Wish me luck

I tried doing an all nighter in a tanning bed and woke up with a 3rd-degree sunburn. However, I figure that you probably can't get COVID-19 with a sunburn like that, so it might just work. Remember, it has to be all night, though. About eight hours should do it.

Got to go wipe the massive water blisters that keep forming on my peeling skin off now. I will keep you posted.

You might need straps to hold you down so you don't slide out of the tanning bed. I hear that happens a lot.

The Vaseline should double the COVID-19 protection, so do give it a try. I am going to go shove some in my ears to keep them from getting the virus.

That sounds like a scientifical idea. You bet! I am going to write that down so I don't forget it the next time, after my sunburn heals.

I hope this vital information makes it to the nightly briefings.

I’m sure they’ll pass on this crucial info

I sent the same technique to Dr. Birx and she told me she would try it on the Orange Shitgibbon...

I've got my hopes up.

Good luck

I’ll avoid Taco Bell

YER KILLING ME

I have some more medicalistic scientificalism that really, really works.

You know those little cocktail wieners? You can stuff one up each nostril and the virus can't get in at all. Isn't that amazing? You just change them out ever day. Wiener skins and juice are santizationary.

Now, you may say, but I have to breath from my mouth then. Well, I've got you covered. You simply put a dryer sheet in your mouth the fibers and fabric softener in them are known anti-virasal agentsians. So, you breath through them and viruses just die. I have even managed to talk well with one in my mouth after a little practice. Again, change daily.

Hurry up and get some before the stores run out.

Tell everyone about this.

at first!

Be sure and don't wear anything on your eyes!

bathtub. The smoke and fire could ignite the disinfectants inside your body and, well, it wouldn't be a pleasant way to go.