Wish me luck

[Roland99]

Hey everyone

I have cancer from windmills and the antibiotic isn’t helping my viral infection and hydrochloroquine put me in cardiac arrest, I’m gonna inject some Lysol tonight. I expect I’ll be fully cured by tomorrow. Papa Trump would never lead me astray, right?

Guess my last resort would be laying in a tanning bed and have the UV rays disinfect me for about, what, 2 hours you think? Or do I have to swallow the bulbs so the light is inside the body?

[Harker]

1. Good luck. n/t

[Newest Reality]

2. Warning...

I tried doing an all nighter in a tanning bed and woke up with a 3rd-degree sunburn. However, I figure that you probably can't get COVID-19 with a sunburn like that, so it might just work. Remember, it has to be all night, though. About eight hours should do it.

Got to go wipe the massive water blisters that keep forming on my peeling skin off now. I will keep you posted.

[Roland99]

3. Should I cover in Vaseline first?

[Newest Reality]

10. It might work.

You might need straps to hold you down so you don't slide out of the tanning bed. I hear that happens a lot.

The Vaseline should double the COVID-19 protection, so do give it a try. I am going to go shove some in my ears to keep them from getting the virus.

[Roland99]

12. I pre-scrubbed with 100 grit sandpaper. Vaseline should really soak in

[Newest Reality]

13. Brilliant idea!

That sounds like a scientifical idea. You bet! I am going to write that down so I don't forget it the next time, after my sunburn heals.

I hope this vital information makes it to the nightly briefings.

[Roland99]

15. I'm calling Rubio and Scott offices tomorrow

I’m sure they’ll pass on this crucial info

[cayugafalls]

4. Sun Lamp, plugged in and turned on, rectally inserted, mild discomfort to be expected.

I sent the same technique to Dr. Birx and she told me she would try it on the Orange Shitgibbon...

I've got my hopes up.

Good luck

[Roland99]

7. Before or after the Lysol suppository?

[cayugafalls]

9. After. You want the UV to activate the Lysol.

[Roland99]

11. Excellent. Many thanks!

I’ll avoid Taco Bell

[5X]

5. UV flashlight suppository.

[Skittles]

6. OMG STOP IT Roland99

YER KILLING ME

[LisaL]

8. Thankfully, you can't find lysol anywhere.

[Newest Reality]

14. This just in...

I have some more medicalistic scientificalism that really, really works.

You know those little cocktail wieners? You can stuff one up each nostril and the virus can't get in at all. Isn't that amazing? You just change them out ever day. Wiener skins and juice are santizationary.

Now, you may say, but I have to breath from my mouth then. Well, I've got you covered. You simply put a dryer sheet in your mouth the fibers and fabric softener in them are known anti-virasal agentsians. So, you breath through them and viruses just die. I have even managed to talk well with one in my mouth after a little practice. Again, change daily.

Hurry up and get some before the stores run out.

Tell everyone about this.

[Roland99]

16. Oh! Think I can use bleach in my NetiPot??

[Totally Tunsie]

17. I hear sanitary pads work well too, especially the ones with wings!

[Cha]

18. You scared me

at first!

Be sure and don't wear anything on your eyes!

[smirkymonkey]

19. Just be sure to remove the lightbulb and unplug it from it's source before getting into the

bathtub. The smoke and fire could ignite the disinfectants inside your body and, well, it wouldn't be a pleasant way to go.

[liberaltrucker]

20. Good luck

[Roland99]

21. Hahahaha

[BSdetect]

22. What about some laser beams direct into the eyeballs? A surefire treatment.

[Roland99]

23. Mounted on sharks??