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(4,033 posts)
Wed May 13, 2020, 01:54 AM May 2020


(Found on another site and posted in full by permission of author.)


Thank you, President Trump, for Making America Great Again! First, for the little things, too often overlooked in this age of fake news and alternative facts. You've taught our children to call people derogatory names. You've taught our children to blame others for their own actions. You've taught our children to avoid taking personal responsibility for anything. You've turned demeaning those who don't agree with you into an art form and brought back bullying after all those nambypambys tried to suppress it. You've forced many parents to consider parental filters for televised presidential addresses. But many people don't know that that's not all the greatness you have given us.

You've reversed the small steps that we'd made over many decades in fighting racism and intolerance, exacerbating the worst aspects of our nature as tribal animals. After all, there are good people on the white supremacy side, too. Oh, and you've brought back the nationalism movement of the 1930's and combined it with the McCarthy era paranoia of the 40's and 50's. I love medleys, but that's a very impressive accomplishment!

Furthermore, thank you for reversing forward-thinking environmental rules meant to address the long term health of our planet, in favor of short term gains in the stock market. You certainly improved unemployment! (Until recently) there were far more low-paying second jobs that people could get to supplement their primary low-paying jobs. So they could pay their rent! Or maybe get health insurance. But certainly not both. (Those people are so disrespectful!) And it worked! (Until recently) the stock market was booming, built on the backs of those unappreciative people and the poorer health of the planet for future generations.

I especially liked the relaxing of ivory import restrictions. Now Junior can shoot some more elephants! (I hope he gave you the tail he cut off with his pocket knife.)

And you kept your promise! You drained the swamp of previous administrations' lobbyists, replacing them with your own lobbyists. Putting an ex-coal lobbyist in charge of the EPA was brilliant! That'll show those people who want clean air. Ungrateful bastards.

And I especially liked that you drained the swamp of many highly qualified team members, even though you hired them! I'm eagerly anticipating the firing of HHS Inspector General Grimm, who has had a brilliant career since 1999 and was appointed this past January, (that means under your administration, many people don't know that), but who made the mistake of doing her job and compiling a survey of undersupplied hospitals that Jon Karl explained to you at your latest, "react to questions like a third grader," press conference.

I also gotta admit that you've done a great job of making sure that anyone from your administration that is allowed to speak in public can efficiently recite the words, "Under President Trump's leadership." That's nine syllables! Well done.

Oh and finally, thank you so much for treating the impending pandemic so lightly as to not alarm your citizens, or more importantly, the stock market. Through your great leadership, we've learned that by merely denying something, it can't actually hurt us! We had the most warning of anyone on the planet. We saw it coming. We watched it spread across the world, getting closer and closer by the day. We watched South Korea react quickly and efficiently. It blindsided the world! But since you assured us that you had it under control, that it would soon go away magically, that we only had 15 cases and would soon go down to 1 or 2, Covid-19 never got here and churches are still full in the South!

And right now, as Bill Gates warns that we need to be planning and building the factories and capabilities to manufacture billions of doses of vaccine when it is finally synthesized, I'm confident that you are leading the charge to do just that. Because "billions" is a really big number–a lot of zeros. Not many people know that. Because once we DO have a vaccine, we don't want to face a shortage, do we? That would be bad. Really, really bad.

Thank you, President Trump. Everything you've done has been beautiful. Perfect-it's-perfect beautiful! Better than anyone has ever done. Other countries are calling, saying, "how did you do that?" You've done the most ever in history. And that's a long time. History is. But what do I know? I'm not a doctor. But what do we have to lose? Everyone says that. Many, many people are saying that.

And finally, thank you for making things so much easier for ME. For my entire life, I've struggled with who to vote for: Carter? Reagan? Bush? Perot? Obama? Romney? I gave them all a check mark. I've expended so much energy over the years wading through the noise, investigating, trying hard to pick out the very best person. And that was the same for state and local elections! It was always a time-consuming effort. But you've eliminated that chore for this one time, right-leaning centrist! Thanks to your strong leadership, (see, I said it!) I'll never have to spend time thinking and researching again. Because I'll never cast a vote for a Republican again. At any level. Period. Ain't America Great?

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