A plea to DUers on behalf of my sister: Be nice at the grocery store

[Coventina]

She's a manager at a chain that rhymes with "Bouts."

She hasn't had a day off in weeks.

She is the one who has to handle the complaints from customers who want to buy out the entire store supply of x, y, or z product.

She's the one whose face gets splattered with angry spittle by those customers that refuse to wear masks.
She's the one who comforts the crying cashiers and stockers who get cussed out by the shoppers.

She gets called a "fucking bitch" at least once a day.

She has to staff her store with at least 25% of her employees sick at any given time. But she cannot afford to get sick, because she has no backup right now. All the other managers at her level have quit or transferred, and the company refuses to restaff until the crisis is over.

She's tired of being called a hero. She just wants you to be nice.

[In_The_Wind]

1. I usually say 'thank you for being here' to the staff.

I would be looking at empty shelves without them.

[LakeArenal]

2. I always say thank you for working today.

Also the things people feel free to say to nurses are sometimes very rude.

Nurses are trying to control your pain
If you can’t be nice control your mouth.

[ismnotwasm]

3. K&R

That message from the Walmart employee saying they are “sacrificial” just haunts me.

[niyad]

4. I love all of the people who work at my favourite store, so have always thanked them. Lately,

it's "thank you and be safe. And I hope all the customers are sane"

[mvd]

5. K&R

In PA, customers must wear masks or risk being turned away. That helps the employees.

[Mister Ed]

6. Y'know...bar patrons who make trouble get 86'd.

After a certain point, they're just not allowed in that bar anymore.

I wonder if grocery stores would be within their legal rights to 86 some of the customers you describe in the OP. It's probably more complicated because food is a necessity and alcohol isn't. But the idea sure has some appeal to me.

[Coventina]

9. Not only is she not allowed to eject them (unless they get physical)

she has to kiss their ass, because if they complain about HER, then the entire store gets in trouble with the "big-wigs."

[spudspud]

49. If I were her...

I'd start ejecting these assholes regardless, noting that they were creating an unreasonable risk of death or serious illness with their lack of masks and spittle aggression!

[LuvNewcastle]

67. I would, too.

There's only so much abuse a person can take, and being called a fucking bitch is beyond the pale. I wouldn't go so far as to bar them unless they made a habit of it, but I would definitely take away their shopping privileges for the day. There should be consequences for that shit.

[MoonRiver]

7. We're about to order some groceries for delivery from that place.

I greatly appreciate how much grocers do to help us, and would never, ever say anything negative to a manager or any other employee. So sorry your sister is dealing with that shit.

[StevieM]

8. I always say: "Thank you for everything you are doing." (eom)

[panader0]

10. I've been shopping at the same Fry's market since it opened about 25+ years ago.

I know several of the cashiers and other workers. I always treat them
with respect. I probably should say thank you more often.

[TheBlackAdder]

11. My Sprouts in NJ wouldn't put up with that shit! You'd get banned for life if you act up.

[Coventina]

14. Maybe a difference in regional managers?

[TwilightZone]

18. Same thing here in Austin.

They would have been booted.

[FM123]

12. What an important reminder (from such a thoughtful sibling).

[ffr]

13. Anyone who isn't understanding at a time like this, doesn't get to wear the label 'human being'

They are something else. When they act like a human being towards others, then they were be treated as such.

[IcyPeas]

15. yes. be nice. they are working extra hard

last time I was at the market there was a young guy cleaning down the handles of the glass doors that hold the dairy stuff. I thanked him for doing that. he said you're welcome, have a nice day. I think he was happy to be thanked. A young guy whose job it is to keep cleaning the handles. It seems like an easy enough job, but probably not what he signed up for.

[MissMillie]

16. Nothing at all difficult about being nice

Pandemic or not.

[renate]

17. I can't imagine being mean to an essential employee right now (or ever)-I'm so sorry for your sister

Even in normal times I loathe it when customers treat other people as if they're invisible--not saying thank you and having a little chat in the checkout lane, not thanking the post office employee who sells me stamps, not saying at least a quick hi and thank you to a toll booth worker while keeping traffic moving. It costs nothing and it's just... human. Namaste. The divinity in me sees the divinity in you.

And now, it's even more important. Without people RISKING THEIR LIVES to be working and making sure we have food and safe water and other necessities right now, we would be living in a zombie apocalypse.

I'm absolutely disgusted by people who aren't kissing your sister's feet and her employees' feet. We owe them so much. Your sister and everybody like her are very much appreciated by people who aren't vile.

[Pacifist Patriot]

63. I'm with you.

[Permanut]

19. I work part-time at the local Fred Meyer's

a division of Kroger; most people are very considerate, and more are wearing masks as time goes on. I'm lucky to have a good store.

[Coventina]

20. I think location has a lot to do with it.

My sister's store is in a VERY AFFLUENT and VERY RED area.
In other words: self-entitled a-holes.

[Fritz Walter]

34. Size matters (here, too)!

For some reason — which will no doubt be explored by psychology doctoral candidates in years hence — shoppers at smaller stores seem much more well-behaved than those at big-box stores. At least that’s been my recent experience.

I swear to 🐶, my experiences at the large Publix stores in northeast FL make me wonder if I’d stumbled onto the set of a Mad Max sequel! And I never watched those movies: the previews were enough to keep me away. Visits to a smaller store (same chain) were totally different! Shoppers were patient, polite, and understanding. And wore masks, observed distancing guidelines. The staff were diligent, helpful and understanding.

Of course, I thanked the associates I encountered. And I didn’t raise hell because they some items were out-of-stock. Guess which store I will continue to patronize.

[AtheistCrusader]

41. In the blue counties in WA I see NONE of this behavior.

People here are being very polite and patient.

[cwydro]

64. Except people here on DU are posting about their hatefulness toward cashiers and bag people.

Sad to see, but I’ve seen several posts of that type.

I live in a red county, and I’ve seen none of that behavior either.

[Steelrolled]

85. Yeah, some people look for

"red' and "blue" in everything. It is one of the things that is harming our culture.

[generalbetrayus]

56. I think you've hit on a key point.

There are two Costcos I can shop at within reasonable driving distance. The customers at the very affluent, very red location are much more surly to other customers, much less the help, than the customers at the less affluent, more blue location.

[AllaN01Bear]

21. thanks to the grocers and the baggers . wish the humpers would wear masks.

soulds like your sister needs to get a clear plastc face shield (like the kind they use for grinding things )to protect her eyes and face , and if they are that rude , they should be asked to leave the store .if they buy too many items or the whole stock of a xy or zed item ,the answer should be no. also, of anyone spat in my face , id view that as assult and have the right to defend myself by any means.

[George II]

22. I am overly polite and pleasant to those working in grocery stores and takeout restaurants.

[katmondoo]

23. Be nice to my daughter too. She has to stand 8 hours a day to check you out.

All cashiers need our love and patience.

[Coventina]

24. Agreed!!!

[Scarsdale]

61. My daughter worked at a Flying J

and was called vile names by truck drivers. She said other drivers would usually come to her defense, but it still hurt. Then she worked at a grocery store, and met more nice people than rude ones. I would never be rude to the workers. They work harder than most. My local grocery store has supplied everyone of the checkers with full face masks, and has shields between customers, baggers and cashiers. They obviously care about their employees, as well they should.

[IronLionZion]

25. Our stores here have police to throw out the idiots

so of course they have thrown out well known conservatives like Candace Owens who show up every damn day without a mask because it's all a liberal hoax.

Most DUers are probably nice. As a DC resident who has gone to many liberal political rallies and been in the vicinity of many conservative rallies, liberals are generally nicer to be around.

[Coventina]

29. I guess I worded my OP poorly. I never meant to imply DUers weren't nice.

Maybe I should have expressed it more of "please be aware that grocery store workers are taking a lot of abuse from jerks right now."

I'm jealous of blue-governed areas where face masks are required. They are optional where we live.

[IronLionZion]

32. Yeah, that's fine. I've had this conversation a few times

as I've lived all across America. When things go bad, it's usually better to be in a blue state or city. The governance is more sensible and science-oriented with real data driving their decisions. The lower taxes in red states don't help in these situations.

[marlakay]

47. Optional in my red town in Blue state too

Lots of stores though in town of 80,000 so I go to the ones where they are the cleanest, do masks and other protective things. But most people don’t wear masks in my town they must watch Fox.

I will say though I haven’t seen any mean or angry people in the stores. Most are scared or grateful to be out of the house.

But then people who shop at Costco and Trader Joe’s tend to be nicer.

[3catwoman3]

26. I am unfailingly polite to pretty much...

...everyone. I even, usually, wish telephone solicitors good luck with their other calls. Obnoxious ones do get a hang up.

[RhodeIslandOne]

27. Anyone who calls a clerk a fucking bitch should be told to leave

No exceptions. Go starve in your home.

[Coventina]

28. Being a manager means you have to take the abuse with a smile.

Yes, she defends her staff, but she's not allowed to defend herself.

(She's regretting taking the promotion).

[RhodeIslandOne]

30. The front office suits need to wake the fuck up

And allow the manager the ability to trespass disorderly "customers" who verbally assault them.

[Coventina]

31. Agree whole-heartedly.

She's really frustrated by the lack of understanding by the suits at what the front-line workers and managers are going through right now.

[RobinA]

83. It Has Always

been thus working in retail. And the customers (some of them) have been foul to the workers forever. And young women get it the worst, with older women being spared much it. Who calls their Grandmother names?

And no, those customers are not tossed. The customer is always right.

[marlakay]

48. I don't think people understand what managers

Are going through right now. The owners are looking at it through a lens of money, at least most of the bigger stores and companies.

My daughter is top manager of a large Honda dealership, she is in charge of all the hundreds of people that work there (more are out now temporarily) as well as financially. She had the owner riding her back to get the business payback loan, and my daughter has spent the last month working 12 hr plus days learning all she could about loan, doing tons of calls, paperwork, 8 webinars, and went to every bank they dealt with. She called daily to check on loan. Bank guy called her at home few days ago at 7am. She was worried, he said I was only able to pick 2 companies your size out of all of northern CA congrats you are one of them! I was so proud of her. But it didn’t help that owner kept telling her her job was on the line to get it, and she won’t find out for months if she did it all right and they grant them the money.

She said all the 300 employees mom don’t have a clue how hard I am fighting for them, they bitch and complain every day. I told her people are scared of losing their security.

My daughter is the type of manager I would like to work for, she works harder than any employee and cares about them all.

[Coventina]

51. Couldn't agree more with all you said. n/t

[Skittles]

59. I like to abuse people I see who are abusing workers

one time at a Kohls, this old gal was screaming at the very young cashier.....I said, SO, are you are always a bitch, or just around the holidays? She glared at me and said WELL I NEVER! to which I replied, Maybe that's the REASON. She stomped off and the clerk said to me, YOU'RE MY HERO!!!

[True Blue American]

39. Not told!

Thrown out the door!

[Blue Owl]

50. Some big badass bouncers would be a welcome sight

Throw those fucks out -- and I mean throw 'em down hard on the concrete...

[Hekate]

33. Coventina...

For your sis

[Grokenstein]

35. Twitter Thread: It Is Our Obligation To Call Mean People Out

Link to tweet

Link to tweet

[rogue emissary]

36. I worked retail most of my life and always say thank you.

I have been very appreciative of these workers. I extend a big thank you to your sister as well.

[Blasphemer]

37. That's a norm for me. Very grateful to your sister and other grocery workers! nt

[Duppers]

40. Same here.

These folks serve the public and deserve our gratitude and thanks.

[True Blue American]

38. I am always nice and considerate

To clerks. I have even been known to take on abusive customers who are verbally abusing clerks.

That spittle spitting customer would be glad I did not hear him. I help in any way I can and put myself in the Clerks shoes. They deserve every bit of praise we can give them.

Thank her for us. They are the Heroes of this.along with, Doctors, Nurses and First Responders.

[Upthevibe]

42. I'm so sorry your sister's going through this...

It's really hard to wrap my mind around anyone being abusive to those who are out there in the middle of all of this. One of my best friend's daughter (a young adult) got into with someone at a grocery store who was being a total b to one of the employees who was stocking the shelves. She kind of let the lady have it and I told her I was proud of her...

[BobTheSubgenius]

43. I am absolutely GOBSMACKED by the difference between her experience and mine.q

In fact, the experiences of everyone I know here. I can't tell you how many conversations I've had about how NICE everyone now is - or almost everyone, at the very least. There must be those who are reacting badly, but the overall mood of the place is "We're all in this together."

The demeanor of the vast majority is more reasonable, patient and polite that before. Which is saying something, because Victoria is a very polite and friendly place, in the main.

I am both saddened and angered (beyond a reasonable response level, I admit) by the scenes you describe. I don't know if it will help, but you and your sister can know that it's not like that everywhere.

Best wishes to her, you
and yours.

[zentrum]

44. I tell them "I'll be...

...thinking of you" tonight when we cheer the essential workers at 7pm, (out the window in NYC.)

Don't know if that's now a nation-wide practice.

[Operaweeble]

45. I was at HEB today (Texas Grocery store)

and all the employees were wearing masks. I, and about half the other customers were also wearing masks. There was a sizable number, however, of people with an obvious chip on their shoulders, not giving a flying you know what about personal space, mask wearing, etc.. These people looked to be members of one of the millionaire's clubs that are in the area, or people who aspire to wholesale ignorance and stupidity (MAGA's). They seemed to be proud of their anti-establishment/Government stance. I couldn't keep away from them as there were too many of them, always blocking the aisles. It seems like they have no fear at all of getting this thing. I wonder how long their dumb luck will hold out?

[dlk]

46. Whenever I go to the grocery store, I thank whomever I see

They are putting their lives on the line be so we can eat. It’s the least we can do.

[Jamastiene]

52. They are unsung heroes that don't get called heroes in all this.

They face possibly getting the nastiest virus known to the world right now just to get food to us. Food is important.

[2naSalit]

53. Having been there, done that

during normal times makes me be nice to workers in the grocery stores or any stores. Now, I go out of my way to try and get them to smile or laugh.

[TNNurse]

54. I have tried to say thank you to every staff member I encounter in the grocery store.

They seem so grateful. When one store decided to not let resuable bags into the store, that young man kept apologizing even after I said I understood. I kept saying it was fine but he kept apologizing.

It takes so little energy to be nice.

[seta1950]

55. Thank her for us

Even before this pandemic I always thank the cashier and the person who fills our bags , dealing with the public is a thankless job,I know I work in retail, people come in sick without regard to those of us who have to work, they cough on us lick their fingers handle money and give it to you, it’s endless.

[Skittles]

57. I don't get it

I have made it hrough my entire life without ever ONCE being rude or mean to a clerk or waiter or ANYONE who was providing me a service....not ever, and we all KNOW how my temper can be.....

[OldBaldy1701E]

72. To quote my mother...

"That is because you were raised right (meaning correctly)."

[Skittles]

78. you might have nailed it

my dad would bark DON'T BE A PAIN IN THE ASS quite a lot

[a la izquierda]

58. Holy crap I'd be in jail if I saw someone do that.

What the actual fuck is wrong with people?

[ProfessorGAC]

60. No Problem!

Anybody who rails at a grocery worker is a tool and a punk who thinks it's brave to punch down.
It's not.
I am always pleasant as I can be to service sector people. Well, until I actually get hold of a customer service manager after I've been the call 50 minutes.
It's not that hard to be nice to these folks.
Geez, they just work there.
Tell your sis that there are some of us out there that wouldn't behave like what she's dealing with.

[cwydro]

62. Sadly, I've seen several here who boast about their meanness to cashiers and bag people.

Others boast how mean they are to fellow customers.

Funny how bad times bring out the realness in a person.

I’m nothing but friendly to anyone I’ve had to come into contact with. My contact has been very scarce however; I do curbside at Walmart.

[obamanut2012]

71. Yup, same

I am mainly going to Trader Joe's, Aldi, and Whole Foods, and many of my fellow shoppers are people with $$$ (although I only have the one $). Overall, everyone is polite and nice, both to store staff and fellow customers, and I'm in an area of SOFL known for a lot of rich jerks, and they are rich jerks.

Like you, I have also seen those posts, and am always .

[keithbvadu2]

65. Spitting on grocery store employee.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100213201712

Spitting on grocery store employee.

He got b_tch-slapped.

He deserved it.

Link to tweet

[MarianJack]

66. Unless they're smart asses or jerks,...

...I'm always nice to people who work in stores. I was also raised with "please & thank you."

#notmypresident

RESIST

[mgardener]

68. I make sure to thank everyone

Target too and grocery store.
Even my postman.
He saves me a trip to the post office

[tclambert]

69. Do we need bouncers at grocery stores?

Yeesh.

[RobinA]

84. About A Month

before Corona hit I was in my grocery store and a fight ensued between two men over who was next in the self-checkout line. It got loud and then one guy repeatedly tazed the other. Police were called, then more police, then even more police were called.

[nilesobek]

70. Unfortunately,

clerk abuse is as common as card dealer abuse was back in the Sinatra heydays.

I've had people go ballistic in the store, especially when their credit cards won't work. One lady smashed the credit card machine and I was like, "WTF, I have to call the cops now."

I had never had to call police before, not even on the persistent guy who waltzes into the beer cooler and cracks a forty of malt liquor and guzzles it.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

73. I've been thanking them at the register regularly.

Yes, the first responders and the medical community deserves all the love it gets, but it is the grocery store workers who are the unexpected heroes of this story.

[planetc]

74. How about calling in some bikers, ...

who could stand just outside the doors to the store, with big smiles painted on their masks, and wearing leathers. They could all remind everyone entering the store that their choice is between this store and no food, and remind them that kindness is golden. This is the sort of thing bikers really like to do---- they enjoy escorting bullies kids to school in calmer times. It's worth a try.

[MineralMan]

75. I make a point to thank people who are working at stores.

I did that before the pandemic and I'm doing it even more sincerely now.

I mentioned that in another thread here, and was soundly criticized for spreading the virus by saying "Thank you for working" to a check-out clerk. Utter silliness. I had said earlier that I was wearing a mask and didn't spread anything.

Apparently, some people respond to emergencies by getting even more angry than usual. Others respond by being even more polite than usual.

I don't hesitate to speak directly and pointedly to someone who is haranguing a worker in a store.

[warmfeet]

76. K & R

[Heartstrings]

77. I say "thank you and stay safe"....and have been tipping 50% for any carry out food.

Although we don’t frequent large chains. Most of them will survive.....

Have never been rude to anyone who “serves me”, especially hospital workers. I don’t care how much pain a person is in, you’re just being an asshole to be cranky (or worse) to them!

[Brainfodder]

79. I respect them by never being there .

[BuddhaGirl]

80. A very close relative of mine also works

at a "Bouts," as one of the core management, and I am intimately familiar with what is going on in his store. I'm shocked to hear that your sister hasn't had any days off, because that is not tolerated by the company. Yes, team members are taking the paid sick leave the company has offered - 14 days, in addition to whatever sick leave they already have accrued - but the the store has hired many new people to fill out departments that are short because of absent team members. So far at this point, no managers are working more than 5 days/week.

Also at said close relative's store, any verbal abuse directed at any team member, manager, etc. gets the customer booted out of the store and in most instances, banned from shopping there.

At my relative's "Bouts" - no customer is allowed in without nose and mouth covering, and a social distancing protocol is in place.

Sounds like the regional management for your sister's store are not doing their jobs. She can also email the CEO, he lists his email address at the end of every video he puts out, encourages all employees to contact him with issues and concerns, and supposedly he's been responsive.

I'm very sorry to hear about her situation. I hope it improves!

[Coventina]

81. Very interesting and helpful info!

I will let my sister know!

Thanks!!

(she was just recently promoted to manager, so she might not know all the ropes yet).

[BuddhaGirl]

82. You're welcome!

I hope she gets some resolution!!