Having fewer heart attacks? Congrats, you should quit your blood thinners!

[Beartracks]

Never had a break-in? That's great, you can leave your doors and windows open!

Pearl Harbor was so long ago. Good job, we don't need the military anymore!

Rate of COVID-19 increase slowing down? Yay, we can reopen public spaces for large gatherings of unvaccinated people!



==========

[Jarqui]

1. It's a distraction to protect Trump

Get folks thinking about something other than all his screw ups handling this.

[captain queeg]

2. Haven't watched Fox News in years? Give them another chance

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. Your parachute has slowed your rate of descent?

Great! Take it off; you don't need it any more.

[Beartracks]

8. Ha ha! Perfect.

[Disaffected]

4. A guy jumps off a 10 story building to see if he can fly:

As he passes the 2nd floor someone asks him what flying feels like.

"Feels great".

[Totally Tunsie]

6. It's not the flying that hurts...it's the landing.

[42bambi]

5. Go to the mall, shop until you drop, er, die.

[Totally Tunsie]

7. That gal sure looked purty after that last drink. Sure, it's safe

to leave your wallet on the nightstand.