A horse walked into a bar.
A horse walked into a bar.
A few people sitting in the corner having a quick dinner all raised their heads in astonishment and quietly commisterated with each other, making comments about the horse’s odd tilted gait, unusual orange-like coloring, and thinning mane.
As the horse sat down on the barstool, the bartender gave him the once over and said “I’m sorry pal, we don’t serve horses here”.
The horse told the bartender that he was the nicest horse that ever lived in the history of the world, and he should have no worries serving him. “Take a look in my saddle bag”, the horse said to the bartender. The bartender reached into the bag, and pulled out a wad of hundred dollar bills. “I’ll be the best customer you ever had, by far. I have plenty of money, and I promise I won’t cause you any trouble. C’mon, what do you have to lose”?
A few drunk toothless hicks that were at the bar started laughing and goading the bartender. Hey Joe! Let the horse have a few drinks! Look at that wad of cash! What do you have to lose? Even though the majority of the people in the bar protested, the hicks managed to convince the bartender to serve the horse. The horse asked for a double shot of whiskey, did the shot quickly, and then asked for another. And another. The horse began to slur his words and talk nonsense.
The bartender said “Better go easy on that whiskey, pal. The horse replied “Easy….slow down….easy...I’m a big horse, OK? I can handle my booze”.
The bartender agreed reluctantly, and set two full bottles of whiskey in front of the horse. The horse promptly drank both bottles, and began to let loose with a string of incoherent statements:
“Look at my beautiful paws, I mean hoofs, I mean hooves. Have you ever seen such beautiful paws? I once crossed a river to save an old lady from drowning, she didn’t know I was a snake. I was a fake snake. I told her she should have known I was a snake. She should have known all along. I told her I like people who don’t drown. Lock her up! Do you guys ever give yourselves enemas with a mixture of crushed up Hydrox cookies and milk? You should try it...good for what ails ya. You’re a bad bartender, that’s what I think. You’re a disgrace. Most bartenders are good, but you’ll never go anywhere in life. Did you know that I was a great warrior horse in the Spanish-Canadian war of 1917? We bombed the shit out of those fuckers….”
THAT’S IT! THE BARTENDER SAID. GET OUT OF HERE NOW. I’M CALLING THE AUTHORITIES IF YOU DON’T LEAVE.
The bartender had just enough time to dial the authorities before the horse walked behind the bar, knocked down the bartender, shit on his head, and then stomped him to death. He galloped across the barroom to where the people were eating, pissed on their food, shit on their table, and finally stomped the diners to death.
The hicks at the bar had long stopped laughing, and now were cowering in fear. The horse walked slowly over to the hicks, neighed loudly, told them that his daughter was a good piece of ass, took another shit on the floor, and bit and kicked the hicks until they were all dead.
While this was happening, a team of rural law marshals, all riding black horses, reached the entrance to the front of the bar as a result of the bartender’s phone call. The insane horse ran out of the bar in an attempt to escape, but the marshals threw ropes around him and subdued him.
Orange dust covered the ground as the horse struggled to free himself. The wide-eyed, spitting horse exclaimed “You fuckers got it wrong! It wasn’t me! That black stallion over there did it”!
= new reply since forum marked as read
but I see this is GD. 
