More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today: Life, The Universe, And Everything Edition
There are a number of things that happen only once every four years:
* The Summer Olympics
* February has 29 days instead of 28 (well, technically, in years ending with -00 but not equally divisible by 400 they don't, but that won't happen again until 2100 and I doubt most of us will be here to see that)
* The Republican Party puts on a circus of the inane to find the dumbest, most bigoted asshole they can--and run him for President!!! Of course, this time they've already got the dumbest, most bigoted asshole possible in the form of the incumbent popular vote losing Donald Trump, so that part's already taken care of!
So here we go, on this Leap Day we leap into the forty-second look into the depths of conservative doublethink:
Reposts and Updates:
I get the sick feeling that this may be another one that's going to grow.
* Criticism of a war veteran is disgusting and offensive. Exceptions: Max Cleland, Tammy Duckworth, John Kerry, John McCain, Alexander Vindman, and Pete Buttigieg. (#20, Oct. 2015)
Among other things, a certain Arkansas Gubernatorial candidate brings to mind...
* George HW Bush, George W Bush, Jeb Bush, Jerry Falwell Jr, Steve Forbes, Connie Mack IV, Meghan McCain, Rand Paul, Willard Mitt Rmoney, Sarah Sanders, and Donald Trump are all self-made people and don't owe their success to anyone else's prior accomplishments. (#10, Nov. 2012)
* Cutting taxes to big corporations will lead to job creation. (#39, July 2019)
Total now updated:
* Wasteful spending: $18 million on Special Olympics. Not Wasteful Spending: $118 million so a billionaire can cheat at golf. (#38, April 2019)
And as always, remember this:
* Impeachable offense: getting a blow job from an intern. Not impeachable offense: conspiring with or blackmailing foreign countries to help you steal elections. (#29, July 2017)
* The embodiment of Christian values: a thrice-married avatar of Mammon who doesn't know much about the Bible, lusts after his own daughter, can't open his mouth without bragging about how awesome he thinks he is, and spends a prayer breakfast swearing revenge on those who tried to hold him to account for his crimes. (#22, Feb 2016)
All-New More Things You Have To Believe To Be A Republican Today:
* Donald Trump is saving the coal industry.
* It's totally appropriate that the United States government be more concerned about wildfires in Siberia than wildfires in California.
* Making less money and being criticized by the press is exactly as big a sacrifice as dying in the service of defending the country.
* Yet another new crime: Eating while black.
Straight from a meme mentioned here:
* People willing to testify under oath are liars, and those who refuse are truth-tellers.
* Impeaching Donald Trump would undermine the intentions of the American people, even though Donald Trump didn't win the popular vote in 2016.
From struggle4progress on the above thread:
* The President having unchecked power to do whatever he wants is an example of "limited government".
* Every time Hillary Clinton had the sniffles, it meant she was secretly dying of bubonic plague. Donald Trump's mysterious, unannounced, unscheduled hospital visit was "routine" and clearly a sign that Trump is the healthiest human being that ever lived.
* It's completely appropriate for Trump to bribe Senators who will serve as jury in his impeachment trial triggered by his being caught trying to extort Ukraine for a bribe.
* Impeachment for crimes you loudly admit you committed is worse than being nailed to a cross.
* Donald Trump is saving the American steel industry.
* Trump's trade war is helping the economy.
* You're totally okay with those close to the president of the United States, and maybe even the (unelected) president himself, discussing putting out a hit on a US ambassador.
* Donald Trump, who has provably lied over FIFTEEN THOUSAND TIMES in three years, can accuse others of having a "credibility problem".
* There is plenty of thick vegetation to hide in in space.
* The best way to show that gun control is unnecessary is to whip up a heavily armed, belligerent mob to wave around their guns and threaten politicians.
* "Abuse of Power" is a crime that can only be committed by Democrats.
* Having an account on Ashley Madison, a site that sets up extramarital affairs, is "inappropriate" for a Congressional candidate of the party that has a thrice-married serial adulterer who pays off porn stars as its standard bearer.
* You think it's smart politics to defend Donald Trump from charges of soliciting bribes from Ukraine by hiring a state attorney general that Trump had previously bribed.
* Spending three decades lying to your audience and poisoning political discourse with divisiveness and hate is an act worthy of a Medal of Freedom.
* Traitor: Alexander Vindman. Heroic patriot: Eddie Gallagher.
* Relevant to morality discussions: Pete Buttigieg's happy marriage to a man. Not relevant to morality discussions: Donald Trump's multiple marriages, during all of which he cheated.
* Donald Trump is responsible for the economic recovery that began eight years before he took office.
Speaking of a certain Medal of Freedom winner...
* The coronavirus outbreak is a conspiracy to make Donald Trump look bad.
Like Trump needs a conspiracy to make him look like an incompetent jackass who doesn't care about other people. I mean, his ideas for how to deal with it are...
* Solution to the coronavirus: Cut taxes for the rich and cut the budget to public health infrastructure.
* Senator Bernie Sanders once played football for the Detroit Lions.
= new reply since forum marked as read
A member since 2005 and just 252 posts! Good job, Fritz! 
Usually only when I think I have something worth saying. Which isn't often--most of the time somebody else has said it first and said it better.
A true renaissance man. 
Just a small point for accuracy that he wasn't impeached for a BJ. I hear that all the time and I think accuracy matters, especially when the point falls apart if it depends on the offense being the BJ and not obstruction of justice and perjury.
I'm just responding to your point
"Impeachable offense: getting a blow job from an intern. Not impeachable offense: conspiring with or blackmailing foreign countries to help you steal elections. (#29, July 2017)"
The BJ wasn't what he was impeached for.
Other that this small point for accuracy, it is a GREAT list!
