Called my 80-year-old mom to wish Happy Mother's Day; ended up yelling & calling her a MAGA cultist.

[malchickiwick]

She gets all of her news from foKKKs, and blames Obama for what is happening, and refuses to listen to reason.

I feel bad for losing my temper with her on MD. I told her she is NOT a republican, she belongs to the Cult of Trump.

At least we ended pleasantly. I told her I'd send her the Mueller report, and she said she'd read it, although I think she was just saying that to placate me.

[coti]

1. She won't read the Mueller Report. nt

[samnsara]

2. Im sorry.....

[PlanetBev]

3. That's rough

It’s hard to have a family member like that. Thank goodness we have DU and can be there for each other.

[lunasun]

4. Well at least you called

[Doreen]

5. My heart goes to you.

I am so lucky that all of my family and most friends are Democrats.

I have one friend who voted for trump and now thinks he is a stupid ass. Unfortunately she decided not to vote at all. We will always remain good friends because we have plenty to talk about that does not involve politics.

[LakeArenal]

6. You just have to not talk politics.

My parents were racist.

My Dad loved me beyond.

You need to compartmentalize
Only with parents. Siblings and others can ef off.

[ProfessorGAC]

8. Honest Question

Why does one have to compartmentalize with parents?
I never did. I didn't pick them as parents.
Not looking for trouble here, but I must be missing something because I truly don't understand that point of view.
BTW: I was never estranged from my parents. We got along OK, but I would not have picked them for friends.
Good parents, decent people. But, I never felt a need to be deferential on any topic.

[lostnfound]

19. No man is an island

Growing up in the U.S., we tend to think of ourselves solely as an individual.

There’s another way to see ourselves as part of a whole, a continuation of a line, a person who owes a great debt to our forebears. It’s an attitude of gratitude.

[ProfessorGAC]

26. Never Said Otherwise

But, I pick my friends & they've picked me.
I'm far from antisocial. I just don't share the view that parents are different than everybody else.
It's OK if you disagree or think badly of me over that.
I'm fairly sure my view is outside the norm.
I just don't feel kids OWE their parents anything other than respect, assuming they were good parents.
Abusers, willfully detached or emotionally absent folks with kids don't even deserve that.
But, my birth was something my parents decided to do. Their responsibility was what they did. They did it well, but if I disagreed with them, there was no boundary for when I wouldn't say they were wrong.
I didn't let them down. I ended up more successful than them. They didn't let me down. I got a great education. Geez, I even lived there for room & board money until 6 weeks before I got married.
But, as to special deference, I just don't get it.

[lostnfound]

28. I DON'T think badly of you for it..

My own view of the world is also very individualistic. There’s the old idea of finding your own kind, outside of your family, for example.
But I’ve become acutely aware of how strongly some cultures imprint the “family first” paradigm in the minds of its members. From Japanese cultures that use family name first in identifying themselves, and have elaborate relationship-based manners and language (not one word for “brother” or sister” but separate words for older-brother, younger-brother and so on, with styles of language conveying differing levels of respect), to cultures that emphasize bringing honor or dishonor to the family, there are many examples.

I guess for some people, it may create a more comforting and orderly society, less lonely in some ways, because for a person who struggles with social relationships or forging your own identity, it is a predetermined role to play, so people know what is expected of them.

Being individualistic is a western invention, not necessarily a universal human condition.

I don’t really understand jealousy, either, and I never understood how people can deem suicide tone a “selfish” act. The military draft has always seemed anathema to a free society, as well. They share some of the same principles.

[lostnfound]

29. One more thought.

If your parents were bad minded enough when they raised you to not try to put guilt on you for disagreeing with them, then you would likely feel free to not give them special difference.

Many many people are raised with so much guilt and manipulation by parents who’s on upbringing contained those elements, that they simply can’t deal with letting go of a debt that they believe they owe.

Also when you have children of your own if you do, and you put in a tremendous amount of effort that is required in raising them, for more than anyone imagines before the children are born, when you do everything in your power to save them, devoting yourself and your resources and sacrificing for the sake of the children, you want the children to turn out to be good people. Everyone has a different idea of what constitutes “good people”. No one definition is objectively the best or right one.

[ProfessorGAC]

30. Fair Position

They were open minded about different points of view.
Geez, after 5 years as an altar boy at the Cathedral school, I told them (freshman year of HS) I had enough of church.
They knew they couldn't make me go, and didn't try.
So, no guilt trips.
There were occasional events when I was much older, but by then, that ship has sailed.
My wife had some of what you describe. Her dad a lot of guilt on her until it went too far & I told him to knock it off.
So, I get what you're saying.

[LakeArenal]

22. Read response nine....

And I would add....

My dad had issues from his childhood of neglect and having nothing.

He was in the second wave at Normandy. The sights he saw changed him emotionally forever.

He was one of the hardest workers I ever knew.

He had two goals put two kids through college. His unrequited dream. And to Leave us something when he passed.

He did that and more. He was a very successful executive in the dog eat dog corporate world.

All those things plus unconditional love for my mom, and two kids. I have respect for those things. Not to mention gratitude.

[Midnight Writer]

9. Yes, my Dad was a racist, but he worked hard and made incredible sacrifices for our family.

As evidence, every one of his seven children who grew up in poverty went on to much higher stations in life than he ever reached.

I rarely agreed with him, but I never doubted he loved me, and I am grateful that he gave me all he could.

As an adult, we kids all grew skilled at defusing the conversational landmines by changing the subject.

[malchickiwick]

10. I agree. Once it started, I said "Mom, no politics." But SHE persisted, and I eventually grew hot.

But I agree we shoulda never gone down that road!

[Celerity]

7. Just hope she doesn't become addicted to OAN. If she has already, she is a lost soul.

I am so sorry for your situation,

hugzz


Cel <3

[Demovictory9]

11. so Obama is the cause of everything negative 3.5 years after he left office?

[Buckeye_Democrat]

16. It's probably from Trump's recent tweets.

I stumbled across this article today, or I certainly wouldn't have known about it. I'm sure his true-believers closely follow the nonsense, though.

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/may/10/trump-obama-biggest-political-american-history-russia-michael-flynn

Title: Trump charges Obama with 'biggest political crime in American history'

[mvd]

12. I am glad you ended up ok at least

As bad as it is, it’s hard to lose a relationship with your mom.

I never have that problem with my mom. We argue over Sanders sometimes, but that is different.

[smirkymonkey]

13. Fortunately, I have managed to avoid politics w/ my right wing parents. And two of my siblings.

One is a little more MAGA than the other, who doesn't like Trump, but is a republican. My other brother is liberal like me. Called my mom for mother's day and we had a nice chat (also w/ my dad). They had some friends over and had just ordered some dinner in and she told me about spotting some Baltimore Orioles in upstate NY, which I guess is rare. She said she would send me some pictures.

I think they were a little tipsy. Anyway, it was a pleasant conversation and they asked me if I had everything I needed and offered to send me paper goods if I was short. I told them I was holding up ok. Even though they are republicans, they are still decent people for the most part.

[malchickiwick]

14. I wish my mom would get a little tipsy. It might help. But she's a teetotaling Mormon.

That's a whole other, but not unrelated cult, from which I am happy to have escaped as an adolescent -- not with many emotional scars.

[smirkymonkey]

17. To be honest, I think the alcohol actually helps to mellow them out a bit.

As long as they don't overdo it. Then they can get a little bit combative. Holidays can always be a bit tricky since they all like to start early. I usually retreat to a safe place. Sorry to hear about your upbringing. I'm sure it wasn't easy for you. I hope you are doing better these days!

[A HERETIC I AM]

15. Well, that escalated quickly!

[malchickiwick]

20. LOL. Yes. Yes it did.

I turned it into the socially awesome/awkward penguin meme to share with my kids.

[A HERETIC I AM]

24. Just tell her you love her.

Don’t let something like this force a wedge between you both. Our parents leave us way too early, no matter how long they live. I regret every argument I ever had with my mother and father.

“Yes, you’re right “ Can be the most calming words in the English language

[malchickiwick]

25. Thanks, and yes the conversation ended with "I love and respect you" on both our parts

Although I do not respect her opinions, nor she mine.

I can't regret every argument though. Sometimes truth must be spoken, damn the topedoes.

[Totally Tunsie]

18. Might your mom find it easier to listen to the Mueller Report?

Is she computer literate?

https://muellerreport.libsyn.com/

[malchickiwick]

21. Thank you!! That link saves me from ordering it from Amazon.

[Totally Tunsie]

23. Very welcome. Glad it can help.

[genxlib]

27. Last time I checked

It was free on Audible if that is a better platform for her to listen.