How do we begin to grieve together?
This is a horrendous catastrophe that will be an unfolding nightmare. How do we say goodbye to so many of our fellow citizens? What do we do with so many broken hearts?
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It does help to transfer the anger and pain towards that goal!
Contact a hospice or bereavement counselor for starters. Any hospice will provide 13 months of free bereavement counseling. 13 months because it provides support through what we refer to as "the year of firsts." Meaning 1st bday, anniversary, holiday season & other annual events.
For me, the spring after my dad passed, it was opening day for the Cubs baseball team. I would always call him & tease him about how bad they suck (lol) or take lunch to my folks & tease him in person. Opening day was almost 6 months after he passed away and, even though I was a trained, licensed professional working in this specialized are of practice, I still reached for the phone numerous times that sad day.
I had to come to terms with the fact that he had been a big part of my life for many decades & the realization of him not being there physically was not like turning a light switch on or off. Grieving is a process, and not a linear one.
Next, we can write letters to our departed loved ones. This is especially helpful for unresolved grief, where there are underlying issues that perhaps went unexpressed. No one else needs to read it, if you so choose.
You can keep it, burn it, flush it or tear it up, as you wish.
For holidays, one of the most effective ways to aid healing is to not avoid the elephant in the room. If there is a family lunch or dinner, the family can set a place for the departed, light a candle &/or say something nice about that person to to the departed. "Dad, I know you are here with us in spirit today, but we miss you in your physical form & want to honor the time we had together." Something like that.
The most common issue we faced as therapists was the clients who thought they were "going crazy" because they kept feeling, seeing, hearing, or smelling their departed loved one. I would always ask them where else, but with their loved ones, the departed would or should be, careful not to offend by challenging their beliefs.
One extremely religious woman told me, "But the bible doesn't say that she would stay around me."
So I asked if she'd ever been to The Field Museum in Chicago. She had. I said, "well, when you walk in, there are those huge - 20-30' dinosaur skeletons, right? And they are real dino bones." She nodded.
I told her, "well, maybe just like dinosaurs the bible just doesn't go there."
BOOM! 💡 clicked on & she gave herself permission to take comfort in her departed loved one's presence with her, despite her religious beliefs.
You can make a memory box to honor your loved one(s) & put pictures & cherished items in it as well. Many choose to decorate the box with things the deceased really liked: pictures of birds or sports, etc.
And we can share about our loved ones with each other. Perhaps a group could be made? I would be willing facilitate, but I'm brand new here - unclear how that all works.
I hope some of these ideas help... This is so heartbreaking & frightening that it's truly overwhelming. And the finality of death is a shock - like running head on into an unexpected brick wall.
Grieving is hard work, even physically. Please be patient and gentle with yourself.
😢
That's the only thing that will heal me at all.
I need Death Count Donnie & his crue of evil assholes to get the treatment reserved for scumbags of this caliber.
I have 30+ relatives over 65 living in the U.S. Family death toll is currently: 0 and not hearing any rumors of anyone in extended family doing anything stupid like going to a beach.
1 is in super duper bad shape and just barely alive literally. Bare minimum heart condition for life + a recent pacemaker installed, that level of weak and vulnerable, he's around 80.
2 are 92+ and in a nursing home in Ohio.
14 are in Florida, including my dad, he is over 80 and reports they have been in lock-down mode for what is now about a month.
Family scattered in NJ, OH, PA, VA, FL, MD, NC, TX, NV, WY (2 just moved there), and last but not least NY.
Good Luck!
