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Tue May 12, 2020, 02:21 PM

Obama Unworried About Trump Accusing Him of Crime Because Bill Barr Does Not Prosecute Criminals

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Former President Barack Obama said on Monday that he is unconcerned about Donald Trump accusing him of “the greatest crime in American history” because Attorney General Bill Barr does not prosecute criminals.

“At first, when I heard that he was accusing me of being the worst criminal ever, I have to admit I was a little rattled,” Obama said. “But then I remembered Barr’s don’t-prosecute-crimes policy, and I was pretty chill about it.”

Obama said that he was unsure what crime Trump was accusing him of committing, “but I’m pretty sure I never lied to the F.B.I. or anything as serious as that—so I’m good.”

The former President said that, if it turns out that he did commit a crime, “I’ll immediately admit that I did it, because, if history is any guide, the next thing that will happen is me not getting prosecuted.”

Reflecting on how the Department of Justice might view his illegal actions, whatever they were, Obama said, “This is an awesome time to be a criminal.”

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/obama-unworried-about-trump-accusing-him-of-crime-because-bill-barr-does-not-prosecute-criminals

16 replies, 3405 views

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 12, 2020, 02:26 PM

1. Why even entertain such nonsense here at DU?

It's beyond me...

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Response to FarPoint (Reply #1)

Tue May 12, 2020, 02:35 PM

2. Satire

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Response to Thomas Hurt (Reply #2)

Tue May 12, 2020, 03:41 PM

3. I am always amazed

at the number of people who read sites like this, listen to podcasts, and should be otherwise "informed" yet they seem to have no idea that Borowitz or The Onion are satirical humor.

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Response to FoxNewsSucks (Reply #3)

Tue May 12, 2020, 04:03 PM

4. I do find it gettting more and more challenging to tell what is satire and what is not, given

how far into the realm of the completely absurd reality has moved. Often i will read about something that really happened and have to check to see if it's Borowitz or the ONion to know if it's satire.

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Response to Amaryllis (Reply #4)

Tue May 12, 2020, 04:34 PM

9. Yeah, but moRans on oRange-a$$'s socials would think it's real...

Oh! Ok, they already fantasize it's real…
This is the DU member formerly known as Lock him up..

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Response to Thomas Hurt (Reply #2)

Tue May 12, 2020, 04:54 PM

13. Maybe he knows it's satire but

just doesn't find this funny?

Personally, I don't like seeing President Obama's name juxtaposed with the word "criminal," even as a joke or satire.

Unfortunately, due to the way our brains process information, the context in which the author links the 2 ideas doesn't matter. This piece further reinforces trump's smears.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 12, 2020, 04:05 PM

5. Ok, THAT was funny!

I knew it was satire and I suspected who wrote it, but I've had a long day and needed that.

That and a glass of wine....I'll get the wine myself.

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Response to Maeve (Reply #5)

Tue May 12, 2020, 04:30 PM

7. I'm with you, we all need a good laugh & it actually sounds like something Obama would write

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 12, 2020, 04:28 PM

6. Yeah, it's borowitz, but it would have been even funnier if President Obama had actually said it.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 12, 2020, 04:32 PM

8. I knew it had to be either Borowitz or "The Onion," as soon as I read the title.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 12, 2020, 04:35 PM

10. i'm very sad that i did not immediately recognize this as satire

what a fucking nightmare

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 12, 2020, 04:40 PM

11. That was perfect!

"because the Attorney General does not prosecute criminals" BAM! that's the kind of come back that may make Trump bust a gasket

P.S. Shame on those that didn't see the satire. come on now!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 12, 2020, 04:53 PM

12. LOL. Indeed, even when the criminals plead guilty!

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 12, 2020, 05:17 PM

14. In spite of being satire the title is still correct.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 12, 2020, 06:19 PM

15. Recently I've had trouble finding a sense of humor for Borowitz.

Not today. Today was spot on funny and I needed the chuckle.

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Response to Zorro (Original post)

Tue May 12, 2020, 08:00 PM

16. "This is an awesome time to be a criminal"

 

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