Roger Stone sentencing...Borowitz

[Fresh_Start]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a decision that Donald Trump called “incredibly unfair,” Judge Amy Berman Jackson has sentenced Roger Stone to ten years of house arrest in the home of Senator Susan Collins, of Maine.
As part of the sentence, Senator Collins will be required to live under the same roof as Stone, in Bangor, and insure that he is properly fed, clothed, and exercised until 2030. The sentence immediately drew howls of protest from Stone, who claimed that living with the ceaselessly waffling Collins would “send me over the edge.”
The Maine senator said that she was unsure whether becoming Stone’s jailer was a good idea, adding that she would “need more time to think about it.”

[lark]

1. Borowitz is good, he captured Sen. Collins perfectly!

[smirkymonkey]

2. K&R

[malaise]

3. Delish

[Brainfodder]

4. OMG I am so very concerned! CONCERNED I TELL YA!

HELP I AM SO CONCERNED AF!



I can't say how I really feel.

[Scarsdale]

5. Stone and his wife are "swingers"

so little noodle spined Susie will be exposed to some pretty cagy behavior.

[TryLogic]

10. I would like to see you remove this comment. It sounds a little Trump-like.

[CaptYossarian]

12. I agree with you.

I try my best to insult and humiliate Repubs at every turn. We need equalizers because they think we're too soft.

I'm only removing it because you were offended and not the one I wanted to offend. Sorry.

[mountain grammy]

7. Perfect!

[BarbD]

8. Priceless.

Still chuckling over "Need more time to think about it."

[TryLogic]

11. She will be concerned, or a little troubled.

[IronLionZion]

9. She'll declare that Stone has learned his lesson

after 2 minutes and release him

[Jade Fox]

13. "ceaselessly waffling"

I hope Susan Collins is feeling the pain these days.

[Under The Radar]

14. Cruel and Unusual Punishment

Will be overturned by the Supreme Court