 12:27 AM
Feb 2020
We don't yet know whether the baby in question will have a better life, only that he will have a different life.


You disrespect Nurse Jackie, her son and SIL...her entire family. Love and caring go a long way. The courts and social workers already took four of them away. Then she had a fifth.

With all due respect, you are wrong to make these determinations without first had knowledge of what happened.

StevieM

(10,500 posts)
171. I reject the claim that adoption provides a better life. Adoption provides a different life.
Sat Feb 15, 2020, 12:54 AM
Feb 2020

As I understand her post, the mother's parental rights were not terminated with regards to her four other children. They are currently being raised by her mother because she has had problems in the past and most likely has financial issues in the present that make it hard to raise those children. But she is still their mom, regardless of the fact that they are being raised by their grandma.

And what happened in the past does not relate to how she is doing now, including her financial ability to provide for a new baby. If she gets pregnant again, for example, I don't believe it would be legitimate to automatically terminate her parental rights again.

I believe that we should always try to preserve the bond between mother and child. And we should not completely discount the importance of biological connections. Those 4 children you mentioned just lost their brother.

I am not disrespecting Jackie, I am rejecting the moral legitimacy of our society's attitude towards adoption, and the lack of empathy we show towards first mothers (more commonly referred to as birth mothers).

I don't regret showing the child's mother some love and respect in a thread where nobody else has. This is most likely the most painful time of her entire life. She is a human being. And my heart is with her.

radical noodle

(8,000 posts)
172. Here's some truth for you
Sat Feb 15, 2020, 02:27 AM
Feb 2020

My daughter teaches special ed in elementary school. She sees kids all the time who are neglected by their parents and live with their grandparents. The kids are knocked around back and forth between parents and grandparents until they hardly know who they are. They often have emotional problems because of their "loving" biological parents. They are often neglected and feel unwanted and unloved. If she loved that baby so much, perhaps she should have started loving it by not using drugs during her pregnancy.

Nurse Jackie's new grandson will be loved and cherished and know it, unlike the undoubtedly miserable life he would have had with his mother.

Yes, I can feel some sympathy for the mother. She has serious issues and is likely an unhappy person, but this baby deserves better than she can give and the original grandmother knows it too since she testified against her daughter having this baby.



StevieM

(10,500 posts)
173. You don't know anything "undoubtedly" would have happened.
Sat Feb 15, 2020, 02:59 AM
Feb 2020

And if a mother has a drug problem, that is what foster care is for. And that could include drug testing in order to resume custody. The purpose of foster care IMO should not be to see if we can replace the parents with "better" parents.

I don't care what the grandmother had to say. Her opinion shouldn't matter. It is information and documentation that matters. So, for example, the grandmother could tell us if her daughter visits with her other children regularly. Or if she tells them she loves them. Beyond that only a drug test can tell us if the mother is ready to resume custody. And foster care should be about getting children and their parent ready for the point where they can be reunited.

It is not fair to say that her addiction problem means that she doesn't love her child. She proved her love by fighting to keep him and by trying to take part in a reunification process, which would have involved staying clean and drug testing before that process could culminate in reunification.

radical noodle

(8,000 posts)
176. Her opinion matters a lot
Sat Feb 15, 2020, 12:12 PM
Feb 2020

because she's ended up caring for four kids she didn't plan to raise and doesn't want to add yet another one.

Yeah, foster care is so wonderful for kids, right? My parents took in foster kids when I was little. I still saw how unsettled their lives were, even in a good home. They stayed a few months and then off they went to another place. The last was a little boy that no one wanted until someone (us) wanted to adopt him and give him a forever home. Suddenly his family wanted him back because it would be a "stain" on their family to have a child adopted out. He had a life moving back and forth from mother to grandparents, knowing no one really wanted him.

You're putting mothers first, most people put the kids' best interests first.



yardwork

(61,588 posts)
175. You're making a lot of assumptions and writing "should" a lot.
Sat Feb 15, 2020, 10:57 AM
Feb 2020

You're leaping to a lot of assumptions to fit a narrative that revolves around what you think other people "should" think and feel.

Instead of picking on somebody who is celebrating their son's and family's lifelong commitment in adopting a child with special needs, perhaps you might find a kinder use for your concern about people's rights. Do you volunteer to help special needs children, or people struggling with addiction?

There's a lot wrong with the world today and plenty of ways to help.

By the way, as a gay person, I noticed how Nurse Jackie affirms her son's marriage to another man, and their decision to adopt a child. Many parents of gay children are not as loving and accepting. Nurse Jackie is celebrating love, commitment and family.

llashram

(6,265 posts)
177. your rejection
Sat Feb 15, 2020, 01:59 PM
Feb 2020

does not mean you are right in your "moral" rejection or the rudeness you used to register your objection to this adoption. You are entitled to all your experiences related to the adoption process that helps at-risk children. Your judgements against this adoption hold no weight and have a ring of false empathy and more like contention for contention's sake.

Knowing about being adopted into a loving family, as I know the adoption process, from the first-hand experience of my life, the birth mother has not proven one iota of responsible behaviour in having 5 children who were born at risk because she showed no love in poisoning the fetuses she carried.

He pain is real as an addicted person and I hope she gets the help she needs, yet she had no right to put her child at risk as she did, period.

From what can garner from the posters loving enthusiasm of becoming a grandmother, the child now has a fighting chance to have a normal upbringing with love and caring in its life.

 

NCProgressive

(1,315 posts)
179. I reject the notion that having two mothers while growing up
Sat Feb 15, 2020, 03:21 PM
Feb 2020

is healthy for a child's well-being.

For the child's psychosexual development, it needs to bond with a "primary" maternal figure without divided attention.

When the child becomes an adult and fully understands the various roles, he/she is free to communicate and get to know the birth mother. Some adopted children do this but many don't because they don't want to be ungrateful to the adoptive parents.

You should look at it from what is good for the child and not for biological mother. Her consideration is secondary to that of the child's well-being.

 

NCProgressive

(1,315 posts)
178. Is it so hard to congratulate someone on a good news
Sat Feb 15, 2020, 03:16 PM
Feb 2020

and share their happiness without making it a political pontification?

wendyb-NC

(3,319 posts)
79. Congratulations to you, NurseJackie, being grandma is fun, they grow and learn so fast.
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 10:29 PM
Feb 2020

At least as fast as your son, did. Enjoy the tiny times, but be ready to chase him before too long. Congratulations to your son and his husband, on becoming official dads. They are heroes, I'm so happy for them, and their son. That little sweet baby will have a stable, nurturing home environment, with his two proud dads who love him so much.

zeusdogmom

(990 posts)
80. Congratulations!!!!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 10:29 PM
Feb 2020

There is hardly anything better than being a grandma. So happy for your son and his husband and their child. Life is good. Life is good.

Rorey

(8,445 posts)
81. I'm so glad that the court did the right thing!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 10:31 PM
Feb 2020

Being a grandparent is just about the best thing ever, IMO. I just got home from spending the day with my sweet little granddaughter. I've got five and another on the way.

Ligyron

(7,622 posts)
82. That's fantastic!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 10:34 PM
Feb 2020

This will no doubt work out to the benefit of all, even the misguided baby mom and especially for the child fortunate to have such a loving family to care for him.

Wishing you and your boys many years of joy, happiness and success in any challenges that lie ahead.

Karadeniz

(22,486 posts)
97. It makes me happy to hear that good people have been doing what good people do!❤
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 11:38 PM
Feb 2020

I'm proud of your son and know the baby now has a chance for a happy life. Congratulations!!!❤❤

radical noodle

(8,000 posts)
98. Fantastic news!
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 11:45 PM
Feb 2020

You'll be the best grandma ever! What a wonderful life that little boy will have with his new family.

DUgosh

(3,055 posts)
99. One of my g kids
Thu Feb 13, 2020, 11:46 PM
Feb 2020

Was made in China - coolest kid ever. Congratulations! Have you decided what your Grandma name will be?

BobTheSubgenius

(11,562 posts)
108. BIg congratulations to all 4 of you!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 12:48 AM
Feb 2020

And major kudos to two (assumedly) young men for taking on this project!

lillypaddle

(9,580 posts)
112. Great news!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 03:25 AM
Feb 2020

I can tell that you will be the BEST Grandma ever! Congrats to your son and his husband, and that wonderful baby boy.

Demsrule86

(68,539 posts)
113. Congratulations Nurse...that is so wonderful...Happy Grandma day!!!!!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 03:33 AM
Feb 2020

I am so jealous...my son and his wife are trying...don't forget the job of a Grandma is to spoil the baby thoroughly! Seriously, My grandma on my Dad's side was so important to me. We were so close. I miss her everyday. She was a great lady and I was lucky to have in my life...and your Grandchild is just as lucky...enjoy.

vercetti2021

(10,156 posts)
115. I'm so happy for you honey!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 03:56 AM
Feb 2020

I'm so thrilled to know they were able to adopt a beautiful child! Congratulations!

calimary

(81,179 posts)
118. YAAAAAAYYYYY!!!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 05:55 AM
Feb 2020

That’s wonderful news, NurseJackie!

Congratulations, Grandma! Blessings to your whole family! Many happy years!

Freddie

(9,258 posts)
130. Congratulations!!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 09:32 AM
Feb 2020

Here’s some hope: our best friends’ grandson was born addicted and spent his first 6 weeks in the hospital. He’s 6 now, in first grade and absolutely normal in every way. Their son is raising him and the mother (ex-girlfriend) has supervised visits, she’s currently in jail for violating parole. The kid started life with so many strikes against him and with love from his dad and grandparents he’s a happy first grader.
Bring a grandma is the best thing in the world. I have 3.

NurseJackie

(42,862 posts)
134. Thank you. I am. We are. It was the hardest secret to keep...
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 09:56 AM
Feb 2020

Thank you. I am. We are. It was the hardest secret to keep. Most family and a few friends knew... but I was asked (and advised) to not post or boast or otherwise "interfere" or do anything that would "influence" the process.

Bettie

(16,083 posts)
135. That is awesome!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 09:59 AM
Feb 2020

I'm so glad that it all worked out!

Have a great time with the little one, Grandma.

Freedomofspeech

(4,223 posts)
136. What a lucky baby!!!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 10:03 AM
Feb 2020

All the best to your family. Being Grandmother is the best thing ever!! I love being Mimi!!

Scarsdale

(9,426 posts)
141. Congratulations!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 10:26 AM
Feb 2020

Ever child deserves to be included in a loving family. Especially one that has such a rough start in life. This little guy is one of the lucky ones, I think. I have no doubt that you will "smother him with lots of love". Great news.

hamsterjill

(15,220 posts)
144. Major congrats to the New Grandma!!!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 10:55 AM
Feb 2020

And kudos to your son and his husband for opening their home to a needy child who will now have an awesome family life and future ahead.

Also, wishing good things for the other four children and their mother. I hope she can get her stuff together for their sake if not for her own.

Again - congratulations!!!

treestar

(82,383 posts)
146. Congratulations!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 11:08 AM
Feb 2020

Enjoy being a grandma!

A friend has a refrigerator magnet, which says: "Granny is the name. Spoiling is the game."

gerryatwork

(64 posts)
156. Congratulations
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 12:44 PM
Feb 2020

Wonderful news to your son, his partner and especially for the baby. They will make wonderful dedicated parents.

Mersky

(4,980 posts)
162. Hi, you're a grandma!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 03:49 PM
Feb 2020

Can feel your sparkling joy through the screen, and it is beautiful. Congratulations to your boys for persisting, and making this world a better place.

Thank you for sharing such a momentous event!

wryter2000

(46,026 posts)
164. Congratulations!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 04:49 PM
Feb 2020

We had a similar event at church--two married men caring for a beautiful baby girl in hopes of adopting her. It was touch-and-go for months waiting for the adoption to go through. They now have her and her baby sister. Both are gorgeous toddlers now and intelligent and energetic. I wish the same for your grandson.

BeckyDem

(8,361 posts)
168. That is a very big deal and highly commendable to take an infant who has
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 06:43 PM
Feb 2020

not been well cared for during pregnancy. Congratulations and wishing all the best to you and your son's family.

GeoWilliam750

(2,522 posts)
169. WONDERFUL!!!!! Happy Grandmothering!!!!!!
Fri Feb 14, 2020, 07:24 PM
Feb 2020

Wishing you lots of happy Grandma time.

I am increasingly of the opinion that happy grandchildren are the true measure of success, and I wish you every success.

NurseJackie

(42,862 posts)
181. Thank you! EVERYONE* here has been so kind and enthusiastic! That means so much to me.
Tue Feb 18, 2020, 10:01 AM
Feb 2020

Thank you! EVERYONE* here has been so kind and enthusiastic! That means so much to me.





*with one exception.

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